I just changed my Big Scary Ultrasound appointment from the 17th of September to the 8th of September (also: Daver’s birthday. Where he turns 30! Officially OLD BALLS TERRITORY). Which has made my body Full of The Nervous, as I stare down the barrel of that gun. My reasons for changing my appointment are less “ohmygod, I can’t WAIT to go shopping” and more “ohmygod, I can’t WAIT to find out if it’s healthy,” which make me a killjoy, but a practical one.

People tend to assume that since I have two boys at home, that I would somehow really be upset if I didn’t have at least one baby girl. And while I might be upset for different reasons (i.e. I don’t get to buy frilly dresses and tell the Internet about it), I’m sadly boring when I inform you that really, REALLY, all I want is for my baby to be healthy. I don’t even care if it’s HAPPY (my babies are NEVER happy), just healthy.

I’ve tried to get in touch with my inner voice, you know, the one that’s supposed to guide my womanly intuition toward the gender of my Sausage, I’ve really tried. And all my womanly intuition wants to tell me is that I’m in dire need of buffalo wings.

When I was pregnant with Ben, delusional and pregnant, I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles, Cosmos, whatever that I was having a girl. I had a girl’s name picked out. I hadn’t bought any CLOTHES yet, since I was both poor and practical, but I had my eagle eye set on some frilly dresses.

It was a good thing they have you lay down for your ultrasound, or I may have toppled over onto the floor, never to get up again, when the lady informed me that I was carrying a boy. I insisted that she show me the evidence, and she did, a heavily pixilated penis/balls combo floating lazily in a bath of amniotic fluid.

I’ll admit to being somewhat disappointed at first, not that this was a very PC reaction, but with fairly good reason. When you have a boy, pregnant by a dude who is on his better days Captain Douchebag and on his worse days Captain Asswad, the last thing you want is for YOUR son to turn out just like his father.

I’m positive I’m not alone in this feeling, which at the end of it all, does come from the right place. I wanted better for my Ben.

And I got it.

When I got pregnant with Alex, Dave and I formed a kind of bet for what flavor of baby we were carrying. He INSISTED with more conviction than I’ve seen him muster save for the time that he tried to convince me that “Kung Fu” was a great show, that we were having a Girl. I was so much sicker, he reasoned, my pregnancy was so very different, it HAD to be a girl.

I took the option of Boy, just to make the US day more interesting (and to quell my aching nerves), and we had our bet.

The Stakes For Alex’s Pregnancy:

If I was right, and the baby was a Boy, Dave would wear a baby doll Britney Spears shirt IN PUBLIC on a day when it couldn’t be covered by a jacket.

If HE was right, and the baby was a Girl, I would, when I wasn’t overly pregnant, wear a Chicks Dig Unix shirt in public.

Due to our cheap-ass nature, and the fact that I sort of forgot (remember, this was also November in Chicago, where it’s certainly not warm enough to wear a t-shirt outdoors), Dave never wore the Britney Shirt.

So this time, in order once again to distract myself from the rolling ball of nerves that I now am, I tried to get him to make a bet with me. I was going for Team Girl, I figured he would go for Team Boy and we could come up with something new. Other than, “Hey, I’ll give you $20 from our JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT” as stakes.

Now I need your help, Internet.

First, will you come with me to my US appointment on Monday at 12:30? Please? Even if it’s just in your head, please send me healthy baby vibes. I’ll be your BFF!

Second, go ahead and vote up there. I’m dying to see what YOU think I’m carrying.

Third, and perhaps most entertaining, help me come up with some stakes with which Dave and I can lay our bets. Here is the pertinent info on Daver (you know me already):

He is a geek, but not a nerd. I’m assured that there is a difference here.

As you may have guessed, he has an excellent sense of humor, so pretty much anything is fair game.

He’s Mr. Wilson to my Dennis The Menace.

He doesn’t appreciate the beauty of pop culture as I do as he’s far more deep and meaningful than I am.

He will stop at nothing to embarrass me.

Anything else you need to know?

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

49 Responses to The Pinks And The Blues

  • kbreints says:

    you are totally having a girl— but don’t trust me– I thought I was too and then Sam popped out!

  • Jenn says:

    I chose girl. But the only times that I have ever been right are when they are my own so it’s probably a boy, haha.

    I was actually a teensy bit disappointed when I found out that I WAS having a girl when I was pregnant with Boo. (I am a much better boy mom but that’s okay because my husband is a much better girl dad.) But, like you, I was actually more interested in knowing that she was healthy. And my kids aren’t happy at all either so at least you aren’t alone in that, haha.

    I’ll be interested to see what you guys come up with for a bet. And he better follow through on it this time when he is wrong (because he will be!). ;)

  • paisana says:

    According to the Chinese Birth Calendar (and my piss poor memory), you’re adding a Taco to Casa Sausage.

    http://www.webwomb.com/chinesechart.htm

  • Oooooo, the Chinese Birthing Calendar is always right. I’ll go with Patty.

  • Sarah says:

    Wow.. Paisana got all serious! But you know, the Chinese thing was right with both of my little crackbabies.

    So, first, I’m there with you Monday.

    Second, I voted little chickie… for no real reason. Girls may or may not be from Venus, but they are for damn sure from outer space. I guess that would mean I too, am an alien, but really, alien life among us is the only thing that really justifies my daughter’s behavior. And I’m not sure if that would punish or thrill you, ultimately.

    Third, I suck at that sort of thing. Thinking up appropriate punishment. Sounds like maybe he should have to do something absurdly frivolous. A balls-out food fight, with ice cream, reddi whip and cheez whiz, in your kitchen…maybe in your bedroom? Then he’d also have to clean it up. Cause you’re pregnant.

  • kalakly says:

    Maybe it’s all the Daver stories but I just get a big ole boy vibe off of you…I’ve been right so far with allof my own, but the husband tells me I’m wrong this time…so my ability to determine the gender or wellness of a baby may have been permanently damaged after last year.
    I’m all about the healthy, I’ll take that for $1000, Alex. I’ll be thinking of you Monday, not in the pervy way, just in the phew,it’s all ok way.
    Oh, and BTW, those Chinese calendars have been 100% wrong with every one of mine.

    The bet, hmmmm, tatoos?

  • There’s an old wives tale that if you sleep with bay leaves under your pillow, you will dream of the sex of your baby. I will admit that I tried this when I was preggers. I thought I was having a boy and I dreamed of twin girls. I ended up having one girl….wooo woooo, spooky.

  • Rachel says:

    I was convinced that Mr. Farty was a girl, and at my 6-week ultrasound, I told my infertility nurse this. She cautioned me that ‘it’s all fun and games until the yolk sac disappears and a penis pops out.’

    Personally, I think you’re due for a girl, since you NEED to experience the hell of school shopping for a pre-teen daughter.

  • SciFi Dad says:

    I too voted girl.

    As for the bet, I’m thinking something along the lines of Tim Curry from Rocky Horror… heels and all.

  • baseballmom says:

    I’ll totally be there with you in my mind. I voted girl, and I love kalakly’s idea of a tatt–that would be awesome!

  • Heather says:

    I vote girl. Just because.

    As for his stakes, I seem to recall a cold winter day several months back when one Aunt Becky purchased a most stunning pair of patent gogo boots. I think they’d be JUST PERFECT for the Daver to strut into his fancy schmancy office wearing. No?

  • chris says:

    Guess what? The Daver and I have the same birthday…He must be a really cool dude, huh?

  • Juli says:

    Where are you having this ultrasound? Cuz if it’s at Delnor, I will be in there at 11:00 anyway for my appointment with the endocrinologist and, assuming I’m done by 12:30, I can come hold your hand. Then we can go to California Pizza Kitchen and eat like piggies afterward.

  • Kristen says:

    I will be there with you on Monday dear Becky. My healthy baby prayers for you have never stopped.
    My brain is switched off right now (until further notice) so I got nothing for you on embarrassing wagers.

  • Karen says:

    I vote boy. I think you are destined to by out-numbered by the sausages.

  • Patty or link it is going to be healthy, wealthy with a mom like you and it sounds wise like dad. Your U.S will be fine and then you will think of something else to worry about. All good good vibrations going your way. Oh and It’s a boy.

  • andria says:

    I have thought from the beginning that sausabryo is a girl because the heart rate is so high. My boys HRs were in 130s the girl 160s.

    And if it is a girl, I totally have tons of cutesy girly things I cannot part with but cannot keep and am waiting to pass to the right person. So keeping my fingers crossed there.

    I have no wager because I’m not good at those things, but I’m thinking maybe have him vote for John McCain if for the only reason we might get a glimpse of Sarah Palin’s hottie husband now and then.

  • swirl girl says:

    Like I’ve said a million times….

    I’m glad I have 2 girls. I have a 4#@ year old penis I am not sure what to do with, I would have been clueless what to do with a infant’s.

    I vote girl.

    I love the sausage link and sausage patty.

    Name choices or clever metaphors?

  • honeywine says:

    I’m thinking one of those giant blow-up dick hats like they get for the bachelorette parties! It works for both of you (certainly a boy symbol for you and an I’m a dickhead for him?). I would say we’d get a blow-up vag for him, but I have no idea where we’d get one other than a blow up-doll. Though, I guess he could tie the legs around his neck and wear it like a cape!

  • Honu-girl says:

    I’ll be there with you in spirit, and sending healthy baby thoughts your way.

    We didn’t find out the gender during the US for either kid. I was right about the gender of both (boy first, then girl). I say, wait to find out until birth, and just go for healthy!! :D

  • PajamaChick says:

    Can’t we die the Davers hair pink or something if its a girl and you are right??
    That would be cool (and it would match your gogo boots)
    PajamaChick

  • PajamaChick says:

    Oh and BTW. I totally stole your line about “having the sex” BUT I gave you credit for it so please don’t be hating.
    Thanks,
    PajamaChick

  • “really, REALLY, all I want is for my baby to be healthy.”

    It was the same for me with both pregnancies. I really couldn’t care less about the gender. It always surprises me when people assume that a pregnant woman should have a strong preference as far as gender goes. They are our children. Who cares about their gender?

  • EM says:

    I’m selfishly routing for a boy – the Raising All Boys club needs more cool moms like you!!

    Healthy for sure – I’ll be sending good vibes on Monday.

    Ironic though – come check out my newest post…

    EM – Thelma to your Louise

  • birdpress says:

    This is so exciting! I’ll totally be thinking of you on Monday! I was gonna be all rebel-like and say boy, since everyone seems to think you are having a girl, but my hunch still says girl. (My hunches have proven wrong often enough though, so don’t put any bets on it.)

  • You could make him wear a tiara or a pink feather boa (or both!) on a trip outside somewhere if he’s wrong.

    I knew what both of mine where before the ultrasound. I just knew. For some reason, I think you have a girl. No idea why I think that, though.

  • Melissa C says:

    well my SIl just found out that she’s carrying twins, but I won’t wish that on you… I too am getting the girlie vibe for you! :-)

  • Madame Yu See says:

    I’m voting for ‘girl.’
    Make the bet – if it’s a boy, the husband has to take the 2 boys (plus this one, as soon as he’s weaned) you already have out by himself for 2 hours every Saturday, so you can have some time alone – until they all graduate from high school.
    If it’s a girl, you can cook French toast one Sunday for him.
    There, the stakes are about equal!

  • I was pretty much convinced that my second son was definitely going to be a boy. Then, all during my labor, the L&D nurse went on and on and on about how she was 100% positive I was having a girl. For hours! By the time I was ready to push, I was riding the girl train with her. Couple pushes later, out comes a baby, and I didn’t even look at it’s face first. I went straight between it’s legs, and that it had a penis! I looked over at my L&D nurse and was all, “BUT YOU SAID!!!”

    So, here’s hoping you have a girl. For me. Do it for me!

  • Melissa says:

    My thoughts will be with you Monday. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed. Healthy is definitely most important.

    I am convinced it’s a girl. But maybe that’s because I can’t think of anything else – and someone else needs to be in my Hannah and HSM hell with me.

    I LOVE Heather’s idea. The gogo boots for sure. And of course he has to let you document it for all of us to see.

    Good luck!

  • docgrumbles says:

    I voted for girl, and I will be mentally present at your u/s day.

  • kate says:

    if dave is wrong he has to get a tatoo that says “wrong AGAIN”

    i voted boy

    b/c sausage link sounds funnier than sausage patty. and my ex-MIL’s name is patty, so bleh.

  • Heather P. says:

    Honey, I include you in my prayers every night, so I will say an extra one on Monday.
    I still think that you are going to have another boy.
    The chances of boy are 50% greater since your others are boys.

  • Lola says:

    I voted girl just because of all the drama with this sausage. Come to think of it, though, I had tons of drama with my son. Oh, well, I already voted.

    I say if the Daver loses that he has to write your blog posts for a week. If you lose, you have to do nothing. You birthed another baby for crapsake!

  • Lola says:

    Oh, good vibrations for Monday!

  • KT says:

    The entry I first read of yours was one when you and the Daver were at Terget shopping and you gave Alex the KY tube to hold or teethe on. Something. And you said that he’d been a good sport regarding you yelling things out, but the KY for the baby to play with was his last straw. I’ll NEVER forget that post because I thouhgt it was great. You have the nerve to play the pranks and joke around in ways I do not always have.

    I so can’t come up with someting, but I will try. Something embarassing? but deep enuf? I’ll try. I promise. What bands/music does he like? when people watching who does he comment on and what does he say? How to embarass him? Hmmmm…….what can he be forced to wear the entire time you are delivering?

  • Meg says:

    I’ll be thinking healthy thoughts for you on Monday!

  • Jenn says:

    I voted patty. I’ve been thinking that all along and I don’t know why.

    Being the mom of two patties (or is it four?), they are great fun. And I wish it on anyone. Until they are about 11 of course.

    I’m for the tattoo.

  • Painted Maypole says:

    i will mentally attend your ultrasound. i am clueless on stakes to wager, however. I would go for something more like “rub my feet every night between now and when I give birth”

  • Edward says:

    I am going to say that you are carrying a healthy girl or two boys! As foir betts I say you tell dave that he owes you 2 days off, out for buffolo wings, the other kids at grandmas (days he would normally be working) and post food…..some good loving! If he wins you should make sure he gets his viagra (turning 30m and all lol!) and you should get two days of him hom with buffallo wings, a new pg outfit, a movie, and some good loving of your choice!

    Lady I dont’ cae what you have so long as baby is healhty, happy and you get some food….and um laid just the way you like it.

  • Girl.

    If he loses he sings “I feel pretty”, at least two verses, to the bar at a TGI Friday’s. To the bar, not to you, not to the restaurant patrons. He strolls around the bar singing to each person sitting there until he’s made a full round.

  • Ellie says:

    30? Pffft. 30 ain’t nothin’.

  • kim says:

    I’ll be there, right with you on the 8th….Sister.

    Here is the bet, he must wear a wig, that you style, make up, that you apply, and a dress of some sort, a-la Drag Queen style, to the local convenience store or gas station, the one he frequents most often.

    YOU must get up at night with said baby and do all the breast feeding/pumping.

    Sounds fair to me.

  • Tricia says:

    I too never became one with my baby gender intitution. I can’t wait to read the happy update on Monday!

  • The Daver has to wear this shirt if he loses- for a whole weekend..
    http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts-stock/i-like-long-walks-on-the-beach-after-anal/

  • Calliope says:

    am filling up the car to stalk you on monday!
    I think an ape suit would be fun…

    xo

  • Mumma Boo says:

    I’ll be sending all kinds of good thoughts on Monday. Both my kids were “shy” on the first US, so we didn’t know until we had follow-ups later on. They liked to keep us guessing. But we knew they were healthy and that’s what was important to us. That being said, I’m voting “Patty”. For the Daver’s “payout”, he must wear the gogo boots AND the Britney Spears baby doll tee while getting you buffalo wings. For your payout, you must go to one geek convention – on your own, without kids – staying in a hotel with a spa.

  • Anjali says:

    Fingers triple crossed here.

    I’m voting girl. But maybe that’s because I have three of them!

  • Kate says:

    (delurking – read every post!)

    Definitely healthy ….

    But I am sorry to announce boy (for the terms of your contest), because my gut feeling is “girl” and I am ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS wrong. If you end up having a girl and my instinct is right, I might have to go out and do something totally humiliating, like wear a Britney shirt over my fat a** to a weight watchers meeting.

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