I never thought I’d get married. I really never thought I’d get married, squeeze out a couple of crotch parasites and move to the suburbs and become a housewife. I really, really, really never thought I’d get married, squeeze out the kids, rock the ‘burbs as a housewife and write.

Talk about a mindfuck.

Add a white picket fence and I’m June Cleaver with a dirty mouth.

Truthfully, I’d not given the idea of marriage much mind. I’d not planned out a puffy white dress or a first dance number and hadn’t planned out bridesmaids and while I thought that the idea of having “a man” around to help raise the other man in my life (who happened to be 2 feet tall) was a good idea, I didn’t think it would happen.

I’m just not the marrying kind.

I’m the go-go boot wearing, cell-phone bejeweling, disco-dancing kind. So I was genuinely surprised to find myself at the alter, pledging to love, honor and repay The Daver for taking me to be his lawfully wedded wife. He pretty much had to drag me up the aisle by my hair kicking and screaming.

I was pretty afraid that I’d lose myself in being someone’s wife. Someone’s mother. Someone else’s everything.

And I was right. For the first years, I did.

A sea of extenuating circumstances: thyroid storm, my mother’s alcoholism and subsequent rehabilitation (which, sobriety, YAY!), the incredible isolation of our first condo, the loneliness of being a parent when you have no other parent friends, post-partum depression, pre-partum depression, living as a single parent while my husband focused on his career; all of those to the me out of me.

It was so gradual that I didn’t even realize it.

Only recently did I realize that I had to unearth myself and figure out what’s what. Truthfully, I’ve been really afraid of what I’d find. Would I even recognize who I was anymore? Happily, I’ve come to realize I’m exactly the same as I was, with, perhaps, a white stripe in my hair now (yes, seriously) and the self-confidence that comes with being truly happy.

Maybe I’m still xx pounds fatter than I’d like (I have no scale) and maybe I’m still not writing for Playboy (a girl can dream) and maybe I still only see The Daver 3-4 hours during the week, but I’m finally moving. Not stagnating in a pile of my own filth feeling trapped and miserable.

Now I’m just stagnating in a pile of filth. Beaming merrily. As it should be.


Team Mimi is up and in Full Effect and walking for March of Dimes on April 25 in St. Charles (the details are behind the linkage or on my sidebar). Anyone is welcome to join. We’d LOVE to have you. If you’d like, you can form your own team as well. They’re forming all around the country.


I AM going to launch the community site, just as soon as I can get the kinks worked out with The Daver, and my site designer and figure out exactly how to set it up.

So far, this is what I’ve got on the docket for ideas:

*It’s got to have a variety of topics that we can all weigh in on and post about.

*Easily navigatible and not full of The Ugly.

*It’s just going to be a link from the top of my blog to a separate site, where hopefully I can do some promotional giveaways and stuff because according to you guys, people like free shit. So, if I can find people to give us stuff, we’re IN.

*I’m going to use the same software that Dooce’s community site uses because it’s a great example of a community site.

What else would make a community site Full Of The Awesome?

(I bought the domain www.bandbacktogether.com for the community site)(we still need to name the community site)

77 thoughts on “AB And The Sunshine Band

  1. I swear, as much as I hate to hear people say shit like “life happens”, “as is life” or the worst “welcome to my life”, stuff like this happens to everyone. I’m a different person than I’ve ever been and it’s for the best.

    I think it’s great that you’re going to branch out and rock a new avenue YOUR WAY.

  2. I think the community sounds like it will be made of awesome!!!

    And I am so glad to hear that you have come into yourself through times and a path that you didn’t think you would. It’s very inspirational to hear that… as I know I am constantly wondering when and if this will ever happen for me!!!

  3. So glad you were able to come back to yourself. And I hear what you’re saying about life taking unexpected turns and dumping us in a totally foreign neighborhood. I know the experience well.

  4. It’s difficult being a housewife. I don’t get people who have that as an aim when they grow up, but hey here I am as well. Shit just has a way of happening eh? And I’m so happy someone else isn’t raising my kids.

  5. You know I always saw myself married, with children and being a housewife. I just never knew the reality of all those things and what they would do to the ME that I was always so proud of. The ME takes a hit for sure. time to dig out and take charge.

  6. I always wanted to be the housewife and mommy as well. Then I got there and it was totally not what I expected. One child and an abusive relationship later, I am a single mom who lost custody cuz I didn’t have enough money to fight back. That’s life, and at least I still get to see my son. I totally understand the whole feeling of losing yourself. I felt like I have been lost for several years. Recently I began going out and dating again. Getting out of the house and finding myself has been like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I am becoming ME again. And I like it. Hats off to ALL of us mom’s/gals out searching for ourselves, and I hope we find us.

    And I love the forum site idea. With all the topics that we talk/think/wonder about. You know the weird ones you just can’t make yourself ask a person you are staring in the face? Cuz that would be too fucking embarassing. Those kinds of topics. And you are right, people like free shit.

  7. Dude, I feel ya.

    When I was 20, my plan was to marry this dude in 3 years, and then move to Arizona. In “real life” I married a different guy only a year later, and now live in Germany. I was never gonna have kids. Now I’m considering a 3rd? I’d love to know what happened between then and now. It kinda weirds me out. Instead of being an interior designer, I’m going back to school to be a special education teacher. Which I swore for years I would NEVER do. Life is nuts.

    And I agree that the community site needs a cocktail of the week recipe. Maybe we can get Smirnoff to sponsor it or something!

        1. See, I am an alcoholic in recovery and I STILL think it’s a good idea to have Cocktail Recipes and get a Vodka sponsor. Because: 1. Not everyone is me and can’t handle it 2. It would be just super badass to have “Sponsored By Smirnoff” on our Disco Band Tour T-Shirts and 3. We can come up with yummy non-alcoholic versions of our cocktails for people like me.

          Also, we can alternate with Kick-Ass Dessert Recipe of the Week.

          P.S. Let the hand-wringing commence!

      1. Hmmm, I might have an idea about a vodka company, although I have no idea if sponsoring a blog would be of interest to them or not. I could drop a hint to their publicist if you want, though?

  8. First, I want to apologize for my lack of comments (it’s appalling, I know) lately. Second, I want to thank you for your comments, they meant the world to me.

    I’m glad you found (are finding) you. Even more than that, I’m glad that *I* found you. šŸ™‚

  9. I never in a MILLION years thought I would have a child. The marriage thing I was ok with because I could still be me and do “my thing” but I always thought I was to selfish to be a mother. Then FOR ONE WEEK I decided I wanted a baby. 2 weeks late the stick turned blue and here I am the momma of a 6 year old. Did I think this was going to be my life? Hells no. Am I thrilled that I ventured off my “planned path”? Hells yes.

  10. Ha. I never had a plan for my life. So far, some things have worked out, some things have not. All in all, things are good, though.

    As to gaining a sponsor, why not send an email to customer service at Smirnoff and say “I’m going to have a cocktail of the week on my site, would you like to sponsor?” And then send one to Absolut, and Grey Goose, and all those other high end vodkas! Never hurts to ask – especially when you can do it via email!

  11. I dunno, maybe you could get a vodka sponsor…just not one of the stuffed shirt kinds. Or maybe Smirnoff Ice? They do fun commercials full of people doing irresponsible(ish) things…they might be down with mommies not being mummies.

    Or MAYBE, after you start your community, you could open a distillery and market your own vodka. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

    Sorry, on a carb high right now…

  12. I’m all about the Vodka… and if someone doesn’t like it because *gasp* mommy’s are drinking it? Fuck em.

    I love that you are finding your lost self… I’m working on that too.


  13. First of all, LOL “crotch parasites”! Second of all, you peaked my curiosity with “thyroid storm” as I’ve been hypothyroid for about 13 years and have certianly had my own share of issues. I also had postpartum depression. So glad to have discovered your blog. Can’t wait to hear more about the community site – sounds awesome!

  14. The mommy & housewife thing was no where on my radar until I was 33, precisely because I am far too selfish to be losing myself in other people and I couldn’t really comprehend that NOT happening if I did those things. But somewhere around my 33rd birthday it occurred to me that there is a time for everything & nothing is forever. Maybe losing myself for a few years in other people’s lives at this point in my own would not be the great tragedy I feared. And it wasn’t. Possibly because I had very low expectations & anything that exceeded them was such a bonus too me it only occasionally hit me that maybe a few more personal adjectives would be nice. But those years have passed as I suspected they would & now I am standing here on the other side knowing I am in a place to reclaim me and wondering what adjectives I want to have now.

    Honestly, it’s harder now than it was then. I had the excuses when the boys were toddlers. Now I feel like I ought to be doing something but have no clue what.

  15. Aunt Becky’s Band of Merry Pranksters could be a good name for the site….cause you made it up and it reminds me of the Kool-Aid book….and it’s awesome.

  16. I knew at 24 I wasn’t going to have kids and needed to get out of the bad marriage I was in fast and I did. And I didn’t have kids. At 50, it might be too late to think about them! Ha but I am pseudo grandma to 6 girls – good enough for me.

    Aunt Becky’s Special Needs
    now that is a good band name
    or AB’s Twinkies
    or Vodka Vixens

    Dealing with thyroid issues while being single is hard enough, dealing with them with a family, daunting. Kudos to all of you out there who have done it.

  17. I checked out the link to Dooce’s community site and it actually looks pretty cool. I could see myself wasting several minutes per day at Aunt Becky’s Community Site.

    I think you’re right. Having kids and a relationship and a house and all that does make you lose a little bit of yourself. Congrats on beginning the journey of finding youreslf again.

    We can all use an occasional “rebirth”. Good Luck.

  18. Hooray for the new site!

    Hey Daver, is it ready yet?

    How about now?

    Is it ready yet?

    Almost ready you say?

    Like nearly ready or almost nearly ready?

  19. I always say that realizing where you are is half the battle. Not everyone knows!
    April 25 is my birthday…what a great thing to do! Last year our University Relay for Life was on it and it was a really fun way to spend my birthday!

  20. I think that all mother’s that stay home should be paid, A LOT. I don’t think I could do it. I love my children (and really just like my job), but I think I would probably go completely batshit crazy if I was home full time. Sometimes just walking into my babysitter’s house makes me get freaked out, and need a Xanax, the noise alone would do me in. I would end up on a 20/20 special, wearing an orange jumpsuit, or mint green stripes or whatever they put convicts in nowadays. Orange and mint green are not my color, so I think I’ll stick to what I do, which is read a lot of blogs all day while I’m at work. I’m good at that.

    Hooray for stay at home moms, you are all very special. For reals.

  21. So now I’m tearful, thanks, ’cause I hear you. Try the lonely housewifery thing without the baby, and it’s even lonelier and drives you to drink more:) It’s nice to know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel for you, since I imagine I’m at the early stage.

  22. Topics the community site should cover:

    Chick stuff
    Dude stuff
    Kid stuff
    Why KISS are like the most over-rated rock band ever
    Books and movies
    How not to take yourself too seriously
    How to get a babysitter so you can go out and drink vodka with your disco band occasionally
    Weird news and other topics of interest
    and Sex

    I’ll totally join your disco band. Except…um…I kinda don’t dig the disco. Except maybe the clothes. I could be the official disco band costumer??

  23. When you hit rock-bottom and bring yourself back up again,that is something you can be real proud of. The tough part is not sinking again, because you’re worried that you won’t make it back next time. A community where women can keep each other “up”, drink vodka(responsibly)and eat awesome desserts and no sanctimonious shit. This will be huge! I’m in!

  24. Do we not want to just name the website Full of Awesome? otherwise we can go with your theme for the nama and do something along the lines of Pass The Vodka, Share the Vodka, etc.

    these are most likely not helpful in any way. I’m no good under pressure!

  25. I think the community site should be named, “The Bands Back Together, You Didn’t Hear?” I know maybe lame, ok it is lame. But its midnight here and I wanted to write something cause I’ve missed you girl (think some 80’s song with that line… Cause I’ve missed ya girl… who sung that? I think its was 80’s???)

  26. Firstly, I am totally planning to be there. I may even bring my boys to walk for Mimi. Secondly, since I’ve never done one of these, do we send people to the March of Dimes to sponser Team Mimi? Should we put a button on our page for it?

  27. It is true that life never quite goes as planned- but sometimes (like in your case) the alternate route is actually quite fantastic!! šŸ™‚

  28. Once this awesome collective chooses a kick ass name, you REALLY need to have a tee shirt link on your site so that we can buy one! Maybe you need to have two tee shirt choices – one “R” rated and one “G” rated for those of us who have children who can read… šŸ™‚

    A portion of the proceeds from each shirt sale can go to the March of Dimes (seems like that is one of your faves), and you can have the shirt printer GIVE YOU FREE SHIRTS TO USE AS A GIVE AWAY!

    Cafe press did this for a family with a sweet terminal little guy, and his “fan club” (God love that little bean) could buy tee shirts, journals, hats, etc… with his picture or logo. (sniff, sniff)

    First a community. Now a clothing empire – and one that raises money for charity no less!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    It is only two weeks into “your year”, and you have got the world by the balls! Hooray Aunt Becky!

    Do I smell an action figure in your future??? Tomorrow’s post – if Aunt Becky were an action figure, what would she look like????????????????????????

  29. You know, there’s some really creative folks floating around here. I’m personally quite taken with Aunt Becky’s Band of Merry Pranksters. (Great name for a rock band, too – um, sorry, forget the disco, not my style. I always wanted to be the evil bitch in black leather, stalking the stage.) Maybe the motto could be “Because We’re Full of Teh Awesome”. I would SO volunteer to be the cocktail wrangler!

  30. Helloooo! Oh, I’ve been such a BAD commenter lately. Bad! BAD!

    Just want you to know that I luuuuurve you and that I think your Team Mimi is a great idea. I wish I lived closer so I could physically join you!

  31. Becky, I don’t know if anyone is having as much fun on the internet as you. You always make me smile.

    As a mom who’s first baby’s life was likely saved by March of Dimes work/research, thank you for walking. I’m cheering you on from my snowpile in Colorado.

  32. How did you find yourself again? Because I am so lost… I’m worried that I can’t find myself again because I never knew who I was the first time around. And now I have my 4 “crotch parasites” to worry about and wonder if the things I choose to do will fuck them up forever.

  33. Dude I never thought I’d get married either. I also HATE kids. Er, HATED. Past-tense. I mean, I still don’t like other people’s kids. But everyone that knows me well was surprised when Jacob and I got engaged. I like to keep ’em on their toes.

  34. I like the idea of the community having lots of different topics. From what I can gather, Aunty Becky, your Merry Pranksters are stay-at-home-mums, and working-mums and not-mums-at-all, and the only thing we have in common is The Awesome.
    And, possibly, a need to keep on improving ourselves and trying to find happiness. Or nappies that clean themselves. Whatever’s more likely.

  35. I am all for stay at home mom’s getting paid!!! ALOT!! It is a tough job!!! I never thought giving up my 60 hour workweek at a hospital laboratory would LESS stressful than being a mom to two toddlers!!! Who knew? I am a glutten for punishment! When i first started staying at home almost 5 years ago, it was great. Now I feel like I am worthless. All I am good for is wiping asses, cooking and cleaning toilets! It’s pathetic. I love my children, by my self worth sucks. I thought about going back to school on-line, but MY “Daver” is doing that right now. He is in the midst of getting his Nurse Practioner degree. Woohoo! Then I can build my dream house and get the hell out of this shitty neighborhood! Why aren’t women ever happy?

  36. So at the risk of getting voted off the island…rather than thinking of all the things you should incorporate into BandBackTogether (lap bands, wedding bands, rock bands, rubber bands)I think the focus should be on how it will differ from the bazillion other community sites out there. Obviously your tone is your own (and why we all have little Aunt Becky shrines in the back of our closets) but what will get people to while away their hours in your community rather than just stalk you silently on your blog?

  37. I’m looking at making a community site as well, what is the software that Dooce uses/you will use to make it? I just checked out her page, and it’s very pretty!

  38. So, how do you come to peace with having your husband work away? Mine has been living/working 350 miles away from us for about the last year and a half, and I’m still searching for the Holy Grail on this one.

  39. I love this idea. And I love the site name–both because it’s just funny, and because I think we all need (often as parents, but sometimes just because life made us lose our way) to “get the band back together” and rediscover the things that made us love being ourselves.

    In college, I was in a totally rockin’ make-believe band. I played the tambourine. Once we recorded a song called “You know who are women?” about being girls who had girl friends for the first time ever. But that only got played once on college radio. Mostly we hung out in the basement of the building our friend owned and played terrible, terrible music. But AB and the Sunshine Band would totally have fit in there. And I’m really excited.

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