Today is Beaver Talk With Aunt Becky day over at Toy With Me and I’m doing a companion piece to last week’s Girl Crush. The topic? FRENEMIES. I’d love it if you’d weigh in. It’s also shockingly safe for work, because besides rocking a couple of f-bombs, I don’t even think I talk about humping or my vagina at all.
Also: what the hell is WRONG with me?
It’s called “With Enemies Like This, Who Needs Friends?”
THEN, I guest posted on my friend Jen’s blog, “Maybe if you Just Relax,” because she is funny as shit and sweet and we have children who are roughly the same age. It’s an old post that I sent her because it’s so full of The Awesome that it needs re-running somewhere else. But, you need to go love on it and her because it’s hilarious.
I never posted the epilogue and I will do it in the comments because I will do anything for you o! Internet, my Internet.
Tomorrow the winner to my Open Your Whore Mouth contest will be announced and THEN! I have a new contest which will be even easier to enter and it’s going to be ridiculously fun.
And lastly, a blast from the past:
Aunt Becky: “Dude, I’m STARVING. I can’t wait to finish buying this car so we can eeeaaaattt.” (rubs stomach dramatically for effect)
Daver: “Me too.”
Aunt Becky (jokingly): “Are you saying I’m fat?”
Daver (rolls eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm) “Yes. You’re a damn beached whale.”
Aunt Becky (laughs): “Ass.”
Car salesman eyeball go back and forth and eventually become as wide as dinner plates.
Car Salesman: “So, heh-heh, how long have you been married?”
Aunt Becky begins to count on fingers as The Daver looks on, amused.
Aunt Becky: “Uhhhh….”
The Daver: “I can’t believe you don’t remember our anniversary.” (sniffs loudly for effect) “Four and a half years. We’ve been married for four and a half years.”
Aunt Becky: “No shit?”
Daver: “No shit.”
Aunt Becky: “It seems like a freaking eternity.”
Daver: “You’d better mean that in a good way…”
Aunt Becky: “Uh, heh-heh, of course, dear.”
Car Salesman looks acutely uncomfortable and makes up an excuse to get up and walk away.
Daver: “We scare people.”
Aunt Becky: “Hehe.”