So wow, huh. If you’re reading this in a reader, I suggest you come and take a look around. Come see! Come see! It’s pretty! *claps up and down like a chimp*

Anyway. I kind of need your help today. But don’t worry. It’s actually not, like, HARD.

See, ages ago, when I rode a dinosaur to school and Jesus was my classmate, I was fortunate enough to land myself a couple of agents, Michael and Kristina of Ebeling Literary Agency. I had a book proposal that was full of The Awesome, everyone said so, and it was only a matter of time before someone eagerly snatched it up.

Then the crash of Aught-Eight happened.

The publishing world, along with the rest of the world, got burned when the economy plummeted and while everyone agreed that my stuff was great! My numbers just weren’t high enough.

But Your Aunt Becky, she is many things. And she is a tenacious beast, so Round Two of Book Proposals were drafted, incidentally, as Amelia was born, and sent off to publishers. Again, the publishers were interested, but worried. They’d been burned badly. People weren’t buying books in such droves.

New vs. old media! Cats and dogs, living together, mass hysteria, Pranksters!

Publishers, it turns out, they like numbers. No one has said that I don’t have talent or appeal, because if LOL Cats can get a book, I should probably be able to score something.

It’s a numbers game. Publishers want numbers. They want to see big Twitter numbers, big Facebook Fans, huge subscriber numbers, all of that stuff, publishers want.

Along with my new site design, I have a new page up at the top left corner called, brilliantly “The Book.” If, my agents think, I can get a ton of people to fill out their names and email addresses saying that, “uh, hai, we’d order her book, publishers would be swayed over.

But if I need numbers, I need your help, my Mery Pranksters to get them. Blog it, Tweet it, beg people on the street, just please help Your Aunt Becky out.

It’s not money or a credit card I need, it’s just names and email addresses of people who might be willing to buy my book. Consider it a PRE-pre-order. Ask your coworkers, your mom, your dad, your friends, your IMAGINARY friends, whatever.

The higher the numbers (they’re looking for numbers, I emphasize, not your NAMES)(it’s not The Man looking for you, people), the better it looks. And really, this beats me coming around banging on your door and peeking creepily in your windows. WHICH I WILL DO.

I did door-to-door sales for Girl Scouts and I’ll do it again if I have to but I am not going to look cute in a costume designed for a third grader and mark my words, I WILL wear it.

In return for signing up, I will HAPPILY send you a chapter of my book (soon). Really, nothing about this sucks.

Just don’t make me hold a bake sale because seriously, that will make no one happy.

So, Internet, while you’re exploring my new site design and admiring all of the hard work that went into it, done by the disjointed efforts of The Daver, Your Aunt Becky (Sherrick Harks), Keeping You Awake and Mrs. Soup, won’t someone think of the NUMBERZ? By no means is it complete, but sometimes, you have to just get ‘er done.

Let’s get ‘er done.

Can you help me? Please?

86 thoughts on “Time For Merry Pranking, Pranksters

  1. Nice rework! Although the pictures on the left freak me out because the last one looks unfinished and I can’t scroll down with it! I will sign up for the book thing!

  2. Anything for you, Aunt Becky.

    I think my children all want to sign up, too.

    And our cats.

    And I just want to say that I envy your not having to hold a bake sale because I hate having to do fundraising of any kind & I pretty much suck at it (if you go to my blog, you will see I tell the truth), yet as we go through this process of adoption, I have no choice BUT to fundraise because no relative has graciously decided to drop dead & leave me their millions in order to make traveling to the Ukraine to get my girls oh, so easy!

    Sigh… it’s so unfair. 😉 (But they’re so totally worth it)

    Anyway, your new site design is fun & I will sign up lots of people for you ‘cuz I’m all about keeping my bloggy friends happy! 🙂

    1. Fund-raising is terrible. I didn’t actually MAKE it as a girl scout. I think I sold like 12 boxes of cookies before I quit. I’m a brownie dropout, dude. DROPOUT.

      And for those girls, even my cold, tight butt will be helping out with your adoption. How could I not, with faces like those?

  3. I’ve been lurking for a few weeks now and want to say, “hey, gurl!”… the new layout is full of The Awesome. EXCEPT, even with my browser on full screen I can’t tell if I am seeing all of the banner options on the left. “…Love, Aunt Becky” was the last one I could see in regular view, and when I full-screened I can now see part of “Top Shelf.” Does my browser just blow, or is the set-up maybe a little wonky? Just trying to help.

    And I signed up for the PRE-pre-order. Gonna head over to FB ro cyber-stalk you there! Thanks for being awesome, and sharing the awesome with us! 🙂

  4. Um, hell yeah, I’m in on the book. I will start pushing it on everyone I know. ‘Cause I love you like that! And uh, I’ll make up some email addresses for all the copies of your book that I will buy as gifts for people. 🙂

  5. Bex, totally. I am uber-anti-Kindle/Nook/iBook. I love the feel of paper and the smell of book glue and ink. They can have my books when they pry them from my cold, dead fingers.

    And I want yours.

  6. Oh yo, bring on the good writing karma. Fingers crossed for you. I call dibs on cocktails with you all made up drag queen style when your book tour stops in NYC.

    As for your dead sexy new site design? We likes it.

  7. Dude you came in 2nd in the Bloggies. You beat Blogess, Fail Blog etc. Damn those people at Walmart, but 2nd is still silver and sparkly.

  8. I like the new site, but I can’t see all the options on the left bar. I checked full screen and noticed there were options under Top Shelf I can’t see in normal mode. I wonder what other awesome I’m missing.

  9. Anything for you darling. But someday I want a signed copy (I will BUY a copy and send to you, of course). Oh, and a kiss on the mouth…

    1. I’m so excited about the book that I can hardly stand it. I really, really think everyone will love on it. Even I like it, and I hate everything I do. Because OBVIOUSLY.

  10. I feel like I replied to this already but I don’t see my name in the comments. If I did, disregard. But I love it, so tech savvy with the little pics opening up, fancy!

  11. Love the new site…it’s befitting of your awesomeness. I gave you my vote for your publishers, but if you get the deal, you must promise to blog about the process for those of us who in our wildest dreams, picture ourselves getting multi-zillion dollar book deals of our own…

  12. I gotta go to “The Book” because I love the whole appeal of getting a chapter sent to me, cause you are even more than full of the awesome and thinking of reading more of the stuff that you write…thinking that one day your agent just might let you do a book tour and I just might be lucky enough to not only read your stuff but also MEET YOU!!! Makes me jump up and down and clap like a circus monkey……..That excited!

  13. I’m all over it. LOVE the new look. It’s so simple and non-cluttery and just filled with the pretty. Good job! And can’t wait to read a chapter. I’m in the same boat as you. *Big sigh*

  14. Very pretty! You don’t look the way I pictured you so I’m having to process a bit.

    If Dooce can be on HGTV, why can’t you publish a book? Or take over the universe!

  15. Count me in everywhere (except for twitter…I am rebelling)

    It’s probably for the best for you not to have a bake sale. I remember the cupcake.

  16. I did sign up and am eagerly awaiting my complimentary chapter! I noticed that you went to school with Jesus. Was this in high school or middle school. J.C. and I went to middle school together, but I ended up going to a christian high school while his parents kept him in public school….

  17. Wow… I just had a few minutes to prowl around and I must say, Aunt Becks, you clean up pretty damn fine. I am humping all over this new site. I really, really likey it. Really fuckin cool. 🙂

  18. I really like the new design! Very cool. I signed up, going to go back and sign up the rest of my email addresses…more numbers for you.

  19. Ok dude. The site? Really purdy, like your mouth, but I’m not sure about the whole comments the way they’re laid out.

    I tweeted your request, too, btw.

  20. OMG! I love your design. And, glad to see you are back with the best slogan ever – stealing gives you herpes although I miss the little men frolicking through the fields.

    I’ll sign!

  21. I hope our entries under the book section really do help, because no one deserves to be published more than you! Good luck!

  22. If someone can write a book about not buying anything for a year and *without irony* expect us to buy said book surely there is a market for Aunt Becky’s awesome.

    Love the new site!

  23. You.are.full.of.awesome. I love the new look and layout! Signed up for the book, and will be donning my purple fedora with the ginormous turquoise feather to pimp you out. *smooches*

  24. Woman, I am here for you. (kind of chuckling at that, lol) While MY numbers have never been as grand as yours, I am going right now to my blog and posting a plea for you in my side bar.

    Hopefully, I will get tens of names and emails for ya!!!

    And GOOD LUCK! I’d publish you, but I’m a banker.

  25. I would pre pre order a book from le aunty, but I just arranged to get my hands on some killer steroids. Since I don’t need testicles or patience anymore I fingered, why not?
    But then again I will buy whatever she asks of me because I’m her minion. And that’s what us minions do.

  26. Like the new look although the double comments column is confusing me. Will the book be available internationally?

  27. Love books, love your site, love you (in a “I don’t know you, but you know what I mean”-sort of way). Happy to sign up.

    But here’s the thing: how long do we think this books thing can last? I mean, there’s the trees, and the global warming, and the lack of shelf space in people’s houses, and no more independent book stores, and the Crash of Aught 8, etc.. I feel like they’re going to go away for good sometime soon.

    But still! I sign up.

  28. Sweet Jesus – I painted a room in my house, re-organized, took some time off of commenting and I come back to your GORGEOUS and very professional site!

    LOVE the crown, BTW.

    YOU ROCK!!!!

  29. gladly!!!

    i’m so sorry i’m a total slacker these days & haven’t had a chance to catch up on ur blog…& for real – it’s not cause i’m lazy…this damn job!!! grrrrr! hope 2 have some free time again soon & catch up…in the meantime, send me a chapter please – i’m sooooo excited to read ur book!!! ♥

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