Hey there Pranksters.

My name’s Adam Avitable. Some of you may already know me, whether it’s from my writing on Avitable.com, the epic soul portrait that Becky and I had done, or from that one episode of “To Catch a Predator”.

Today is a very special day. A day so momentous that it could only be celebrated by a post by me. A day so amazing, so fucking unbelievable, that there’s no other way to say it.

Happy Elderly Men Day to all of those readers from Kiribati!

How awesome are Elderly Men? They pull off that awesome plaid/stripes combo when they go to Walgreens, they can wash their testicles just by sitting on a toilet and letting those bad boys drop, and they have a license to get mad at anyone, anytime. They can steal, lie, cheat, and they get away with it because they’re cute. Hooray for old fogeys!

There’s something else.

Is today the day I have to pick up my Chinese baby from Fed Ex?

Is it my brozilian appointment?


Oh, that’s right!

It’s Becky’s birthday!

Happy birthday, Becky. You have empowered so many people, inspired thousands, and made so many laugh until they cried. Or puked. That’s always a good laugh if it ends up with puking. It may not be the easiest time for you, and it may not be the most fun, but fuck it. You’ll get through it and you’ll be better than ever. I know it, and so does everyone else who’s ever met you.

Pranksters, won’t you join me in wishing Becky a wonderful birthday filled with love, friendship, and free from ninja attacks?

Adam Avitable wishes Becky a happy birthday!

67 thoughts on “You can call me Uncle Avitable

  1. Happy Birthday AB! I know you’re having the most shit-tastic month ever but I really, really hope that you’ve had a great birthday! Xoxo

  2. Well, Birthday on top of all the rest of it, eh ?~! Hope it comes with growth, spiritualism that actually helps your soul heal and friends close enough to give you a hug that will last until YOU feel ready to release. Wish I were there for you, Beckster.

  3. Happy Happy Birthday!!! I agree with Kate – Here’s to a new year and a new you!! Much love to mah Phoenix friend on her special day! xoxo

  4. Wow. That’s a shit load going on today.
    Can’t tell by your portrait if you go the brozilian or not.

    Happy birthday, Aunt Becky!

  5. You have made me laugh, when I wanted to cry, and given me moments of sanity in an otherwise vortex of misery. You rock! Flinging glitter, and lots of unicorns, and kittens in bubbles at you ! Have a great birthday–eat all the cake.
    Happy Birthday Aunt Becky!

  6. Happy Birthday AB! I’ve blog-stalked you for years and though we’ve only spoken by email once (I was like “ZOMG, I talked to AUNT BECKY!!!), I swear I feel like I know you. You can’t possibly know all the good you and your work has done for me. Lots of love, hugs and glitter to you on your b-day–keep rockin’ hard!

  7. Happy Birthday, B! And here’s to many, many more happier birthdays, my dear. It’s all gonna get better and better. You R-O-C-K!

  8. Happy birthday AB.
    Happy new haircut. Happy new tattoo. Happy road trip. Happy self discovery. Happy new horizons.
    He’s right, you know… You will get through this. Shit- if you can keep it together after the suicide hotline drops your call- you can make it thru anything.
    We’re lucky to have you. You’ve made the world a better place for being here. I am happy to celebrate your birth in a way I hope will do you proud… with John C. Mayer blaring as I drink loads of vodka.
    Cheers, AB.

  9. Happy Birthday AB! I just started reading mommywantsvodka, and I have to say I love it! I can relate to so many of the topics. I hope you have a good day. I have learned that they are possible even in not so good times in our lives. I mean there’s always

  10. Happy birthday, Aunt Becky! And many happy returns!

    We may not ever have met, but I’m one of the many out here pulling for you. You are awesome, and don’t you ever forget it.

  11. Happy birthday Aunt Becky! Take your new haircut and your new ink and tear up the town! Which town you tear up I shall leave to your discretion.

  12. Happy birthday love!! I hope that your new birth year is full of blessings and opportunities. I know you will succeed and pull through, like you said there are no other options for you. Tight hugs!!

  13. Greetings from Orchid Land –

    Hau’oli La Hanau – may this day be a RE birth day for you.

    Peace to all ~

  14. Happy, Happy Birthday! Altho I am a mere blog stalker, as I type I am having a gin and tonic in your honor. (I’m sad to say, we are out of vodka ~ but a girl has to do what a girl has to do, right?) You make me laugh and I adore your blog. Happy Birthday!

  15. Happy Birthday AB! Only the bestest, coolest, most ass-kicking people are born in mid-July. I’m totally not saying that because my bday is tomorrow. I know things are tough, so seriously – you can have my wish if you want it. I’ll just throw a raving bitch tantrum to get the stuff I want. I hope you got some love today. 😉

  16. Happy birthday! Wish I could say I was having some vodka for you, but vodka and me… well.. we haven’t yet come to terms with our disagreement from a few years ago. I am having a beer, and I’m toasting you right now… I hope you have an amazing day, and I hope that the light and the love that you are receiving from the internet makes you smile and helps to cut through some of the darkness. Have an amazing day.

  17. Happy Birthday! I’ll have a few vodkas for you, okay? You should indulge also since it is your birthday.

  18. happy mofo bday AB. thanks for empowering so many, including myself. don’t ever forget all the good you’ve done and no doubt, will continue to do. xo

  19. Hi, Aunt Becky,

    Sorry I’m a day late, but Happy Birthday! I’m also sorry that things suck right now, but we love you out here in the blogosphere, and we know you’ll get through it. We’re rooting for you!

  20. Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday Aunt Becky, Happy Birthday to youuuu! (Sung very loud & off key, but with great enthusiasm!) A day late, but that’s how I roll lately. Hope your day was awesome (At least in compasison to recent days)

    Love ya,


  21. Happy Birthday Aunt Becky!! I hope, in spite of everything its wonderful, magical and otherwise involves unicorns farting cupcakes and rainbows out their rears!

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