Comments on: While I Was Out

By: Your Aunt Becky

Your Aunt Becky — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 19:12:15 +0000

I really do need to aim lower. And I found that the very act of noticing that I was sort of screwing up really helped me correct missteps and focus on what was important. It helped weed out all the unnecessary noise and helped me assuage a lot of the guilt I was needlessly feeling.

By: Your Aunt Becky

Your Aunt Becky — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 02:44:08 +0000

I can’t decide if the Topamax is good for the headaches or not. It stops the headaches, which is good, but it makes me sort of sleepy, which is bad. Not sure how I’ll do on it long term, you know?

I’ll look into the book, so thank you.

It’s really overwhelming to handle all the migraines and motherhood and everything all in one big glop. I wish you the best of luck, my friend.

By: Kendra

Kendra — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 17:29:15 +0000

Truthfully, I get a lot out of pretending I’ve already achieved balance. Like: write out a to-do list of things for the day (or week or month or the rest of your life) but make it half comprised of things you’ve already done, you can cross them off. (And yes, it’s okay if those are things like “brush teeth,” or the more ambitious “brush teeth with own toothbrush.”) I also like the list of affirmations from Ellen Degeneres’ book, where she says people aim too high with things like “I am a good person.” Who can start with affirmations like that? Put a little post-it on your bathroom mirror that says “I mean for my hair to look this way” or “No one knows that I’m crazy.” Start low, and work your way up. Pretending you’ve already got it under control works wonders!

By: Two Wishes

Two Wishes — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 05:22:57 +0000

I don’t know how to recommend this without sounding like a crazy hippie, but … lately I’ve been getting through postpartum depression/disability/motherhood by reading Buddhist books on mindfulness. The messages are basically “stop striving to be someone else or do something else,” “you can control your situation by controlling how you think about things,” and “be yourself; you have greatness inside you already.” I cannot TELL you how calming I find those messages, especially as a struggling new mother. Thich Nhat Hanh has written a ton of books, or if you’d prefer something a bit less philosophical and more therapy-based, there’s a good one called “Mommy Mantras.”

And I’m with you on the headaches — on disability for chronic migraines. Topamax was a big soup of side effects. Hope it’s working better for you. (And if not, hope you find something that DOES, and soon!)

By: Your Aunt Becky

Your Aunt Becky — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:54:03 +0000

I don’t think that guilt is a rational emotion. Most emotions, I guess aren’t always rational.

By: excavator

excavator — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:29:51 +0000

Balance is that brief moment between falling in one direction or another. Very fleeting.

I loved your description of guilt. Somehow I’ve been a historic magnet for it, rational or not.

By: Your Aunt Becky

Your Aunt Becky — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:12:47 +0000

I think my dust bunnies are dust antelope now.

And thank you Coco. It’s been a fuck of a year, just a kick in the balls year for us all.

By: Jenn

Jenn — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:04:26 +0000

I have no advice but thank you for writing this. It’s nice to not feel like the only one. xoxo

By: Coco

Coco — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 21:04:05 +0000

Darling, I have no idea how to find balance or even if such a beast is possible.

But let me say that I beg you to be kind to yourself. You’ve had a long year of slogging through shit, and the year’s not over yet. You’ve handled it all with so much grace and damn little help.

I think you’re pretty fucking incredible and I’m willing to bet your kids think so too, and will always lovingly remember THAT, and not care one bit about the state of the bathroom.

And I say all this with utter love and the selfsame experience of knowing I can’t do everything and still despairing over the dustbunnies.

By: Your Aunt Becky

Your Aunt Becky — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:44:39 +0000

Things have a way of getting better, don’t they? Good call. I like that quote. Thank you.