I was shocked by how much space my new house had. We’d gone from cramming ourselves into a wee three-bedroom condo without storage space to a house that had three floors and so much storage space that it seemed obscene.

It was beyond startling when, the weekend that we moved in, my new neighbors began showing up at my doorstep with plates brownies and cookies and treats to introduce themselves and to meet us. Our condo building was filled with incredibly unpleasant older, single cat ladies who didn’t like us. They’d have been more apt to leave a bag of poo on our doorstep than a plate of cookies.

With the exception of the people we shared a porch with, there was no one in the building who didn’t hate us. I still don’t know why.

We’d just happened to move into Pleasantville, which is what I STILL call my neighborhood. House after prefab house filled with pleasant, kind people. On Halloween, there’s a house that hands out hot chocolate and hot toddy’s. Another grills hotdogs and passes out beer and soda. If I had a binder, I’d write, “Aunt Becky + Her Neighborhood = Tru Luv” in loopy letters, surrounded by a bunch of pink, puffy hearts.

(sorta like I do with my Pranksters. You all have pink puffy hearts around you)

So when my neighbor, my son’s friend’s mother, invited me over for a “Pampered Chef” party, I was thrilled. Well, thrilled might not be the proper word. I was thrilled to be invited, but I liked cooking about as much as I liked grinding a lightbulb into my eye socket.

But I marched on over there for the party and sat down with a number of older women I didn’t know. Everyone was, of course, way friendly, but the person who was demonstrating the products began to blab. And she kept blabbing.

OMFG she kept on blabbing. I’d never SEEN someone talk so much. (as someone who routinely “talks paint off walls, THAT’S saying a LOT).

It was like one of those cooking shows I never watch because I cannot stand the blabbing. I mean, I love a good meal, but I’d rather cut my leg off than prepare it, or worse, watch someone who isn’t going to GIVE me the meal prepare it.

In the middle of her blabbing, I decided that I, too, could cook. And that I, too, needed THOSE SPECIFIC TOOLS to cook with. Certainly it wasn’t MY problem I couldn’t cook. It was because I didn’t have the Pampered Chef chopper-thingy! Or the cutting board! Or the grill thingy!

I blew a hundred bucks that night on crap so I, too, could be a COOKER-PERSON.

It took a week or so before my order came in. Immediately, I opened my miracle chopper thingy and put it together. I had fajitas I was gonna make! This was a WIN! Plus, my stuff looked so FANCY in the empty cabinets!

Only…the chopper thing didn’t really, well, WORK. The blades were always falling off, which meant that someone as dumb as me was tasked with slipping the blades BACK IN TO their rightful place. Without losing part of my thumb. It took me half an hour to cut up a green pepper, not including the time spent washing the stupid thing out. Had I used a knife, it would have taken less than five minutes.

That Chopper-Thing Was BULLSHIT.

The tiny spatula I’d bought, well, the handle fell off after a couple of months. The cutting board was fine, but nothing I couldn’t have bought anywhere else more cheaply.

I was a little discouraged, knowing I’d never become a Cooker-Person, but I cheered up when I realized that this meant I could eat more McDonald’s.

Those golden arches, they NEVER disappoint me.


Tell me, Pranksters, what do you think of those in-home parties like Pampered Chef or Tupperware? Love ’em? Hate ’em? I need a good laugh today.

91 thoughts on “The Un-Pampered Chef

  1. You mean people at those parties actually try to sell something and it’s not just an excuse to drink away from the rest of the family…I’m shocked…damn it Aunt Becky you should have a “garden party” where you get the neighborhood gals over to talk about the various plants & how good they are in mixed drinks, like mojitos and spiked lemonades 🙂

  2. Weeeeellll…since I sell Pampered Chef, do you really want me to answer that? I generally like them because it’s something fun to do – most of my friends have them on Friday nights and we sit around and drink all evening!

    Nah, I like selling it (when I do; and I’m not too much of a talker – most of my shows, people are talking and asking questions so I don’t have to!), but (and I might be ostracized from PC for saying this) the Chopper IS bullshit. I hate mine. Keep thinking that I’m going to give it away to someone. And what the hell are you using the spatula on for the handle to come off? Bricks? Or did you give it to Amelia to play with? I love my cutting boards (especially since they don’t slide off my counter – I’m a vigorous slicer). Ya know what? I’ll come up there and TEACH you how to cook. I love cooking (and I’m much nicer about it than Mr Realist…). And you won’t even have to buy my stuff.

  3. Really?? I’ve always felt my Pampered Chef products were WAY more sturdy than anything in the store. My chopper is the shiz. My husband even borrowed it to chop up brisket and it worked like a charm. You should tell the consultant you want free replacements or your money back.

    I totally get the wanting to be invited but not wanting to buy anything and then getting sucked into it in the moment though.

  4. I’m anti-*buy crap you don’t need* party, honestly. It could be because I’ve been invited to way too many throughout the years. I am, however, pro-THEME party. Invite me to a THEME party (my last theme was Pink Sparkles – no kidding) and I’m all over it. I WOULD spend $100 on pink sparkle things or an Academy Award costume I don’t need. So probably, this whole comment just shows my hypocracy. And love of pink sparkles.

    1. No!!! Blasphemy. I have one of those apple do-it-all thingies and I LOVE it!! I would never be able to make apple pies if it weren’t for that thing. And I make some kick ASS pies, I tell ya. But I’m pretty much the same as Aunt Becky on the rest… can’t cook. Baking, though, I got that!

  5. My friends quit inviting me to any type of “selling” party b/c I don’t do those. I mean I don’t go b/c I won’t buy and if you wanna hang w/me, let’s grab lunch. However my experience w/their items is stellar, my MIL is a fan and all of her PChef stuff is the bombdiggity. I just don’t have that kind of $ to drop on kitchen stuff. 🙂 I do love to cook but am more “universal tools” that multi-task vs specialized tools that only do 1 thing. This should further confirm my weirdness to you. 🙂

    1. Nah, doesn’t mean you’re weird, but it does make me think you’re a fellow Alton Brown fan!

  6. I went to one Pampered Chef party a long time ago and bought a few things — things I do still use, believe it or not. But I’m not so in love with PC that I’d go to another party.

    Now a lia sophia party (lia sophia does jewelry) — I would attend one of those again. Who doesn’t like trying on and buying sparkly things?

  7. I have an extra Magic Bullet blender I’d like to talk to you about. It truely is Magic. I swear. Unless of course you want to blend something. Then it’s total crap.

    1. For real, yo. When I bought my Magic Bullet I was hoping it would work like a tiny food processor. Not so. Actually, it might end up being a victim n my next purge, given how frequently I [don’t] use it.

    2. I used to work in a store that sold things “as seen on TV.” I don’t have an actual magic bullet, but I bought another brand with a name like “miracle chopper,” and it works really well. Of course, I primarily use mine for making smoothies and margaritas.

    3. I used to work in a store that sold things “as seen on TV.” I don’t have an actual magic bullet, but I bought another brand with a name like “miracle chopper,” and it works really well. Of course, I primarily use mine for making smoothies and margaritas.

  8. The only in-home sell-stuff parties I’ll ever attend are Pure Romance parties. Tupperware and jewelry can suck it; this girl wants edible lubes, awesome bath products, and zazzy vibrators.

  9. I tried selling Tupperwear when I was 17. Problem with that? 17 year olds still live with their parents! I didn’t sell a thing!

    And this line “(sorta like I do with my Pranksters. You all have pink puffy hearts around you)”. Made me feel happy. I love you Aunt Becky with big puffy hearts and glitter and fluffy kittens.

  10. AB, I seem to have an extraordinary amount of female friends who love “Party-Lite”, the uber-cha ching candle company who thinks they are creating candle shit for Royalty or something. I basically go for the free stuff now, and the nibblies.. I mean just how many tea-lights do ya really need anyway? It’s nice to support your friends, but I own more wax than Madame Tussaud’s for shits sake!

    Thanks for another great post.

    Can I interest you in some peach & melon tealights?


  11. There are parties like that for EVERYTHING now. Candles, cooking supplies, jewelry, sex toys (my girlfriend is throwing one of the dildo parties at our place in July) and so on. It’s insane.

    But you know what? The bitches that can talk and sell that stuff make decent money. And they get freebies. And you get freebies for hosting. And, and, and…

    …oh crap. I’m drinking their kool-aid. DAMN YOU, PAMPERED CHEF!!

  12. There are parties like that for EVERYTHING now. Candles, cooking supplies, jewelry, sex toys (my girlfriend is throwing one of the dildo parties at our place in July) and so on. It’s insane.

    But you know what? The bitches that can talk and sell that stuff make decent money. And they get freebies. And you get freebies for hosting. And, and, and…

    …oh crap. I’m drinking their kool-aid. DAMN YOU, PAMPERED CHEF!!

  13. My mother has sold Tupperware off and on my entire life and while I do love the product, I’m too cheap to buy it. Thank God she stocked my kitchen as my wedding present so I have never had to buy the stuff…and I hate those parties. I had ONE years ago and never again – for anything. I avoid all “parties” like the plague. A real party doesn’t involve me buying anything unless I’m bringing my own alcohol…and that is totally worth it.

  14. My youngest daughter calls The Pampered Chef “The Mangled Chef” because the first (and only, naturally) time I tried to use my apple peeler-slicer-corer thingie, I cut half my thumbnail off. That’s the left half of my right thumbnail OFF from base to tip, right down to the skin. Don’t know how I managed to not even break the skin, but I went around with half a thumbnail for quite some time. It was great for making kids go, “EEEEeeeeee!”

    The cheese grater works nifty, though.

  15. Mom told me once the only thing you need in the kitchen is a good knife. I’ve got thousands of dollars worth of fancy schmancy appliances that are all designed to do one thing really well, but by the time you dig them out and wash and put them away again you usually could have done the thing they do with the chef’s knife…just like Mom said. Now I use one big knife, a cutting board, and a cast iron skillet for almost everything, and I can flat cook my ass off. Of course I weigh a ton. Housewares parties are not a good place to buy housewares. Save your money and buy a good knife. Housewares parties are a good place to meet women, but my wife doesn’t allow me to date, so I don’t go much.

    1. ha ha ha….”my wife doesn’t allow me to date”…..funniest thing i’ve heard all day! almost choked on my tea.

    2. My husband is a big, tough Marine and even he gets a little pale when faced with some of those parties. He thought the 31 lady was “scary. Like evil-scary.”

  16. I hate the candle parties. THEY’RE CANDLESSSSS! They smell good. That’s about it.
    I actually HAVE to cook (I was forced into domesticity by severe food allergies) and there are some PC products I love…My mixing bowls. My scraper. My prep bowls. But that’s about it. I am lusting for a pizza stone.
    My thing is, PC has a website…if I want one I’ll google it.

  17. I hate these parties – with a passion.

    When I was 21, I got invited to a girl’s night out party by an acquaintance of mine. I was told that we were going to have drinks and snacks and maybe play cards. Well, really, they just wanted to sell me dildos. Yes, it was a dildo party. Nothing better than watching sex toy demonstrations (not real demonstrations!) with 20 of your closest strangers. Good times.

  18. I loathe those parties. I always feel pressured to buy something, even if I don’t like it, think it is too expensive, or won’t use it at all.

    But, they get even worse when they are a used as a ‘shower’ for someone. I am all for getting people gifts, but I hated when I attended a pampered chef party for my cousin. Someone had tabbed what she wanted/needed and then the rest of the time was spent deciding who was paying for what, and then all the goodies went directly to her as shower gifts. In theory this was a nice idea – but the way it was executed was horrible.

    They just kept saying – ‘think of all the time and effort you are saving, no thought necessary wondering what the soon-to-be-bride needs/wants’ and ‘think of the money savings on all of that wasted wrapping paper’. And to think, all of the thought and effort I was ‘wasting’ on gift giving…

    (But, I do love my pampered chef ice cream scoops and wooden spoons!)

    1. That’s just reprehensible, to me. I don’t know. I’d be pretty shocked if someone actually went out and did that. I get what they’re doing, but the execution…it sucks.

  19. I’m a little ashamed to admit that I’m a PC whore. I have a ton of it. But I stick to their cookware, stones, knives and other basics and stay away from the gimmicks. Do u know that they have a device especially for chopping up ground beef? Who thinks of that? And the apple slicer/corer is of the devil

    1. My friend got one of those beef chopper thingies for Christmas last year, and I got the chance to try using it. It was TERRIBLE! Within about 5 minutes, I had gotten ground beef all over the stove and the floor around it and had switched back to my wooden spoon like I always use.

  20. No. I have been to PC, TW, and sex toy parties before, and mostly the stuff is crap. Plus, I really hate the sales pressure that goes on there — the hostess is usually a friend of mine and then I feel guilty if I don’t buy something so I end up with kitchen items that cost the same as something from Williams-Sonoma but doesn’t work as well, storage stuff that is basically Rubbermaid but more expensive, or something that purports to be delicious lube and then tastes like ass.

    A sales pitch is NOT a party. If you want to invite me to a party, do NOT invite the saleswoman as well, because I’ll invent an emergency and go home.

  21. Oh, I despise those parties. Despise them. My former mother-in-law hosted every kind imaginable: pampered chef, party light, avon, some book thing, tupperware, and on, and on, and on. By the time she got really into the parties, it was clear that she and I were not fans of one another so I was mercifully spared from having to attend. That said, she did gift me a Pampered Chef chopper thingy for Christmas nearly a decade ago and it’s still going strong. I think you got a lemon!

  22. I love the chopper thingy! But it sounds like mine is an older model because the blades cannot fall out of it.

    Overall though I am not a fan of those parties. I once got badgered into giving a Tupperware party and no one showed up. NOT EVEN THE TUPPERWARE LADY HERSELF. Which is entirely what I was expecting, so good thing I hadn’t actually cleaned the house.

    Sex toy parties can be fun with the right crowd but it’s so hard to know ahead of time just who is going to BE the right crowd.

  23. chick only parties where you have to guilt-buy overly expensive things you won’t use or don’t like are BULLSHIT! stop inviting me to them. i promise i won’t feel left out.

  24. I once went to one where the seller loved “Valentimes” day…and that is NOT a typo. She kept going on and on about it – the ENTIRE time mispronouncing it!!

  25. I’ve been to so many I cannot count them all! The only one I ever enjoyed was a sex toy party that had a lot of funny women and plenty of free alcohol! We had a blast! There were some ladies that did not have as much fun though and seemed quite embarrassed to be there! Tastefully Simple also makes some slamming bread mixes and dips but I’d just order them online and skip the parties!

  26. Enjoy your extra space now ladybug. You’ll fill it up before you realize it – believe me, I know from experience 🙂

    As for the “parties” I boycott them at all costs. The only exception are the Party Lite candle parties. Those candles are the shiznit, and I do buy the votives and tea lights like they are crack.

  27. You’re doing it all wrong, hon. You need to get the word out in your neighborhood that you’re all down for a lingerie party. There’s wine at those things and you’ll laugh yourself silly.

  28. I like the few Pampered Chef things I’ve bought…but the parties are sort of boring because you have to watch the hostess cook up whatever “amazing” dish that can only be made using PC products. I have the chopper but usually don’t use it. I do like their spatulas. I have been a Scentsy consultant for the past 6 months and managed to book a whopping 1 party. I guess I just sell it now so I can get a small discount on the stuff I buy. I went to a Creative Memories (scrap-booking) party once and left after about $300 worth of stuff that I NEVER ever used. …sad.

  29. I don’t get invited to them anymore because I never buy anything. I really don’t NEED a $15 mango slicer or a $40 cupcake pan. If I’m gonna go that far I’d buy one of Martha Stewart’s antique asparagus steamers (cause you can’t just throw it in a pot to cook…).

    I can buy a LOT of wine for that much moola, thanks…


  30. The only party I ever actually attended was a co ed slumber party. It was a sex toy party, but the girl that held it did it just the right way, she kept it close friends, no strangers. and Lots of adult drinks. You didnt HAVE to stay the night (but most of us were too drunk to drive home) and you brought your spouse or boyfriend with you. It was hands down the funniest night.
    So my standards are pretty high for those partys tupperware, pc? not happening lol
    I dont do laundry much less cook!

  31. just had a PC party last month – and i have to agree with some of the others…all my PC stuff has been great! i’ve never been disappointed and everything has always lasted. i had the party because i was kind of tired of some of my kitchen stuff falling apart/breaking. i mean, i’m as big a cheapskate as the next middle-classer, but it sucks when you have to keep going back to wal-mart to replace the spatulas that break over and over.

  32. I hate the obligation to spend money I usually don’t have. I once got pulled into Tupperware party vortex that ended up with me attending 5 parties, 1 of which I’d hosted. The kicker? I lived with my parents at the time, so I had absolutely NOWHERE to use all the stupid Tupperware I wasted my money on. In fact, it never got used – it got stored, then re-sold when I moved too far away to move every stupid thing I owned.

      1. I do, however, have a Pampered Chef pizza stone that’s great for heating up frozen pizzas – if you put frozen pizzas right on your rack, you risk a clusterfuck of meltage + the fire alarm going off or a burnt-ass meal, and if you put them on aluminum foil, the crust is soggy. I also bought a Pampered Chef pitcher which has a lid with an attached plunger that’s awesome for mixing the contents without shoving your hand down into it with a spoon that’s too damned short.

        Those two items are worth the price, because both have held up, and neither require any ability to cook.

  33. I have never actually been to one, because they scare me – both the party and the large groups of women who attend them. I don’t do well in large groups of women. Which totally explains why I’m going to BlogHer again (not).

  34. I learned a long time ago, it’s all bullshit. The only parties i go to are wine tasting ones…..

  35. You totally have to have the right product and the right sales person for your crowd. Once I had a Silpada party and the “hostess/saleslady person” was uber conservative, proper church going girl.

    I had drinks and snacks for my friends and family, we may have started drinking before the “HSP” got there, and were a little more than tipsy by the time she had everything set up. Since we tend to be a bit crude, and sweary, she was ever so offended.

    She wasn’t offended enough to not take all of our money when everyone was picking out and through her stuff. When she got the orders in she scooted right out of there.

  36. If it’s the same chopper I have, I totally surprised!! I love mine and have had it for years, have never had a problem with it. One of my favorite kitchen tools.I hope Pampered Chef haven’t changed their manufacturer and quality of their products, that’d be a bummer.

    BTW, I’ve been a long time reader, and this is my first post. Hi!! I’m home sick, so I actually have a few spare seconds today. Love you and your sense of humour!!

  37. You know.. I’ve been to a few, and I’m very rarely comfy at them. But I’d agree on principle. Women are scary. Women in groups are MORE scary. I’d probably freak the hell out if I ever went to BlogHer. XD

  38. I try like HELL to avoid any of those parties. I am such a sucker I feel like I HAVE to buy something at every one. I feel guilty if I don’t, like I’m ruining the party and going to hell.

  39. I have some PC stuff I love, but the chopper thingy is not one of them. I have decided that direct sales is one of the 9 circles of hell and try to avoid them with an “I’ve got other plans that night.” Even if my “other plans” are just sitting at home avoiding a sales pitch.

  40. I bought one thing from Pampered Chef – actually 3 of them in one pack – and they are little hard plastic squares that I use to scrape off the burnt up remains of whatever I cooked. I’ve had them for over 10 years. Love them!

    I have a friend who is always selling one thing or another. I can’t even remember all of them, there are so many. Anyway, so she’s always asking me to host a party and truthfully, I just don’t have enough friends for this and none of them would be interested. Now, I’ve become the bad friend. Oh well. It’s not like I want to buy any Mary Kay these days.

  41. I thought those parties went the way of the dinosaurs! (Except, the dildo ones which, apparently, people don’t think I’d be interested in! Harumph!) I have an apple-corer thingy and I love it but it’s not PC. I do like their pizza stone but can’t get to my other stuff I bought because other stuff is blocking it in the cabinet and I haven’t opened up the other stuff, yet.

    Do they have virtual online dildo parties? Just askin’

  42. It really depends on the party.. if I have to just sit and listen…. then NO THANK YOU. However, if I can sit (away from the kiddos)and drink while someone blathers on and on then YES PLEASE! I always find something Id like to buy. Recently went to a ThirtyOne party and I am pretty happy with my new pocket book!

  43. The only one that I remember is a Longaberger party that a friend had before her wedding. Since the hostess got free stuff, it stocked her trousseau. She had it on a Sunday at brunch time, had a shit-ton of mimosas and food ready at the door, and it wasn’t high-pressure. After we had all been out the night before getting ‘faced in Nashville, it was great. I didn’t care about the baskets, but I got some dishes that are AMAZING. If I drop one on my foot, I’d probably break before a dinner plate did. Hard-core stoneware that I’ve actually stuck in the oven and baked on. I’m building a collection because Fiesta ware is unlikely to help me kill a burglar in a pinch.

  44. I always found those house parties to be kind of Stepford Wives territory (except for the dildo party). I went to a PC one last summer, not really knowing what I was going to . . .

    Most conversations were me being asked the following questions:
    What does your husband do?
    > I don’t have one.
    How many kids do you have?
    > None
    Where part of (this neighbourhood) do you live in?
    > I don’t live in the burbs . . .
    What can I get you to drink?
    (I don’t drink alcohol) Can I get some juice . . .

    And so on.
    Being single, childless and a renter in a hip area turns out to be conversations stoppers.
    Add that to the fact that I have been cooking for over 30 years and have a tiny kitchen with everything I need in it already. And no I don’t need expensive spice blends, I can blend them myself! The only PC thing I coveted was a pot that I couldn’t afford.

    Right now I am jonesing for a proper double boiler, don’t think I will go to PC for it.

  45. My MIL’s sister is a Tupperware DEALER, not just a seller. She’s got people under her in the TW pyramid and she makes money off of their money or something…I don’t really listen when she tries to recruit me.
    Now, the MIL lives with me and she likes to “support” her sister, so ALL of my mutherfurking cabnits are filled with tupperware and tupperware-related products. Did you know that Tupperware sells teapots, scrub brushes, aprons, and knives? We have it all. We also have a box of tupperware lids that don’t seem to belong to anything. I’m pretty sure there are unopend boxes of brand new tupperware in my garage, but I’m afraid to open them.

    I hate Tupperware.

    I do, however, own a PC chopper. I bought it 13 years ago, it’s well used and still works great. That and my pizza stone (which lives in the oven) are the only PC products I own. That one party 13 years ago will haunt me forever. *shudder*

  46. I own a company that sells restaurant equipment and supplies yet I have been invited to so many bullshit PC parties over the years. Do you have any fucking idea how hard it is for me to keep from dying of laughter when I know the manufacturers of many of their “exclusive” products and what the markup is on the craptastic shit they are pawning off on mainly women? The shitty food chopper is made by Zyliss – go to any outlet mall kitchen store or online and buy the fucker for ten bucks. The same for the rotary cheese grater. Then when I smooch my PC Consultant (because I love a kiss before a screwing) I get to pay fucking sales tax on shipping because somewhere in the genius that is at PC they still don’t get it that shipping and handling is not a fucking taxable product!!!

    If I am going to have a party, it is going to involving inviting my friends over for the usual bowls of narcotics and nuts, Valiums-in-a-blanket, Percocet and prosciutto pizza, marijuana and mint mojitos and Lunesta Lime Pie. Fuck this shit of please come over and oh, by the way – bring your Visa card too. Bitches like that are not my friends unless I get their free gifts from selling me out like a two dollar whore.

  47. Hate. Loathe. Detest.

    But I go because it’s a grown up party with booze and I get to talk to grown ups. But I don’t care what they say, “Just come! You don’t have to buy anything…” you always feel like you should buy something. As for the chopper- I have the one that you slam down and the new mini cuisinart thing. My kids LOVE it. It makes a huge racket and they get to take out their aggression (my three year old has angst) by chopping the onions. If yours is crapped up, send it to your consultant person and they’ll get you a new one. That’s the only reason I buy PC. Broken? Cracked? Here, have a new one… As for the other parties, I’m a loser and never get invited because I don’t wear jewelry or have baskets and such. At least I think that’s why I never get invited…

  48. I’m not much of a joiner so I don’t attend many of those sort of parties. Or more likely because I don’t get invited to them. But there was a summer where I went to, like, 5 of them and they ruled.
    Free margaritas + free frittata + free temporary self esteem boost from obtaining the tools of pampered chefs everywhere = win supreme!

    My chopper was also donated. To the garbage bin. After I cursed its name, stomped on it for 17 minutes and lit it on fire because it refused to perform its intended duties.

    My pizza stone is still in heavy rotation though because it bakes perfect rolls, pizza and cookies. Which pretty much comprises my entire diet at the moment as well as being the only things I can cook.

    If you decide to purchase said stone you will be fat and happy, but be forewarned do not use soap to clean or cook fish on it or your tummy will be sad due to inedible cookies.

  49. Well it sounds like you need to have a kitchen exchange party where you take all your kitcheny gadgets and trade with your neighbors. Who knows, maybe there is someone on your block that has been eying a chopper thingy for months. Or whatever. Maybe this works better with hair products. Or makeup.

  50. The thought of a sex toy party coupled with alcohol terrifies me. I do not want Wanda the school secretary to discover her latent lesbian tendencies (not that there’s anything wrong with that) while she’s sitting next to me holding the Anal Intruder.

    Why don’t I just write you a check and you can pack me up some swedish meatballs to go and keep your bullshit.

    Your neighborhood sounds just lovely, though.

  51. Yeah, not a fan. But the golden arches, we’re BFF.

    The only good thing I got out of pampered chef was an amazing can opener. Everything else is no better than Target but 3x as expensive.

  52. I live in the South, and right now Scentsy parties are all the rage. A Scentsy is a scented wax burner that appeals to housewives the world over because 1) it doesn’t involve an open flame and 2) you can get together and drink during a sales party.

    I’m absolutely addicted. There’s a whole drawer in my kitchen dedicated to Scentsy wax blocks, something like twenty different flavors. It’s a sickness, I tell you, but at least my kid won’t go to prison for attempted arson for knocking over my Scentsy warmer like he would a traditional candle. Mmmmhmmm.

  53. I am one of those freakish Stepford people who loves to cook, I mean like seriously loves it. I get in from a stressful day at work and rather than take a bath or drink a bottle of wine or do something else NORMAL to de-stress I get out my knives (oh yes) and start chopping the shit out of something and cook it.
    The boy and our tenants love it – they get a home cooked meal every single night and since I started a recipe blog this year (http://everythinggoeswithtoast.blogspot.com/)I seem to do nothing else but cook! Anyway, my neighbour Holly works for Pampered Chef and so I get a bunch of stuff for free – I love the Stoneware (cooks the BEST roast chicken ever!), I love the bamboo spoons but to be honest I find most of the range majorly patronising.
    The boy cannot cook, but loves gadgety things so I bought him The Chopper, an egg separator (like how hard is it to separate an egg yolk!?!), a spikey thing to hold an onion whilst chopping (if not using The Chopper). He’s never touched them and I still cook dinner every night. Total waste of money!!!!

  54. My sister hosts candle parties. I imagine everyone sitting around, smelling candles and deciding to spend too much money on things that smell fancy. And that’s a whole lot better than the thought of my sister hosting parties where people strip naked and dribble hot candle wax on each others’ naughty bits (in all honesty, I can’t imagine myself ever going to a “candle party”).

    I have an uncle who is into Amway, and has actually made a pretty good bit of money doing it . . . but that just means that I’m ultra wary of anybody throwing any sort of party that doesn’t involve me sitting down, drinking beer, and watching sports.

  55. I completely agree about the chopper thing being bullshit! I bought one at a friend’s party, and I have tried chopping TONS of stuff. If it is soft (like olives) then it works fine, but I can buy chopped olives (and do) so I don’t know why I would spend my time chopping them. I can’t get it to chop anything important (like onions) into neat pieces. I was kinda pissed, but I figure OH WELL–I think my friend got some pretty awesome stuff from the party. Their Parmesan-garlic oil dipping seasoning is THE BOMB (but once again you can probably buy it elsewhere for cheaper)!

  56. It’s hard to say because, well, I never go. I’ve been invited once or twice, but hard sell environments make me edgy. People who sell things tend to make me edgy. I MAY have my first experience soon with a friend who sells Mary Kay and will be hosting a party doing facials and stuff. I’m pregnant, and the allure of companionship and girlie time is strong. I wanna stop feeling greasy (holy SHIT my face has been greasy since I got pregnant) and feel a little sexy.

    I just need to remember to leave my purse at home.

  57. I’m sorry if I missed you mention it, but did you contact Pampered Chef or the consultant about the Chopper? The blades should definitely not fall out, the design is such that they should not come apart.

    If you can’t reach your consultant, you can call Pampered Chef directly at 888-OUR-CHEF.

  58. I’m sorry if I missed you mention it, but did you contact Pampered Chef or the consultant about the Chopper? The blades should definitely not fall out, the design is such that they should not come apart.

    If you can’t reach your consultant, you can call Pampered Chef directly at 888-OUR-CHEF.

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