Bobbing and weaving in time to the music in her head, she bounded over to me.

“Mama,” she smiled largely, the winning smile that I just know she’ll be using on her future dates. “I wanna watch more Tuff Puppy.”

“No Baby-Pants,” I laughed. “Not tonight. It’s bedtime.”

“Okay,” she stretched her smile as widely as she could. “Can we watch more Tuff Puppy on SUNDAY?”

“Sure,” I giggled at her inflection and emphasis. No one is gonna say no to this kid. “We can watch it on Sunday.”

“OKAY,” she broadcast to the whole house. “THANKS MAMA.”

She bobbed and wobbled off to get her diaper changed before bed.

I sat there, looking after her, bemused and amazed and more than a little bit teary.

It’s coming up on her third birthday. To think this tiny tot with an attitude the size of Texas was once the very same baby whose life I prayed for. Who’s head I wept into. Who’s tiny feet I once held onto like they were lifelines to a world in which no NICU’s, no PICU’s existed. It’s hard to reconcile that these are the same people.

Yet they are.

For her birthday this year, I will celebrate. I will buy a monster of a cake and we shall eat it, sharing it happily with anyone who can be bothered to brave the frigid January air. This year, we will celebrate.

And maybe, just maybe, I can let the ghosts of my past, who still haunt my present, be silent.

If only for a day.

27 thoughts on “The Kid Is All Right

  1. Excuse me, but dancing is the ONLY way to eat chips. She is well on her way to taking over the world. We’ll be right here celebrating with you. If only there was a way you could send cake through the screen.

  2. Aww Becky!! She is full of light and life!! That is what is important. Life is what it is……not what it was….Leave those ghosts in the past and dance in the joy that she is now.

  3. What a lovely voice you have, Beckster!

    And that half pint is way cool, with the all fashionable jeans hanging off her butt 😀

  4. Everyone should have suck an awesome chip dance! January babies are the most kickass babies of all. (Personal opinion of a fellow January baby!)

  5. Didn’t they pass a no sagging pants ordinance lately? She’d would shake her cute hiney at it cuz her mama is the Notorious Aunt BEX

  6. Who doesn’t want to dance with Dexter? And chips too??? All the more reason to dance. Apparently, Mimi doesn’t subscribe to the “pants are bullshit” theory. She’s more on the “shirts are bullshit” train. Gah, I love this little girl. Why is Chicago so far from Miami? I want to come to Mimi’s world birthday celebration. She and my little ladybug would be best buds for sure, or completely turn the world into zombies with their unbearable cuteness. One of those. AB, she is more than ok, she frickin rocks!!!! And so do you!

  7. I sometimes feel ridiculous for still being sad. I can let go of the past pretty easily, normally. But, like you, I often get those rushes of emotion tied to my time in the NICU. And I look at my children, happy, healthy, running around, getting into trouble….and I realize how truly lucky I am. Thank you for reminding me.

  8. LOVE. The diaper hanging out, yes. The dancing, of course. But mostly… those beautiful words coming from her mouth. Blog posts like this should come with kleenex attached 🙂

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