After waking up from a particularly delicious dream in which I was a female member of a biker gang but being wooed by the Leader of the Pack (apparently, in my dreams, I live in the 1950’s), I was all set to have a Good Day.

After being persuaded to join the Darkside (a.k.a. Facebook), I was all pumped to see who would have come crawling out of the woodwork last night while I slept (apparently this does happen). Then I would have a breakfast of food, glorious, glorious food (can I tell you how much I heart food right now?) and potentially cure fatness or baldness.

Yeah, not so much.

I present to you, my Shit List for today, Wednesday August Something or Another.

*My fence, which was probably excellent at containing small critters to my backyard many years ago before it decided to fall the shit apart. We have a new hole, a new AUGGIE sized hole in it, to match the other 4,000 I’ve already makeshiftedly patched. With classy things like kitty litter buckets and potted plants.

*Auggie. Who, after my nasty blog post, decided to miraculously stop peeing on the carpet and become a Good Dog. Until, that is, he finds an open hole in the fence and boogies on outside. Where I chased him around in my bare feet BEFORE I’d even had my caffeine. Now my feet are bruised and bloody and Auggie? Where he goes next, NOBODY knows. Seriously, I gave up on the little shit to come inside and left him out there. AFTER A HALF AN HOUR OF CHASING HIM AROUND IN MY PJ’S.

(He did come in eventually).

*People who call themselves “friends” only to come around when they need a shoulder to cry on. I have no use for this sort of behavior and will no longer tolerate it.

*My carpet. Because seriously, what idiot puts WHITE carpet in a house?

*The cat pee smell from my basement. I can’t find the location, so I can’t properly clean it, AND since it’s below ground, I can’t exactly “air it out.” Any suggestions?

All right, you’ve listened to me long enough. My turn to cluck sympathetically. What’s upsetting YOU today?

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

44 Responses to Things That Make You Go Grrrr!

  • People who pronounce “oyster” as “erster”. There’s no call for that kind of talk.

  • Cassie says:

    Babies who decide they will only sleep in 30 minute intervals for three days straight. I need my sleep!

  • deb says:

    I’m good today. Sorry about your “new and improved” shit list for today.
    As far as the cat piss smell, have you tried letting the dog “sniff” it out. He may lead you to it – he may also pee on it and then you will have two lovely stinky smells to work on, but at least then you would know where it is. just a thought.
    And while I think idiot is a strong word, crazy is better. white carpet? was this back when you used to drink (lol)? surely there was some method to your madness?!

  • apathetic bliss says:

    awwww hunny bunny…the cat pee thing is my personal least favourite thing in the world. my oldest daughter’s room smells like it….I also can’t find it anywhere….and evidently she doesn’t smell it. Arghhh.
    Stupid loser exes also piss me off….but I blogged about it so I’ll spare you…

    OHHHH…thought of another pet peeve….those people that win big bucks on the lotto and then say “I’m going to keep working at my job”…what a waste, I guarantee this chiquita would retire happily and still donate to charity…come on Universe, help me out here!

  • Gail says:

    My personal shit list is entirely made up of babies who don’t have the good sense to sleep at night, and of myself, who is unable to turn off the damn Olympics and get some sleep at night, thereby causing me to do idiotic things in the name of sleep deprivation.

    Cat pee sucks, too.

  • Rachel says:

    To add to the list: Parents who like your ex more than they like you…I’ve been dealing with this shit for more than a year, and it’s not getting any better, it’s like they’re best friends! UGH!!!

  • El says:

    May I make a suggestion…..hire some smoking hot workers to repair or straight up build a new fence while you “watch for quality” at the same time sipping coffee (hopefully Alex will be napping) :) Then ask then to help you find the source of the kitty pee as you are so busy being a super mom ;)

  • baseballmom says:

    Arrrgh, I hate when my dogs get out…I usuallly give up on chasing them, and if the kids can’t catch them, they come home some time. They know where the food is! Except one time, when they went to Fred Meyer and I got a call from the garden section that they were there. Also, I can’t stop watching the olympics at night either…why do they run them so late?! My six year old will not stop coming in and yelling this stupid song, “Mom is a nugget, who took a bite, turned all white, and died”. I can tell it’s going to be a fun day already!

  • Rachel says:

    I have 4 cats, thankfully they don’t pee anywhere but the litterbox, but they do cough up little hairy presents for me pretty often…another pet peeve of mine…

  • kim says:

    two or three open boxes of Baking Soda…..and a small saucer full of Vanilla.

    Vanilla will mask the smell (perfectly) and the baking soda will absorb the amonia.

    hope it helps.

  • Badass Geek says:

    Struggling with my anxiety problems, after a week of feeling back to normal, and suddenly feeling like I’m back on square one.

  • g says:

    My grrr for the day: I keep checking my mailbox, but no Auggie in it yet. Are you shipping him ground or air?

  • Kristine says:

    My shit list is mainly comprised of babies who previously went down at 8:30 pm who have decided that 11 pm suits them better. But are assholes in the morning because they still have to get up at 6:15 am, whether or not their little bodies are ready.

    Also people who sell our dream house at a really nice price, but we still can’t afford it because no one will ever buy our current house with the neighbor situation being what it is.

  • The boy who won’t stop digging through my un-baby-proofed junk drawer and the husband who refuses to baby proof it.

    (Like seriously. I suppose I could learn to use a screwdriver or something . . .)

  • Husband who can’t deal with 6 year old having fit so I can go to meeting after having cleaned the entire house and rearranged living room furniture and washed 3 loads of laundry and cooked well-balenced nutritious meal after working a full day. Bite me.

    Thanks for listening…I feel better now.

  • TSM says:

    Regarding the friend thing, I am SO with you on this.

    It’s like spring cleaning, as I’ve said recently at another blog. Anything that hasn’t given you joy in 6 months, get rid of it. It’s not mean. It’s self preservation.

    And the cat pee? Hmmm…A large box-store that starts with W has odor out type stuff. I would buy 2 bottles and spray everything down there. Every corner, every nook and cranny. Then set a fan down there for a night. See if that helps.

  • KT says:

    Well, here’s to a better day for you!!! My dam cats pee too and I want to kill them. You can’t start a day without caffeine either. That is just cruel.

    Hope your dreams tonight are as good as last night, but your day tomorrow is better.

  • stacey k says:

    stranger people who feel the need to lay hands on my 27week pregnant belly and ask questions that they don’t believe the answer to!
    example:
    them—how far along
    me—7 months
    them–no really? you look WAY bigger.
    them–twins
    me-no just one
    them—are you sure?Might want to have that checked.
    UHHHH did I ASK you for your opinion dr nosybody?

  • Douchebag ex is always on my shit list, and I have had the hiccups for the past 45 minutes. They hurt. Ow.

  • Try sprinkling baking soda all over the basement floor and letting it sit, then sweeping it all up. Which is an even bigger pain in the ass than it sounds like it would be. But it worked for me.

    My grrr for the day? Having to work for a living when I could be sitting at home having cocktails and blogging about the stupidist things I could possibly think of.

  • heather says:

    I’m annoyed that Britney Spears still doesn’t have control over her life.

  • Tiffany says:

    the cat pee smell- try charcoal..if the baking soda doesn’t work..go to any store that has hunting supplies and they will have some sort of a charcoal there to help remove odors from people so the critters can’t smell them..
    the vanilla will help too, but it has to be pure..
    UGH..good luck…

    people who say birFday instead of BIRTHDAY

    not being able to identify the team moms at my sons football practice (seriously? I don’t know what you look like, wear a name tag PLEASE)

    anal retentive husbands who give me shit for wanting to go OUT and blow off some steam!

    children who don’t like to listen..

    neighbors who suck\

    children who act as if they have never seen a trash can…ever.

    LAUNDRY

    OK done now..lol.

  • Heather says:

    White carpet? Everytime I read that, I think “really? WHITE carpet?” Poor Aunt Becky.

    My list? The boy who has been invaded by body snatchers leaving behind this kid who *looks* like mine, but behaves more like a drunken, enraged, former child star. Like a white Gary Coleman. But let’s not go there.

  • Carlynn says:

    Mmm, my day was pretty much okay. Aside from being ignored by EVERY SINGLE man working in the DIY store. Aside from that it was okay.

    Love your writing. Loved “Not so much” and I never knew you could cure baldness on Facebook. Maybe I will get back into it. The attraction sort of escapes me.

  • Vered says:

    I’m in a good mood today. Sorry I can’t contribute. :) But I agree that white carpets are horrible. They are stain magnets.

  • trish says:

    To answer your question of who puts white carpet in a house? My mom. And then she gets mad when it gets dirty. We don’t talk.

    What’s upsetting me today? My co-workers who think it’s gross to walk around with bare feet, especially in the bathroom. I’m not planning on eating off the bottom of my feet…so who cares? And one of those same co-workers was sooo irritated that she had to say, in front of my boss, You should put on shoes; it’s the rule. Oh yeah? Well lucky for me my boss doesn’t care. What a bitch.

  • Holly says:

    AMEN!!! On the friends thing. I have many a so-called friends and I am VERY cautious about the company I keep now. Those who I let around already know how I feel as I have no problem telling them. I tend to care too much and get nothing in return so instead of changing ME I just make sure THEY are worthy.

  • LAS says:

    Someone probably already said this on the pee issue, and I didn’t have a chance to read all the comments – but get a black light and go looking for it. It, among other things, will illuminate for you. You can even purchase one called the “Stink-Finder.”

  • Maria says:

    Anxiety rearing up for the first time in a few months, prompting me to want to drink, which is making me feel conflicted/guilty/weird for having that impulse so strongly. Wondering if I’m going to struggle with this post-pregnancy (ie. forever). OH HAI HORMONES. THANKS FOR MAKING EVERYTHING EPIC TODAY.

  • Lola says:

    Man, I got almost to the end of the comments, and LAS stole my thunder. Yes, they have lights that will illuminate the pee, kind of like those blood splatter lights you see used on crime shows. I’d get me one of those before I spread stuff all over that you will then have to spend time sweeping up.

    As for Auggie, never chase him. Run the hell in the other direction while sounding all excited and happy, and he should turn around and chase you. Practice it with him and give him a piece of cheese or whatever makes him happy when he chases you. You’ll be amazed at how easy it is. You may look like an ass, but your dog will come running. Yes, I learned this in puppy kindergarten, but it WORKS I tell you.

    What’ s pissing me off today? Other than lack of sleep from now weeks on end of something or other waking me up and keeping me up, I’m good.

  • Ms. Moon says:

    Quite luckily, not much is making me crazy today. This is not to say I’m not crazy, but it’s an internal thing, not external.
    Dogs. Why do we love them?
    Friends- let us pick them with care.

  • ScienceMama says:

    You’ll find out who your true friends are when push comes to shove.

    Jerks who try to destroy my family financially by hanging us out to dry (ha ha) after a flood… that’s who’s on my shit list.

  • Jenn says:

    I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU on three things at least. The white(ish) carpet. WHAT THE HELL was I thinking?! Mine now more closely resembles the color of a fun-fetti cake. SIGH.

    The second thing is the cat pee smell in the basement. The people who lived here before us (at least, I assume it was them) had a cat down there and now on any hot day it stinks like cat piss. VERY annoying, especially since we don’t even have pets. So yeah, if you find a solution to that one please be sure to pass it on!

    And the third thing is the “friends” you are talking about. I tend to draw people like that to me. I’ve recently started not taking a certain person’s phonecalls because she only whines about her life and then when she feels better again I don’t hear from her for ages (unless she needs a babysitter or something). Those people are the same people who are also NEVER around for you (the general you, not YOU you) when you need them.

  • A Soldier's Girl says:

    Yup…I agree, your day sucked!

    I have to also agree about “sometime-y” friends…I was actually thinking about blogging about this myself. I have quite a few of those…time to cut ‘em!

    Hope tomorrow proves to be better :)

  • honeywine says:

    All I can suggest is bowls of vinegar and baking soda (separate) to absorb the odor and maybe a couple of box fans at the door to draw the odor out toward a window.

    My day…well you’ll read about it tomorrow. But I’ve got nothing on my current shit list. Maybe I should engrave that on a plate somewhere so as not to forget it.

  • Painted Maypole says:

    you did have a crappy day.

    what’s upsetting me today? Day # 4 of the runs. not one, not 2, but THREE cold sores. And having my period.

    good times.

  • sara says:

    I’m glad you found the doggie, but I’m sorry about your feet. Ouch – that sounded painful. I’ll ask my sister for her cat advice…she has two cats that I know went wee in her basement last year, and she spent awhile trying to find where. I’ll ask her what her trick was :-)

    Hmm, things that make me go grrrr. Well today it was hearing about our dumb butt mayor here in Detroit who needs to step down from office and the few crazy people who think that is still a saint instead of a criminal. But enough of that..I just ate some ice cream so I’m off to sleep in yummy bliss :-)

  • I think they even have a nerve to make white carpet. and for the cat pee, i throw moth balls anywhere there is a smell I want to get rid of. if not wash everything with white vinegar.

  • Collette says:

    The owner of my company sits at the top of my shit list. I spent the last week putting together a huge demo for a new client (6 weeks worth of work in 6 days) only to have it canceled at 7:30 last night. So, I didn’t finish what I needed to finish, went to bed, and came in late today. What was waiting in my in-box when I got here? An e-mailing saying not only is the demo back on but we are doing it twice, once for account managers and once for Sr directors and VPs. So, I spent my morning in a oh crap this isn’t done and it is being demoed at noon and 3! At 11:52 it got canceled…again! Assholes.

    Oh, and my chicken shit dog who decided to grow balls and fight the fat ass cat at 4:30 in the morning. They are on the shit list too.

  • Amanda says:

    Let’s see… DNA that won’t ligate no matter what I do to it. Jerk Dr. BigShot trying to scoop a poor grad student (moi). Oh, and rain… I’m at work for crying out loud– why oh why couldn’t it rain now? Sigh.

  • Natalie says:

    “Ew” on cat pee smell in basement. Fans?? Ick ick. That’s nasty.

    Sorry about the dog. Our shepherd does that. I’d painstakingly chase him around (or follow at a distance, since that is all he’d let me do) before going back inside and crying. And then, 2 hours later, he’d show up at our front door barking. Effer.

  • Writer Dad says:

    People who honk, especially on the weekends, early in the morning. Please, get out of your car and knock on the door. Really, it’s not that much work and you could probably use the exercise. Great site, by the way. I smiled wide at your banner. I’ll see you tomorrow.

  • tash says:

    Cat pee. Dog barf. Temper tantrums . . . at 4 years of age. My skin. My weight. My husband who thinks renovation mess includes not picking up his shit. “This is what reno looks like,” he says matter of factly, grimly alluding to the huge cardboard boxes that are in my foyer. Um, no. That’s what Lazy looks like. Break them down and take them to the basement, NOW.

  • Leslee says:

    Mmm… Facebook… I’m still not completely certain of it’s use, but I have found a game called Text Twirl that sucks my will to live. Fo realz, yo. It is the awesome. Well, it is to me, since I am kind of a nerd for word games.

    You should find me on there. Or I can find you. Maybe. I don’t really know how to find people on there other than using the email finder thingy and the people you may know thingie.

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