i just love you. that was my random thought.

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Wow.

I mean, sure, I’d heard rumors about vodka before. Whispers had been shared. Secret fears vocalized.

But to read about it so blatantly.

Vodka – I’d believed in you.

I’m not sure I can forgive you this time.

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Angela Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 7:52 pm

This reply makes the entire blog that much funnier! Nice work Megan!

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Fabulous. Absolutely fabulous.

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Vodka – HA! I knew it. You ARE a trampy, trampy whore. And if you knock up my dog again, I’m not afraid to cut a bitch.
And that’s why I’m sleeping with a gentleman named Jack. Because you’re a bitch.

I so want a Merry Band of Pranksters. But I’d call them my LDs. Not LSD…that would be too obvious. But LDs. I heart my Little Dreamers.

And I totally heart Aunt Becky.

And cookies.
And chicken.
And swimmy pools.
And I need an IV of something alcoholic.

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Manda Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Jack and I had a falling out several years ago, and we haven’t really spoken since.

The trouble was, in a moment of weakness, I agreed to a wildly out of control group thing with Jack and his buddies Jameson, Dewars, and some guy so slimy he only went by “Old Crow”. I think even his Granddad got involved!! I felt very taken advantage of when I woke up the next day and realized what had happened.

Now me and Pabst hang out every few weeks, and that’s about it.

But watch out for that Jack character. He’s fucking kinky. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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Dawme Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 8:52 pm

Quervo tried to get in my pants not long ago. I turned him down so hard not only did he f**k my dog, he peed all over my front yard..killing my grass!
Mondavi however, now there’s a gentleman!

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I have been inspired to change the name of my blog to Peggy wants Tranxene and Tequila Rose in the spirit of Mommy wants vodka. Full disclosure ppl. I am putting it all out there. Or I could rename my blog Kidlets want benedryl. I dunno. Maybe not.
Bring on the guest bloggers. We won’t harass them. Very much.

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And who did you blow Melissa to get special treatment? How does Melissa’s picture show but we are all just shadow ppl? Hmmm? I see how it is Melissa.

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I knew vodka was a bitch! I tried to rid the world of it in high school, er, university, and failed. Vodka beat me (and I liked it a little).
But I really need to know: who is vodka’s intern?

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Would vodka wear purple tights to the White House, do you think?

I bet yes.

Also, I heard vodka got a loaner washing machine that beeps.

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You mean Aunt Becky doesn’t have people following her around playing music?

Vodka was a colossal asshole that one time in college to you too? I gave it the smackdown, and it has been on it’s best behavior since, though…it stays in the bottle.

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Vodka and I are simply polite acquaintances. Nothing too intimate, really.

Jagermeister, on the other hand…

We won’t talk about last Halloween. Or the pool. Or the lack of a bathing suit.

Dammit.

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Your Aunt Becky Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Replace Goldschlager with Jager and we have a winner!

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poosemommy Reply:
June 12th, 2010 at 12:22 am

I’ll see that and raise you Wild Turkey and bumpin’ bareback in the back of a Ford Ranger pickup. In the parking lot of Hardee’s. Score!

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This Momma Wants Gin. And tonic. And lemon. Got to get those 5-10 a day.

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I cheated on Vodka one time with Scotch, I admit it. I was walking around, feeling all the shit, thinking I’d gotten away with it, but then Vodka got a hold of my cell phone and saw some texts I didn’t delete, and so I got busted. Vodka took me back (after I begged for like two hours, stood outside Vodka’s window with Peter Gabriel on my boom box, you know how it is), but sure as hell made me pay for it later.

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Your Aunt Becky Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 1:41 pm

(I like bourbon better, but “Mommy Wants Bourbon” didn’t sound awesome)

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I always assumed we were supposed to follow Aunt Becky around with instruments if we saw her in person. Like the minstrels Monty Python & the Holy Grail followed Sir Robin around singing about his exploits “He bravely turned his tail and fled” only we’d sing about Dexter or whatever Aunt Becky was doing at the time. SHould make a hell of a fun cruise

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stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Sir Robin’s Minstrels

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZwuTo7zKM8

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Coco Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Dear Stacy – Any woman who can quote the songs of Robin’s Minstrels is my kind of gal.

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Personally I have remained faithful to tequila. You always know exactly where you stand, or pass out, with tequila. Not that you can trust tequila, but tequila never claimed you could. It’s always been open about nature so there are no surprises when tequila leaves you in underwear and hiking boots on the top of a water tower at the crack of dawn. You always knew it was a possibility.

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Vodka and I are on friendly terms. Not quite “hey come over, get naked and get in my hot tub” terms, but we had an understanding that vodka could do what it wanted who whom it wanted to do it with, as long as the next time it came around it brought it’s good friend Apple Pucker to keep it in line. Otherwise vodka is a bitch and tends to get in trouble with the police. Tequila and I though… we were Turner & Hooch, Laverne & Shirley, always there for each other and of course tequila is always allowed naked in my hot tub… well it would be if I had one.

Other ramdomness.. Aunt Becky is the shiznit… but we already knew that.

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Vodka is my friend. A very good friend, if you consider a good friend the kind that you have an awesome time with…. such an awesome time that you do things that you wouldn’t normally consider doing. Then the morning comes and vodka has run off sometime while you are sleeping and you feel like crap and full of regret.

aaahhh vodka. I choose to think about the good times and not the morning after. When vodka and I get together we have our own special language that only ‘we’ understand….

Vodka and I have a love song. Maybe you have heard it?? Tone loc… Funky Cold Medina

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#4, yes definitely #4. Only it’s less of a posse and more like a small grouping. But what to call them. Merry Band of Prankster? That’s Aunt Becky’s. Little Monsters? That’s Lady Gaga’s. Disciples? Those belong to Jesus M. Christ. Now I’m going to have to think of something. Dammit.

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Can I write one of these about goats?

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Your Aunt Becky Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Um…yes?

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jessiee Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 4:02 pm

I don’t know. Goats are creepy.

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jessiee Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 4:03 pm

I don’t know about the goats. Goats are creepy.

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“Clarify that you would gladly write about vodka if only vodka weren’t such a colossal asshole to you that one time in college.”…made me nod because I remember that day all too well….too well. It was bad.

I’m random about cleaning today…I’ve started on laundry, started on dishes, started on washing the kitchen floor, started on cleaning the showers……..But not finishing a darn thing. I’ll do that once the kids go to sleep

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Dude! Vodka is my HOMEGIRL!! Ever since Jack and I ended things all those years ago, Vodka has been MY co-pilot!! Sure, she says some cray-zay shiz sometimes, but who doesn’t?

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I think I just peed in my pants a little.

Okay, not think. Did.

Today I’m random about my hair. After months of hemming and hawing, I’m going to walk into a salon and just be all, “You there. You got scissors? Trim me.”

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Vodka and are are friendly, but I like to Get Down with the imported beer and the wine. Those are my homies. Mixing drinks is too much damn work – give me my churchkey or my corkscrew, hand me the glass, and it’s a good day.

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I’d love to follow Becky around while playing the flute and drinking wine. Wait, can I even do those at the same time???

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Random my ass! I am very focused today.

Focused on precision marksmanship with my M-4 rifle. Focused on not crashing my G-ride on the B-W parkway (that’s Baltimore-Washington). Focused on skivving off from work 20 minutes early. Focused on taking a nap after I post this, Focused on having Aunt Becky guest post at my blog. Focused on Aunt Becky askng me to post on her blog, which is total witshful thinking, because, like that shit ain’t happening, yo (I said yo, everyone laugh). Focused on having to go to WalMart for “paper products”, and looking forward to seeing what kind of weirdos and oddballs I will see there.

See that? totally focused heere, Comrade Becky. Not a random thought in my head today… even though I am giving just a wee bit of energy into thinking about using the aforementioned M-4 to kill the driver of that bloody awful ice cream truck on my block whose truck is playing that goddamned “Turkey in The Straw” song over and over.

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Have you been drinking already today?

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How refreshing! I know Vodka and yeah, total bitch. She has a friend named Chardonnay who has pulled similar pranks on me. Not really funny. Yo.

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@Anna,

As usual, you are hurling accusations at perfectly innocent people…er…beverages whose only desire is to help others. Clearly you have paranoid delusions of Oedipal reaction formations. I TA’d an intro psych class so I know whereof I speak.

Cheers.

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ABDPBT Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 9:15 pm

Best. Reply. Ever. Vodka.

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I have had my share of trials & tribulations with Vodka as well. But try as I might, I simply can’t walk away…her wit and singing voice are at times, unfallible. The shitkicking that follows the next day, hwowever, is not. sigh.

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i love a woman with lists….especially one so randomly sequential!

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Awww, Anna!! I love your blog, I’m so glad you guest posted for mah Aunt Becky!!

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I love randomness and you do it with such style.

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I lurves me wodkas. Gotta watch that Cap’n Morgan feller tho! I start singing about Brave Sir Robin!
Today I’m random about crazy people calling the locals and crying because they think the police are looking for them and they are going to jail. Also people who assault others then run away leaving a trail of clothing. I can write the BOLO myself: look for the wigged-out naked tweaker. Also Cheetos and Reese’s Pieces and Mountain Dew. Together.
See? Totes random in my little world.

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Vodka is my bestie!!
I mean… she will take me out on the town and insist I do crazy sh*t and because I love her so, I will do that crazy sh*t. I dance a little wobblier and sing a little louder. But does Vodka care?? Heck, no! She says, “Bring it!” THAT is why I love Vodka so!!!

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I have to tell you…
I came from SoccerMom’s page because I thought WHAT THE HOLY HELL KIND OF FREAKISHLY LONG blog post name is that??? That I just had to pop over and check it out! LOL

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I feel like starting a second blog. One I’ll do at night: just drinking and blogging and no friends chanting “friends don’t let friends blog drunk” can stop me….

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Vodka taught me Russian. Once I’d learned it I dropped him cold – too intense for me. Picked up with white wine for a while to learn French but it wasn’t the same.

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aunt becky,
i come from a long line of bourbon drinkers…just another thing that leads me to believe we will get along splendidly at the family reunion:)

not being reared on vodka has led to just a couple of minor incidents, where, luckily, no incarceration was necessary. in my defense, there was music playing and i kept all my clothes on. plus, i’m a lover, not a fighter…my prankster antics were all in good fun. my ban from this establishment has only recently been lifted…so what do you think…should i live on the edge and order a vodka tonight?

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Randomness: you has it.

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unfortunately when i was in a cheatin’ mood this last week – the only thing in my house was a scary bottle of balinese rice wine…even on ice it tasted like 5 day old chinese leftovers scraped from the bottom of the bowl and covered in soy sauce – and not the good kinda soy sauce, like but like that stuff you get in the plastic sachets.

someone please bring me a nice bottle of bison grass vodka stat!

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