If you’re interested in helping or have no idea what the nuts I’m talking about, here you go.

While I’ve allowed myself the opportunity to sit around during what I like to call the “crying hour,” moping, feeling sorry for myself, listening to Cat Stevens song, “Wild World,” while sobbing into my Diet Coke, and bemoaning the current series of unfortunate events, I’ve also realized that what I’m about to be doing comes with some upsides.

Going to NashTucky was when I first realized what a big fucking world we live in. Due to a number of circumstances (PTSD, needy children, and throwing myself into Band Back Together like I was actually getting paid for it – which – HAHAHAHAHAHA! YEAH RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS)(HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?) *sways arms around all Southside* I’d forgotten what a big, crazy, mixed-up and wild world we live in. The beautiful imperfections of others. The sunsets that seem almost magical.

wild-world

I’d spent so long, sequestered away in my home, living a very quiet life, away from the wild world. When things got rough, I gritted my teeth and bore it. When I was struggling, I tried not to let on. I mean – there are people WITHOUT motherfucking LEGS! How dare I be upset by being “lonely” or “sad” or even “broken-hearted?” Talk about First World Problems, yo.

And they are that. First World Problems – I’m entirely aware. However, they are MY First World Problems and for all the pushing them aside I’ve done, all the throwing myself into anything; everything to keep my mind off of my “stupid” problems, it led to one thing – a nervous breakdown.

I can’t do that again. No, that’s not it – I won’t do that again.

Instead, I will count my problems as blessings in disguise and remind myself that while I may (for the moment – July isn’t over yet) have two functioning legs, I am allowed my feelings – whatever they may be; that even at my darkest, I will always be able to find the light – even if it’s a light off in the distance. And if I cannot find the light myself, that’s what I have Pranksters for – there is always a solution to be found.

I’ll fill my nights doing things I’ve never before done – going to Ravinia to hear live music, visiting the local Farmer’s Market, learning that in this crazy wild world, there is so much more to be seen; done. And now I can do it all – nothing is stopping me.

I know that my new life will be rife with struggles. Struggles to find work. Struggles to pay the bills. Struggles with using the microwave. But the path I’ve chosen, I now see that I do not walk alone. I know that I will find a way – my way – and do it with grace and dignity. And when I lose my way, I know that I have the support to find my way back. For that, Pranksters, for showing me I am no longer alone, that means everything to me.

I look forward to, once I have settled, repaying the kindness that you, my Pranksters, have bestowed upon me. Someway, somehow, I will.

Because you have reminded me time and again, that I will manage, and I will, in a new life, be able to, once again, start over. I consider that, while so very hard, an incredible blessing. Not many people get an opportunity to start over.

So I will count my blessings, one by one, and remind myself that there’s an entire world out there, just waiting to be explored.

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

44 Responses to It’s A Crazy, Mixed-Up, Beautiful Wild World

  • AmoebaMike says:

    You need not repay the kindness.

    We all are already so indebted to kindness you’ve shown, you’ll merely be inching your way back toward equal.

  • BakingSuit
    Twitter: bakingsuit
    says:

    I’m with AmoebaMike, no repayment necessary.

    If you feel it necessary to do something continue to pay it forward…and let me take you to lunch or something when I’m out that way next.

  • statia says:

    Breakdowns are the biggest whores, this side of the planet. I’m glad you pulled through. And know that I’ve been there too, dude. Worst feeling, and so so dark. But the other side is so sweet.

  • CycleNinja says:

    You can repay my kindness in Uncrustables.

  • Ah, first world problems, gotta love ‘em. My favorite was last night when my husband said, “I think we need to turn the beer fridge down. This beer is too cold.” He was serious.

  • No need to repay us for anything :)

  • Triplezmom
    Twitter: triplezmom
    says:

    Everything Amoeba Mike said.

    Also, would you please get up one Sunday and go hang out at a bookstore for a few hours for me? I used to love doing that.

  • gorillabuns says:

    So, what is your new soundtrack song? Everyone has to have a bad-ass soundtrack when they walk down the street?

  • Joanna says:

    Onward and upward as they say, even if it is pavwd with barbs and dbags.
    But Wait just a minute here, did you say farmers market? Does that mean you will be cooking? Time for some Amazeballs with Awesomesauce, I’d say. I have a recipe.

  • Kelly Fox says:

    You will get through this, and be shinier and stronger for it!

  • Grace says:

    I found my self roaming around Wally World, getting school supplies and other such stuff that we can only get from time to time because our nearest Walmart is an hour away (Oh the horror!!). I had to go play in the housewares department because I had to get Aunt Becky a present for her new place!

    I found something. And it’s perfect. And SPARKLY! And sooooooo Aunt Becky!! So don’t anyone else get her a wall clock, ’cause I got that, yo!

  • steph gas
    Twitter: stephgas
    says:

    if you will be cooking, i have a collection of fairly easy to make meals, including awesome crock pot meals. and you won’t need many things: toaster oven (NOT just a toaster, you can cook in a toaster oven, like make scalloped potatoes and shit), microwave, electric skillet, crock pot, one pot to boil water and whatnot in. coffee maker, some utensils, a few plates and bowls, mugs and glasses.

    what you really need is YOU. you just need to be the most aunt motherfucking becky you can be. all the other shit – pots and pans, towels and linens, whatever – that’s just other shit. you can get by with really limited shit – but you can’t get by with limited aunt motherfucking becky. <3

  • Johi says:

    I’m so sorry that you are going through this. It sucks.

    My husband and I have both been through divorce and we agree that even though it was one of the hardest things we ever faced, it also was one of the most formative experiences of our lives. It really does make you look at yourself and make changes for the better. (In no way is my opinion of you, “Geesh! Fix yerself woman!”- it is just my pathetic way of finding some light in the darkness)

    Best of luck in this new chapter in your life. A blogging friend, Tara Egan, writes at “Do these kids make me look crazy” and she has discussed a lot about her divorce that happened a little over a year ago. It might be a nice resource for you.

  • Rebecca says:

    I don’t comment but I love your blog and thought you should know that. Your next chapter sounds remarkably exciting and scary and you will totally rock it. And days when you’re not just come tell all of us about it and we’ll remind you that you are.

  • natalie lartigue says:

    Don’t worry about repaying and keeping track. That is bullshit. The only thing any of us want is for you to be happier and hang out on the planet. Asking for help is ridiculously hard and we all get that. I have been right exactly where you are and we are basically the same except I know how to use Sparklers. I feel as though we are kindred spirits even though we have probably never been in the same state at the same time but enough of inflating your already ridiculous ego! We love ya Aunt Becky and my care package is from the South sooo pork rinds may be in that box ;p Smile, I am sure with enough vocal rest John Mayer will one day serenade you in person with his heart on his sleeve and some cracklins in his hand. A girl can dream.

  • Rachael says:

    You’ve mentioned in the past how it was once your dream to be an OB/GYN….. Little baby steps now, but now that you you are starting over, you have the opportunity to re-visit your dreams again. If becoming a doctor is your dream, you can achieve it! Google “old premeds” ” ( and when they say old, they mean anywhere between 30 and 45….) Dream and Dream Hard! Writing, Med School, Microwaves, let nothing stand in your way of the awesome!

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      I’m going to – not the being an MD thing – after I worked as an RN, I realized how damn broken the medical field is and want NOTHING to do with it.

  • Amanda
    Twitter: amandamagee
    says:

    Everyone deserves a turn giving and a turn taking. Allow the love from the people here.

    Hugs.

  • Sam says:

    Never feel like you have to repay us! This is what friends are for! It sounds like you’re going to have the most awesome apartment on the planet and that all any of us need! I’m so glad that you’re starting to feel good about this new chapter. It’s definitely gonna suck for the first month or so but after the suck is over it’s going to be great. There’s something truly powerful and fulfilling about being entirely self sufficient and knowing that you don’t NEED anyone but yourself. You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever known, you’re going to kick living alone ‘s ass! And if you fall or just can’t be strong for a while we’ll all be right here to dust you off and pick you up and remind you how crazy awesome you really are! We’ve got your back girl, you’re NEVER alone! I am (along with about 300,000 other pranksters) never more than an email away if you want to talk!

    Xoxo

  • Angie R
    Twitter: TheBeerLady
    says:

    Repay us? Hah! We don’t need no stinkin….OK, wait, that wasn’t gonna work at all. Anyway, you don’t need to repay us. We wouldn’t take it if you did.

    But I *do* think you should buy some boob glitter. Everyone needs boob glitter.

  • Cindy Medina
    Twitter: medinacd
    says:

    “Living well is the best revenge.” Or in this case, the best payback.

  • Patty says:

    You literally just describe my life and all the events happening to me….wow!, so appreciate seeing it all from your eyes, your life and in a written format…amazing– parallel lives.
    Best to us both!

  • Katherine says:

    Let us know when you have a POBox sorted. You have no need to repay us- personally your blog (and you) has helped me in so many ways over I can’t remember how many years- for me it was when you’d just had Mimi…. Youve stopped me feeling like a leper. This is us repaying you.xxx we love you Becky.x

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