After writing this post in my head the night before (what? You’re not as obsessed with blogging while off the computer as I am?), I realized that there was a wealth of things pregnancy, baby and childhood related I wish that people had told me before I wasted my time/effort/money on doing otherwise.
Then again, if someone HAD told me, I probably wouldn’t have listened. Because I’m stubborn AND crazy.
I now present to you a new list, for all you list-a-holics out there, and I encourage any and everyone to add to it as they see fit. And any new parents-to-be can disregard this as I would have.
Aunt Becky’s Guide To Buying Baby Crap:
1) The minute you go and register at one of the bigger baby stores, you will inexplicably start registering for stuff you will never use.
2) In fact, at least 80% of baby gear that you purchase or oogle in the store will be unused by you once the baby is hear and AFTER you have gotten rid of the receipt.
3) You can never have too many onsies or footed jammies.
4) Trying to put a baby who cannot walk yet into an outfit involving jeans and a t-shirt, is like trying to hold onto one of those slippery water-filled tubes that you give kids. Or perhaps it’s just a phenomenon with fat kids, like mine were.
5) It may also look exquisitely stupid if your child is built like Mr. Potato Head, like mine both were. But you won’t realize it at the time. Only after you look at pictures will you truly see what he or she looked like. And be ashamed of yourself.
6) Most of the gimicky things you see at the baby stores are useless BUT SEEM LIKE A GOOD IDEA. Or they require more brain power than someone who isn’t sleeping more than 2 hours at a stretch can provide.
7) A good rule of thumb is that if it requires many pieces to use OR many REFILLABLE pieces to use, it’s not worth it. Unless you have a miracle child who sleeps through the night, remembering to go online (because you can never get it in the store), recall WHAT the refill piece is called, correctly identify and purchase said item BEFORE you run out, isn’t gonna happen.
8) Having used both the Diaper Dekor and the Diaper Genie, I can tell you that neither is as simple as using a trash can with a lid. Both of mine began to smell WITHOUT a single diaper in it when I finally gave them up.
9) Even is you decide to cloth diaper, it’s probably wise to buy a pack of disposable diapers to have on hand JUST IN CASE. If you don’t use ‘em, you can easily donate them to a shelter.
10) (this one kills me to write) Decorating the nursery isn’t as useful as you think it would be, because you rarely spend QUALITY time in there until the child is older. And when the child is older, he (or she) may decide that they’d like a CARS themed room, not a Winnie The Poo room. I’d never tell you NOT to do it, I’d just not spend the baby’s college fund on it.
11) Those flipping adorable crib sets of bumpers, sheets, a crib skirt and a moblie that cost approximately the down payment on a house (I oogled one before I realized it was a thousand dollars. Which is more than I spend on my OWN bedding. I then became scared that I might have broken the stuff and would have to buy it) are a lot of fun to look at and set up. But, sadly, you cannot use bumpers in a crib. Well, I suppose you CAN, but it increases the risks of SIDS. So not worth it.
12) Swings are either the work of a delicate wonderful angel or a minion of the devil depending on which baby you ask.
13) Even if you’re totally planning to breast feed, buy a stack of bottles and pacifiers ahead of time. JUST IN CASE. Before you sick the LLL on me, let me remind you that just because YOU’RE certain you wouldn’t need it, your BABY may have other ideas. I tried desperately to nurse Ben, who, later, was determined to be autistic WITH MASSIVE SENSORY ISSUES. You can imagine how much HE wanted to latch on (read: never).
14) It wouldn’t hurt to buy some formula too. Just a can or so, JUST IN CASE. Worst case scenario? Give it all to a shelter and roll your eyes at how very wrong I was. I will happily be wrong here and admit it.
(trust me, you don’t want to find out a 4 AM that you have to send someone else out to buy formula. It’s an over-the-top job for someone who has no idea what he or she is looking for.)
15) Never, NEVER buy a used car seat from someone that you don’t know. If a car seat is in an accident, it’s structure can be badly damaged and may not protect YOUR baby in the event of a crash. And that is not something I’d ever fuck around with.
16) You can never have enough blankets or washcloths.
17) Stuffed animals are horrible dust-catchers. I don’t mean that they’re HORRIBLE, just that they seem to attract dust. Which sucks if you have a kid who is allergic to stuff and things because you’ll have to dump ‘em. Again, you’re not supposed to put them in the crib with the baby. SIDS and the like.
18) Don’t spazz about being 100% totally prepared by the time you go into labor. Picking up crap you forgot can be something EASILY tasked to the family flocking your house post-delivery.
All right, what did I miss, people? I know I didn’t tag it all.