You’d never know from the ridiculous amount that I blog that I never in my whole life kept even as much as a journal.
Wait, that’s not true. My hip and cool cousin gave me a blank diary when I was about 10 or 11 and I tried my best to keep a diary. It lasted about a day and a half before even at that tender age, I looked at it and realized it was complete crap and ripped out the pages I had written in. Since I don’t have it any longer, I’ll try to give you an example:
I went to school today and I swear that Mike looked at me. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Maybe he’s IN LOVE with me! OOOOOH!
P.S. What is the deal with clear mascara?”
It was, even at that age, in a word: lame.
I guess I fell into blogging pretty much the same way I’ve fallen into anything else in my life.
I never really had thought about kids and then BAM! I was a mother. I’d never expected or really wanted to get married and then POW! I met The Daver. I’d really never had any desire to be a nurse and then WHAM! I just renewed my license.
It’s just strange how these things fall into my lap.
All of the things I had real dreams of doing are things that I’m not doing. I’d wanted to go to medical school and carry on the family tradition of being a doctor, and that promptly fell by the wayside when Ben was born. Sure, I could go back, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.
I’d wanted to take my nursing degree and go work for Doctors Without Borders when I graduated, but when I looked into it I realized that I couldn’t make their 6 month commitment without missing out on a lot of Ben’s life.
I have no idea if this is the way that most people eke out their paths in life, because The Daver seems to be doing precisely what he always thought he would do, albeit with the wife and kids he wasn’t sure he would have (which is especially hilarious if you know him. When I met him he had Marriage Material and Great Father written on his forehead). Maybe other people make plans and are actually able to follow through with them, I’m just not sure.
I’m not actually sad that I haven’t gone where I always thought I’d be, I’m quite pleased with my new life (at least, most days). I guess I learned awhile ago that “to make God laugh, tell him your plans,” so I don’t really bother making unrealistic goals right now. I’m fairly certain that I’ll go back to school once we’re done with babies and ickle kids (I’ve done the full time school with a wee one and I won’t do it again), and I have a decent idea of what I’ll be studying when I do go back, but shit, I can’t be certain that any of it will gel into a reality.
Honestly, I’m fine with that. I’ve learned to finally stop fighting whatever forces that be and embracing whatever may come.
I’m just anxious to see where I end up.
What about you? Are you somewhere within what you thought you’d be doing or did your path veer sharply? Does it upset you either way?