A week ago if you’d said, “Aunt Becky, are you okay?” I would have happily said, “Fuck yes, I’m full of Awesome!” And I wasn’t lying to you, I was full of Awesome then.
Then Entropy reared her ugly head and smacked her bitch back down with randomness and uncertainty and Aunt Becky fell back down. In information theory, Entropy is a measure of uncertainty and randomness. In social systems, total Entropy is chaos and anarchy. In the body, Entropy the breakdown of all of the different systems as we age.
Entropy. Randomness. Uncertainty.
I’ve struggled with those burdens much of my life and I know that those are the spaces where I will grow and change and be reborn. As many tears as I will shed in the coming weeks; as many nights as I will toss and turn, I will come through the other side stronger and better.
The things I’m struggling with now, they’re not new issues and I’m remiss to even address them because someone will pop up and remind me, “Well ACTUALLY, Aunt Becky, those aren’t such bad problems! You know, there are legless people in Africa who WISH they had those problems.” And then I will be on the defense about why I am upset and that’s not the point.
It’s time to plow my cart and bones over the dead, whip those skeletons back out of my closet and teach them the Foxtrot. It’s time to be reborn again. I can feel it.
It’s fitting too, because today is the day that I’m getting my Phoenix tattoo finished. Of my three tattoos, it’s my favorite. The other two are excellent, of course, as well, but this one, this one is the most beautiful, biggest, most elegant, and most important of them all.
Because out of chaos, order will always emerge. For all of us.
I’ll be back later with more pictures.
Love you, Pranksters.
Why don’t you tell Your Aunt Becky about YOUR tattoos? Do you have any? Do you WANT any?
Over at Toy With Me talking about my Treehouse of Horrors!