Last night, after I punched myself in the ‘nads for fucking with my roses too early, I got online and began to work on a resource page for teen mental illness.

Don’t tell me, I’ll tell you: I KNOW HOW TO PARTY.

When I was as done as I was going to be, I IM’d my friend, Tooks, to proof the page which was approximately the size and shape of a novel, and included such phrases as “fuck yeah, teens can have mental illnesses.”

(my teen pregnancy pages notes that one of the symptoms of pregnancy is “a baby coming out of your vagina.”)


Aunt Becky: “Hey, can you proof teen mental illness for me?”

Tooks: “Sure.”

Aunt Becky goes to work on another page while watching a video about dancing hamsters.

Tooks: “I don’t know if kids are going to understand the phrase ‘Drink the Kool-Aid.”

Aunt Becky: “…”

Immediately takes to The Twitter:

“Was just informed that kids might not understand the phrase, “drink the Kool-Aid. WHAT’S WRONG WITH KIDS THESE DAYS?”

“APPARENTLY, we need a new cult with a suicide pact.”

“That came out wrong. DON’T DO DRUGS, KIDS. STAY IN SCHOOL.”

I then turned to the two male occupants of my house, “You DO know what drinking the Kool-Aid means, right?”

Ben (The Guy On My Couch): “Yeah, it’s about Waco.”

Aunt Becky: “No. It’s not. Waco had the fires.”

Ben: “And the Kool-Aid.”

Aunt Becky: “Not all cult massacres involve Kool-Aid. Oh wait, didn’t those comet people use Kool-Aid too?”

Ben: “The Hail-Bopp comet?”

Aunt Becky: “Yeah, they were in California.”

Ben: “No, they were in Texas.”

Aunt Becky: “No, that was Waco.”

Ben: “Well, that was before California joined the Union.”

Aunt Becky: “It was in like 1996.”


Aunt Becky: “Not all cults stem from Waco, Ben.”

Ben: “…”

Aunt Becky: “Like the Jonestown Massacre – WHERE THEY DRANK THE KOOL-AID.”

Ben: “That was also in Waco.”

Aunt Becky: “No, that was Jim Jones. In AFRICA.”

Ben: “Africa is in Waco, right?”

Aunt Becky: “I thought I was bad with geography.”


Looks at kids who have thrown cushions around the room, “Guys, pick up the cushions or I’ll go all Waco on you.”

Two sets of eyes rolled simultaneously, as they did, in fact, pick up the cushions.


I can’t wait to try the Branch Davidians method of getting them up in the mornings. Got my iPod and my stereo all ready to play some AC/DC. At 11.

Because it GOES to 11.

29 thoughts on “Don’t Make Me Go All Waco On You

  1. They went to africa to do that? I can find africa on a map now. I must be getting better at geography. I could have sworn that that was in peru or next door to alabama or something huh.

  2. When my husband is only two years younger than me (I’m 31) and I were first dating he was talking about work and as part of the conversation mentioned his co-worker “Jim Jones.” My first response was, of course, “don’t drink his cool-aid” and hubby looked at me like I was crazy. After explaining the whole thing to him his response – “Huh, I guess that’s why he keeps a random packet of kool-aid on his desk” and I about died laughing.

  3. Are the comet people the same as the happy something or other people? The happy people used pudding. But it was vanilla pudding, which, like a suicide pact, is bullshit.

  4. I know what “drinking the kool-aid” means though if you prompted me for details about which cult & where they were? Yeah, not so much with the details. I also know that “it goes to eleven” is from Spinal Tap though I’ve never seen it.

    However, at 30, I am no longer in the “kids these days” category as I have caught myself uttering that exact same phrase. About sentient beings that I taught how to walk. Sentient beings that are now starting high school. Gah. KIDS THESE DAYS. GET OFF MAH LAWN.

  5. They made a movie about Jim Jones! I LOVED that movie! I know ALL about their Kool-aid. (We have no kool-aid in our house for just that reason.) (Or gatorade- Dateline NBC said you can put anti-freeze in gatorade and kill your wife with it. No gatorade in my house either.)
    And I think their compound was in South America. Which is in Alabama. I think. We should ask our smarty-pants-soon-to-be-in-middle-school-kids. (And make them watch the Kool-aid movie!) (Who knows, maybe they will start a cult too!)

  6. Not to be all “get the facts straight” or anything, but Jonestown was in Guyana, South America.

    Which, in double checking that fact, I of course got sucked into a 30 minute wikipedia reading session, because the story is a train wreck of epic porportions.

  7. I have live in Waco forever and have never once drank the Kool-aid. Although several times (over the internet) have been asked about knowing David Koresh… After a while you just go with it… Love this site btw 🙂

  8. yeah……totally fucked up “Kool Aid” for the rest of eternity. Obviously, there is no limit to man’s insanity.

  9. No, I think kids these days know about Drink The Koolaid. I’m 21, and I know I didn’t pick up that phrase from my mother….I am sure I heard it on “hip” “young” TV shows a few times including recently, and while I may know more about its’ origins than most youths I am sure a large proportion of them will get it.

  10. I knew what you were talking about, but I’m a true crime buff. Doesn’t anyone watch the History Channel? They have stuff on there about cults and stuff from time to time. Court T.V. too. Oh wait, that’s not what they are calling it anymore. They sow it on True T.V. also.

    My Kool-aid container has “Drink it…I dare you” written in sharpie on the side of it. I couldn’t help it. Kool-aid is awsome, but it’s always what it makes me think of. Especially grape Kool-aid. I even have a one of those medicine syringes (the ones for giving babies meds) that I will fill with Kool-aid and chase my daughter around, yelling “If I’m going, you’re going too.” Thankfully at only 12 she understands that somewhere a group of ppl killed themselves with it and we have a good laugh. Not at the ppl who killed themselves, but the chasing her around with a loaded syringe. My neighbors think I’m nuts though.

    1. Sonja Rois, I am in love with you! “If I’m going, you’re going too.” BWAHAHAHAHA. That’s frackin awesome.

      Oh & I live about 30 miles from Lynn, Indiana, where it does NOT say on the Welcome to Lynn, Indiana “Birthplace or Home of Jim Jones.” What a damn shame, I wanted to take a picture of it. Also, for you geography nuts, it was supposed to be the “highest point of altitude in Indiana” until we had some kinda earth-shift about 10 yrs ago. I think rednecks tend to weigh down the plains here at times.
      It’s all corn…corn…corn…in my neck of the woods. Which can make you quite crazy. Hey~I resemble that remark.

  11. No lie. About a month ago my husband mentioned not “drinking the kool aid” to a friend of his who looked at him completely serious and responded, “Is that a racist comment? Because that is completely inappropriate.” It was weird.

    If you ever need any pictures of Waco, my husband (because apparently this comment is all about him) has some. He is a strange and special man.

    You and Ben crack me up.

  12. I think the comments prove that people know the phrase if not the origin. And “kids these days” grew up Googling everything, so they might even have a LEARNING EXPERIENCE! Which is always a good thing. So for sure leave it in.

    And if you ever get tired of Angry Birds and dancing hamsters check out It’s so ridicu-stupid, it’s funny, especially the episode where Lambie goes to Chuckie Cheese.

  13. Well, Ke$ha does have a line in her song that goes “Drink that Kool-aid, follow my lead” so they may not understand why it would be a bad thing, but it is still a thing!

    (And I nearly peed myself, my fellow cube-dwellers thought I was choking)

  14. Its frightening the things children don’t know about today. I regularly wonder how I will communicate to youngsters these days to roll down their windows on the street. THERE’S NOTHING TO ROLL DOWN. Will they see me vehemently moving my hand in a circle in immense confusion?

  15. I don’t know if it’s good or bad but I know what “drink the Kool-Aid” means along with all of the other cults. I’ll choose to believe that I’m just well-informed.

  16. My mom’s cousin and his two kids were three of the 18 (or whatever it was) survivors of Jonestown. He doesn’t like to talk about it much, but he did tell it once and it was awesome and horrifying at the same time (awesome because it was first hand, not because 900 people died). That’s just my family though. On my dad’s side his father was a polygamist with 11 wives and 52 kids. Explains a lot about me.

  17. Thanks for the laugh Aunt Becky. Realizing that some people don’t know what “don’t drink the kool-aid” refers to makes me feel a bit old…but at least the laugh balances out the old feeling.

  18. Just to add to the confusion – it really wasn’t Kool-Aid they drank. It was Flavor Aid. I vaguely remember Kool-Aid running ads saying it wasn’t them. We all see how well that worked. There really isn’t enough PR in the world to overcome that saying.

  19. One of our local radio stations uses the expression “drink the Kool-Aid” all the time, so at least around here the kids would get it.

    And AC/DC? I thought they used Barry Manilow to torture them?

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