Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

The Evolution of Aunt Becky


Besides, “how does Dave put up with you*?” and “would you describe yourself as more achingly or hauntingly beautiful**?” people are always interested to know why the fuck I call myself Aunt Becky.

Because I am Your Aunt Becky. I adopted you. Sorry about that. The upside is, the Internet is a large place and it’s entirely likely that I WON’T show up on your doorstep on Thanksgiving in a festive Christmas Sweater, reeking of vodka and vomit, demanding that you cook me some motherfucking stuffing because I have other nieces and nephews to annoy. The downside is that I might.

There’s plenty of Aunt Becky to go around.

But I wasn’t ALWAYS Aunt Becky. Before I was Aunt Becky, I was Stimpy on my old blog, Mushroom Printing, when I could remember to be all cloak-and-daggery about my name. Pashmina, who I talk about here as my college roommate and the person I humiliated with the Butt Sex Check, was Ren.

When I moved here, I was just Becky. Because it’s my name and it’s full of The Awesome the way it lilts off the tongue, you know? Anyway.

Proving my theory that people with half a brain can pick any-fucking-thing to be incensed about, one day I was commenting on a friend’s blog and I saw someone else named Becky. Well, I thought to myself. Her parents were obviously very smart for naming her that. She must be a rocket scientist with a name like that!

Skimming the comment left by my new friend–I already had our slumber parties planned out because we just HAD to be friends–I sighed when I realized that she couldn’t spell to save herself and her grammar appeared to have been pecked out by a blind mole rat, but I decided that in the name of our friendship, I’d forage onward!

Several days later, revisiting the blog of our mutual friend, I happily checked the comments to see if my new BFF had commented, eager to see if she’d seen that she had a friend in me! I was shocked to note that where the space for “name” had been previous filled with “Becky” it now said “THE REAL BECKY” and the comment made hideous references to an IMPOSTOR BECKY.

Then she had the audacity to make some snide remarks about me and the “cussing” on my blog and how tasteless I was!

Oh HELL NO Becky, oh HELL NO you didn’t. For your information, I do not “cuss,” I fucking swear. I will be put down by someone who can spell without the aid of a spell checker, and I will happily correct my own grammar with a motherfucking SMILE on my motherfucking face when it’s pointed out tactfully to me, but I will NOT be put in my place by someone who accuses me of PRETENDING to be some toothless mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, slack-jawed yokel who happens to go by the 22nd most popular name of 1980. The year I was born.

Fucking bitch probably collected Precious Moments dolls.


What, you want proof or something?

No, I am not cross-eyed. It’s the water damage distorting the view of my AWESOMENESS. And no, no one had just threatened to kill me if I smiled. SHOCKING.

Maybe I was just remembering my earlier years. Like this one:

When my parents had BRUTALLY made me pose in front of a bear like that. Look at the mock terror on my toddler face!

Or maybe I was thinking about this:

The time when I was left with the creepy guy who I wanted to get away from.

(he was actually my dad, and I was TRYING to get into the greenhouse)


So, I figured that I’d have a couple of different personas for my blog and change them around depending on my mood. I’d be Smoove B one day, Aunt Becky for a week and The Notorious BEX the next. Sometimes, I’d just be Becky, As Herself. Or Becky, In Real Life.

Well, guess which one stuck? (hint: it’s not The Daver) Can’t be all bad. Especially since it means that I’ll never have to cook for the holidays ever again.

Are you a nickname person on The Internet? Do you go by something else on your blog other than your real name? How did you come up with your nickname? Also, should I cock-punch The Other Becky***?


*Bad karma in a past life OBVIOUSLY

*Why have OR when you can have AND?

***I swear on all that I am that I am not lying. If I could find the blog, I’d show you the comment but I never went back because I knew my head would explode.

169 Comments to

“The Evolution of Aunt Becky”

  1. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:36 am Susan (woo222) Says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love you, you make me laugh til I cry. OMG I totally have to remember that bear pic when I have kids!! And you are totally welcome to show up at my house for Thanksgiving, but I don’t cook, so we’ll have to abduct someone who does. ~Susan

  2. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:02 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    We can order takeout. No problem.

  3. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:38 am fidget Says:

    OTHER Becky totally deserves a cunt punch- make sure you are wearing brass knuckles

    and yeah, I go by Fidget on my blog, it’s descriptive. People have done a SHOCKING EXPOSE in my comments and actually TOLD my readers that my real name is *GASP* not, in fact, Fidget. Oh Hai! I haz an about me page bitches!

    I do use my real name too but Ive been Fidget online for over 10 years- it would be weird to fully shed it (eww that sounds gross, like I have a sun burn and need to pick off my jerkied skin)

  4. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:04 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    NO WAY! YOU’RE NOT FIDGET? I feel…so….wrong! All these years? YOU’VE BEEN LYING TO ME.

  5. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:40 am Elly Lou Says:

    I’ve never ever reacted badly to meeting “other” Ellys. I definitely have never ever referred to them as “evil” Ellys in polite conversation. I also don’t swear…like fucking ever…so maybe I should go try and befriend prude Becky because she and I would clearly skip through tulips while chastely holding hands and eating graham crackers of goodness and light.

    Wait, did we just break up?

  6. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:06 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahahaha! I don’t give a flying poo if you swear or not and I can go from being a trucker to being all “golly gee firecrackers mister” in 4.5 seconds, but there’s no way I’d take being told off by a toothless knuckle dragger. For daring to have the same name.

    She patented it, eh? Maybe she should talk to God. Who wrote Rebecca into the Bible.

  7. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:10 pm Elly Lou Says:

    Fortunately you referenced the bible in your response. Now we can get back together again. Hallowed be Aunt Becky.

  8. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:40 am Mrs. Spit Says:

    Well, obviously I don’t have a nickname, and my name really is Mrs. Spit.

  9. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:08 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Of course it is!

  10. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:43 am Anna Says:

    In your honor, I hereby pledge to beat the crap out of (read: give the stink eye when she can’t see me doing it) the next Becky I meet that isn’t you.

    And then, I’ll kick dirt in her face and say “Who’s the REAL Becky now, bitch?”

    Then, I’ll run like hell.

  11. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:09 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    You need to somehow throw a cup of pee on her too. Just…because.

  12. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:44 am Nona Says:

    You can show up at my house any day and I will gladly cook you stuffing, Aunt Becky. And if you didn’t reek of vodka and vomit before you came, you surely would when you left.

    And we couldn’t care less about that other poser, that wannabe Becky. Fuck that uptight, name-hoarding, spelling-and-grammar-challenged bitch.

  13. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:10 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    We’ll punt her in her vagina! After we drink vodka!

  14. On February 4th, 2010 at 2:27 pm Kara Says:

    I haven’t laughed out loud at a blog until now… and “punt her in the vagina” to boot, you are my new hero!

    In 1992 Sir Mix-a-lot proved “Becky” to be one of THE most common names of all times when he sang about big butts… so how can she fathom being so high and mighty… bitch please!

  15. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:48 am Lindsey Says:

    I would love a nickname but I am just not creative enough!
    I love your post, they are all so entertaining. Thanks for making me laugh!
    Cock-punch her for sure. Prude Becky is a bitch!

  16. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:13 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    She was SUCH a bitch. Stupid NOT friend of mine. Her name was probably, like, SUE.

  17. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:50 am paisana Says:

    Um, you were Ren. I was Stimpy.

  18. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:14 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    And I was high.

  19. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:54 am MinivanSoapbox Says:

    Could you look any more irritated in that high school ID card….And while we’re on the subject….High School ID cards? Seriously?

  20. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:14 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I was very happy that day! Practically ebullient!

  21. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:54 am Lee the Hot Flash Queen Says:

    First of all, I love that you cuss like a sailor, because I do too. People are afraid to have me around their kids. I am the hot flash queen. In real life I am not the queen, but the slave. And thank god for the hormone replacement crap that takes care of most of those pesky hot flashes, but the persona of being a hot flashin bitch suits me online and in real life.

  22. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:15 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Fuck yes. And why NOT swear when swearing feels so good. Also, I can shut my whore mouth when I need to. Because of course.

  23. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:56 am Melissa Says:

    LOL – I lurve you.

    I used to post as Aunt Em. But its really not all that creative, well cuz, Melissa is a mouthful for babies to say, and while the babies are now 8 I am still and always will be Aunt Em. And MISSY to my brothers and sisters. If you call me Missy I will crotch punch you! God how I hate that. Do I LOOK like a fidgety mini poodle? NO!

    Anyway… Yes, the OTHER Becky needs to get her cuss free ass kicked. She is a total cunt.

  24. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:16 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahaha! Maybe she thought I was trying to PRETEND to BE her. Because her pea brain was that small.

    (asshole Becky. I WISH I could find her)

  25. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:58 am Shell Says:

    I love that you fucking swear.

    My name is Michelle, but I go by Shell on my blog. I’ve been nicknamed Mish, Shelly, and MJ by various people at different times. Sometimes I’ve even told someone to call me MJ- not my favorite nickname, but I was on a moms’ board where there were 857 other Michelles. I go by Shell on my blog because that is the name that those who are closest to me have all called me, without my telling them to. Anyone who has ever been really significant in my life has called me that. Though, Hubs spells it Chelle. Which is probably the most correct…but I like traditional spellings.

    Anyway, since I spill my guts on my blog, I figure the people reading it should call me the same thing that those closest to me do.

    Go kick the other Becky’s misspelling ass.

  26. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:17 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I think Shell is adorable and if that were my name, I’d go by that too. And I wouldn’t be all I’M THE REAL SHELL. We could make a rap about it like Eminem did.

  27. On July 27th, 2010 at 8:44 pm Michelle Says:

    Weird! I have always used my second name, although family called me Shelley until I begged for the more ‘grown up’ Michelle. My favourite (non-Becky) Aunt calls me Chelle. It’s kinda nice to know that I’m not alone….
    I don’t blog, but a coworker dubbed me Labrat and that has stuck for years. Although some break it up to “La Brat”….not that I fucking deserve that! Now I must drag my daughter around until we find a bear statue…or a bear.

  28. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:08 am MamaOtwins+1 Says:

    That bear pic had me cracking up. I tried to get my kids to pose like that once – they would have no part of it.
    I’ve never cared what people call me – so long as they call me.

  29. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Bwahaha! I’m pretty happy to answer to most anything. Unless people are mad that I have the same name as they do. Which is lame.

  30. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:09 am almostaraider Says:

    You should totally cock-punch that other Becky!

    I’ve went by Chicky for the past 12 or so years, since high school, in band I was the only female in percussion, so it was “guys and chick” do xyz….yeah the director was a sleaze but it stuck. I even have Chick tattooed on my wrist, but I’m just a weird gamer geek like that. WoW is also tattooed on there. Later My actual name will join it and on the other wrist my 3 children’s names 🙂 (ok spell check tells me children’s is wrong, so I’m a mouth-breather who can’t use spellcheck, don’t hate me!)

  31. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:21 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    That’s a great nickname. And spell check tells me that “Rebecca” is wrong. So, there’s that. Spell check is fucking stupid. We should punch it.

  32. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:14 am a Says:

    Impostor Becky, The Real Becky does need a giant ass-kicking. I don’t know what rock she lives under, but here in the real world, Becky isn’t exactly an uncommon name. She’s probably still a troll who leaves anonymous comments on your blog.

    If you want to show up on the holidays at my house, you can, but I cannot guarantee that there will be food available. We never invite people over, because we’re anti-social.

  33. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:22 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I used to have to go by Becky S. because my name was popular enough to have another Becky in my class at all times. What an ass.

    And I don’t really eat much, so whatever. If I show up and you’re there, I’m all good. If you’re not there, I’ll wait. And if you’re PRETENDING to not be there, I’ll know. Because I’m a fucking ninja.

  34. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:07 pm michele Says:

    heh, i was always “michele with one l” as opposed to the regular michelles. nowadays people ask if there’s one l or two, but i really don’t give a shit. as long as its not michael.

  35. On December 31st, 2009 at 12:29 pm Melissa Says:

    Weird, people ask me if my name is 2 l’s as well. Are there really people that spell Melissa Mellissa? Or worse, they ask 2 s’s or one. Melisa. That just looks weird.

  36. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:17 am Becky Says:

    Ok, that other Becky totally deserves whatever you want to do to her. I just hope I’m not the next Becky that Anna runs into. Yikes!

    I’m still laughing (on the inside because I’m at work and they frown on using work time to comment on blogs – especially awesome sweary ones) at the fact that someone got mad at you for having your name. How, exactly, are you supposed to help that? I was born in 1980 too – there are a million of us. Does this mean that I also have to come up with a nickname? Because I’m not that creative. And what if someone already has the nickname I want? Are they the REAL ____ and then I have to find another one? God. The stress.

  37. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:27 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    I’m pretty sure that you’re okay being Becky because I’m all good with having people with the same name! Bwahahaha! The story was so absurd because what the hell? SERIOUSLY.

    It’s such a great name, you’d think we’d WANT to meet other people with it. Now, if an army of AUNT BECKY’S showed up on the Internet, it might be a little fishy, because the assumed familiarity was supposed to be a JOKE.

    But…BECKY? Dude. Nice to meet you. Come by AND USE YOUR NAME ANY TIME. In fact, you should go by THE REAL BECKY from now on because that’s awesome.

  38. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:31 am Tiffany Says:

    You punch her right in the baby maker Aunt Becky, I will be there drinking my beer watching. Funny that you talked about showing up drunk demanding food. My mother did that the Thursday before Christmas and stayed until Saturday. The “man” was not amused.

    other name 3GSandT (3 Gins and Tonic)

    P.S. I am one of those unfortunate souls that cannot form a flowing well written blog, story, or hell sentence so when you read my posts make sure your good and drunk (it will make more sense). *drooling all over computer*

  39. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:29 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Your comment made TOTAL sense, yo and I love on every one because you crack my ass up. And we’ll cut The REAL Becky when we see her.

  40. On December 31st, 2009 at 11:08 am Chris Nelson Says:

    I see a lot of references to punches to the ovaries, punches to the cunt, the baby-maker etc – having never had indoor plumbing, does it really hurt that much when you hit it? Not trying to be obtuse here, just curious…

    Sorry to hear about the clam jam on the name, but the other Becky is right about the swearing. I used to think you swore like a trucker. I realize now that truckers swear like Aunt Becky.

  41. On December 31st, 2009 at 12:32 pm Melissa Says:

    Probably wouldnt hurt as much as a boob punch. You are right.

    And you are right about this being a swear fest. It’s fun no?

  42. On January 2nd, 2010 at 12:42 am Stephanie Says:

    Dude…hurts about like slamming your nuts in a car door. Got kicked there in soccer one year – did throw up and almost passed out.

    Yeah, it hurts 🙂

  43. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:33 am Amy Says:

    What cool pictures haha 🙂 and your descriptions are funny.

  44. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:37 am Lauren Says:

    The Real Becky is a hot piece of ass.

  45. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:32 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    *cue porno music* I love you, dude. I just love you.

  46. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:38 am Mary Sue Says:

    You can totally shop up at my house for stuffing on Thanksgiving.

    I probably won’t be there, but you totally can show up. 😀

    In high school my friends called me Spiffy da Wondersheep, so that’s the name I went onto the Interwebs with. Then I decided it would be cooler if I was just plain ol’ Spiffy (like Cher, or Iman).

    After falling in with a bad crowd of science fiction fans, I was introduced to the writer’s trope of the Mary Sue– defined as a woman with implausible talents, no flaws, and a vast intelligence she uses to always save the day.

    My parents, obviously knowing from the moment of my birth that I was all these things and much, much more, granted me the first names Mary Suzanne*. So now, online and in my professional life, I go by Mary Sue.

    ‘Cause if you’ve got it, flaunt it, yo.

    *That’s right, first names, plural. I’ve got three middle names and one last name.

  47. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:32 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    You’re a fucking rock star. But you knew that.

  48. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:41 am crazyassmomma Says:

    hell yes you should cockpunch that bitch.

  49. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:33 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Oh, if I ever cross paths with her, she’s going DOWN 🙂

  50. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:45 am tryingin2007 Says:

    I’d be fired up B, if you showed up at my house on thanksgiving in a festive christmas sweater and reeking of vodka. just no vomit please.

  51. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:34 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    No vomiting. I promise. And! I’ll BABYSIT.

  52. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:52 am cjupiter Says:

    Someone out there, with the same real first and last name as mine, apparently forgot her correct email address and keeps using mine (I set up a “name” one for just family use). So far I’ve received several reminders about her share of the heating and rent being overdue, coupons from lingerie stores, newsletters from family members and a womens’ writing website, and, most recently, a rejection letter from the editor of a Hollywood fashion magazine (“You gave a very good interview and were one of the top 15 applicants, but…” etc.)

    I write back to the ones from actual humans. “Hi! I didn’t even know I’d applied for the job, and I don’t remember talking to you. I must have had one too many breakfast martinis. Can I have a do-over?”

    “Sorry about the overdue rent, but Mosh said as soon as he sells one more bag of crack we can swing by and drop it off. Did I leave my Valtrex in the medicine cabinet?”

    I’ve had my share of “other same-name” run-ins, but none so mean as the one you mentioned. You should find the blog so we can ALL go post comments as “Becky.” *evil grin*

  53. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:53 am robin Says:

    those pics are priceless..!!i used to post as “crazy lady” but Im a social worker by profession and I thought if anyone I ever work with noticed my blog..I might be in trouble..also my board chairperson…i need my job..besides who wants to think their social workery person is “crazy” might be true but who needs to bring attention to it..!! LOL..

  54. On December 30th, 2009 at 12:02 pm Delicia Says:

    Good God.. why some people feel the “anonymity” of the internet gives them permission to act like total douchebags is completely beyond me. Then again, they probably act like that in real life too. To hell with them…

    I post under Delicia (Del).. it’s been my main character on World of Warcraft for 5 years now so I’m used to all my online friends referring to me by that name.

  55. On December 30th, 2009 at 12:04 pm Christa Says:

    I don’t hide my name. But my LJ is called Yellowsnapper because with a name like Christa you are going to be expected to have a religious theme to your site. I picked Yellowsnapper because I caught alot of them while fishing on the honeymoon, everything else I could think of was already taken, and it was really late at night and the brain was backfiring alot.

  56. On December 30th, 2009 at 12:06 pm Kate Says:

    I don’t have a cool nickname ‘cuz I’m not full of The Awesome at all. I’m the geek who hangs out on the sideline, surreptitiously watching the popular kids and wishing I could be a part of their group.

    That said, my nickname in junior high & high school was Gekko, taken from Gordon Gekko in the movie “Wall Street”, because I was a cutthroat bitch on the soccer field and I didn’t take shit from anyone. Ahhhh, the memories! 🙂

    As for the grammatically & spelling-challenged Becky, she’s an idiot and if you choose to punch her, I’d stand on the sideline & think how you were full of The Awesome and how I wished I could be cool like you. ‘Cuz, you know, geek! 😉

  57. On December 30th, 2009 at 12:14 pm Toni Says:

    I’ve always been Toni…since 1977 to those in real life and 2004 when I got all bloggy cool 🙂

    I like Aunt Becky…the other Becky…she’s the one with no awesome 🙂

  58. On December 30th, 2009 at 12:17 pm Erin Says:

    Love-ING the pictures, seriously.

    I became Anarchy when I wrote it on a clinic form as our “current method of birth control”. When I became pregnant a couple months later, AnarchyMommy seemed appropo.

    Nicknameaholic I am, Josh (partner, significant other, smartass extraordinaire) became The Man. Because I like him. A lot. He’s The Man, a responsible, caring, thoughtful, real man. And that rocks (yes, we’re sickening).

    Dear Other Blog’s Becky: if originality is a concern, and you don’t want to see your name being used by others, each state offers services to change your name. Becky is a common name, being a derivative of the biblical Rebecca, which I’m sure you knew. If you would like suggestions I’m positive we helpful readers of Mommy Wants Vodka can come up with a few for you.

    I’ll start:
    “The Artist Formerly Known as Becky”
    or stay biblical “Mephibosheph”
    the jumbled Becky “Cekyb”
    descriptive “Nutball”

    Any other new names we can think of for her?

  59. On December 30th, 2009 at 12:19 pm BigSis Says:

    I’m BigSis because my younger sister started blogging first and it made sense. My real name is the #1 most popular name from 1970 to 1984. Does that make me cool?

  60. On December 30th, 2009 at 12:19 pm Vinomom Says:

    Clearly my name is NOT Vinomom – I don’t remember how I thought of it, but I did and I adore it. I guess the weird thing about me is that I named my blog Vinomom Blogs – which NO ONE gets right on their blogroll, but I’m way too nice to point it out, even though it bugs the fuck outta me.

    I love the picture of the bear it is cracking me up, and also, why does every single guy from the 70’s look like a creepy child molester? They just do.

    In real life I seriously have about 15 nicknames in regular circulation. And no, they are not all bitch, whore or slut. After not having a nickname my whole life (and always secretly wanting one) I now have way more than I know what to do with. Um not that I really have to do anything with them. It’s a figure of speech, ok?

  61. On December 30th, 2009 at 12:41 pm Mrs Soup Says:

    Wow, that picture of you and your dad could TOTALLY have been from my baby book. Even down to the creepy glasses and mustache as well as the ringlets in your hair. CRAZY!

    And I’m Mrs Soup thanks to my uncle. Our last name is Campbell and in introducing my future husband to my cousin’s son, we said Campbell like the Soup. It stuck.

  62. On December 30th, 2009 at 12:50 pm Shanna Says:

    I have met this Aunt Becky and she is so totally cross eyed and pigeon toed and snaggle toothed that you wouldn’t believe it!
    Kidding Becky! Maybe you have cleaned up your act now that the girl child is here. 😉
    I am on the hunt for an adult diaper, so when Large Marj and I come visit you we don’t have to make any stops along the way. 😉 I will send you one if I find some so then when you come visit me you don’t have to stop either.

  63. On December 30th, 2009 at 12:59 pm Cara Says:

    I’m gonna go find imposter becky and kick her in the box (bad wrist – better to kick than punch).

    I don’t use a nick-name and haven’t really had one that stuck until this summer when I got stung by a jelly fish. Now I’m jelly girl. Could be worse though. They could have deemed me pissed-on girl.

    Former failed nicknames include Carebear (blech), Mommy boobs, Leaky (related to mommy boobs), GB (stood for ghetto booty) and Timon from the Lion King while my BF was Ed.

  64. On December 30th, 2009 at 1:11 pm stacey@Havoc&Mayhem Says:

    My first name was very popular for nearly a decade. I’m almost forced to use a nickname just to be able to pick my own self out of a crowd. I slap a 42 on the end of it most of the time in tribute to Douglas Adams (it was simply inevitable that I would actually be 42 sometime & now everyone wonders if I will be Stacey43 next year or cling to the illusion of youth). I’m also ComfyMom in blogging communities and Emberjade in the online pagan world.

    I think you should kick the other Becky’s ass. She has some serious mental issues if she is worried about being the ‘real Becky’. A kick in the ass might knock some sense into her

  65. On December 30th, 2009 at 1:13 pm P. T Says:

    Just discovered your blog via 20SB and I’m so glad I clicked on your picture!!

    Love your blog.

    My nickname is kissmyattitude or Moody Belle… 🙂 I was just playing with words…a good hobby when you are bored!

    Happy New Year!

  66. On December 30th, 2009 at 1:17 pm Nancy C Says:

    It’s funny you say this, because I just decided to pretend that the last year of blogging never happened. Therefore, I removed my last name from my postings so I’m just generic name Nancy and my last initial.

    I know, stunningly original, right?

    Not everybody has your talents, my dear. 🙂

  67. On December 30th, 2009 at 1:20 pm DG at Diaryofamadbathroom Says:

    There is only one Becky. That other fakey fakey Becky can bite it! I happen to love the Aunt Becky personna. Lends itself well to your advice segments. But I would be prone to liking a personna as opposed to a person, I blog as Diary of a Mad Bathroom. I am all about the cloak and dagger.

  68. On December 30th, 2009 at 1:20 pm Kelly Says:

    I’m just Kelly, and you are my favorite Aunt Becky that I’ve never met in real life before.

  69. On December 30th, 2009 at 1:24 pm Amie Simmons Says:

    The way it lilts off of your tongue. You crack me up. I had to read this post twice it was so funny. I would really like to visit The Real Beckys blog, but I suppose:

    1)It would just give her higher google count if you told us where to find her and that would be annoying.

    2)It could be considered harassment if you sent all of us Aunt Becky lovers to comment on he cuss free blog.

  70. On December 30th, 2009 at 1:30 pm kys Says:

    I don’t use my real name because when I’m in the throes of insomnia I have thoughts about my in-laws playing around on Google and finding my blog.

    My first name is extremely common but my last name is not. And my in-laws are very vain and proud of their cold, evil German heritage. Just the types to Google themselves.

    Having said all that, I have been pondering switching to my first name only on my blog. Everyone knows it anyway….,

  71. On December 30th, 2009 at 1:34 pm Evil Twin's Wife Says:

    I use Evil Twin’s Wife on my blog. It’s because my husband used to do underground comic book type art for various magazines. His roommate at the time suggested that he sign off as “Evil Twin”, so he’d always have someone ELSE to blame for his bad and bawdy humor. That stuck and now, I am the Evil Twin’s Wife! :-)The Evil Twin is a very gifted artist and that’s what he does for a living! 🙂

  72. On December 30th, 2009 at 1:36 pm SuperDixieKitten Says:

    I refer to myself as The Dixie, and my readers as ‘dear children’, because… well, I dunno, because it’s FCUKING cool! And, I make NO APOLOGIES for my sailor’s mouth because my grandpa was underwater demolition for the NAVY! Obviously.

    Truthfully, Dixie was the name of my dog and I was trying to make a cool screen name for AOL back in the days when AOL was pretending to be cool (read: the 90s). I was DixieQueen, but then ppl started calling me DQ and I wanted a Peanut Buster Parfait like ALL the time, so I changed it around to SuperDixieKitten. Super, because HELLO! I am! Dixie because that’s what my peeps knew me as, and Kitten because it sounded slightly pornstar-ish.

    Totally kick that fake Becky in the Vag.

    Love, SDK!

  73. On December 30th, 2009 at 1:44 pm txtingmrdarcy Says:

    Honestly Aunt Becky, I think that all of your devotees would rather take out The HFAB Becky for you. See how I did that? I gave her a new nickname similar to the one she gave herself. Except mine was “Ho-faced Assbag Becky” because I feel it’s more descriptive than “Real.”

    I am, like, the nickname champ.

  74. On December 30th, 2009 at 2:03 pm Tasha Says:

    I’d let you in if you showed up on my door, aunt Becky, and we can totally be BFFs. although if you reeked of vomit I’d probably offer you an altoid…or 8 (“no really, I insist”). they’re curiously strong 🙂

  75. On December 30th, 2009 at 2:04 pm Stephanie Says:

    *laughing my fucking ass off*
    I totally heart you, Bex. There are most days when a good swear word will just clarify how you feel, and it’s just the best feeling (kind of like The Sex).

    Other Becky – you can go to hell and die. Aunt Becky is overflowing with The Awesomeness and you are not fit to lick the scum from the bottom of her feets (whether they need a pedi or not). Vag kick from all!

    Nicknames – obviously the most common is the shortening of my name (Stephanie – Steph). Mom called me Stevie for several years when I was younger. College saw ‘Duckie’ (and then subsequently ‘Goose’ from my friend ‘Maverick’…). ‘Mrs. Dreamer’ came from the way Mr. Realist and I are. I’m the one off in the clouds, and he’s firmly grounded.

  76. On December 30th, 2009 at 4:35 pm Angie the Anti-Theist Says:

    I was a Stevey! After years of shame of gender-assignment therapy I changed my name to Angie. (No, I just got tired of everyone misspelling Stefanie.)

  77. On December 30th, 2009 at 5:46 pm Stephanie Says:

    Mine’s the most common way to spell it, and I still get morons spelling it wrong! I just want to go ‘for fuck’s sake, it’s not that hard!’

  78. On December 30th, 2009 at 2:06 pm Erin Says:

    Too Bad you didn’t save that blog post because then you could totally rub your AWESOMENESS in her face as clearly you have more followers than she could ever even wish to have. and you could drop by and comment just to up her stats a little bit, knowing she’ll never catch up to you. The real aunt becky – sounds lame. mommy wants vodka draws in the masses of us nodding our heads and saying lets pour a drink and catch up with aunt becky.

  79. On December 30th, 2009 at 3:44 pm Erin Says:

    Uh, Hellllo?? You, like, totally stole my name, ERIN! How dare you? 😉

    (see how ridiculous this is, Other-Blog-Becky?)

  80. On December 30th, 2009 at 2:12 pm linlah Says:

    I hold no other Becky’s above you, Aunt or otherwise.

  81. On December 30th, 2009 at 2:22 pm Rebecca Says:

    Way back in the mid to late 90’s, I would go into chat rooms (did blogs exist then?) and be ‘clear’. Sometimes, if ‘clear’ was taken, I’d go as ‘clearness’. Clear came from something that I had written when I was in my first semester at community college. I had creative writing and was supposed to write something in a journal along the lines of “If you were a color, what color would you be and why”

    It was only about a page long. (Journal entries only had to be a paragraph) Anyway, I went on about how I would be clear. That I just didn’t really consciously matter to anyone and nobody really ever thought of me, but like a window that protects you from the elements of weather, I’ll always be there when you want me to be there. And like the air you breathe, I’ll always be there to support you and give you life, even if you feel your life is as worthless as something that nobody can see…..

  82. On December 30th, 2009 at 2:29 pm Bluebird Says:

    ACK, the NERVE!! I would have been so mad, seriously. So past mad. WTF was she trying to do, anyway?!?!

    At any rate, I obviously *do* use a nickname, and still managed to come across someone who had had the same brillant idea. Except for my dumb ass went to leave a comment, saw the comment from the other me, and really had to sit and figure out if I’d just written something and hadn’t realized it! At any rate, I think she ended up changing her name 😉

  83. On December 30th, 2009 at 2:39 pm Ginger Magnolia Says:

    I am pretty sure I’ve seen someone commenting around as “The Real Becky,” but not sure if she’s the same one you encountered.

    I use a nickname, and it’s my “porn name,” name of first pet, name of street you grew up on. Lucky for me, it’s feminine. You, and I think all the people who read and comment regularly know my real name, but if I ever need another alias, it’s totes gonna be Fanci Worthington.

  84. On December 30th, 2009 at 5:47 pm Stephanie Says:

    O God…I’d be Whiskey Reservoir! I LOVE IT!

  85. On December 31st, 2009 at 9:08 am Regina Says:

    Yikes! I would be Shorty Hazelhurst. I don’t think that works for me.

  86. On January 8th, 2010 at 1:46 pm p jane Says:

    Bwah! I would be Hershey Thirdstreet by those guidelines…

  87. On December 30th, 2009 at 2:45 pm Heather (qtberryhead) Says:

    My name is Heather. But there are way cooler Heathers out there, and when I discovered that I was being mistaken for the other cool Heathers, I threw on the qtberryhead. Which is the email name I have everywhere. Eventually I will just go by qtberryhead…when I’m done riding the Heather coattails of the cool girls.
    You should totally cock-punch the Other Becky. Who has probably had four failed marriages, 15 kids, and is now so fat that she won’t go to her high school reunion.
    Karma’s a bitch.

  88. On December 30th, 2009 at 3:12 pm Rayne of terror Says:

    Man were you a cutie. If Mimi is half as cute a toddler, you’ll be toast! I got my moniker when I was engaged. Standing around the coffee pot one morning in the IL state senate offices, a co-worker remarked that my new name, Rayne DeVivo, sounded like it meant something. A witty co-worker interjected that it did. It was Italian for Reign of terror. And so I became Rayne of Terror, which pleases me lo these nine years later because I’m a historian by training and a lawyer by vocation.

  89. On December 30th, 2009 at 3:55 pm Badass Geek Says:

    That school ID? HAWT.

  90. On December 30th, 2009 at 4:33 pm Angie the Anti-Theist Says:

    I say we tag-team her and get Other Becky with a double cunt-punch and cream pie to the face, that frigid whore.

    I picked Angie the Anti-Theist because it’s provocative and alliterative. And as an added, unplanned bonus, I now get to call my readers Anteaters all due to a typing mishap some months ago 😀

    Your high school ID looks like we could have been scowly faced friends. Got a lighter? Good. I’ll meet you by the tree in the parking lot during assembly.

  91. On December 30th, 2009 at 4:40 pm Kristin Says:

    You totally need to cock-punch The Other Becky. She was obviously just jealous of your awesomeness and couldn’t contain that ugly green monster.

    I usually just go by my real name on the net but, if I need a log in name I use either dragondreamer or, if that is taken, dragondreamermom.

  92. On December 30th, 2009 at 4:43 pm Mel Says:

    My name CAN be shortened to Mel, but it’s not as common as it would be if my name was Melanie (it’s not). The ironic thing is I totally hate to be called Mel in real life.

    I know I left this little explanation as a blog comment once before – hopefully it was on a different blog.

  93. On December 30th, 2009 at 5:25 pm Fizzle Says:

    I wanted a name that made me sound all doctor-y and mature, but still sexy and young-fresh. So we started with saucy, and sizzle, and finally fizzle– which really makes no damn sense. Unless you assume I’m going to “fizzle” out of med school… which… Sad Panda… let’s hope that doesn’t happen.

    Side note:I also fell in love with Neumed, who sadly no longer has time for blogging, but I sort of modeled my blog after his. Which perhaps subconsciously inspired the Fizzlemed crap, too.

  94. On December 30th, 2009 at 5:43 pm Brooke Says:

    I’m KingstonsQueen on my blog. I got all stoked to be getting a way cooler last name than my maiden name and decided to play on the “king.” Oy. Then I decided to use nicknames just to keep any future kids’ names private. However, my mom is horrible about leaving mine and my husband’s names in comments and some of my posts even reveal our names, so I’m thinking of dropping the whole mystery at some point. Who really gives an eff who the hell I am anyway, you know?

  95. On December 30th, 2009 at 6:02 pm Mad Woman Says:

    When I first jumped into this whole blogging thing I was all “I’m gonna be true to meself” and I’d sign everything as Meg or Maggie. Then I realised that if I was really going to be true to myself I’d sign it all “Bitch” but that doesn’t fly so much, so now I go by Mad Woman. There’s a few other Megs and Maggies out there.

    I’ve seen someone commenting as The Real Becky a few times..usually after another Becky has commented and all I could think was that The Real Becky needs a stiletto kicked up her hoo-ha. Maybe we can all take turns. Because, clearly, YOU are the one and only, full of the awesome, drool worthy B!

  96. On December 30th, 2009 at 6:20 pm Jennifer B Says:

    The other Becky just sucks ass. She’s stupid and likely Fugly. You know, I don’t have a nickname. Guess I’m not cool enough. I have one of those disgustingly common names and it’s boring. Got any suggestions?

  97. On December 30th, 2009 at 6:24 pm Steph the WonderWorrier Says:

    I used to use screen names when I was online in forums or when I had my first journal on LiveJournal… but when I created my blog, I definitely decided to just use my real name. I wanted some sort of catchy Blog title though, and “Wonder Worrier” describes me perfectly, so I went with it. I qualify my name “Steph” in my usernames with “..the Wonder Worrier” because Steph is one of the most ridiculously popular names EVAR and I figure this way I am a little more remembered and linked to my blog. TA DA!

    I love “Your Aunt Becky” as a username and concept; well done! You are welcome to come crash MY family dinner events ANY TIME!

  98. On December 30th, 2009 at 6:34 pm Sara @ Life With the Two Says:

    A) My high school ID made me look like a Smurf. My skin is a shade lovingly referred to as “clear” and the background was weird. The flash was weird. I could have been some serious competition for Smurfette. I am jealous of yours. And not just because of the water damage crease down your forehead.

    2) I still can’t believe some one could be so much of an ass as to claim they are the “real” anyone. Especially with a common name like Becky. While it’s not extremely common, it’s not one only SHE has. Also, who gives a rat’s ass whether you swear on your own blog or not. Yet another reason I hate people.

    III) The only nickname I have on the internets is Naked Sara. One of my real life friend blogs anonymously and years ago (the story is WAY less creepy than it is about to sound…) she made a Sim of “me” who ran around naked all the time. So she (and her blog followers) refer to me as Naked Sara.

    And you are welcome to show up at my doorstep on Thanksgiving any time! Even if it’s not Thanksgiving.

  99. On December 30th, 2009 at 7:04 pm charity Says:

    In your mother-fucking face bitch! Who does she think she is? YOU are the “real” Becky, screw her.

    I totally love the ID (and I was like “wow, she’s cross-eyed, poor Becky- then I read your comment about the water damage and just laughed….)

    Oh, Aunt Becky, what would I do without your humor….If you ever stop blogging, I will have to stalk you, you know that right? 🙂

  100. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:08 pm Antropologa Says:

    My name means “anthropologist” in Spanish. That was my major in college. I started using it a long time ago in online forums, I think.

  101. On December 30th, 2009 at 8:59 pm That Mama Says:

    When I started my blog, I decided I wanted to be incognito (well, as incognito as possible…there *are* photographs on my blog after all!). I thought about it, and remembered that I kept telling my BFF I was “that Mama”…the one who let her kid run around the backyard in a diaper, the one who gave her kid chocolate chips and soda for dinner to keep him away, you know THAT Mama. So I decided to be That Mama on my blog. There’s also That Kid, That Dad, That Dog, and last but not least, That Freaking Bird.

  102. On December 30th, 2009 at 9:17 pm Mommy on the Spot Says:

    Hello! I’m back!! The holidays kicked my ass, but I am back! First, I do not think it’s necessary to cock punch the other becky. I’m pretty sure she’s wishing people would mistake her as The Aunt Becky.

    I do go by a nickname because one day I plan to reveal all that was horrible in my former career and don’t want my name mixed in there (although I do provide links on my facebook page that has my real name on there). Go figure!

    Can’t wait to check out your anthrax article!

  103. On December 30th, 2009 at 9:45 pm The Only Girl Says:

    Yup – I’m really Cher. I figured – why lie? If someone wants to find me bad enough that my first name will allow them to do that, what the heck! I could use the company.

    I beg you to reveal her identity. Imagine the hate mail she’ll get?!?! Oh – what fun!

  104. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:18 pm 6512 and growing Says:

    When I first saw “Aunt Becky’s” comments zooming around the internet, I pictured you as someone’s older aunt, in your flowered housedress, drinking schnapps in your folgers and doling out advice.

    And sure, you’re a little bit like that, but so, so much more.

    Also, love the high school photo. I recognize the ebullience from my own teenage days.

    Keep rocking it!


  105. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:25 pm Scatteredmom Says:

    When I first became blogging, I wanted a name that had a little more zing because seriously, Karen was something like in the top 3 baby names for 1960s. I was born in the early 70s. Karen is boring. Karen is the name that would be called in my grade 10 home room and THREE of us would answer.

    So I became Scatteredmom, but as people have gotten to know me better I’ve put my real name out there too.

    For me, there’s only one Becky-and it’s YOU!

  106. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:28 pm amber Says:

    That other Becky prob’ly goes by Rebecca or just Beck…she’s obviously not cool enough to be a Becky. Judging from the comments here, I’d say she’s been virtually tarred, feathered and stoned. Deservedly so, I’m sure.

    By the way, that photo with the bear rocks. I totally want one like that of tori. I know where there’s a giant chicken…I guess that will have to do.

  107. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:29 pm Jen Says:

    OMG totally cock punch TheREALBITCH. What a douchebag deluxe she is. I have to ask you-in the picture with your dad by the greenhouse you have the prettiest curls 🙂 They remind me of my daughter’s hair…did your hair stay curly or did your curls disappear when you got older. Those are some kickass ringlets! A random question I know!

  108. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:56 pm Stephanie @ Geezees Says:

    Those pics are priceless…especially the bear one.

  109. On December 30th, 2009 at 10:56 pm Dawn Says:

    Hell yeah for the cockpunch.

    I am only thinly disguised on my blog. Which is the only thing about me that’s thin.

    My blog name came from another commenter joking that he’d just incurred the wrath of Dawn for his comment (on someone else’s blog). And it reminded me of the Wrath of Khan on Star Trek, which made the geek in me go,”Squeee!!!” So there you have it.

  110. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:06 pm Love Says:

    Okay, so if you tell Yahoo or Google your first name, then they use it like they know you on your homepage. I chose Love, because I like praise, but I often think I should have chose Bad Ass, so when I logged on to My Yahoo or Google Reader, it would say “Hello, Bad Ass” and that would never get old. I mean never.

    I hate when you find a really lame blog and then you want to tell the story about how terrible it was and then its gone and you can’t find it. It happens to me a lot. 🙂

    Good luck on the Year of You.

  111. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:25 pm habanerogal Says:

    I too am one of those cruel parents that my kids will dread the photos that will be shown at their weddings. My blog name is a nickname or whatever but if I could and only because I am so cheap, I would change my name ot habanerogal cuz everything in life is better if it is spicy

  112. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:34 pm GeekByMarriage Says:

    Cunt Crunch that bitch! My daughter, Rebecca(Becca) is named after my mom Rebecca (Becky) All Becks are THE AWESOME!

    Other than the name GeekByMarriage, I don’t have a blog nickname. You wanna give me one after you’ve had a chance to get all liquored up? My real name is Heather. No, really! It’s not a stripper name!

  113. On December 30th, 2009 at 11:51 pm Lippy Says:

    I earned the nickname Lippy when I was 17 and got into a confrontation with a girl at a bar. I was being a total smartass which got me the nickname and a punch in the face. I was drunk so I had to confirm with others that I had, in fact, been punched. The name started out lippy little bitch, but I shortened it.

    I use in on my blog because I don’t want my students to find me. They google the shit out of their teachers. Not cool kids, not cool.

    Also, swearing is totally fucking awesome. My New Year’s resolution is to do more of it.

  114. On December 31st, 2009 at 1:11 am phd in yogurtry Says:

    For red hot viagra sex go to

  115. On December 31st, 2009 at 2:15 am GingerB Says:

    Ginger is my name when I don’t want to tell the truth, like back when I used to go to bars. A boyfriend once answered my phone “Ginger’s Pleasure Palace” about twenty years ago, and it just stuck.

    I love you far more than I could ever love the not real Becky who can’t fucking spell.

  116. On December 31st, 2009 at 6:51 am Naomi de la Torre Says:

    Thank you so much for adopting me. What are we doing for New Years? XOXOXOXXO

  117. On December 31st, 2009 at 8:07 am Jen Says:

    Wow! You still have your high school ID card. That is impressive. As far as the other Becky is concerned, she obviously cannot hold a candle to you.

  118. On December 31st, 2009 at 8:48 am Sunday Stilwell Says:

    That was awesome! I say shank the impostor!
    I use my real name on my blog (even though most people think its fake because its a freaking day of the week) and I also use my boy’s real names (BAD Mommy!). The way I figure it is with a strange name like mine I am not that hard to find in real life and I like being open about myself. Maybe one day I won’t. But, I don’t think so.

    I am a recent follower of your blog and love it!

  119. On December 31st, 2009 at 9:01 am Laura Says:

    I would pay to have you show up on my doorstep wearing a holiday themed sweater.

    I am sorry, but I named my dog Mother Fucker so I am not sure you can say that on your blog anymore. He is the real Mother Fucker.

    And I am not Laura. Nor is my family Tyler, Emily and Sarah. Emily and Sarah came from my parent’s dead cats… kind of morbid, but the names stuck, ok?

    It amazes me that I can keep the names straight in my itty bitty mind, but I do to protect their privacy and mine. I am really Angelina Jolie and I would like to adopt you and provide you with the castle of your dreams.

    I am not, but wouldn’t that be cool?!

  120. On December 31st, 2009 at 9:28 am Lindsey Says:

    My name is Lindsey and I go by Lindsey. I don’t have any nicknames except for hte one my husband gave me and I refuse to call myself on MY blog Dykamus Leader of the Northern Army.

  121. On December 31st, 2009 at 9:36 am JennyMac Says:

    After seeing the faux terror bear photo..I can see where your DNA is just chock full of sassy humor.

  122. On December 31st, 2009 at 9:43 am christina Says:

    As a Christina I am more shocked when there isn’t another Christina (or Chris or Tina or Christy or whatev) posting than when there is. As for me, I’ve had many names in life, some which I like(d) and some not. For example, if anyone dared to call me “Tina” besides my grandma I’d sucker punch them (Not that I wouldn’t love to punch my grandma, who is quite a bitch, but hitting 97 year-olds is probably against the law or something). Tina is a 1980’s mobster’s girlfriend with with teased hair and blue eyeshadow. Not me.

    My blog name Chrissi came from a stint as an au-pair. The little girl couldn’t say “Christina” so her parents dubbed me Chrissi to make it easier for her. I used to not like it, but for some reason I adopted the name later as an online handle in a mom’s forum and it stuck.

    Oh, and I totally think you need to take the Rebbecca stealing thing up with God. Who does he think he is anyway?

  123. On December 31st, 2009 at 9:48 am Bex Says:

    You are taking over the Internet. I fear and respect you. Happy New Year, and may there be much vodka for you tonight!

  124. On December 31st, 2009 at 10:24 am Just Another Momma Says:

    You can show up any time in that sweater and reek of Vodka, just as long as you brought plenty more with ya! Cock-punch? Hell yeah!! Happy New Year!

  125. On December 31st, 2009 at 10:38 am Tammy Says:

    I’m terrified of bears – ceramic, teddy, stuffed or real. I’m sure it’s because of some early toddler trauma like yours, evidenced by the awesome bear-eating-your-head picture. Thanks for the raucus laughter, and happy new year one and only real Aunt Becky!!

  126. On December 31st, 2009 at 10:38 am ryan Says:

    Fourth time listener, first time caller:

    I don’t cruise many mommy-blogs because a) I am not a mom b) I am a dude. However, Aunt Becky is hilarious. Do you pronounce Aunt, “Ant” or “Ownt?” Just wondering…

    Certainly you have covered this elsewhere, and I have failed to stumble onto your pronunciation key. I go with the long vowel sound personally. Whatever.

    Keep swearing.

  127. On December 31st, 2009 at 10:55 am Beth Says:

    I’m known as a super creative person and I came up with my own name as my blog persona. Original, eh?

    Love the attack bear. I, too, made my children pose in horror with statues. No wonder they needed therapy.

  128. On December 31st, 2009 at 3:45 pm Kate (Bee In The Bonnet) Says:

    HA! I was just blogging the other day about the dearth of new “Kate”s in the infertility blogosphere, and how it was fucking with my clearly held trademark on the name KATE. How on earth will my blog friends know that it is KATE and not some other imposter??? Well, on those blogs where there is such an option (where I don’t have an established account, like wordpress or typepad, etc., or where there is the option presented new each time to type in my own name), I go by ‘Kate (Bee In The Bonnet)’, since that is the name of my blog (though there are other blogs that have names relating to the whole bee in one’s bonnet thing, and there may even be another written by a Kate, I am thusfar the only one in this segment of the bloggy world). Unfortunately, because google and blogger and all the ancillary google-branded programs are all connected, I can’t change my screen name to something blog-referential, lest I accidentally participate in one of those other googley programs and have someone who actually knows me in person stumble upon my actual blog, where I will have inevitably talked badly about them (because that’s how I am. If you are in my life for any length of time in any substantial way, chances are I’ve whined about you on my blog, unless I suspect that you read the blog, in which case, I just seethe internally).

    But yes, I wish I had some sort of clever ‘Kate’ name, besides the boring parenthetical blog reference. But I don’t. So for now, I just have to deal with the fact that even though I know I’m the first and the best and the GREATEST EVER EVER EVER, I am not the ONLY Kate. Oh, well. If this is the worst thing to deal with this decade, I’ll count it a giant WIN.

    And please do show up with vomit on your sweater and vodka on your breath– life is dull in Winston-Salem, and that would surely shake things up for a little bit.

  129. On December 31st, 2009 at 3:48 pm Kate (Bee In The Bonnet) Says:

    Aaaand I just said ‘dearth’ when I meant ‘glut’… oh, dear. I’m afraid the latest pregnancy symptom appears to be aphasia. Whatevs. (<– that's still a word, right?)

  130. On December 31st, 2009 at 7:20 pm moonspun Says:

    I don’t blog under my real name not because I don’t want the world to know who moonspun is, but I don’t want people I know (especially co-workers) to know who moonspun is, if that makes sense.

  131. On December 31st, 2009 at 7:23 pm Susan Says:

    I’m going to name our next dog Aunt Becky so that you will be forever immortalized in my childrens’ stripper names. I fucking love you.

  132. On December 31st, 2009 at 8:29 pm MFA Mama Says:

    I go by MFA Mama because my real name is a secret and stuff. I could tell you but then I would have to kill you. Oh wait, I DID tell you in an e-mail one time, didn’t I? Well, no worries, I’ll never get THAT far down my to-do list. Plus I used to comment as my real name and had a similar situation only the other chick with my name? Slept with the husband of a big-name blogger who was my friend at the time and that was just awkward. True story.

  133. On December 31st, 2009 at 9:42 pm BeccaNOTBecky Says:

    Can I be your best friend, I am totally not that person! Even though, I am yet another Rebecca. But, because my best friend growing up also had a sister named Rebecca, and she went by Becky, she was Becky, I was Rebecca or Becca, and as an adult, none the less often I am Bex (which I have to say I love, but I totally love it more when its Bexxx…cause really, I wanna be xxx all the time).

    I did find a bottle of Bex wine. Which I had to buy, not because I think it will actually be good, but because, hells yeah. I got it home and George says “hey, is that like WINE on a white label with Black Letters” totally unimpressed with my bex wine. I may or may not have punched him in the face!

  134. On January 1st, 2010 at 11:22 am Gunfighter Says:

    You can’t be her BFF. I claimed that in November.

  135. On January 1st, 2010 at 11:59 am BeccaNOTBecky Says:

    Can I be her BFFN? I’m kind of fickle, so ‘for now’, is good enough for me!

    If I were her, I would totally take a Gunfighter for a best friend anyway. Actually, will you be my best friend?

  136. On January 1st, 2010 at 6:34 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    Gunfighter was WAY cooler than The Real Becky, who was a Real Bitch. And if I ever find her, I’ll TOTALLY send her to you. Hehehe. She’s something, man. Imagine how that must be, being all “I’m the ONLY Becky!”

  137. On January 1st, 2010 at 9:58 pm Gunfighter Says:

    Are you cute? I’m shallow like that.

  138. On January 1st, 2010 at 6:36 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    And you’re a zillion times better than her. Not only are you cooler, but your proper grammar, spelling, punctuation make you a shoo-in for Aunt Becky’s BFF.

  139. On January 2nd, 2010 at 9:15 am BeccaNOTBecky Says:

    I knew listening to those teachers in 5th grade would pay off someday!

  140. On January 1st, 2010 at 10:31 am Kendra Says:

    That’s funny. With an unusual name like mine, I have the same reaction you did when I meet another Kendra: Oh, how exciting! You must be an equally amazing person! (Except Hef kind of did his part in ruining that for me.) But I would never call myself the “real” Kendra, unless of course I was talking to the stripper/reality TV whore/ex-girlfriend Kendra.

    I’m simply not creative enough to come up with a nickname for myself. My first name is the best I’m going to do. But I love the “Aunt Becky” nickname. Instant familiarity!

  141. On January 1st, 2010 at 11:21 am Gunfighter Says:

    Yes, I use a screen name… although it would have been seriously badass f my parents had named me gunfighter.

    My first and last names, especially used in conjunction have conspired to give me what is ranked by some, as the 5th most common male name in the United States… you’d go by a pseudonym too, wouldn’t you?

    My main reason isn’t the protection of a secret identity… it’s just to keep my own thoughts and opinions seperate from how I make a living. Can’t have people thinking that MY views represent the views of the government agency that I work for, because they seripusly clash on most issues.

    Happy New Year, Becky, I am gald to call you friend.

  142. On January 1st, 2010 at 12:01 pm BeccaNOTBecky Says:

    I work for a government agency as well, and have had connections to a child whose name is actually Gunshow. When asked why, the oh so awesome parent said, “cause have you looked in his diaper.” Guess what kind of agency I work for???!!!

  143. On January 1st, 2010 at 6:33 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    *headdesk* Oh. Em. Ge. That’s. Wow. How do you RESPOND to that?

  144. On January 2nd, 2010 at 9:10 am BeccaNOTBecky Says:

    You just shake your head and say “Okay.” And pray that the family that adopts this kid changes the name, and by that calls it something else from the day that it shows up at its house.

  145. On January 1st, 2010 at 9:59 pm Gunfighter Says:

    Bwaaaaaahahahahahahahahahaha! I can guess, but I shan’t.

  146. On January 3rd, 2010 at 9:05 am Minnie Says:

    Wish I had the balls to post my school id photo. Though if I did, I’d have no readership.
    It was the early 90’s. Hoop earrings. Need I say more?

  147. On January 3rd, 2010 at 11:05 am Megan Says:

    What a small world – you graduated with my brother! I am two years ahead of you….back when there was only one high school!

  148. On January 3rd, 2010 at 9:10 pm mumma boo Says:

    Dude, if you ever claim your children *don’t* look like you, I’ll.. I’ll…well, I don’t know what I’ll do. (Maybe wave that photo of you and your dad annoyingly in your face until you sic Dexter on me.) Amelia is the very image of you as a little girl.

    And my real name is Captain Hammer. Shh. Don’t tell anyone.

  149. On January 5th, 2010 at 3:46 pm magpie Says:

    And here I thought you were someone’s Aunt. Oh, maybe I didn’t. But I didn’t know that lovely story before. You the Real Aunt Becky.

  150. On January 31st, 2010 at 12:01 am Go Ask Aunt Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka Says:

    […] See, now that’s an awesome question, actually. I’ve dedicated an entire post to it right here. […]

  151. On January 31st, 2010 at 2:48 pm Lindie Says:

    Yes, my name started out as a nickname and when I became a citizen I changed it legally to the nickname. You are obviously too young to be my aunt so could you be my niece? I’ll add you to the list of family I forget to send cards to at Christmas.

  152. On January 31st, 2010 at 4:57 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:

    And I will send yours to the list of people that I feel guilty about not sending cards to as well!

  153. On February 1st, 2010 at 9:26 am Heather Says:

    Ok, I know I should have come out of reading this post with something more interesting to say than…”OMG!!! You’re YOUNGER than me??” 1977 here. Not that I thought you were old or anything (and not like 3 years is a long time), you just seem so WISE that there was no possible way you couldn’t have been on this earth longer than me. Not that I think I’m wise or anything… Hmm… Just a sad ASSumption.
    Anyway! On one of my blogs called “A Lady on the Verge” (to which I do not post much at all at the moment…waiting for something interesting to happen) I go by “The Lady”, because I am…the lady…on the verge…of something (other than grief, I hope).

  154. On February 3rd, 2010 at 3:41 am 'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why Says:

    I do use a nom de plume, what with the whole government agencies signing every paycheck coming into my house and I have a habit of speaking my mind. Drives Hubby nuts. “cuz I’m the mommy, that’s why” is commonly heard around my house as the reason for anything I demand, and if that doesn;t fit, poosemommy (you’ve read of the adventures of the Poose, right?)

  155. On February 13th, 2010 at 11:09 pm Becky Mochaface Says:

    I go by Becky Mochaface. It was a nickname I was given when I worked at Starbucks. Because one particularly crazy day, I managed to get some of the mocha syrup on my face. I started using it online I think when I signed up for Twitter. I didn’t want to use my real name because I didn’t want to be so easily associated with work and my professional self. And yes. You should cock-punch The Other Becky. In fact I’ll help. For being a total bitch and thinking she has a monopoly on the glorious that is the name Becky.

  156. On March 1st, 2010 at 3:28 pm Becky @TheRealBecks Says:

    this was freakin hysterical. i’m a becky too…not THAT cuntface becky that bitched at you for “cussing”. i’m a cool becky. and i happen to agree with you that our name is the shiznit.

  157. On March 29th, 2010 at 8:08 am Rebecca Says:

    That made me laugh hard core. To summarize: You are the shit, she is a fucktard. Your name obviously rules, and her “Becky” card should officially be revoked.

    I am a fan for life.

  158. On March 29th, 2010 at 10:54 am Barb Says:

    I love your refreshing honesty, sense of humor and sarcasm. You are truly a joy to read. It is nice to know that I am not the only one that feels the way you do.

  159. On April 21st, 2010 at 9:16 pm @Dayngr Says:

    Yup, I’m now a fan too.

  160. On April 25th, 2010 at 7:19 am Rebekah Says:

    I’m Becki – with an “i”. I adopted the “i” version in 4th grade and I used to put a heart or smiley face in place of the dot in “i”. I’m 38 now and I (almost) never do that anymore. I also changed Rebecca to Rebekah. Someone commented one time that she liked the way I spell Rebekah and asked if this is a new spelling. Um, not really, ever heard of a little book called the Bible? (I’ve never read it but at least I’ve HEARD of it.)

    My favorite nickname from those who know me well is Bec (or Beck). I like having a name that can be shortened to one syllable. I’m at a loss with how to address someone in a familiar way when their name doesn’t allow for the one syllable nickname. “Hey there Ja…son.”

    Two of my brothers refer to me as Uncle Becki – I think it is because I’m the bossy big sister and not because I have a mustache. (Kidding – waxing took the mustache right off.)

  161. On July 27th, 2010 at 9:39 pm Sarah Says:

    I’m so jealous of people who can shorten their names to one syllable. “Sar” isn’t hitting on much and “Rah” is kind of unacceptable.

    Then around 7th grade, people realized my name backwards is “haras,” pronounced either “Her Ass” or “Harass.”

    Fucking middle schoolers.

  162. On July 27th, 2010 at 2:38 pm WebSavvyMom Says:

    –>I like that you’re Aunt Becky, even if you are four years younger than me.

  163. On July 27th, 2010 at 3:57 pm Jennifer Says:

    I have the #1 most common name. So, my gig: I find my anonymity in the crowd. I am Jennifer. Your job is to figure out *which* Blogger Jennifer I am. I am married to John. Again. Your job is to figure out *which* one. It’s kinda like living in a big city. I had monikers for my kids but that lasted all of *1* ENTIRE post. I have the memory and focus of a squirrel.

    But, the swearing thing . . . in real life, I muthafucking swear like ain’t nobody’s bizness and get creative with names — randomly refering to people as “turd slurper” when they aren’t looking. But on the internets, everytime I post something like that, my father sends me a DID YOU SEE WHERE SOMEONE LOST THEIR JOB or WAS SUED or CONTRACTED HERPES FOR INAPPROPRIATE BLOG email? So, I try to curb it because I haven’t decided that I am okay with being responsible for causing his coronary one day. But I am working on this. Because motherfucker is my favorite word and this must be resolved.

  164. On July 27th, 2010 at 9:37 pm Sarah Says:

    I used to go by my middle name, trying to keep some sense of anonymity, since I sometimes wrote about work.

    Then those bastards fired me. (Had nothing to do with the blog. Had more to do with the revolt I almost caused. Unintentionally, OBVIOUSLY.) Now I’m Sarah. No last name. Because I feel 74.8% of girls born between 1980 and 1990 were named Sarah.

    Except now I’m putting pictures of myself on my blog, so. . .

  165. On August 26th, 2010 at 2:52 pm Ali Says:

    I must admit – I was a bit hesitant about all the swearing at first. But, now that I think about it, I think: Why the fuck not?

    You’re an excellent writer – a fact probably related to you about 1000 hundred times by now – sorry, I was late for the party, but if someone would have invited me earlier, I probably would have showed up a more respectable hour late, in time to catch the booze and mini hot dogs before they were gone.

    I call myself an abbreviation of my name: Alicia – I go by Ali. A nickname I made up because no one else in 25 years had bothered to give me a nickname and I just wanted one.

    In response to your other post – I think blogging is important for just connecting as you put it, with those people who read you and you never know came or went – but it meant something to them. And well, its obviously theraputic on the out going side as well. I’m new to the community and pleased to meet you.

    Ali P.

  166. On August 27th, 2010 at 9:16 am Your Aunt Becky Says:

    It’s very nice to meet you, too! And I swear much less now than I did on my old blog Mushroom Printing. But man, I still swear. And I get why people don’t. That entry came out like I was all, ‘IF YOU DON’T SWEAR, YOU SUCK!’ and I SO didn’t mean that.

  167. On August 27th, 2010 at 9:24 am Ali Says:

    Oh I wasn’t worried about the need to swear more – Just to read your light and fast posts was much different from getting into your long life-explaining posts – and when I did that – it all clicked! And it was blog love.

    I did feel encouraged to swear it up the rest of the day yesterday with my husband and had a lot of fun saying motherfuckers here and fuck it over there.

    I saw your sex topic blog and then i saw 10 sex tips about the environment on some eco-blog site. Did you know there are eco-friendly condoms? Maybe fodder for some jokes. Search for “green sex sins” on the dailygreen dot com site.

    Anyways. I still have a real job I’m ignoring. Better go. Later!

  168. On November 25th, 2011 at 6:47 pm Tearlssnights? Says:

    Very late to the party, but enjoying very much.
    And to add my 2 (tardy) cents;
    Confessionally, I am not a fan when other people have my same name. I mean, I have no choice but to ALLOW it, but somehow I feel a tad violated and have a need to make sure that to all my friends and family, I am the “real” one.

  169. On December 15th, 2011 at 12:59 pm Tina L. Says:

    Crying at your post – so funny.

    This reminded me of a childhood experience I had. While playing alone at a neighborhood park (with no adult supervision I might add – I grew up in the 70’s -my parents were probably smoking pot somewhere), a group of friends I came upon were playing together and one of them shouts out “Hey Tina, come play on the slide with me”. Hearing my name, I immediately feel a kinship with this girl and want to be friends, so I say timidly “my name is Tina too”, while smiling. Immediately, all the mean playground bitches start accusing me of lying about my name! They tell me she is the ONLY Tina they’ve ever been friends with, no one else could possible have that name, and that my mom has been lying to me about my true name, maybe because it’s too ugly…Being six or seven, and an insecure six or seven, I might add, I believe them. I march home, angrily confront my Mother about her deception and cry inconsolably. Eventually, my Mom shows me my birth certificate (obviously, a fake now that I think about it).

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