Thoroughly rejected ideas for posts today include, but are not limited to, the following topics:
*Animals; special focus on my particular animals who must follow me around trying to sit on my (lack of) ass after I clearly inform them that no, in fact, I am in no mood to have a cat make love to my leg. No matter how cute or charmingly they attempt to rub my face with their paws. Or shine their butt-hole in my direction, perhaps hoping for a sniff?
*Toddlers; emphasis on why mine insists upon taking a massive crap about 10 minutes after he lays down for the one, one hour long nap he takes each day. Re-emphasis on the fact that this child never! sleeps!
*Holidays; extra-specially Thanksgiving which is perhaps on par with Fourth of July and/or Columbus Day in terms of Becky’s Level of Enjoyment. Which is only very, very slightly more enjoyment than a coffee enema. But with bonus turkey!
*Tags at the bottom of the post. Mainly, why do I not understand anything remotely technologically oriented? After one marries a geek, you’d assume that the knowledge would, by miracle of osmosis, pass through the air while we sleep, and for that you would be wrong. Plea to Internet At Large to explain this phenomenon.
*Shipping Costs for the presents I am too lazy to go out and purchase. Reiterate why laziness is completely justifiable touching particularly on:
-Ample girth and lack of abdominal muscles with which to support large breasts and (one can only assume) thick skull.
-Mention moon boot, but emphasize the delicious codeine pills that go along with it
–Asshole Willful toddler who happily would run far, far away from his (frightening) mother given the slightest opportunity
-Not-so-jokingly bring up birth control options after baby is expelled from her comfy home in my ribcage.
-Finish with a complaint that shipping costs ought to include oral sex from hot delivery drivers. Bemoan lack of hot delivery drivers, and make a pledge that Someday When I Rule The World, all delivery drivers will be smokin’ hot and provide oral sex as a bonus!
*Apologize profusely that comments may have been inadvertantly deleted due in no small part to the 400+ spam messages that I moderate daily.
*Ask The Internet if NaBloWhatever is as annoying to them as it is to you.