The Daver: “I was reading your friend’s blog, and she was talking about how she’d gotten some nasty look from some parent when she said she was taking her kid to McDonald’s.”

Aunt Becky: “Ha! Figures.”

The Daver: “I said that ‘The Daver would give them a McSmackdown.'”

Aunt Becky: “Totally, yo. What the hell is wrong with McDonald’s once in awhile? Let kids be kids, man.”

The Daver: “Exactly! People like that can take their organic bento boxes and shove them up their asses.”

Aunt Becky: “I tweeted last night that whomever wrote the ‘I could be your hero baby’ song was singing about Chicken McNuggets. And I meant it.”

The Daver: “That’s fucked up.”

Aunt Becky: “The only thing wrong with McDonald’s is the ball pits. They always smell like pee.”

The Daver: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Aunt Becky: “You never noticed that?”

The Daver: “No.”

Aunt Becky: “Dude. Kids are always whizzing in the ball pits. It’s disgusting.”

The Daver: “….”

Aunt Becky: “It’s kind of awesome if you don’t play in there.”

The Daver: “….”

Aunt Becky: “You totally played in the pee balls, didn’t you? That sucks.”

The Daver: “….”

Aunt Becky: “That’s okay. I think there’s some bleach leftover from the time I accidentally saw pictures of Carrot Top naked. You can bathe with that.”

The Daver: “I have a sudden hankering for a Shamrock Shake.”

91 thoughts on “You Can Call Me Aunt Mayor McCheese

  1. Man, now I have a fucking hankering for a Shamrock Shake!

    Oh and ball pits, dont get me started on ball pits. I DID give my sister the warning when the kids were old enought to want to play in them. THINK ABOUT THE PEE! DIRTY DIAPERS!! But did she listen? And did they BOTH get coxsackie? I love being right, but not at the kids expense.

    But the name coxsackie does make me giggle, because I am immature like that.

  2. *Hangs head* Sorry… was too excited. Ball pits are disgusting. They smell like stinky feet to me. Sometimes they even remind me of the smell inside sex motels. (Don’t ask me how I know…) I wuv you for not looking down on ppl who feed their kids mickey D’s.

  3. Absolutely nothing wrong with McD’s in moderation. I love me a large fry now and then. Of course, they must put something in that large fry that makes me crave it for the next week and a half, but I don’t crack and get it. Really, I only hit McD’s maybe once a month.

    Mmm….salty fries….

    1. They put sugar in the fries!!! They are reconstituted potato, cooked, mashed, sugar etc added and flash frozen in fry shapes . . .

      1. Granted I only eat fries on top of my burger as a garnish, but you just made them sound REALLY good. Sugar and salt are 2 of my favorite things.

  4. i’m still a mickey d’s junky. but those balls are one big bodily fluid depot. pee, poop, snot, phlegm–bleccch. they make me feel like howard hughes on germophobe steroids.

  5. IS it shamrock shake time? It is, it is! I think I may need one of those tonight. Every little kid needs a little McD’s in his or her life. It’s the adults that eat there twelve times a week who have a problem.

    The McD haters are probably also mud pie-making haters, and anti splashing in puddles. In other words, I don’t like them.

  6. I don’t go to McD’s anymore around us. Last time I went to the one in my town, I got sick. A time before that, a friend’s kids got sick. Before that time, hubs got sick. Fuck McD’s around here, y’alls. Of course, NOW I’m craving the McNuggets.

    Damn. Boo to the cracknuggets!

  7. I don’t get to eat at McD’s or most other fast food places, food allergies make it near impossible to find safe food. I would love to have me some easy fast food once in a while.

    I was interviewed on the street one time, I was asked who was the mayor of MacDonald’s and who was the mayor (at the time) of Vancouver. I could remember Mayor McCheese . . . duh on the mayor of my own city.

  8. I avoid the ball pit McDonaldses at all costs…the last time we took Mea she haaaad to go climbing up there, and then got stuck and couldn’t get out of one of the stupid tubes. Not to mention they stink, and are filthy, and covered in God knows what. Scary. No thanks. I’m a drive thru girl all the way.

  9. mmmmm nuggets! how about nekid carrot top doing the back stroke in the ball pit lol. Now THAT is something that required immidiate eye bleaching!

  10. We don’t have ball pits anywhere around here anymore. Just the giant hamster tunnels. I’m sure they are crawling with nasty germs, but I still let my kid play in them, unless we have a big trip coming up, then I lay off in hopes that it will minimize the potential for sickness. But we eat fast food about once a week. A friend and I get drive through happy meals on our way to our weekly park playdate. We tried the making our own lunches and bringing them, it was great on our pocketbook, terrible on our sanity (getting ready with kids AND making lunches???? Puh-leaze). So yeah, we alternate McD’s with Wendy’s, which is cheaper and somehow their food tastes more “real”. Is it? Anyone know?

  11. Every time I see Shawn White, I think of Carrot Top and feel like I need to dig my eyes out……I really wish that Shawn White would get a hair cut.

    1. Thank You Rebecca! I have been saying the same thing!!! Then everyone is all, “you’re mean” and I’m all, “I’m honest” and they’re all, “He’s an Olympic Gold Medalist” and I’m all, “Yeah, who will never get laid with the lights on” and they’re all, “How can you be so hateful, his talent makes him hot” and I’m all, “Sorry I just threw up on your floor”

  12. I took my girl to a playplace once and every time she sees a McDonald’s (that’s twice a day, at least, if she leaves the house), she wants to stop and play. She didn’t go in the ball pit though.

    Jeez, who cares if your kid has McDonald’s once in a while? If you’re feeding it to them every day, well, at least they’re getting some protein, but MODERATION IN EVERYTHING (especially in judging other people).

  13. Ball pit, ball pit, ball pit. I just like saying that. Do balls have pits? Hmm. Must check husband when he arrives home…

    My children are allowed into the ball pit only I after I wrap them from head to toe in aluminum foil. It’s not only sanitary but the sun reflects off the foil, blinding the freakishly dirty and spastic children who congregate in the pee pit.

  14. As I am reading this I am totally sitting at a mcdonalds play area with a client. This place has a B rating though, so no chicken nuggets for me. The freakin ball pit must be leaking into the kitchen. Yuck!

  15. Good timing on the post, I was just talking about peeing in ball pits today at lunch. A Co-worker was saying how she would want to go in an adult ball pit, so that she wouldn’t be sitting in pee, and could also drink some booze.

    I then added, if adults are drinking in there, I’m afraid there will prolly be more pee, and some other gross bodily fluids.

  16. I haven’t actually seen a ball pit at a McDonalds in years. Chucky Cheese yes, but not McDonalds. But, really, a little pee never hurt anyone. Tell The Daver I said that.

    1. Right on, Sister. My kid plays in the ball pits. But then, she also liked to eat cheerios out of the dust pile while I was sweeping the kitchen…

  17. Our Micky-Dees only has hamster tubes, and they are way gross. My girlfriend used to toss out her kids’ socks after they played there. I think I’d have to toss their entire outfit. 😛

  18. Poor Daver. He didn’t really know any better, did he? Some things you just have to learn on your own. 😉 Now I must go scoop out the section of my brain that conjured up the image of Carrot Top naked. Curse you, woman. *shakes fist*

  19. You have ball pits at your McDonalds? That’s pretty cool. We have these pathetic slides and helicopters.

    Rocco spent nine months in utero as his mother wolfed down six nuggets IN a quarter pounder. Fucken yeah baby.

    Hope you are well, Aunt Becky XOXOX

  20. I don’t like McDonald’s because they don’t have real food (call me crazy, or whatever). I’m happy to say I don’t even know what a shamrock shake is. I even had to do a google search because I wasn’t sure how to spell it — thought it was “MacDonald’s.” Yes, I’m an organic bento box snob … sort of. I’ll eat a Wendy’s bacon burger and an order of fries about once every 6 months. ; )

  21. My kids love McDonald’s…and that’s all that matters. They don’t eat it more than once or twice a month, though, and if that makes me a bad mommy to other people, that’s OK because it makes me a GREAT mommy in my kids’ eyes! 🙂

    And seriously, thanks the Daver for making me crave a Shamrock Shake when I gave up sweets for Lent! Happens every year…

  22. Hehe, My little one isn’t big enough yet to get the importance of McDonalds. Though I must say that I too, played in the pee balls, but I don’t recall them ever smelling like that. Perhaps in the great state of Utah children are more refined? Hopefully? . . . Anyone?

  23. Me & McDonalds, we’re like Peas & Carrots. Except, they don’t have real veggies, do they? Whatever. I love the nuggets and steal my kid’s fries.

  24. Just so youse know…

    We have the ONLY McDonalds with teal arches in the ENTIRE WORLD.

    Envy me…

    I’ve never been inside it though…I’m more a Gag in the Bag… er… Jack in the Box kind of person.

      1. They dont have JITB here. But they did in Las Vegas where I was livin the vida loca for a few years. It made me sick too, and I ate fast food ALL the time back then.

        PS – they didnt have Sonic there back then either. *kicks dirt*

  25. Okay I’m making a confession. I don’t like McDonalds. I’ve never liked McDonalds. Even as a kid growing up in Northern BC, while everyone else would be thrilled to stop at the Golden Arches, I’d be disappointed. I’d make my parents take me to Dairy Queen instead.

    It’s not that I’m anti-fast food, I just don’t like *their* food. Ewwww. (except the egg mcmuffins, which are the only item on the menu I’d eat)

    I know, I know. What kid doesn’t like burgers, fries, and pop? I was a weird child.

    1. I am okay with McDonald’s, but if I have a choice I’d usually rather have Something Else. Unfortunately most of my Something Elses are pretty kid-unfriendly. So I’ll just have another McRib, and — DAMMIT THEY TOOK AWAY THE MCRIB AGAIN! GAAAAAAAH

      1. DAVER!! They have a pulled pork sammich at Chili’s now! Granted you really have to dump on the BBQ sauce, and it isnt as cheap. But it’s GOOD.

        They havent had the option for the McRib here for like 10 years. Unless I missed a for a limited time only, which is possible. I loved those things.

  26. I’m not going to tell you the image that comes to mind when I hear the phrase “ball pit.”

    I am deeply, deeply in love with McDonald’s. I haven’t introduced Oscar to it yet, but I’m planning on getting some of that new sweet chili sauce to mix into his next bottle of breast milk.

  27. I can’t personally eat at McDonalds – I’m not sure it’s even food. HOWEVER, I don’t have kids to feed. I also know that I ate it growing up, and I’m fine! (Relatively speaking – I don’t think any issues were caused by McFood).

  28. The McDonalds near us took out Playland a short time after a kid with a diaper had a blowout. You could see that he went from the slide to the merry-go-round to the tubes to the ball-pit. Couldn’t bring myself to go back there after that day, not even the drive-thru.

    1. Its a mint ice cream shake colored green. Usually they only serve it in March for St. Patricks Day. Its awesome! And McDonald’s uses REAL ice cream unlike Wendy’s gag me Frosty.

  29. Seriously! GO DAVER. I read the mentioned blog post and the Daver’s comment rocked! People that worry about an occasional McDonalds meal for their children suck the joy out of life. I am all about balance ya know. Some occassional yummy fries and chicken nuggets just keep you sain.

  30. Do you think the godforsaken Barney was inspired by Grimace? This thought just popped into my head. And what was that bird character they had? Wasn’t there a bird character? With pigtails? Or am I just high?

  31. I get really upset by all the judgmental parents (and non-parents who love to have opinions). Childhood obesity is a real problem. And if I don’t ever prepare food at home and genuinely believe that a Happy Meal is health food, my kids are in trouble. But if I believe that it’s okay to provide my kids with a treat sometimes? That’s a decision I’m making as a parent, just like which school I’m going to send them to and whether to have them baptised, as far as I’m concerned. I’m not wandering up to strangers on the street to tell them that the outfit they’ve chosen for their 2-year-old has her already objectifying her body and will have her pregnant by the time she’s 12. They don’t get to tell me that an occasional trip to a fast food restaurant is going to kill them. Unless they lick something in the ball pit.

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