Land’s End sent me a bathing suit. I know, I know, you’re thinking, “WHY would anyone send Aunt Becky ANYTHING besides a yacht?” and I’m wondering the same thing. In fact, I’m still WAITING for my yacht.

*taps foot impatiently*

Land’s End sent me a bathing suit so that I would post a picture of myself wearing it on my blog. You can see the error in their thinking, right?

I can.

This was probably NOT what they wanted:

girls in bathing suits with chainsaws

Better yet, this:

aunt becky drunk

Sorry, Land’s End.

I couldn’t resist.

157 thoughts on “How To Lose Advertisers and Disgust People

  1. While these are spectacular, you forgot to add cats with lasers shooting out of their eyes. I’m gonna need more laser.

  2. Hey, Land’s End.

    Send ME that bathing suit, and *I’ll* post a picture of me wearing it on my blog too!

    I’m a size, er, whatever a 220lb dude is. Fluffy?

  3. The picture with the chainsaw is hereby crowned the absolute highlight of my motherfucking day. Best. Picture. Ever.

    And I think you’re selling yourself short. I would totally buy that bathing suit after seeing this.

    And wordpress really doesn’t seem to like the way I post. I TYPE FAST. SORRY, WORDPRESS, SORRY. Sheesh.

  4. Oh that’s the blackberry one! I was just looking at that one online yesterday! I hadn’t thought it would be that dark. Now I am frightened about what shade the Bright Iris I did order will look like

  5. Actually that’s the most effective product placement I’ve seen in a while. ‘Cause it’s a cute suit. Also goes from pool to yard work with just a set of pearls to dress it up 🙂

  6. At least they sent you one in your favorite flavor… er, color. All you were lacking was some rad Amy Winehouse eyeliner in that second shot. They better feature you in their catalog with one of those shots if they want me to continue shopping there.

    PS I think WP is just extra testy today. Apparently my lightening-quick fingers are too much for them, too.

  7. Y’know, I need me a new suit. Maybe i’ll check Land’s End. Hmmm.

    And I will totally wear it while wielding sharp non-girly objects. Possibly with a tiara.

  8. Hold on, I think InStyle is trying to get a hold of you right now for a photo shoot. You are SUCH a Lands End kinda girl. How about Fredrick’s of Hollywood? Or any brand of Vodka. Or how about a cleaning service?

    I just want someone to send me some free wine to pimp. Seriously.


  9. bwahaha…no I dont think that’s what they had in mind at all. However, you did keep up your end of the deal because you are indeed wearing the bathing suit in the photo 😉

    On a side note, the first photo is actually sort of cute and I’m actually diggin’ the bathing suit.

  10. Oh I am SO all over that! A versatile bathing suit! You can cut down trees AND do your weekend job (workin the corner) in it! Hells to the yeah!

  11. Bwahahahahahaha!

    I saw a couple of these Lands End posts and thought, “Hmm,” followed by, “Ugh”. You absolutely rocked the “Every Mom Blogger Wearing Lands End!” concept some male marketing exec came up with and shoved it in their face.

    Not every female blogger is a stereotypical MOM?!?

    Thank you for this. Really. THANK YOU.

  12. Yeah, probably NOT what they had in mind, but still, you look pretty rockin’ in the purple suit in the top pic! It’s glam and makes your tenahnehnahs look great! (and life is nothing if not making sure our tenahnehnahs look great.) (I’m just saying.)

  13. You’d lose the advertiser if you didn’t look so adorable in the swimsuit! Now I need that suit, pronto. In that exact color.

  14. I don’t understand why you have Parliament smokes there. Those pics are scream Newport or some generic menthol. Besides, you should be careful when combining sparkles, smokes, and booze. The combination will either kill a unicorn or make you end up on Maury Povich learning about 12 kids you didn’t know you had.

    Now can you get Dave to do the exact same pictures? Suit and all? That would be epic.

  15. Oh.My.God. Best pics EVER. Also? I like how your cat has his back to you, pretending he doesn’t know you.

  16. See…here’s the problem.

    That suit is mad cute yo, especially on you.

    I want to go buy it. I love the neckline part where it’s curvy. It might actually make me want to wear a bathing suit.

    So…your advertising…worked. Oops.

  17. Wow! You are such a goddess!! and you have a secret life as a model…Loving the suit! Makes me think all swimsuits should be showcased with chainsaws.

  18. shoot, that is a bathing suit they sent you? there was me thinking you are wearing a dress…. to be honest it’s not bad looking for a bathing suit and hello! PURPLE! guess they read your blog after all ( or maybe they just skip trough the “important” bits, hence having the nerve to ask you to post it ;))) but it sure looks great on you ( is Absolut sending you free bottles as well? If not they SHOULD! )so it’s win win…

  19. Seeing as this bathing suit was modeled by a lovely Tom Jones-like lady and not a skinny shut your whore mouth bitch, I would purchase a dozen.

  20. I am sure that if Land’s End didn’t bite, the guys over at Coors or the Peterbuilt trucking company would have you in a heartbeat!

    That was freakin hysterical though….

  21. You are gorgeous.

    I’m completely sold on this suit… I’m generally tipsy when I’m wearing one anyway. I’m off to check out their catalog!

  22. When Land’s End suddenly sells out of this, in this awesome purple color, they will sadly then send you children’s lunch pails, tote bags, and cardigans. Sad for whom, I really don’t know because I cannot fucking wait. (Off to see if this is still available in my size, because my pool club will goddamn LOVE ME if I show up looking like this.)

    You know how in catalogs you often don’t really want the clothes, you want the lifestyle? Bingo.

  23. The bling and manicured nails nicely set off the chainsaw and the versatility of the suit. You know how you’re lounging by the pool, sporting the bling, and the cabana dude is all here’s your drink, and you’re all “go cut something down with the chainsaw” and he’s all doing it wrong so you just bust over and am all “MOVE” and take over… I’m guessing the cabana boy is taking the pictures anyhow… at least that’s what I’m getting from the pic. Naturally the 2nd is AFTER doing your lawn work.

  24. Toooooo funny! But, until I see exactly what yard work you accomplished, I don’t think you should have taken a rest! If Land’s End doesn’t hire you for the rest of the catalogue, they’re crazy! Come visit when you get over your hangover…

  25. The top pic is actually awesome! Until today I have never heard of Land’s End. Your pictures make me want to at least check out their website. Hear that Land’s End? She reached someone who has NEVER heard of you! She needs a magazine spread with her deciding the poses and accessories. Way more interesting than the anorexics with fake hair.

  26. If “White Trash” is the look you’re going for in the 2nd picture, I have to let you know that the expensive-ish vodka and (almost) name brand cigarettes blow your cover.

  27. You mean it’s not normal to hold a chainsaw while wearing a swimsuit? I’ve been doing it wrong for years! So what else are you supposed to do in a swimsuit if it’s not holding a chainsaw?

  28. UGH. I absolutely loathe “you are awesome” comments. But seriously??


    Also, that 2nd snap really needed a package of condoms. Actually, come to think of it, the 1st snap could also have used a package of condoms.

  29. Seriously…best layout… and who DOESN’T feel like drinking and chain-sawing when wearing a swimsuit?

  30. Couldn’t help but notice the empty bottle of Absolut Mandarin lying by your side in the second pic. I hope you mixed it with tonic and orange slices. If not, try that next time around. It’s fresh! Word of caution, if you like Absolut Mandarin, you may not like Stoli Orange…it tastes bitter by comparison. JS.

  31. Oh Aunt Becky I hate to be the one to point this out to you but you LOOK HOT! So hot that I am now going to check out the Land’s End swimsuits in hopes of looking more like you…

  32. Aunt Beckster I love you, and now my husband does too. We may have to fight. Anyhoo I must share this, it’s too good to keep to myself!

  33. I would love to think that you had Hole’s “Gutless” blaring in the background when you posed for these pics! Well played, my friend, well played.

  34. Oh my abs! Thanks for giving me the workout I’ve been avoiding all week. I had to read (and show) your post to my dh. Heehee!!

  35. Okay, so whatever marketing genius at Lands End’s corporate offices decided to send you that bathing suit needs a promotion.

    I fully predict bathing suit sales to be up by some ridiculous percentage for Lands End and for them to start sending you polo shirts and khaki capri pants any day now.

  36. :DDDDDDDDDD I love you
    and I think you still look hot!
    Okay a bit weird first comment to your blog but whateverrr…

  37. You are the answer to my chainsawing dilemma! I used to do my best chainsawing in a bikini, but well I’m 41 and have a 3 year old and NO ONE needs to be subjected to that. This suit is the answer!

    (I have the sneaking suspicion you may sell more suits, those wiley Land’s End folks knew what they were doing!)

  38. Oh, woman, I just love you. I’ll put mine on and we’ll do a whole landscaping series – I wield a mean axe. You’ve got some more serial killer bushes to take out, don’t you?

  39. Actually, I *would* buy a suit from Land’s End after seeing that! Actually, I already *did* buy a different suit from LE a few weeks ago (damn my mother for planning a beach trip while we’re home for a visit…), and I just got an email from them this morning and was perusing other suits, thinking about buying another. And I really like this one you’re wearing here. So, I think this is actually quite an advertising match.

  40. When I order this bathing suit from Land’s End today, you know that little drop down box that asks “Where did you hear about us”? I am answering Aunt Becky sent me.

  41. So I just totally bought a Lands End bathing suit and now I want this one too.

    Because this one? Would clearly fit my lifestyle.



  42. While this may not have been what they had in mind, it totally just made me check out their swimsuits (would never have thought to look there), and I think I’m going to buy one.
    alternative advertising WIN.

  43. If anything, I think you just upped sales with the awesome chainsaw picture! Half of us are running out to (or madly clicking through google) to find a bathing suit that we can look awesome in while doing hardcore yard work!

  44. OMG. I just found this posted on FB today:!/media/set/?set=a.10150194154484213.318726.70267159212

    I like Lands End, I do, but their marketing folks are very annoying on FB. Do you think all of those folks understood Lands End was going to plaster their (very candid) photos all over the net?

    I’m not sure this trick is selling more bathing suits ….

    PS. the first time I went to post this comment, I got a reminder/prompt to enter my email. So I did. Annoyed that I had to rinse and repeat, but whatever. The second time I posted, I got a message that said I was “posting comments too quickly. Slow down.” Seriously? It’s not like I’m running with scissors … how about … “the comment interface is wasting my time too quickly?”

  45. 1. Great pictures
    2. The suit looks fabulous
    3. If Lands’ End has a sense of humor, you will get more stuff

    Based on the responses, I think this was the best ever way to advertise the swimsuit.

  46. hey, you look TOTALLY HOT in your bathing suit, right by your chainsaw. in fact, that chainsaw would probably sell more bathing suits due to sheer humor, than most of those asshole skinny bikini models that most of us want to stab.

  47. My personal favorite part is the cat on the end table behind you. I can’t believe no one noticed this!

    Also? I totally want this swimsuit now.

  48. Yes, obviously awesome and extremely funny. Good stuff.

    But fuck cats with laser beam shooting eyes. I demand chainsaws with laser beam shooting eyes from now on. On the whole internet. Preferably with ladies wearing swimsuits on the background.

  49. My favorite part is the manhattan spilled on the front of the swimsuit in the second picture. “Alcohol can stain, but who cares when you’re wearing a Land’s End Swimsuit!” is what it says to me… hehehe, love it!

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