There are always about 40 sides to every story, right? I told you my side of the butt sex story here (as well as back in September). This is Pashmina’s side.

For simplicity’s sake, I tell people that Becky is my college roommate. This is not entirely true, as she lived two doors down from me, but she might as well have lived in my room, seeing as how SHE SPENT PRACTICALLY EVERY WAKING MOMENT STEALING OUR BEER. YES YOU, BECKY.

We have been friends for 10 years. It would have been, in fact, 10 years ago this fall that I was all, “Can I smoke in here?” and Becky was all “sure!” and her roommate was all, “SMOKING IS FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO DIIIIIIIIIIE.” So, it’s true that I’ve known Becky a long time.

It is also true (she denies this) that when we get together, your Aunt Becky and I suffer from revertigo. This is to say that when we get together, we behave like the 19 year olds we once were, which is to say that our collective average age when we get together is about 12. Dick and fart jokes are the norm, and whenever Bones and I leave an afternoon with Becky, he lovingly tells me, “You guys are fucking ridiculous.” It’s true. I am.

It would not surprise you, then, to learn that for our wedding, Becky made a check out to us and wrote in the memo “Butt Sex.” It certainly didn’t surprise ME, and Bones and I got a good chuckle out of it when, a couple days after the wedding, we went through our gifts so that we could deposit any money before going on our honeymoon.

I slipped the check into the pile, deposited it, and Bones and I spent a week in the Caribbean. (ed note: Bitch)

When we came back, I had a letter from the bank. I opened it, and it contained three things:
1. A notice of error that said (and I quote) “Check Enclosed, Not Listed. Account Debited.”
2. A copy of the deposit slip
3. A copy of a check from your very own Aunt Becky, for Butt Sex.

Being that the whole thing was cryptic and confusing, I called the bank for an explanation. They told me I would have to go into the particular branch where we had made the deposit, since they didn’t quite understand either.

Not thinking anything of it at the time, I put “Bank” on my list of errands and headed over. Whatevs. I walked up to the teller, explained my confusion politely, and asked if he could provide me an explanation. He guessed at something. I asked a follow-up question. He called over his manager.

His manager came over to the teller window, looked at the documents and said–louder than she needed to–“OMG, who wrote you a check for butt sex?!”

The bank stopped for a split second and then erupted in peals of laughter around me. Me, I was caught between wanting to fall over laughing and being totally irritated that THE CHECK THEY PULLED OUT HAPPENED TO HAVE THE WORDS ‘BUTT SEX’ on it.

There were several other checks for identical amounts, but no, the bank and to pull THAT ONE for me. Thanks, Bank. Thanks for making me explain that my college roommate decided that this would be a hilarious thing to do.

I mean, it’s one thing when she writes me thank you notes that read “Dear Aunt P, Thank you so much for the Beer and Crack Whore money you gave Alex for his 2nd Birthday.” It’s totally another to have to take a check for Butt Sex to a business.

I explained that my college roommate had a sense of humor, in a way that implied that I didn’t while the bank continued to laugh around me.

Said the Teller, “Do you think maybe they didn’t deposit it because it said– because of the memo line?” (by now, the stern-faced, Chicago-bred security guard was smiling)

Manager, “Um, let me call corporate and ask.”

aw, fuck.

So, I took a seat and waited while the manager called the corporate headquarters and explained the situation and my confusion. Then I heard her say clearly, “Oh! Yes, it is Paisana!” She pulled the phone away from her mouth and said to me, “He remembers you!”

Oooof course he does.

A few more minutes with corporate–and several tellers who had to explain to the PEOPLE DRIVING THROUGH THE DRIVE UP WHY THEY WERE LAUGHING–later, the manager called me back over to her desk to explain to me what corporate had told her, assuring me the whole time that no, corporate had not rejected the check for Butt Sex.

She was very happy to use the words “butt sex” freely, too, and every time she said it, the security guard got a chuckle and EVERYONE IN LINE looked my direction with a “WTF?” expression.

She then explained to me that my error had been in addition (I had added the check twice) and we went through the deposit slip line by line until I was satisfied that my bad math–and not bank error–was at play. I thanked her for the explanation and she said to me, “Tell your friend she’s funny!”

She’ll appreciate that.

Comments

comments

39 thoughts on “The Butt Sex Check Saga Part B

  1. I LOVE to play this game. I’ve put “disposing of the midget corpse” and “ferret retrieval” in my girlfriends memo fields. When I get my bank statement back with copies of the checks, she’s consistently scratched them out. No. Fun.

  2. Hilarity. I wish I had a friend who would make a check out to me for butt sex. Imagine how much more entertaining your day would be…alas, I have the filthiest mouth of all my friends combined and should I try and pull a stunt like that….well, I think I might be minus a friend or two. Nothing like good friends. Ya’ll are lucky to have each other.

  3. Oh I am so happy you posted a follow-up! That is hilarious!!

    If they had not deposited it because of the butt sex memo, you would be a millionnaire now :-))

    I bet they are still telling that story at the bank!

  4. I can see why you are friends with her. We all need friends like that. You too are so funny! THanks for the laughs from both sides of the story.

    Stop by sometime.

    Blessings,
    Shannon

  5. OMG toooo funny. I’ve put some wacky stuff in a memo line but nothing like that. Course mind tend to be of the geeky nature, like Picnic error, Id-10t error, slave labor, etc…

    Gives me something new to put in memo fields 🙂

  6. That was flippin great. I wish i had thought of doing that before. I think I may do something like this to my uber christian sister in law for shits and giggles. I am going to tell my hubby about this, this is totally his type of humor. How lucky are you Aunt Becky to have found a friend that truly gets you and loves you!

  7. That is hysterical!

    When my husband and I were paying some money back to my parents we would always try to write something funny in the memo.

    I don’t recall all of them but one of my favorites was, “To Keep Your Mouth Shut.”

  8. This makes me want to write checks more often. I think I’ll stop carrying cash just so I can write “butt sex” in the memo to all my friends. And maybe some random corporations, like Target.

  9. I love this story. I manage a bank, and it’s small things like this that can make a day for sure. I have cracked up once again, thanks for your side…

  10. Pure, unfettered, awesomeness. I used to sign my checks “Donald Duck” and in the ‘for’ line would write “clandestine services rendered” just to see if they went through. They always did. (Gotta love B of A – they’ll suspend your account if you use out-of-town ATM’s to “protect” you in case of theft, but will take a check from Donald Duck).

    Anyway – your friend has a fantastic sense of humor!

  11. This is as good as the time in uni when my friends and I took our drunk-and-passed-out buddy Tony, who had spent a year TORTURING us with a series of cruel and unrelenting practical jokes that made us question why we were friends with him (best looking guy in the group thus attracting plenty of residual babes), took his shoes, his wallet and put him on a train to the next major city, about five hours away. As a result of this prank, Tony never spoke to us again, which in many ways was a blessing.

    So I LOVE IT when I hear about great practical jokes that work out as well as ours did. This is one of them. Pashmina, you sound like a lovely woman. Too bad you had to be foil for something so good.

  12. Good Lord that is hilarious. My friends and I pull similar stuff on each other, but thankfully I’ve never had to go to the bank and deposit a check for Butt Sex. I tend to do things like giving people Condolence cards for their birthday so they can mourn the loss of another year. Pretty tame stuff. I just recently found this blog, and I absolutely love it!!

    http://www.ifyouhavetoask.wordpress.com

  13. I have a friend who does that very thing. I have never had to explain it to the bank however. I didn’t think banks had a sense of humor, strike that, of course they do they take as much of my money as they possibly can each month. They must think that’s funny.

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