So I’ve frequently waxed on about how my daughter kicked neurosurgery in the balls because, well, anyone who undergoes brain surgery as a 3 week old and walks off with as wicked a scar as my Mimi did deserves to say that about themselves (or have their mother brag about it). Her scar is such that she’s going to have to come up with some kind of wicked story like, “bar fight” which is my go-to story when strangers ask.

Trust me, I get some looks.

Later, I said that Mimi kicked ass because she beat a diagnosis that often kills babies, or leaves them severely retarded. She’s entirely normal, if not a bit feisty, which, again, kicks ass.

What I didn’t count on was that my daughter would be a bruiser.

Sure, my mother often said that I was born “smoking a cigar and barking out orders” but I sort of thought that she meant that I was a short, fat, balding bookie kind of baby. I don’t know why I always pictured myself as The Penguin from Batman, but I did.

I didn’t think she meant that I was a BRUISER. Apparently, THAT was what she meant, not that I was a villain-baby, because to hear her talk about it, she STILL shudders when she describes me as a baby.

Maybe that was why my first word was “fuck.” I don’t know. But it does explain a whole lot about my personality now, doesn’t it? (just nod, it’s easier)

But that would be my daughter, who is, apparently, myself, who is, without a doubt, kicking all of our asses to get what she wants. It doesn’t really matter WHAT it is, she’ll fight you for it. Ear-bleeding shrieks followed by tiny fingered pinches, then followed by a gaze from those beautiful, luminous eyes, I mean, you IMAGINED that tantrum, didn’t you?

Nothing this sweet looking could be such a devil in disguise:

Underneath that sweet, cake-eating exterior, she’s plotting how to steal your wallet AND car-keys. Amelia, she’s a thug-a-lug.

Really, I thought that my testosterone-fueled middle son would have been the member of the Sausage Factory to contend with but it turns out that his sister is going to be the member of the family that will be all DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY, SOLDIER. Mimi, who will probably drop the fluffy sounding name and go by the more refined sounding “A-Dog” will make an excellent drill sergeant where she will inflict her torture on her troops so much that they will have nightmares that she is standing over them, pinching them.

Of course, she will be standing over them, pinching them while they sleep, because she is THAT kind of bruiser.

I’m wicked proud of my ickle A-Dog, even though I’m sure eventually she’ll try to cut my hair into a regulation buzz-cut every time she sees me, which is fine, so long as I don’t go to sleep (Aunt Becky doesn’t sleep, she waits). Because I bet she WOULD do it while I sleep.

It’s a good thing, I think. The world needs more strong, fearless, smart, pinchy females to stomp the earth in their combat boots making everything their bitch. Amelia will be like Chuck Norris, only cuter.

Just don’t tell her I called her cute. She’ll punch me in the throat.

Fear me world, because I have come to CONQUER you.

Once I finish my juicey.


At Toy With Me, I’m talking about my BRILLIANT plan: Peckers of the Caribbean.



83 thoughts on “The Girl With Curls Like A Halo Kicks MY Ass

  1. I just love that. She made lemonde out of lemons. I think children who have had obsticles at a young age tend to be fighters.

    Im so happy that she is perfect!

  2. Listen, and listen good…
    Mimi is the only kidlet in the entire blogosphere that gives me baby fever.
    We all know that my sanity/liver can not handle one in diapers and 2 in college.
    Please stop blogging her awesomeness. Or add a disclaimer.

  3. She could certainly kick MY ass! But I think my Lady H could go head to head with A-Dog – funny thing – my friends have always called my kid The Dog. Don’t ask me why. We have a lot of sayings with the word Dog in them.

  4. I am embarrassed to admit that I have no idea what you mean by the term bruiser. I keep thinking that means she bruises easily. And maybe she does and that’s why she’s a kick butts first and take names later kinda girl. It doesn’t really matter though. She’s still awesome.

  5. I looked into her eyes. She knows my weaknesses. She shows no mercy, God help me. She is so damn cute. She will wrap the world around her little finger and make it cry uncle.

  6. OH man she is BEAUTIFUL. But let me tell you…the pinching does not stop. Just ask my boyfriend, when I wanted a bottle of water last night he got pinched until I got it. Booyah!

    (PS, I think barfight is a perfectly acceptable story for her scar, or shark attack….just sayin’)

      1. ya too many people are used to the whining so much they can tune it out. no one can tune out the pain. your little drill sergeant’s got it right!

  7. She is absolutely adorable and I have no doubt that when Joey and Amelia meet, they will not only take over the world, they will have a good chance at taking over the Universe……..

  8. HAHA – You got a replica. I think its funny when our Mom’s gave us that curse. Of course YOU are full of the awesome, so Mimi is too.

    Pinches and all. (at least she doesnt bite……yet)

  9. My friend has a theory that having brothers (especially older ones,) destroys those girly-girl influences? I suspect your little girl just is kick-ass, and it doesn’t matter who her siblings are.

  10. HaHa! Either she and Miss E will get along smashingly OR they will be hair pulling and pinching in no time. I swear she got NONE of Jon’s sweetness….she got ALL of my attitude! Mimi is SUCH a pretty girl…I’m so glad she’s taking no crap!

  11. Oh, man is she awesomely beautiful. My little girl is on the same track, and she is a bruiser too. She takes what she wants by force and she will hurt you until she gets what she wants. She pinches, she bites, she slaps. She has her brother and the other older boys at the playground at her mercy. I love a powerful woman. I don’t know where she came from, but I gotta love it. I know you love every minute of watching her kick the world’s ass. You are just glowing with pride (and amazement), as well you should be. Even cooler is that Mimi has an army of aunts/uncles out in the Internetz that love her fiercely and will HELP her kick ass whenever needed, though I’m sure she’s pretty much got it covered. 🙂

  12. With 2 older brothers, she will need to be a bruiser! Good for A-dog…I’m sure there are plenty of people in your house who need a good ass-kicking! 🙂

  13. Are you ever going to show us her scar? ‘Cuz I would sure like to see it (what can I say? I’m creepy? Nah, not really… you know I’ve got 3 kids who have had brain surgery, too, so I’m just asking from pure curiosity). 🙂

    1. I’ve tried to photograph it, honestly, but it does not show up well in pictures. It looks not as bad as it does in real life. Which means that YOU will have to visit US. Heh. See? I WORKED THAT IN THERE WELL.

  14. *And* she’s already shopping at a sixth-grade level. She has sparkly pink shoes for the ass-kicking. I have to admire that.

  15. God love the bruiser baby! Maybe she knows that with two older brother she will have to pull her ass kicking weight- I know the fear of what your child will do when you sleep which is why there is a gate across my daughter’s bedroom- I know she would totally get out of her bed and get into some trouble in the middle of the night. Lately, after our third set of x-rays (as a two year old) and the relief that she did not in fact break her foot by jumping off her chair at the dinner table when we were sitting right next to her- I decided I would like my kid to have a little fear- just enough to make her think twice about jumping off things, or swinging on them, or running full force into whatever- I do not think that will happen

  16. Girlfriend is going to take the world by the nutties fo sho. But the world won’t really mind ‘cuz she’s so cute. It’s the perfect combo.

  17. She is too beautiful!! If i lived closer, I’d definitely come over and watch your crotch parasites to give you a break. Glad you’re feeling better!

  18. This makes me wonder what my ladybug is going to be like when she gets to that age…you know, the walking around pinching people age.

    As of right now she coos and grins until I give her whatever she wants. How could I not? Plus the “I’m so excited to see you!” leg kick dance as soon as I pop my face over the side of her crib…

    Resistance is futile.

  19. I couldn’t help but laugh as I read this, Drama Queen still instills fear in boys who have crushes on her…..she is the size of a toothpick, but with a mere look can have them doing her bidding in a flash. Hardcore girls are the wave of the future. Ah yes, we are doing something trult good for the world!!

  20. Mimi for President – 2044. It’s got a definite ring to it. Now, you have to try to keep her somewhat scandal free until then. Yeah, good luck with that one. Heh. She’ll cut a bitch if said bitch gets too close to that juicey.

  21. Ahh, my daughter and your daughter, they shall rule the world together. We have those tantrums in my house, but the pinches are substituted for cranium shaking head butts.

    That girl is going to be the death of me…

  22. I love it! Miss Mimi reminds me so much of my own daughter, who is 2. She has this lovely long wavy hair (and I keep it long because my own is so short, and if not hers, whose hair can I mess with?) and, thanks to being the youngest after two boys, a huge collection of brightly colored tunic dresses and leggings and other things that are just the right amount of girly to make everyone go all squishy. And she will smile at you with her scrunched up eyes, hug the car and say “I love you,” then grimace and pinch her brother’s arm until he gives up his toy. She will never be bullied. She’s the one who will be walking around in dresses and pearls, shrieking, “I am a delicate flower, dammit!”

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