Aunt Becky: “Dude, I’m STARVING. I can’t wait to finish buying this car* so we can eeeaaaattt.” (rubs stomach dramatically for effect)
Daver: “Me too.”
Aunt Becky (jokingly): “Are you saying I’m fat?”
Daver (rolls eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm) “Yes. You’re a damn beached whale.”
Aunt Becky (laughs): “Ass.”
Car salesman eyeball go back and forth and eventually become as wide as dinner plates.
Car Salesman: “So, heh-heh, how long have you been married?”
Aunt Becky begins to count on fingers as The Daver looks on, amused.
Aunt Becky: “Uhhhh….”
The Daver: “I can’t believe you don’t remember our anniversary.” (sniffs loudly for effect) “Three and a half years. We’ve been married three and a half years.”
Aunt Becky: “No shit?”
Daver: “No shit.”
Aunt Becky: “It seems like a freaking eternity.”
Daver: “You’d better mean that in a good way…”
Aunt Becky: “Uh, heh-heh, of course, dear.”
Car Salesman looks acutely uncomfortable and makes up an excuse to get up and walk away.
Daver: “We scare people.”
Aunt Becky: “Hehe.”
*Didya like how I tried to NOT tell you that I bought a mini-van after we’d spent the weekend packing the kids into the car like sardines? As my best friend said, the old Becky would be mocking how suburban I’ve become. Just need that pesky pill addiction, right?