My neurologist looks like he stepped off a the set of a Western. I wouldn’t be surprised if, at any moment, he said “Saddle up, Pardner.” In fact, I’m kind of hoping for it. It beats the shit out of all the depressing options for different options for treating my My Grains.
Also, I have diagnosed him with GERD. I can’t remember anything about Nursing Diagnosis, but I remember most of the medical diagnoses we learned to get INTO nursing school.
My neurologist has GERD (gastroesophogeal reflux disease). I’m sure of it. I sort of want to tell him. I wonder if he knows…
Wow, these drugs all have incredible side effects, and in spite of the fact that he’s not wearing a fringe jacket or a gun holster and is telling me about drugs that may kill me, I really, really like my neurologist. This makes my current tally for neuros that I like at 3/3. Must be a record.
Okay, after all of that, we’re going to increase my Topamax dosage and add in a non-narcotic. Who knew narcotics could change headaches? Also, do you think he thought it was weird that I insisted that I DIDN’T WANT VICODIN over and over?
I was kind of the antithesis of drug-seeking behavior.
I was all “No, doctor who normally gives out pain meds, don’t give me drugs!” I probably said it 50 times. Probably the opposite of what he normally gets. Heh.
Oh shit. Now he’s asking me what I do for a living. Does “lazily pollute the Internet count?”
Phew. Went with “writer.” That’s an odd question.
OH. Now I see why. He’s warning me that I’m about to get stupider. Except he said it all fancy-like. “Cognitive impairment.” 1 out of 4 patients may experience cognitive impairment.
Well, now, I’m officially screwed.
Now I’m laughing like the village idiot. I mean, how do you get much dumber than this? Tears are coursing down my cheeks because I’m laughing so hard and the doctor is beginning to look alarmed.
Finally I catch my breath and explain that my stupidity is okay because no one’s lives are at stake with my job anymore. Then I take my new script, walk into several walls, and try to get into 3 cars that are not my own before realizing that I sold that particular car 5 years ago.
But the guy totally has GERD. For sure. I should call him and tell him so.