Pashmina: “How was your birthday?”

Aunt Becky: “Eh.”

Pashmina: “We’re thirty now.”

Aunt Becky: “I’m changing my birthday.”

Pashmina: “Are you one of those freaks that doesn’t like getting older?”

Aunt Becky: “No, I mean I’m changing the DAY.”

Pashmina: “…”

Aunt Becky: “See, 3 ER visits in 5 years means that the day is cursed. I wasn’t supposed to be born July 15 anyway but I was in distress or some shit.”

Pashmina: “Maybe you’re just unlucky.”

Aunt Becky: “The first person to wish me a happy birthday is always either an ER doc or a pharmacist. So no more. July 15, you are dead to me. July 28, you are my new birthday.”

Pashmina: “Can you do that? Like, just change the day?”

Aunt Becky: “Why not? It’s like Your Number of People You Bone. As you get farther past it, you know, some just DROP off the list for whatever reason.”

Pashmina: “…”

Aunt Becky: “You know, Bob had a micropenis so he didn’t count, and Jim humped your leg instead of your naughty bits and what’s-his-face had a bit of a premature ejaculation problem?”

Pashmina: “…”

Aunt Becky: “So they drop of Your List!”

Pashmina: “…”

Aunt Becky: “What?!?”

Pashmina: “The way you do math is bizarre.”

Aunt Becky: “I can justify just about anything. Like why I need to buy a tapeworm. And move to LA to start a disco band!”

Pashmina: “Disco sucks.”

Aunt Becky: “You won’t be saying that when my band is on the cover of Rolling Stone. You’ll be begging for groupies.”

Pashmina: “I am pretending not to know you anymore.”

Aunt Becky: “You won’t be saying that when my tapeworm farm is famous, either.”

Pashmina: “…”

Aunt Becky: “You’re still mad at me about the butt sex check (Pranksters, go read those links in that order) aren’t you?”

Pashmina: “No. Well, maybe.”

Aunt Becky: “How about I let you into my disco band as an apology?”

Pashmina: “You shine on you crazy diamond, you.”

Aunt Becky: “That’s the spirit! Let’s get some go-go boots and blue eye shadow!”

Now, Pranksters, aren’t you glad I don’t IM you?


Mushroom Printing. It’s up. It’s awesomer than ever. You can play, too.

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