A couple of years ago, when Atkins was The Thing everyone was doing to lose weight, a local lumber yard had this particular sign up on their marquee ensuring that I would always be a loyal customer, providing I ever needed a fence, “TRY OUR LOW CARB FENCE!!” Because if that wasn’t hilarious, I didn’t know what was.

Pretty much everyone I knew was doing Atkins besides Daver and myself because I was doing a regular old diet and Dave weighed 140 pounds. I simply couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea that eating a pound of bacon a day (although highly tasty) was somehow good for your cardiovascular system.

Then again, I didn’t exactly run a mile a day or anything either, so I had no room to point fingers. I just jealously watched them pile the bacon on their cheeseburger, no bun, as I ate my spinach seasoned with…lemon, no salt.

It was no surprise to me that I found myself once again dieting away the sixty pounds of baby weight after Alex was born and now again after my daughter. I’d like to be all “Yeah, dude, those donuts were WORTH it,” but sadly, I am one of those unfortunate souls who just gets FAT when she gestates. I sort of look like McDonald’s Grimace before I deliver, if he were pink or I were purple, or maybe a fire hydrant, if I were more yeller.

With both Mimi and Alex I put on another 20 pounds of post-partum thyroiditis weight which to me just seems fucking UNFAIR, but it is what it is, and there’s no real use stamping around my house about it NOW. Mostly because I’ve already done my stamping. Luckily, I am the Worst Case Scenario for almost all of you reading, so you can all feel smugly superior to me and my wonky metabolism but for those .00002 of you reading who feel my pain, I AM HERE WITH YOU, SISTER/BROTHER.

At the end of March, I went back on Weight Watchers, even though I’d been eating well, it was good to keep an eyeball on it. It’s a good diet, genuinely, and I do the online stuff because while I know that the group is supposed to be good, let’s face it, I’m not in need of the help. Or if I am, I don’t want it.

Mostly, I don’t have the energy to sling my ass to meetings on a weekly basis when the online tools are RIGHT THERE (and the access to the forums alone are worth the membership fees)(because forums often = CRAZIES).

Like the other times I’ve done it, it’s WORKING. I’ve actually lost about 10 pounds, in addition to the 20 post-partum thyroiditis pounds that I’d dropped before.

BUT THEN, I got this great idea, because I am full of them: I incorporated the DIABETIC diet into my Weight Watchers Diet! I am not a diabetic and I cannot be all Wilford Brimley and “I have The Diabeeeetttuuusss” on your ass, but the Diabetic Diet is pretty much a fucking great diet for you.

(Diabetic Diet is NOT Atkins, by the by)

Um, holy shit, I lost an additional 4 pounds this week which is AMAZING because I barely eat carbs as it is because I know they’re like The White Devil and this wasn’t like a huge stretch. I never lost weight like that because I am not blessed with any sort of metabolism that does much besides wheeze and groan at me.

So maybe I won’t look like Grimace by the end of the summer after all. Or I will, but in a slightly LESS fluffy form.

After all, we’re going on a CRUISE, Pranksters (details coming on TUESDAY!) and I have to be DEAD SEXY for you.

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

65 Responses to Try Our Low Carb Fence!!

  • I need to lose 20 pounds myself so I have no sage advice for you. I wouldn’t do well on Weight Watcher’s because I don’t like ppl/things/programs telling me what to do, or what to eat. I don’t count points. I am a vegetarian and barely eat shit as it is, usually one salad a day and I still don’t lose fucking weight. You wanna talk about zero metabolism? I have zero to the 10th power metabolism. I gain weight even when I go 3 days without eating (trying to do a colon cleanse-no food) I lost nothing. Not one god damn pound after three days of starvation. The only thing that would help me is to get more exercise, but I am allergic to it. I can’t. I have a severe reaction to it. I don’t break out in hives or anything but the possibility is there, so I avoid it. But you seem more disciplined and determined than I am. Good luck with it! I am sure you will be svelt in no time.

  • Frick.

    We’re suppose to look sexy on the cruise?

    *Looks at hand full of Oreos and Diet Coke*

    (Yes, be crazy impressed I can fit Oreos and Diet Coke into my hand. I have an impressive hand. Ask anyone.)

    Frick.

  • Trish says:

    Congrats! I love reading weight loss posts! I have been on my journey since January and started with Atkins and lost 30lbs and now am slowly changing it into weight watchers, in which I know nothing about, I am still researching a lot about it..of course I don’t want to pay for the online stuff as I am cheap LOL! But I will follow your blog posts about dieting because you can never get to much support!!!

  • Wilford Brimley – HA! I always refer to him as the quaker oatmeal man.

    Congrats on the weight loss! That is awesome! I, too, look like Grimace during pregnancy (but black because i wear a lot of black because black was TOTALLY hiding 50 extra lbs, right?!) Loosing the weight was not easy for me, it was a LOT of work. A LOT! But hey, we did it, and as my wii trainer from the sports active package says,”You, my friend, are poetry in motion!”

  • Congrats on the weight loss! I have honeymoon weight I need to lose. Thankfully not much but I need to get down to fighting weight. Trouble is food is so damn delicious.

  • Amanda says:

    Because of you I’m going on Weight Watchers. com RIGHT now. NOTHING works for me. And I LOVE the carbs :(

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      Weight Watchers is REALLY a good diet and it’s VERY easy to follow. I’ve gotten a couple of my friends to follow it and it works well. Takes some getting used to (the point system) but I promise, you can DO it.

      • Amanda says:

        Can I ?!?!?! Do they allow chocolate cake and pasta, because that is pretty much all I eat. Oh ya and soda, and margarita’s ….I’m scuh-rewed

        • Your Aunt Becky
          Twitter: mommywantsvodka
          says:

          Oh yeah, they allow anything you want to eat. That’s the beauty of Weight Watchers: it’s a LIFESTYLE.

        • Amanda says:

          ps…i really DO want to get rid of all my jiggly bits

        • TeDiouS says:

          the great thing about weight watchers is you can eat anything as long as you’re willing to spend the points on it. So you feel much less deprived. You can have a piece of chocolate cake for dessert if you like, but always keeping in mind that you’ll be on salad, etc the rest of the day, because you won’t have the points for anything more. And the points? Give it a month or two, and you’ll know the points of EVERYTHING. It becomes second nature.

          The best part is you can still eat out without having to toss your diet for the day. It really helps you make wise choices and keeps you eating right, instead of dieting, losing, then going back to eating the way you did and gaining it all back.

  • Kristin
    Twitter: dragondream
    says:

    Way to go Aunt Becky!

  • Mary says:

    The last time I tried a low carb diet, I got migraines. I was told it was from “Carbohydrate Withdrawal”. I stopped the diet because I’d rather get my headaches from drinking. I’m going to do Weight Watchers after my vacation. The Hungry Girl diet book has cocktail recipes!
    And cheesecake, nachos,…. Gotta keep those headaches away.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      There’s NOTHING wrong with carbohydrates. They’re awesome, honestly. I just need the scale to move FASTER right now. Also, must check out that book!

      • Emma says:

        Aren’t carbs vital for a healthy diet? Slow releasing energy to give you energy the whole day instead of a sugar high then crash? Cutting them
        for a week or two is fine, but cutting them totally can’t be good :s I never got the American fear of carbs, and I really never got the atkins diet! Lol. Good luck with the weight loss :)

      • Emma says:

        Aren’t carbs vital for a healthy diet? Slow releasing energy to give you energy the whole day instead of a sugar high then crash? Cutting them
        for a week or two is fine, but cutting them totally can’t be good :s I never got the American fear of carbs, and I really never got the atkins diet! Lol. Good luck with the weight loss :)

      • Melissa says:

        The thing about low carb diets is.. Yeah, you lose weight FAST. But you totally gain the weight back and more if you even LOOK at a piece of pasta after you introduce them back in.

  • Amy! says:

    Good for you! I think I love carbs too much to stop eating them, even though my boyfriend goes ON AND ON AND ON AND OMG STOP TALKING ABOUT IT ALREADY about how they’re bad for you, but I am going to start making a genuine effort to eat better and exercise.

    Also, WW is wonderful.

  • Rebecca says:

    Why on earth do I have to be afraid of being on a boat in the middle of the ocean? I so want to go, but am terrified that a gigantic tsunami will eat the entire boat in one fell swoop. Or I will be walking along and I’ll just fall right off the boat and into the great wide ocean and I’ll just float there for days on end till I die of dehydration and bleeding to death because sharks will nibble on my legs and toes but never eat me.

    I need to do something, but can’t seem to get off my computer butt to exercise and don’t (will never) give up carbs because carbs are my reason to live. I heart carbs!

    I did give up soda, or was it that soda gave up me….either way, the only thing I’ll drink these days is water and I just can’t seem to get enough water. Must. Drink. Water……….shouldn’t that help me to lose some weight?

  • Nancy C says:

    You’re inspiring. My scale isn’t budging, but I’m not making real changes, either, eating-wise.

  • I once worked at a diet clinic owned by a total SCAM artist. She would put people on the diabetic diet and charge them ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS A POUND to lose weight. It was very effective but I couldn’t stand how this lady was ripping people off! Needless to say, I didn’t work there for very long … and after I left, I was always more than happy to provide people with free diet tips. ;)

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      ZOMG. What an ASSHOLE she was! The Diabetic Diet is AWESOME. We had to learn that in nursing school and I remember thinking that this was really what I should be doing.

  • James says:

    whats the diabetes diet i myseklf need to lose 100 pounds and i always can lose a certain amount then hit a wall.

  • Maria says:

    My metabolism sounds like an 60 year old chain smoker. :-(

    I thought of you BTW when I got my generic synthroid script. I have a GLANDULAR PROBLEM people!!

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      Generic Synthroid doesn’t work as well as the regular stuff, my endo insists. I’m just passing that tidbit on.

      MY SISTER IN GLANDULAR PROBLEMS!!

      • Maria says:

        Well dammit, I’ll just have to settle for all the help I can get from my $4 Target generic. Hmph. I know I should see an actual endo, but I settled for my GP and a lab slip.

  • Suzie says:

    Tell me more about this Diabetic Diet…

  • I put on 10lbs while breastfeeding. Everyone was all “Oh you’ll lose almost all the baby weight while breastfeeding”. Except breastfeeding made me raveningly hungry. I didn’t eat for two while pregnant but going by what I ate while nursing, I must’ve been feeding triplets.

    Both times!

    So I feel your pain.

  • Alexandra says:

    Well, then, just be prepared to be pulled for “random” searches right and left, just lettin’ ya know..

    beauty can be a curse

  • Kelly says:

    I need an exercise buddy. I always did fine at maintaining my weight when I had someone to exercise with, and now they have all moved to the other side of town, and can’t be bothered with me. I can hardly track my husband down, and I think Mea will make fun of me doing tapes in the living room…nothing like having your nearly 4 year old mocking you while you are trying to do some uncoordinated exercise.

  • Emma says:

    Congrats on the weight loss…way to go! I’m so looking forward to details of the cruise but I’m planning on drinking, eating and drinking the whole time we are on the Ocean so may as well save the diet until after!!!! ;-)

  • Barbara says:

    I’ve heard from several people that a diabetic diet is really good for losing weight. Rock on Aunt Becky!

  • CC says:

    I was eating a McDonalds Crispy Chicken Classic as I read this. My hubby tries to give me diet advice as he’s swilling back his 6th beer and puffin’ on a smoke. Well good for-fuckin’-you Mister.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      COMMENT OF THE YEAR AWARD.

    • Melissa says:

      I eat at least one of those delicious things a week. They are SO good. I have had to go to a different McDonalds than I usually went to though because the closer one started cooking them in the same oil as the fish sandwiches. Not awesome. I even confronted the manager about it, he was all, we do not cook the chicken and the fish together, and I was all like, I never said you did. I said you are cooking them in the same oil. Taste it. TASTE IT YOU BASTARD!! He didnt deny the outrage.

  • Personally, I’ve always found the poverty and stress diet to be highly effective.

  • Jennifer B says:

    I have this special diet – it’s called 2 young children and a full time job. I’ve lost about 8 pounds in two months. And I haven’t really been trying anything other than eating Lean Cuisine for lunch. I work in a big school, so it takes a 5 minute powerwalk to get to my classroom every morning (because I’m always late – see above, 2 small children). So I’m back down to prepregnancy weight, but somehow I still look quite flabby. I need some toning, but the chance of me getting any time to exercise is about nil. Oh well. Maybe by cruise time. :)

  • mumma boo says:

    Congrats, Becks! Isn’t it great when something WORKS? Keep it up, woman.

  • Dude I totally did Atkins 6 years ago before I got married and I lost a ton of weight- and then I started having heart palpitations and lightheadedness and my dr was all – you know that diet is not exactly good for you plus you seem to be having a bad reaction to no carbs- which was good because I love me some carbs but bad because I got chubby again. Actually I just need to work out and I will lose weight but I am so lazy…..like super lazy about excercising- like I would rather vacuum than work out- that bad.

  • Kerry says:

    I struggled for years with weight. once I got off my ass and stopped eating the white devil carbs…the weight fell off. well, not fall but it’s gone. as long I as run I can indulge in bread again. I hate it when my husband is right.

  • Wombat Central
    Twitter: wombatcentral
    says:

    I could never figure out the whole Atkins “eat protein ’till you burn our your poor kidneys” thing. Not to mention carbs are the bomb.

    LMAO at diabeeeetusssssss. My mom says it that way, and all I can picture is Wilfred Brimly.

    • Wombat Central
      Twitter: wombatcentral
      says:

      Crap. Typo. Meant to say “burn OUT your poor kidneys.” :P

    • Coco says:

      What killed the Atkins Diet Till You Die thing for me was the whole “Ketosis is good for you!” except that it’s ACTUALLY like your body saying “I AM DYING YOU WHORE; STOP EATING MACADAMIA NUTS AND WHIPPING CREAM!”

  • Val says:

    My mom stopped everything that was white, dropped 30 in 3 months. She came to visit and I was like…woah, where’d the rest of my mom go??

  • Amy Mayfield says:

    I already find you dead sexy-so don’t lose the weight on my account. When I was in high school-I had a thyroid disorder. I could eat a large pizza a gallon of ice cream, partake in no physical activity and sleep for 12 hours AND NEVER GAIN WEIGHT-I weighed 93 pounds at 5’2′. Then they decided I had The Cancer and took that thryoid out. And it wasn’t cancer so I’d like them to sling that baseball size tumory growth back in my neck AS THAT IS THE ONLY WAY I WILL EVER LOSE WEIGHT since I have no willpower. Evidenced by the stale, left-over cookie cake I had for breakfast.

  • BigMamaCass says:

    That’s awesome! But what exactly did you change? You lost me. What’s the diabetic diet?

  • Ami says:

    See I actually have the OPPOSITE problem – normally my metabolism SUCKS giant hairy elephant balls, and I have to like eat NOTHING and work out like a mad woman to get the scale to move at all. And then I get move like 20 lbs and then it plateaus and getting it to move again is mission impossible. And if I do get it off then the second I let my guard down it comes back and brings its bastage friends. Its NOT NICE.

    But when I was pregnant?? The weight just FELL off of me. Totally freaked the doctors out. They ran all sorts of tests and did extra ultrasounds etc. Kiddo was FINE. In fact he showed up a week early and weight 8.5 pounds and was 21.5 inches long! They kept grilling me that was I eating different or puking non stop or any of that and I wasn’t. If anything I was being just a little bit bad! I dropped 45 pounds while I was pregnant. The doc couldn’t believe it. She’s like wow, your metabolism must really suck that bad naturally. The kid ramps you up this much!

    But before you get all sorts of jealous and decide to never speak to me again, know that it ALL came back and even thought to bring new friends in spite of my efforts to keep it away. So either I’m doomed to fatness or I should just stay pregnant for the rest of my life, which I need to do about as much as I need another hole in my head….

  • Wicked Shawn says:

    What the hell, woman??!! I am seriously starting to wonder about our potential genetic matchup. If one of us ever needs a kidney, we need to check this out! The 3 medicines I am on are topomax, Keppra and Synthroid. (none of which makes for a bad kidney, although, the whole past history of cancer thing, yeah, you probably don’t want my kidney, le’sigh, I just rejected myself in my own comment)Yep, cause my thyroid got all testy (I said testy, not testes, stop giggling) after I had Drama Queen. Thing with me is I really find The Food to be unimportant to me since the Topomax and I love exercise.

  • Tracie says:

    Congrats on your weight loss.

    I have absolutely no willpower and I’m a stress eater. When you factor in my husband’s nervouse breakdown, I’m afraid someone may have to cut me out of the house one of these days.

  • Wishing4One says:

    Whenever I see Wilfreds name i think of Quaker Oats… Good for u girl on the weight loss. My dad is diabetic and he went vegan, sort of. Lost a good amount of weight and seems to be ready to stop insulin. Hey i’ve been away and was reading some of your previous posts, you looked hot in them cornrows girl. Oh and Amex should totally fix your problem, they rock and I would do a commerical free for them if I could as I love them so! xoxo

  • amber says:

    I am all kinds of jealous over here. Jealous and fat. Boo. I have a WW online membership that I’ve been ignoring, apparently hoping aliens are going to beam me up in the middle of the night and suck all the fat out for an experiment or something…

    Maybe I should start paying attention, huh?

    Dang it.

  • cathyjoy says:

    you are dead sexy no matter what! also…i love you cept for the fact that you are fuckin losin weight and i’m not (which maybe i might if i got off my ass)

  • bashtree says:

    So I don’t hate you for actually managing to lose weight since we’ve been dieting for about the same amount of time now and I have NOT (they tell me I’m building muscle, whatever the heck that is). I am actually really impressed. Go Aunt Becky! What’s the diabetic diet anyway?

  • sky says:

    I’m there with you. Just lost 20 on the WW point system. Really liking it so far.

    Mind you, I would just about sell my right arm to devour a bag of macaroons guilt-free.

  • Mwa says:

    Good tip on the Weight Watchers online! I didn’t know you could do that. May well try that after I pop this sprog.
    And, Aunt Becky – don’t try and lose all the weight in a single week, okay? That’s not healthy either. Don’t want you to keel over now. x

  • Traci says:

    Dude! I feel your pain! However I would likely starve to death without my carbs or on that evil diabetic diet. I delivered twins, lost all the weight, then proceeded to put it back on. What is it with kids that screw up your metabolism? I miss being a skinny bitch and I am tired of working my ass off to maintain!

  • I found the pounds you lost in the peanut butter toast I had for breakfast and the pancakes with maple syrup for lunch.

    Damn you.

  • You know I love Atkins/paelo/anything low carb. And I love the Bacon. But I have to admit, it’s killer on the internal organs. I had the most trouble with my gall bladder and my kidney stones while doing low carb/high protein. And of course, in the year that I’ve been off, I’ve gained back all the damn weight.

  • Suzy Voices says:

    That is SO awesome!! I’m very proud of you!!

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