1) Oh PHEW! I’m relieved to note the chain email has not, in fact, died. How ELSE would I get those spangly angels praying at me?
2) Thank GOD The Facebook warned me about that crazed drug addict sticking needles under the gas pump to infect people with AIDS! I thought he disappeared back in the 90’s when those chain email forwards died off, but you know, I guess he’s back! Thanks, The Facebook!
3) “Hey, what ANGEL/Flavor of Coffee/Penis Size am I?”
4) You’re right. I do want a pink cow for my fake farm!
5) I should really email blast all my friends, asking them to vote for me. They’ll appreciate that.
6) Wow. This is great. So happy that I got tagged in THE WORST picture of me EVER. Now people are asking me if I have a penis. Isn’t that funny?
7) Phew. I’m so glad that The Facebook is trying to kill off blogging.
8 ) Did you know that breast cancer is caused by dioxins* in my water bottles? Because it totally is. The Facebook Said So. The internet NEVER lies.
9) I love logging into to a separate email so I can respond to my Facebook email that’s probably monitored by Mark Zuckerberg. It makes it so much less confusing to have 37 separate email addresses.
10) Oh now THAT’S HILARIOUS. Look, all the girls are posting their BRA color/where there purse is (none and I have no fucking clue) to make the boys think about The Sex! I should play along.
*plastics do not contain dioxins, no matter what that pinhead Sheryl Crow says.
Things I Have Thought While On The Facebook:
*sobs* WHERE’S TOM FROM MYSPACE? He was EVERYONE’S friend.