My two stipulations for birth are this:

1) More narcotics than you can shake a stick at

2) Plenty of “Eye of the Tiger” during pushing said middle-nameless crotch parasite out.

It’s entirely likely that I will be denied #1 due to the hungry gleam in my eyes that makes doctors uncomfortable because it screams “ADDICT,” and I’ll probably forget to put on the “Eye of the Tiger” at the appropriate time, but who cares?

Birth is the first in a long line of things about parenthood that you have no control over, so why not embrace it?

That said, I’m dying for something to take my mind off of the impending birth, so let’s run a contest and see who can guess correctly what Amelia will measure. I’m sure I’ll be late in awarding prizes, but you know, better late than never, right Coco?

The stats for my two other kids:

Ben: 7 pounds 13 oz, 19 inches long

Alex: 7 pounds 10 oz, 20 inches long

Amelia: ?????

Oh, and for my commentor J, who wanted proof that my feet don’t always look like the monstrosity that they currently are, here is a picture from when I busted my foot back in June. Please don’t mind my lack of pedicure, because I sure as shit don’t.

81 thoughts on “Lowered Expectations

  1. Eye of the Tiger! That made me laugh. I picture this movie quality montage with a soft focus and loving looks then just when the images should be slowing down and a beautiful tear jerker of a song should be kicking in…BAM… Eye of the Tiger!

    I hope you get lots and lots of drugs.

  2. Nothing says drug seeking behavior like walking in to the hospital backwards with your shirt pulled up screaming “The epidural goes here and it goes here NOW!” If you swab with iodine on your way to the hospital, it makes things move a little faster, too.

    Just sayin…..

    As for baby.. I am going with 7lbs. 5oz and 20 inches. Both my girls were that and it seemed like a nice size. Small enough to not cause too much trouble on the way out, big enough that we couldn’t break them to easily :o)

    Best of luck tomorrow and here’s sending you mucho drugs! xxxxxx

  3. Huh. Is there a good prize? Because a good guess requires effort, and so you’d better come through with a prize. And Amelia doesn’t count. You have to push her out, you have to keep her.

    So, I’m going with 7pounds, 5oz, and 22 inches long.

  4. I can only imagine you want to slap the people saying 8 pounds so I’ll go with:
    6 lbs 9 ozs and 18 inches long.
    That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

  5. ‘they say’ that girls tend to be smaller than boys, but ‘they also say’ that babies tend to get bigger the more of them you have….
    So I’m throwing everything ‘they say’ out the window.

    GOing with 7lbs 9oz, 20.5 inches.

  6. I am going to go with 8 pounds even. 20.5 inches long. Just because girls should be taller and fatter than their brothers. Not really, but whatever. Good luck. You are in my thoughts.

  7. I’ll say 7 lbs., 6 oz, 19 inches long.

    I think I’d choose 2 Unlimited, “Get Ready for This”, because it makes me feel like I could run a half-marathon, but I definitely get “Eye of the Tiger”. I’m glad it’s not an earlier Rocky theme song, “Gonna Fly Now”.

  8. My little girl was 7lbs 9oz so that would be my guess, course in my family, girls come out smaller than boys, so if that were true of you, then she might be a 6 pounder…… (my son was 9lbs 2oz)……

    hope everything goes according to your plan…..

  9. 8 lbs, 2 oz.
    20 inches.

    The singer of “Eye of the Tiger” lives down the street from me.

    My husband cued up “I wanna be sedated” when the doc came in to do my epidural.

  10. 8 lbs 20 inches

    SQUEEEE! Your next post will probably be AB! Thinking about you and hoping you get some REALLY GREAT shoes from your co-babymaker for what you’ve gone through.

  11. 7 lbs 4 oz 19 inches 🙂

    My thoughts would be with you & if I could I would sneak you some good drugs! 🙂

  12. I’m throwing down with 7 lbs. 12.5 oz. & 19 3/4 inches.

    If you want drugs you should’ve come here to give birth. I think I groaned once and I was tripping like a Grateful Dead fan. It was the only thing that kept me from killing someone. I love my health insurance!

  13. Oh, incidentally, I thought it’d tickle you to know that someone just found my blog by Googling “Aunt Becky naked”.

    Of course I didn’t post the pictures! I mean, I’m selling them to Star, but I’d never just post them. Jeez.

  14. 7 lbs, 2 oz. 19 inches. and likely mad as hell for being evicted from her watery lovenest. Don’t think we won’t expect pictures and updates before you choke down that first narc, either, ’cause we will.

    Sending good vibes for an easy delivery and recovery! Can’t wait to “meet” wee link (or patty as it were).

  15. 7lbs and 9oz, 18 inches
    and ALL sass

    you should spend your copious free time and hook up a system of guessing from that site- um- expectnet or something like that.

    am thinking of you.

  16. I’m going to say 7lbs 14oz & 21 inches and will thinking good drug thoughts about you tomorrow. Anxiously awaiting to hear about Amelia.

  17. I’m going with 7lbs 4 oz 19in but I think it would be more fun to guess your foots before and after weight/size…

    You get more drugs if you pretend the epidural didn’t take…not that I would know…wink wink;)


  18. Hmm, I gonna go low, and say, 7’1 and 20 inches long.
    and as for time? Im gonna say..approximately, 5:45 am Thursday morning. hee hee

    I hope is that you DON’T have back labor.

    good luck.

  19. Mine were 6.8, 7.0 and then a whopping 9.12oz-I felt like I had birthed a one month old! I felt gipped on getting to hold a tiny baby, cause there was nothing tiny about that kid! Thank goodness it was c-sec. So, my guess for you is 8.4…

    Nice foot.

  20. haha, laughing at — er, I mean WITH — Magpie above. Hee.

    I’m lousy at this game, with my own kids even, so I’ll spare you and just say: don’t take the Broom Closet this time! Tell them to give you a proper room! And you will be updating, yes?

  21. Liking the name change, Bex! Let’s see, not that you asked but my middle name is Danielle so, I choose that for Amelia! How much will she weigh? I say 7 lbs. 8oz. Her length: 21 inches! Oh, yeah and just for fun…she’ll be born at 1713! Just because I can and yes, I know I’ll be wrong!

  22. I think 6lb 8 oz, 18″

    Who needs a middle name? And really, as stated above, the only thing that goes with Amelia is Bedelia.

    Good luck tomorrow…but, seriously, Eye of the Tiger?

  23. Oh Im so excited..Since I’ve been following along basically since Amelia’s conception..
    I say baby girl is 7lbs. 8oz. 19.5 inches and is born at 10:06 am. I cannot wait for the big post. I’ll be looking every 5 seconds from work trying not to get caught! Good luck and LOADS of drugs!

  24. Hoorah for foot tattoos. Both of my feet are inked. 🙂

    I will now always associate Eye of the Tiger with a screaming woman in labor. 🙂

    Good luck for the big day! 🙂

  25. I am going with 7.3 oz and 19″ long.

    I pray that delivery goes well and miss Amelia (the name of which I love!!) is beautiful and healthy. (Beauty is a given)

    Can’t wait for pics!!


  26. At this point, if you can just keep your legs together until the 29th, Amelia will share a birthday with my daughter – instead of Oprah, who I think has hers today!

  27. c’mon Amelia, we want to meet you!

    7lbs 2 oz 20.5 inches long, born 4 hours after they induce.


    Luck to you all

  28. I was going with 8 lbs., 2 oz. 20.5 inches but someone else guessed that. Hmmm…8 lbs., 1 oz., 20.5 then. How about Elise for a middle name? Both classic, begin with vowels. JMHO, though.


  29. Those are some swollen feet. I don’t get how tattoos would help, except as a superstition? Hope it all goes well and the feet return to normal.

  30. Here’s hoping that all goes well (or went well). I say 6 lbs 12 oz, 19 inches long.
    I certainly hope you feel so much better very soon!

  31. Amelia.. where are you??? Your public awaits and your Mama has had quite enough!

    my son was 10-2 and 23″ (yes, OUCH!) but he baked for an extra couple of weeks, so I vote for 7-12 and 19″ for wee Amelia!

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