The Daver: “You look ridiculous.”
Aunt Becky: “These headphones are for SERIOUS MUSIC PEOPLE, Daver. They’re Senheiser HD 280 Professional headphones.”
The Daver: “You know that your Nano can’t even keep up with those, right?”
Aunt Becky: “I want to make sure I hear my Rod Stewart PERFECTLY.”
The Daver: “Okay.”
Aunt Becky: “Besides, how can I attract a rock star if I don’t wear these in public?”
The Daver: “Um. You kind of look like an alien.”
Aunt Becky: “Yeah, but any musician will hump my leg the second he sees me wearing these. He’ll boof in his pants when he sees a girl wearing these because most people like those tiny ear buds. And THESE are for SERIOUS music people.”
The Daver: “People who listen to Rod Stewart aren’t SERIOUS music people, Becky.”
Aunt Becky: “Yeah, well. Imma wear these when I go to LA this fall. Then? THEN? Imma meet a rock star!”
The Daver: “Oh?”
Aunt Becky: “And then I am going to have his LOVE CHILD.”
The Daver: “Okay.”
Aunt Becky: “He’ll be bewitched by my headphones and my iPad and then he’ll fall madly in love with me. Then he’ll stick his penis in me and I’ll be SET FOR LIFE.”
The Daver: “Okay.”
Aunt Becky: “I see a lifetime of pleather pants and shiny shirts…OH! And In-n-Out Burger! There’s nothing not awesome about this.”
The Daver: “Except the STD’s. And the affairs.”
Aunt Becky: “Good point.”
The Daver: “But don’t let anyone crush your spirit! You chase your dreams, baby. Maybe he’ll rework The Becky Song for you.”
Aunt Becky: “I was thinking more that he’d sing “You’re In My Heart” to me as we strolled along a beach somewhere.”
The Daver: “You’re kind of delusional.”
Aunt Becky: “I find it adds to my charm.”
Aunt Becky: “Oh wait. I heard somewhere like The Enquirer or maybe a dream I had that LA had flying cockroaches! FUCK THAT.”
The Daver: “Time to come up with a new plan, killer.”
Aunt Becky: “Fuckballs.”
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Today (at midnight!) is the last day to enter my contest, Pranksters!
April 8th, 2010 → 11:07 am
[...] send live flying cockroaches through the US Mail to my FB friends list, and surround my house with PsyOps troops using Rod Stewart and a 50,000-watt PA system to bend my will to her evil purposes, and I might win some dumb gift cards and a bottle of wine [...]