In the 7 years since I began Mushroom Printing, I’ve watched blogging evolve.

As blogging became well-known, there have been plenty of good changes; online friendships and online communities were formed among people who’d had little experience with The Internet, the unique opportunity for self-publishing has launched careers and the popularity of microblogs like The Twitter and The Tumblr soared.

There are, of course, plenty of downsides, too. Companies began to take note of these “blogs” and started their “The Word Of Mom” advertising campaigns, sending out freebies (rather than the actual dollars they’d pay a marketing firm) to bloggers in exchange for a review. Personal blogs began to feel a bit less, well, personal. The blogging community became a saturated market and it was hard for new bloggers to get their names out there.

What hasn’t changed is that I still love blogging. If I had an “I (HEART) BLOGGING*” shirt, I’d wear it, because that’s how much I love being a blogger. I also (HEART) all the “I (HEART) XXX” shirts. Writing here on Mommy Wants Vodka, being Your Aunt Becky, has been a constant in my life. I’ve pecked out over a thousand posts since I began my illustrious blogging “career.” Some good, some great, and a hell of a lot more mediocre.

In that time, I’ve pulled down exactly two posts. The first post was a Go Ask Aunt Becky question about a child recently diagnosed with autism. The post I’d written; the way I’d written it; it fueled a comment war that was more scary and hurtful than helpful to the person who had reached out for help. That was unfair to her.

Astute Pranksters may note that I pulled down the post I’d written yesterday. Not because it was bullshit, or because I hated it, or because I didn’t feel as though I could share it. I’d written my experiences as they happened to me while I paid tribute my cousin. I wanted to explain that those small acts of kindness can stick with you forever.

In the process of giving the back story; the reasons those kindnesses resonated so much, I upset a family member. The damage is probably irrevocable.

When I write, I write with an audience in mind, knowing anyone can read my words. For every post I do write, there are ten others that remain unwritten. I keep my written words and experiences as honest and true as I am able without hurting others. Sometimes, I gloss over bits especially when they make someone else look bad, sometimes I don’t.

Well before I pulled this post, I’d started writing for my friend’s site, which led me to think of all of the words I’ve never written. All of the words I’d wanted to string together but for one reason or another, didn’t. Sometimes, those words remained unwritten because they cut too close to home; because sometimes words, feelings, pain, reactions cannot be explained away by logic. The kind of criticism it would open up would pour salt into an already-festering wound. Others remained unwritten because I didn’t want to cause drama or pain.

Being told that my about my feelings; my experiences, written as I’d felt them as a child, were mostly fiction, I pulled the post; ashamed. I felt cowardly. I feel cowardly. Admitting all of those words; those feelings, to you took a lot for me. Living in denial as I did for many years, well, that is much harder.

I can’t give you a *fistpump* and tell you “I did the right thing” by pulling the post, nor can I say that “I did the wrong thing” by writing it.

There are so many nebulous areas in life, the kind that don’t have clear answers, no villain or victim; and all of my unwritten words, I realized, fall into that realm. Sometimes things just are.

I’m so sorry that my relationship, one I’ve desperately wanted for as long as I can remember, will (likely) forever be altered by those 700 carefully chosen words. They weren’t written in anger, never intended to hurt or accuse. I string words together as I remember them. As I experienced them.

And if that’s going too far, well, so fucking be it.

orchid-picture

*Hm, I’d prefer an “I (HEART) PRANKSTERS” shirt, now that I think of it.

 

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

87 Responses to Unwritten

  • SO well said. I didn’t read yesterday’s post but I still get what you mean about all the words unwritten. For me personally there are about 4 books that would write themselves if I wasn’t worried about what other people, mostly my family would think. But some relationships are just too fragile. Sending you happy thoughts of I <3 Tees!

  • Jana A says:

    Your advice: Write hard. Write honest. That’s just what you did. You wrote from the heart and poured out memories the way you remember them. I’m so sorry your heart hurts and is heavy and I’m sad that your relationship with this so-called “family member” is damaged irreparably. And over words expressing how much your cousin meant to you… I’m just so sorry. (((hugs))) Love you, dear. Your Pranksters are here for you.

  • PBPDesigns says:

    Wow! And that is precisely why I don’t blog. I’m afraid of how my words will be interpreted by some and don’t want to hurt feelings of others. Maybe I’m just a coward.
    IDK
    P

  • Meg says:

    *hugs* I don’t believe that you, who is so very careful of not offending/hurting anyone, would write something in anger or to point a finger. I read what you wrote yesterday, and it seemed so matter of fact and an explanation of why your cousin meant so much to you.
    I am sorry that someone close to you took your post the wrong way, but Aunt Becky…we understand. *more hugs*

    • Dixie's_Momma says:

      I agree completely. I also read yesterday’s post and didn’t “feel” any venom. I did however, feel that your words were true to the best of your knowledge in consideration of your emotions, thoughts and memories. That is all you can ask of yourself. I’m sorry your heart is hurting…

  • Aw Mama, I’m sorry your family member was hurt. I hope you know that your words help so many people, too. Sometimes folks simply prefer their own glossy memories to the truth through the eyes of a child who’s grown old enough to articulate it.

    xoxo

  • Aunt Becky, that blows. Plain and simple. Hopefully, in some small way, it may make your relationship better. Who knows. What I do know is, sometimes the world is just bullshit. Plain and simple. Personally, I like to take a moment and pretend I let all my rage out in a beautiful berserk moment with a giant flaming sword (eh, I am a guy. Giant flaming swords seem to resonant with us). I wreck havoc in my pretend world often. I usually feel better.

    But I blog, for what I suspect is a similar reason you do – to just get it off my chest. I also like to share weird, interesting things with he world. But the really personally stuff is the important stuff to write down to me. It is cathartic. I hope at least you got some catharsis out of the post.

  • Oh Sweetie I am so sorry. I know how hard that post had to be for you to write, and to have to pull it I know the pain you felt. I wish I lived closer so I could come on over and we could do something to cheer ourselves up.I am sorry about the relationship that has been damaged. I wish I could make it all better.

    Know this though I LOVE you like crazy. And I got your back. And I am always here for you no matter what. And I never sleep. So if you need ANYTHING or just to rant and rave, I’m an ear, a shoulder, whatever you need I got your back.

  • Wordgirl says:

    I noticed that the title was an homage to Raymond Carver — (I didn’t get a chance to see the post unfortunately — just the postings on twitter) — but it reminded me of something Carver said once about writing — he used the term “shrive” — I’ll try to find the essay — but anyway the idea was this idea of asking penance, seeking absolution — that in the act of writing we are cleansed somehow — I think that’s true. Sometimes we need to write ourselves out of it — and the memories, how they are shaped and formed in our minds — are the truth — the tricky part is that every family member has their own truth too… I think about these things alot given the nature of what I’ve written about on my blog (mostly my previous shuttered blog.)

    It takes a lot of heart and bravery to be vulnerable. You should never have to apologize for that.

    Best,

    P

  • Danyelle
    Twitter: dhutton
    says:

    I’m sorry you had to pull the post and someone was hurt by it. For what it is worth, I read it before it was pulled and thought it was a thoughtful tribute to why you cared so much for your cousin.

  • Marie says:

    We love you and your honesty. If you had to take it down, we understand. (I just thought my computer was acting wonky). Unfortunatly, people don’t like to hear that they’ve wronged someone, hurt feelings, acted selfishly. ON the other hand, I might be pretty pissed if my kids said that I effed them up, even if I did. I *am* doing the best I can. (But I am not an alcoholic). One of my good friends mothers was also an alcoholic and my friend is petrified of becoming her (she’s not). Her mother (who I know) doesn’t not like to be reminded and tries as hard as she can to make it up. (She can’t. Though my friend has a working relationship with her). This is not to say this post is about your mother! Just my example. Anyway…Your Beloved Lost One was your light in the dark and you DO need to honor him in a way you see fit. Maybe you can do it without hurting Others by focusing more on him and his Good Deeds, rather than the Back Story. Love you!

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      These two posts were about my feelings, my life, and my experiences and why that kindness meant so much to me.

      I’m well aware of why it may have hurt someone, and I didn’t want that, but I also don’t want to live in denial, protecting people when they don’t protect me.

      My feelings, my experiences, my life, it matters too. *I* matter too.

      And as for you, I’m sorry that you’re worried about fucking up your kids. That fear alone means you’re doing okay.

      • Marie says:

        “I also don’t want to live in denial, protecting people when they don’t protect me”

        I think that is the point…they never did (at least as a child) protect you when you should have been protected the most! Instead, you were doing all the adult work. you’d think they would acknowledge it by now…

        Uh yeah. Do you know ANY people who aren’t screwed up? Breastfed, bottlefed, co-sleeping, peanut allergies, multiples, attachment parenting…meaningless. None of that had a name when we were growing up, but it still exisited. And we’re ALL fucked up. My dad used to say “write about it in your book” (meaning the book about his lousy parenting and how I’m fucked up), but I appreciate their efforts. I’m not *TOO* fucked up. I AM scared I’m screwing up my kids, because, hello, I know EVERYTHING!

        • Your Aunt Becky
          Twitter: mommywantsvodka
          says:

          That’s it, I think. That’s exactly it. I wasn’t protected and I’m supposed to protect them? I don’t get it. More than anything else, I’m tired of feeling like I live in denial. I’m genuinely sorry it hurt anyone, that it will forever mess things up between us, but I think this is pivotal for me. Can’t live like this anymore.

          In a good way.

          And of course we’re going to screw up our kidlets. I think that goes with the territory of parenthood.

  • libby @ ninesandquines says:

    i’m sorry that you felt compelled to pull the post. i read it and felt sad for the little girl but so happy for the woman who was remembering her cousin with such kindness. for someone else to make it about them, when it clearly was not, is sad. you can not change the facts about your childhood and should not have to hide them. but i do understand that others may not get it. my story is so similar to yours and i try to protect the “other people” but realize that my feelings are important too…**hugs**

  • I am so sorry that you have family members who can’t handle truth. Who would rather you live in pain than speak truth. Don’t EVER let anyone tell you that you did not experience what you experienced, that your version of your childhood wasn’t “real.” I want to give you a big hug. I want to go back in time and find that little girl Becky who so needed her parents to act like parents, and hug her, and mother her. Sigh. I’m so sorry you got shit on for being real and honest and true. There was nothing hateful in the words I read yesterday, only sadness. Don’t let anybody make you feel bad, please. They have done enough of that already. Denial is bullshit. Sending love & support your way.

  • Penbleth says:

    You wrote a moving post about love but it is difficult to balance sometimes the things we want to say and the impact they have. You spoke with honesty but to respect the person who was upset and remove it was also honest. I think.

    Keep writing hard.

  • Sandee says:

    I am a fairly new Prankster convert. I absolutely love your blog. I love that you make me laugh out loud almost every day. I even love that I have to be careful about reading your posts at work. Yesterday, when you said you were an ACOA, I wanted to reach through the computer & hug you. ME TOO! No wonder it feels like you’re speaking right to me. I’m sorry someone got hurt by what you posted yesterday and I’m sorry they hurt you back. I thought your words were very carefully chosen and honest. Not inflamatory at all. Hugs to you, Aunt Becky.

  • ChiMomWriter
    Twitter: chimomwriter
    says:

    There’s no absolute truth in any life – All we have are what we see and feel in each experience. Your writing clearly wasn’t done to spite or injure anyone. You were speaking your truth. It’s valuable. It’s helpful. It’s what gives you community. I hope you are able to continue to write without tiptoeing. You don’t deserve that.

  • Kelly says:

    I have had so many instances lately where a family member has taken something I have said, and twisted it what I was saying into something entirely different.

    I’m sorry that this happened. I’m sorry that you felt you had to edit yourself. Most of all I’m sorry that it has effected a realtionship of yours within your family. It sucks, I know.

  • Ewokmama
    Twitter: ewokmama
    says:

    It’s very difficult when you write from the heart in your safe space and then someone goes and shits on it like that, particularly when you didn’t say anything bad about anyone! I think we all have someone like that who just like to be an ass to us. If you can, just remember that it’s a problem with them that they are projecting onto you.

    Hugs!

  • Like others have said, YOUR truth isn’t always another person’s truth. Everyone’s point of view is slightly off center from the person sitting next to them.

    I was asleep for the entire duration of your post being up, so I don’t know what it said, but I am 100% positive that it was the right thing to write. You’re great, and while I hate that you needed to pull the post down, it says a lot about you that you did. It sort of proves that you never in a million years intended it to be hurtful or upsetting to anyone else.

    (((hugs)))

  • Katya says:

    It’s your story and you’re entitled to it. I know it hurts when someone we care about has been hurt by our story. Feel the hurt, but then feel the love pouring in from these comments…

    You ARE brave, Aunt Becky… you are brave and strong and you are living your life the best you can. Fuck the haters, even if they are in your own family…

    It’s your story to do with as you will. Post, don’t post, it’s YOURS.

    (((HUGS)))

  • melaniek says:

    I guess I had the same feelings as Marie, I didn’t doubt the sincerity of the post at all, but it left me worried…. worried that someday I might read words about myself someday on the internet from my kids. I suffer on and off with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I worry (SHOCK) about if/when it will affect my kids. I also remember back to the years of my childhood where my Mom and I were practically mortal enemies…. and I had no excuse except perhaps hormones. I remember sobbing, wondering if things would ever get better between us… and again I had a very ideal childhood! Anyway I am sorry Becky for the upset feelings and hope that they can get repaired. *hugs*

  • Chibi Jeebs says:

    Just as this is your place to write what you need to get out, it’s also your place to pull posts as you see fit: you don’t owe anyone an explanation. That being said, I completely understand what you did and why. Love you to the moon and back, doll.

  • mumma boo says:

    Sweetie, I’m so sorry that a post full of love, written from the heart was taken so badly by your family member. It’s clear there are some unresolved issues on that front, and I hope that you’re able to clear the air and work things out. If not, then know that it’s your family member’s problem, not YOURS. You’ve come to terms with many, many things in your past, have moved on, and have become a shining example and inspiration to many. You have much love and many Pranksters behind you. Love you, honey.

  • Pam says:

    So many appreciate your honesty and humor. Sorry about the family member. Sometimes we might write something that caused us pain or confusion or whatever but that doesn’t always carry any weight it’s how THEY feel about it. Or at least it’s that way in my family. And, being southern, we are supposed to turn a deaf ear and blind eye towards certain things and never air our dirty laundry in public– that sounds so healthy, doesn’t it? LOL

  • Every day as I listen to my two girls bitch about each other, I am struck by how two people can see THE EXACT SAME situation so differently. It’s ALWAYS a matter of perception and perspective.

    It’s unfortunate that in pointing out life as you saw it, it inflamed the other party. Very few people can look at themselves and say, I really was a shit person. I have more than one such relationship where the truth must remain murky to stay in touch.

    What you have to decide is, is it worth it?

  • Kelly says:

    Well we (heart) you too.

  • Wow. I got a lump in my throat there.
    I had a similar thing JUST happen to me. A post that was honest and vulnerable about my love for someone got ROASTED and now that connection is gone, probably forever. I’m sad but try not to dwell on it; it’s hard.

    xx

  • daisybv2 says:

    I <3 you aunt becky so sorry that people have to judge your words/thoughts… I sometimes wonder if my family will ever come across my blog.

  • I’m sorry your loved one was hurt by your post, but frankly, it was something that I feel was important for you to say out loud. Perhaps that’s easy for me to say, not being in your situation. It sounds to me like your feelings and expression are being suppressed for someone else’s feelings – again – but it is always the blogger’s call on where the line is. It’s a balancing act.

    I’m a child of chronically depressed parents, and I’m facing the likelihood that I am following in their footsteps. Hearing about someone else’s experiences helps me to remember things I have forgotten, things that might help propel me towards treatment rather than the silent suffering of socially-accepted denial, for the sake of my children. This is what writing is supposed to do, isn’t it? Expose people to other points of view and convince them that they are valid, worthwhile, important? I’m very sorry that your loved one could not see past his or her guilt/pride/denial/offense to the important view on the other side of the situation – your view.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      It was important to say out loud. I can’t live my life protecting people who didn’t protect me. That’s exactly right.

      And I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Never have, never would. But I needed to say it.

  • Samantha says:

    Your post yesterday was beautiful. As children we see and feel things in a completely different light than what may have actually occurred because we simply do not know all the details of the situation at hand. It is sad that you have upset someone you seem to care about, no one ever wants to do that, but at the same time it was so very brave of you to open up in such a pure non-exaggerated way. Snaps, claps, and 2 mighty thumbs up to you for sticking your neck out there and saying what your heart felt because the world needs more courageous and tender-hearted people like you out there.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      Thank you. And that’s what I tried to explain: I was a child. No one else saw things as I did because that’s subjective. It wasn’t meant to start a war or a conflict and I’m sorry it had to.

  • pam says:

    I’m sorry that whomever doesn’t get that your need to be whole is written in your truth. If it makes them ashamed or look bad .. well .. tfb.

    aside: you know the post is still there in Feed Reader.

  • Robyn says:

    I read the post yesterday and thought it was very well written. Anyone who has a problem with it can suck it, as it seemed to be written truthfully and from the heart. Nobody can change how you felt, and if they are mad for their actions and what effect it had on you, well then they have nobody to be mad at but themselves.

  • AmberLaShell says:

    Sometimes things just need to get out of your head. You write things down, whether in a journal or on a blog that you just need to get out. This is what I use my blog for, I write whatever is in MY mind. I have heard so many time, “i can’t believe you blogged about that” but I never say i’m sorry, and I’ve never taken down a post. Even if nobody ever read my blog again, it’s for me, to get my feelings and thoughts out there before I explode. I just hope that writing it out made you feel great, even if you did end up taking it down.

    I want an I [heart] Aunt Becky shirt

  • Joules says:

    I read your post yesterday (have it safely stashed and starred in mah Google Reader, yo) and I starred it for a reason. Because it was beautifully written (as always), it was naked honesty (I appreciate a bit of nudity of the soul) and it was recognizable. Although my circumstances were different, there were many similarities what with the caretaking and the neglect.

    I read no malice in that post, a lot of love and great appreciation for your cousin and some truth thrown in because that’s what you do.
    There were choices made by adults and those choices were bad and hurtful to small people who should have been able to rely on them. Those adults don’t get to get taken care of anymore, it’s time to let go of that and let them figure it out their own shit.

    But YOU get to get taken care of now, hopefully by your friends and family, but definitely by us, your Pranksters. This Prankster is going to *fistpump* you for writing that post for your cousin, for that little girl you used to be and for the Queen of the Awesome that you are now. Write hard, girl. We’ll be here reading.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      I love you, and you’re right: I had no malace. I still have none. The anger has been gone for a long time now.

      Sighs.

      It’s a pivotal point for me. Thank you for your words. I needed them.

  • Kristin says:

    Wow, that sucks. I teared up after reading your post yesterday – it was really touching, well written and honest in a good way, I thought. But I’m just some random looky-loo not involved in any way. I marvel at your ability to self-examine – it’s refreshing.

  • Lanita says:

    I (HEART) AUNT BECKY

  • Halala Mama says:

    Whether you put them in print or not, yesterday’s post was YOUR experience, YOUR truth. No matter how someone else might feel about it; it’s still your truth. No one knows how you experienced it except for you.

  • Melme says:

    I love you to pieces and I just wanted to say that the open honesty that yesterday’s post represented was beautiful and quite honestly, one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. Coming from a well-intentioned-ly traumatic childhood and a furiously haphazard adulthood, it’s very hard for me to be that transparent even with the wonderful openness of [some of] the web. I know that some of the people in my life know about my blog and some occasionally read it and it terrifies me to think that anything I write about those traumas could get back to the people that caused them. ::hugs:: You do what you have to do.

  • qcmama says:

    Your post was beautiful yesterday and I totally understood where you were coming from. I was that little girl who was never good enough to love or want to be with. My light in the dark was my grandma. She always loved and never judged. So I know how it feels to lose that person too. My mom gets upset with me when I say something about mychildhood being so sad. I get why she did what she did but still think there could have been better choices. I don’t say anything anymore to her but the hurt is still there. I was so proud to see someone else say how they felt and how they were hurt. I am sorry someone didn’t understand the 8 year old you that was writing that post. I still <3 you and look forward to more beautiful honest writing. Write hard aunt becky.
    Ps I would totally rock an I <3 aunt becky shirt!

  • Joy says:

    I read yesterday’s post, and found it poignant, full of love, and not blaming or shaming. I’m sorry that it caused more hurt, but I am glad that you wrote it. It has held a bit of a mirror up to my life, and helped here, for what ever this is worth.

    Hugs, Aunt Becky, and I am sorry for your loss.

  • Betty M says:

    I saw your post yesterday and wanted to comment as it was so clear what an important person your cousin was to you. I’m sorry that people in your family don’t want to focus on what a great guy he was and the dreadfulness of the loss but rather on perceived slights of themselves. Your experience was yours and ok they may have seen stuff differently but they aren’t you. And you Aunt B tell it like it is. No dissembling. No hidden agenda. And that is what makes you and why I think you are great.

  • (((HUGS))) Aunt Becky!

    I did not get a chance to read your post before you pulled it.

    For those of us who cannot tell OUR stories without inadvertently telling the stories of the ones who gave them to us in the first place, I am sure our silence would be appreciated. We did not chose to have our very beings shaped by those who have caused us so much pain and who depend on us to perpetuate their secrets and lies so that they can save face in the presents of strangers. They took our childhoods. We do not owe them our truths.

    I am sorry your truth may have cost you a relationship, and I am truly sorry that you someone who meant so much to you.
    We are not victims we are victorious!

  • Feng Suede says:

    Oh Aunt Becky! That post was fantastic. I’ve only been blogging, consistently, for short time…but, you have been influential in helping me get going more consistently. My life, like yours, has been full of “God help me not take my life or someone else’s” type moments…fully sad, sometimes comical, but never to be traded. I understand your situation, and feel truly empathetic. I have family “beasties” that cannot be written…perhaps, someday they will. I won’t incriminate anyone for getting their feelings hurt, but in the end, truth remains cathartic.

    But, it did happen.

    FS

  • Laura says:

    Oh, Aunt Becky…I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve not written the true feelings of my childhood for fear of hurting the person who should have protected me and not only didn’t, but took a sometimes active role in hurting me herself.

    I’ve bought the relationship with my biomom through a lot of swallowed words and hurt feelings. It’s easier because she lives in a whole other country now, but she reads my blog, so I do pick and choose what do and don’t say. The only thing I will not censor is the love I have for my family…the family who took me in when she kicked me out, despite the constant not so subtle requests that I do so.

    It’s unfortunate that you have to swallow the truthful pain, especially since by doing so, you can’t share your love for someone who got you through it. My question is (and I’m not judging, I know how hard these decisions are)…if the relationship is already irreparably damaged…then who and what are you protecting by pulling it? Your words and your truth don’t change just because you don’t share them.

    I’m so sorry that you lost someone you love, someone who helped you make it through the hard times, and even sorrier that you were forced to pull what I’m sure was a beautiful and amazing tribute to someone you loved desperately.

    You are an amazing woman and you’ve been an inspiration to me as a blogger. In addition, you’ve given me platforms to share words that I just didn’t feel comfortable sharing on my own blog. I just wish there was some way to repay the favor…just know you’ll always have a loyal Prankster in me…

  • Hilary says:

    I <3 you Aunt Becky! Your post hit right where it counts. I can relate more than

  • Tara says:

    It’s interesting how OUR thoughts (as bloggers), OUR words, OUR pain . . . is once again . . . all about THEM? I just want to be like, “Dude. Read what I wrote. Hear what I’m saying. Stop making it about YOU, and YOUR hurt feelings, and HELP ME soothe this hurt. Cuz this aint fun for me, either.”

    But it doesn’t ever seem to work that way, does it?

  • Hilary says:

    I <3 you Aunt Becky! Your post hit right where it counts. I can relate, like lots of your other Pranksters. There are many subjects that are untouchable around my parents, wouldn't want to upset or rock the boat now. The neglect and abuse we took as kids was awful, but we made it through! You had every right to write what you did, you touch (good touch, not bad touch) a lot of people with your words. That counts. It counts to each one of us who has been through something similar and doesn't get to bring it up either. We were the latchkey kids, climbing up on the kitchen counters to make ourselves food because otherwise we wouldn't eat. We learned to do laundry at 6, because if we didn't we wouldn't have clean clothes. Our parents may not like facing the truths of the past, but you still have the right to tell them! I want to be on the waiting list for an I heart Aunt Becky t-shirt please.

  • Ina Jones says:

    Reading yesterdays post helped me. As I read it struck me how “non-blame-ish” you were. You told your truth without anger or hate. It helped me. I thank you for writing it. Very sorry for your loss, very sorry for your heartache, but good did come from it.

  • amy says:

    I was really proud of you and the words you wrote yesterday. whenever we are able to speak the truth it gives encouragement to others to come out of hiding. bless you.

  • Amanda says:

    Becky. I read the post yesterday and thought that it was something that you really needed to say. Being authentic is your “thing”. I understand why the person might have been upset but it was honest. And true.

  • I’m proud of you. I didn’t get a chance to read what you wrote yesterday. But knowing you I know it was powerful, emotional and inspiring. Not many people would have the compassion and strength to pull a post down. Yes. Sometimes things just ARE.

    HUGS.

  • I’m sorry.

    And the reality is that what you wrote is your truth but that doesn’t mean that it is the truth for the other person. If that makes sense? Just because it is how you viewed life and it isn’t how they viewed it doesn’t make it any less real for either of you. Your feelings are still valid. Those experiences shaped you.

    I didn’t think you came across angry or accusatory, but if I were the person you were writing about I would probably not want those things out in the universe either. I hope you can mend your relationship.

  • KaraB says:

    One of the reasons that I *heart* you, is that you are so open. You put yourself out there for the many of us that just simply can’t. I am deeply sorry for your loss. Keep doing what you do, Aunt Becky, and know that your Pranksters love you and are always here for you! I think we all recognize that yesterday’s post was written from a place of love and loss, not of anger and damnation. Writing can be cathartic. If the person that is upset can’t see that, then they are the ones missing out.

  • Angie says:

    Here’s what I hate most about blogging and being connected to other bloggers: I don’t always have time to catch up on the posts until days after they’re written and in this case, dammit, I missed this one. We’ve talked before about the boundaries we choose – or choose not to choose – as bloggers, and we have different approaches to this, all of us. Mostly, Becky, this is what I bet most of us have had to say to you today: you are NO coward. You’re brave, you’re courageous, you face the really scary shit, and you inspire many of us to do likewise. I’m very sorry I missed the post, but I am profoundly grateful for your presence in my blog community and proud of you for being willing to call ‘em as you see ‘em.
    Much love.
    Angie at Eat Here

  • Momma Chaos says:

    Just hugs. I’m sorry your relationship was hurt and as a result you are hurting.. That person should have known you better and known that you meant no harm. S’rsly? If you were pissed or wanted to hurt someone you have the balls to come out and do it full force- no holds bar.

    :sigh: just hugs.

  • edenland says:

    Wow. If you stay true to your voice, you have nothing to fear. Nothing.

    I am so sorry about your cousin, Becky xox

  • Kristy says:

    It sounds like you are being very wise and mature. Seriously. Your heart’s in the right place, lady.

  • a says:

    First, I’m sorry for your loss – didn’t get a chance to write that yesterday.

    Second, I’m sorry you felt you had to pull that post. It seemed very matter-of-fact to me – like it was written by someone who had dealt with that feeling of abandonment and put it to rest as much as possible. It sounds like dealing with the feelings (i.e. confronting those who instilled them in you) is a closed door – but you have to get that out anyway. Had whoever it is that got offended been willing to help you settle this matter in the past, there would have been no need for the post. It sucks. I’m sorry.

  • Caron says:

    In an email, I once asked you if a certain family member read your blog. It’s been a long time since we talked and so you probably don’t remember why we were emailing about it. When I read yesterday’s blog, it came to mind again and I wondered how that family member would take it. Not well is my guess although I may have the wrong family member in my head.

    I wish I had something to say that could make this better. I hardly ever comment anymore, but this brought me out again just to say, “Hey, Aunt Becky, you make the world a good place.”

    Hang in there, kitten.

  • Caron says:

    Well, in my head I said ‘hang in there, kitten’ like an affectionate aunt or a big sister. It had nothing to do with the hang-in-there with a kitten poster. :)

  • krlr says:

    I’m sorry. I read those Dear Abby/etc letters from the moms complaining about the stray neighborhood kid who stays to dinner too often and then I read the letters from the kids who held on for just a few more years BECAUSE of the random neighborhood mom who never sent them home and I wonder why the latter never clicks with the former. I wish I’d had an uncle or stray neighborhood mom. [Not booze, per se, but...] An occasional kind word would’ve made a world of difference. Chin up, ‘n all that.

  • I am so sorry your heart is hurting. I didn’t read yesterday’s post before you pulled it down, but I still totally understand what you are saying.

    In the time that I have been reading your blog one thing is crystal clear, you are honest and you are good. It doesn’t mean you are sugar sweet to everything that crosses your path, or crosses your memory, but you have strong sense of right and wrong.

    Whatever you wrote yesterday, even if it did end up being hurtful, I have little doubt that your intentions were not to wound, and you are having a hard time dealing with all that today. Hopefully time will allow this family member to see you as you again and let this one go. Sometimes the truth is tough for others if it isn’t something they want to hear.

    I recently blogged about how my little boy was having a hard time at school because his favorite friend wasn’t being so super nice…and that favorite friend’s mom read my post and even without naming names knew I was talking about her son. It was rough. She wsa hurt and had a hard time with how honest I was about my son’s hurt, which of course equalled my hurt. It was my first experience in the blogging world where my words hurt someone I really liked. It was rough. I can only imagine how it would feel with a loved one.

    I hope you feel better and that your family member feels better soon too. All the pranksters love you!

  • Frelle says:

    I am proud of you for speaking your truth. I know your perspective is valid, regardless of what someone else might remember. Im sorry for the emotional rollercoaster you have been on as a result. You are brave and full of awesome. <3

  • Kristin
    Twitter: dragondream
    says:

    Becky, I read that post in my reader and I am so very sorry it caused problems for you. When I read it, I didn’t sense any malice or ill will. You were simply saying “This is how it was for me.” You were so very careful to state that this was all from the perspective of a young girl. That said, it is horribly fucking unfair that your perceptions and feelings and memories are being discounted and trounced upon. We love you and the way you write.

  • I thought you were very respectful. I have a whole lot of stuff I don’t write about, because I’m worried who I may hurt and sometimes it feels like I’m not quite telling the truth because of it. Just because I’m missing out the reasons why I’m fucked up the way I am sometimes.

    Big hug to you. I hope you can mend your relationship still. I’m sure it can be.

  • Jolie says:

    now THAT’s a t’shirt worth wearing!!!

  • Sam says:

    I guess that’s why Mark Twain had his autobiography published 100 years after he died; so no one would be offended. This is not to say *I* haven’t written/blogged things that upset people close to me. I TOTALLY have. I’ve done it repeatedly. When it’s YOUR own story, it’s hard to censor. And if I haven’t mentioned it before: check out the Adult Children of Alcoholics series. We have it in our bookshelf and it’s some really, really good stuff. As my therapist said: even if your parents weren’t true alcoholics, they can have some of the parenting traits. I think I’m solid on not offending anyone I know through comments on your blog? Maybe? Hang tight Aunt Becks.

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  • Natalie says:

    It can be really hard sometimes to get across your own narrative without explaining a back story, and there are so many times when I go to write something and then realize… well I’m not sure how it would be taken. I generally don’t write about other people. But yes, there are so many unwritten posts… unpublished thoughts. It’s hard. And it totally sucks that someone read your post and was offended. That’s hard. I didn’t read it, but I’m sure it was not meant in any way to hurt someone.

  • Kristen says:

    I am very sorry for the difficult times you are facing. Is it considered poor form to request to have the post emailed to me. It didn’t come through my feed.

  • Amanda says:

    I got to the post too late and didn’t read it. But either the family member will realize that everyone does things others don’t approve of, or they won’t. But YOU have a million people in your box…on your side…cheering you on. PS if you make a shirt that says I Heart Blogging on the front and I heart XXX on the back…. I’ll buy 2.

  • Marta says:

    Hi,
    It has been only a while since I have been reading your blog and I love it. Very much. Thank you for your words. I have no way with words, at least not in English. I’m from Brazil and I don’t comment because it is hard to write in a foreign language and not be silly. So, in advance, excuse me if I write something silly.
    I have not read the deleted post, but I just wanted to say that I think truth should always be welcomed and cherished, even when hard to acknowledge. That being said, I too think that when it is something painful, but you need to say it, it should be said personally, face to face, and then posted. It gives the person a chance to make things more clear, if they aren’t already.
    I’m sorry. I do think you are brave. I hope it gets better, in some way.

  • Karia says:

    You really don’t need to explain. You’re in a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation with yourself that most people cannot begin to fathom (or “phantom” if this were my mom posting).

    Here’s the thing, self-imposed ethics be damned. You have the right to edit yourself after the fact. WE are not the people you have to deal with, in person, someday.

    I think you took the high road. High road does not equal sell-out.

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  • Stone Fox says:

    Aunt Becky, you can hold your head up high. the post you wrote yesterday was beautiful, and it is your truth, your story. nobody can take that away from you. this blog.. it’s a memoir, not a biography. these are pieces of your life, and you are not required to “prove” them, or ensure that they match up with anyone else’s recollections. it was a lovely tribute to your cousin, and i am so sorry for your loss.

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