by Anti-Social Media Ignoramus, Your Aunt Becky:
1) I wonder what My Toothpaste Brand is doing today on The Twitter.
8 ) It’d be awesome to “connect on The Facebook” with a brand who sent out an automatically-generated Direct Message via The Twitter.
27) I should raise my numbers by following people on The Twitter, then unfollowing them so that I look extra-special*.
64) Why yes, I would like to run a contest so that one of my Pranksters can possibly win a five dollar box of chocolates!
125) Woah, I really should spend actual money on my fake Farmville Farm.
216) I bet if I retweet this, I WILL win a free iPad!
343) I am a “social media maven.”
512) I cannot WAIT to read more about my toilet paper on their Facebook page!
729) You mean I can win a product worth twelve bucks if I spam the hell out of my friends? SCORE! This RULES!
1000) What would Jesus tweet?
1331) I should tweet @Justin Beaver because I just know he’s going to reply one of these days. He’s probably writing a song about me as we speak.
1728) I bet everyone is going to love hearing what I had for lunch today.
2197) I can’t believe I got ousted as Mayor of My Ass on Four-Square.
2744) Man, this blog music is really swell.
3375) I should tweet my blog post every hour on the hour just in case someone missed it.
4096) It’s impossible for two people to have the same idea for a tweet, therefore someone is stealing my tweets.
4913) There are not nearly enough blogs pontificating about the under-representation of kumquats in today’s social media.
5832) I should take myself MORE seriously.
*I don’t actually know why people do this.