My darling second born son at the tender age of 9 months has fallen in love.

Not with one of the myriad of toys that he currently owns, and not even with one of the many animals who live with us (although the “dooo-gie” and “catty-cat” are close seconds to this), but with a book.

Now, it could be worse, he could be obsessed with one of the many boring computer books we have knocking around the house, but what cracks me up most about this is that when he first fell in love with it, I explained to him that there were 6 fingers on the hand of the book.

Rather than take the word “hand,” “book,” or even the very complicated “fingers” away from this, he now cries “thhhix” whenever he wants the book.

It’s going to be a loud 18 years.

Later that day, as he was rolling merrily along the floor, behaving like a human vacuum cleaner, I noticed that he was decidedly chewing on something. I figured it was likely a tasty bit of paper or a goldfish cracker, until I realized that he was gagging on it.

I swooped in, picked him up and peered into his mouth. He took this opportunity to regurgitate most of his lunch in a large splat onto the white (white!) carpeting, and it was then that I found the elusive culprit: a rabbit turd.

Now, back when I was eleventy-million months pregnant, Ben and I were perusing our local pet store after picking up some crickets for our gecko and while he tried to persuade me to buy him a scorpion (yeah, right. Over my dead and crusty body will I ever, EVER allow a scorpion to come into my home. You might say that I have a phobia.), I spotted her.

A large bunny was hopping merrily around a cage, desperately vying for my attention. I’ve always liked bunnies, and secretly lusted for one for, oh I don’t know, EVER, but every one I’ve ever seen is just languidly laying around a cage looking boring.

This one, however ugly she may be (and she is), was not boring. She was cute, and she liked me.

In a fit of pregnancy-induced insanity (and probably because my husband was too fearful of me to deny me), we adopted her (she had been dropped off by previous owners who didn’t want to care for her any longer).

Now, aside from knowing that they were fluffy and liked carrots, I had no idea what the hell owning a bunny was about. For instance, I had no idea that their pee smelled like death. Or that they would kick their litter and poo out of the cage when they jumped about. Had I known this, I might not have been so keen on adopting her.

But she’s cute as hell (in a really ugly way) and she loves me to pieces, so I don’t give her much grief for being a damned slob.

That said, when Alex was deciding to snack on a bit of “bunny chocolate,” I was horrified not that he had done this, or that she had kicked the poo piece out of her cage. I was mad simply because I had JUST vacuumed.

Ginger (not the name I would have chosen, but same as my darling cat Peekachoo, she came with it, and answers to it) says that she would very much like some treats, please, as you can see by her massive proportions (again, with the scale on a webpage, you may not get an accurate picture of her massiveness), WE DO NOT FEED HER ENOUGH.

Lastly, this is a photo of the aftermath of the “bunny chocolate” saga. A bath. With bubbles. And a baby that we call “Tons of Fun” and “Chubbs.”

You know, because he’s skinny.

20 thoughts on “The Apple Of His Eye.

  1. aw, man I use to have a rabbit, we called her patches(we thought she WAS a boy) and man was she smart. she learned commands too. she knew in(go in the cage) she would come when called. we gave her some kitty toys to play with, balls with the bells, and she like to roll around, bottles.
    she was the sweetest girl ever, but sadly I had to give her up, as I was diagnosed with asthma, and her shedding was killing me.

    I love that girl, but I know she has a good home now.

  2. Becky, I never knew anybody who didn’t keep the rabbits outside. Helps a lot with the odour issues… Of course I had several bunny pets die horribly when I was a kid, so maybe you don’t want bunny-raising advice from me.

    That baby of yours sure is skinny and ugly. Wow, seriously ugly. 🙂

    It’s kind of funny because #2 is turning into a fat baby and it’s really strange for me. #1 has never had an ounce of fat on his little body. Honestly, the kid’s got biceps and quads that are cut – like a Men’s Health cover model. I keep thinking that #2 is disfigured and has 6 fingers, just because his ham-hock hands are so huge they look freakish to me. I think he’s gonna be a big ‘un.

  3. Damn that is a cute baby.

    You do realize I’m eye-deep in baby fever right now? Publishing pictures like this is like waving a carrot in front of your bunnies nose…

    (I had bunnies growing up. How I miss them. But not their messy ways…)

  4. K, he is way too flippin’ cute!So round and smooshy and sweet!
    The bunny is kinda cute too:)
    My second was such a fat, round baby and now he is a small, muscular 10 year old. who knew?

  5. that picture of the bubble bath is adorable. Possibly helped along by the deeply beautiful eyes of your son.

    And I think your bunny is cute in a cute way.

    Perhaps you could solve the perspective and size issues in your pictures by putting something to reference the size for us. Like a Polly Pocket or a G.I. Joe.

  6. Oh my dear lord– could he be any more cute? LOVE the bunny poo story…. Sam like to eat Lady bugs… and he finds them in all sorts of places AFTER I vaccum. Fun stuff!

  7. A) Your son has great taste in contemporary literature. I adore Augusten Burroughs.

    B) The pic does not capture the gigantasaurus rex-like proportions of your “bunny”

    C) Freakin’ cute kid. I need to see him. Now.

  8. Well, you know my history of rabbit turds (as the giver not the receiver)! LMAO. Poor Alex. Yeah, he may eat turds, but he’s beautiful!

  9. So darn cute!! Meaning the baby – and the bunny too. My deceased bunny, Rudy, was litter box trained and had free run of the house. I love bunnies.

  10. I had a rabbit as a teenager. I went to a friend’s house one weekend and came back to find that my mother had let it go. In the wild! I was (still am) really pissed about that.

    Yay, bubbles! And Burt’s Bees. That stuff smells so good. Alex is such an adorable little guy. Very pinchable. 🙂

  11. They do smell somethin’ awful. My girlfriend got her 12yr old one. 12yr olds are not faithful about cleaning cages. We stayed in his room in July in Georgia. You get the picture.

    M. is now repeating “kid ate rabbit poo?” over and over like he had no idea such a thing could happen.

    Btw, have you seen Amy Sedaris’ bunny?

  12. Oh my God, your kid is gorgeous. And he has such great taste in books! I love Augusten! And I so totally love other women who swear as often as I do.

  13. Aww, your boy is so, so cute! Also, I just bought that book. His other books, Running With Scissors, and Dry were SO good. I love the bun-we were going to get one at one point but ended up getting a parakeet and hamster instead…I LOVE the bird-she’s so cute and really low maintenance!

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