Okay, I have officially died and gone to Blog Heaven. Why? I am on SLATE.COM today. No, I am. REALLY. It’s ME.

Since is it Thanksgiving week and you should really be cooking me stuff, I am dusting off the ONLY food post I’ve done, if you don’t want to visit my other, racier *ahem* faking orgasms *ahem* over at Toy With Me.

But, The Internet, I’m thinking next week may bring you Aunt Becky As The Pioneer Woman, Part B. Because this was probably my favorite post to write.

*claps hands*

This is a dish best served for your relatives that you totally hate and want to never come back. Because, obviously.

———————

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, go here for a visit, then come back. It’ll make more sense that way.

Hm…It’s lunch time. What shall I cook?

cookbooks-unused-1

Wow, those cookbooks are shiny and new looking! That must be painfully obvious that I do not cook. Unless one calls “shamelessly ordering take-out” cooking. Which, probably not.

think-of-the-children-2

WHY WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHIIILLLDREN?!?

*wrings hands dramatically for several minutes*

Man, being sanctimonious makes me hungry.

secret-recipes-3

Wait, now THAT looks like a book I would like! Retro lady, the word “secret” in the title, and I’m pretty sure no foodies would masturbate onto it.

Phew! I can make lunch after all.

Let’s see…

control-freak-cookies-4

Hm…

Well.

Now.

Not really quite what I had in mind. I left my bitter pants upstairs, and while I like cookies, I’m pretty sure this won’t be too tasty.

Well, hel-lo lover…

pad-thai-5

Hooray! Even *I* can use the microwave! And look at the whimsical packaging! I can’t go wrong here.

instructions-6

Okay, dude, Pad Thai box, I sort of hate taking direction. Remember the whole “nursing school” fiasco?

Yeah, me too.

crap-inside-7

But lookit all the cute individually wrapped packages! How wee!

ingrediants-8

I can artfully arrange them JUST LIKE BEN! He’d be so proud of my technique! I should show him. Oh…right.

*sighs*

Man, Day 1 of school and I already miss him.

water-9

Posing the water next to my orchid is very artsy. Maybe I could be…a photo blogger.

(shut UP)

And that’s ABOUT a cup. Close enough for me.

11

5! More! Flavors!

I might actually eat lunch properly again! O! Thank you, box of prepackaged Thai food!

noodles-12

Add the bag of noodles.

barfy-sauce-13

Wait. Um. That sauce looks semi-unappetizing.

But wait! Look! Whimsical packaging!!!

What was I saying again? I totally forgot.

microwave-14

Look at me all using the microwave like a big kid. Daver is going to be SO PROUD of me.

*hums Jeopardy song loudly*

15

Aww, yeah! END. I know what THAT means!

16

Uh. Well.

YUM?

17

Maybe this is what will make my lunch more delicious: one more microwaved minute.

Aww YEAH.

19

And just like that, I have noodles glued together with an unidentifiable sauce! I should TOTALLY WRITE A COOKBOOK. That’s EXACTLY what I should do! WRITE COOKBOOKS!

alex-wtf

Uh, MOM? Hi. Are you a total idiot?

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

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