I say “Screw all those freaking feel-good meme’s out there” and in that vein, I am completing one that allows me to complain about things (more than usual), which I was mass tagged for by my friend Sara.
In no particular order, I present to you my current shit list.
1. The Month Of January. Is it just me or does this month suck? The only holiday (holidays tend to be what can make or break a month for me, because I am 12.) I can think of is New Years Day, which I believe Hugh Hefner referred to as “ameteur night” and I agree with him. I’ve never had much good come out of this month aside from surviving it which does not a glowing recommendation make.
2. My Thyroid Gland. Although I have been undergoing testing and dosage increases (since October), it is still underactive and my hair is still falling out with alarming frequency. If this doesn’t get resolved soon, I am going to have to invest in some wigs. Which sounds a lot cooler than it is.
3. Morning People. Although I have hoped, wished, and possibly even prayed that I would somehow turn into this morning person that people claimed I could become, I have yet to see any results. My internal clock is set to be a night owl, and although the world doesn’t function on my time table, I have learned to cope. Until some asshole cheerful morning person gets all high and mighty on my ass, and then I want to regulate.
4. Election Year. Although I’m as happy as a pig in shit that GW will soon be out of office, I am really damn sick and tired of having to field phone calls/watch commercials/get mail all telling me that I should vote for XYZ Candidate. Just stop talking about WHO I should vote for, please?
5. People Who Live In My House But Shall Remain Nameless Who Are Unable To Reload The Toilet Paper. I mean, it’s not rocket science, and yet, I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO MANAGES TO DO IT.
6. Drivers Who Tailgate Through A Heavily Patrolled Neighborhood When I Am Going Slightly Over The Speed Limit. I mean, COME ON. I know you want to get wherever you are going, but I assure you that I do, too. But I want to do this WITHOUT paying a $75 ticket.
7. People Who Take Everything Personally. I have a friend who does this (no, not any of you.) and is convinced that I hate her if I haven’t called her back immediately, like I am somehow sitting at home and plotting AGAINST returning her call. While I appreciate that she gives me this much credit for being so scheming, it’s just not that complicated. I haven’t called her back because I have forgotten. Period.
(and trust me, if you read something on my blog, ever, that makes you think I am somehow knocking YOU personally, I’d like to remind you to reconsider. I assure you I am neither that smart or that cunning.)
8. Spandex Leggings. I know that the 80’s is making a comeback (Hello, American Gladiators!) and I’m pretty much okay with that, save for part of the fashion. The part that convinces women to wear spandex leggings underneath their dresses/oversized shirts. Why? BECAUSE IT LOOKS FUCKING STUPID. It did then, and it does now.
9. PPD. It’s not enough for women who have just had babies to be overtired, ridiculously hormonal, and disgusted that their asses got pregnant, too, but now we get to add depression into the mix. I mean, how fun is it to finally get something you’ve wanted for a long, long time and then find yourself weeping into the couch cushions BECAUSE THE PATERNITY RESULTS ON MAURY WEREN’T ON TODAY.
10. Blackberry’s. Now, I like to be as connected as the next person, and maybe it’s because I have no real need to be as connected as someone with a paid job (oooh! A comment for me to moderate!QUICK! MODERATE IT!), but I just can’t get behind a piece of technology that has made it socially acceptable to interrupt a conversation with a real, live person sitting in front of you to read an email. Color it any way you’d like, but it’s fucking rude and it’s tacky. There is nothing that cannot wait 30 seconds until the real live conversation is done. And if it’s genuinely so bloody important, the phone will ring.
Amazingly enough, this took me a long time to complete. I guess I’m not as angry as I thought that I was.
So tell your Aunt Becky, who is on YOUR current shit list? Who (or what) peed in YOUR cheerios today?