2010: A Space Oddity

Once a year, every year since dinosaurs typed out blog posts with their wee dinosaur hands on their gigantic Stone Age laptops, I do a Meme. Generally speaking, I do not like Memes. I do not think that my Pranksters give a fucking shit how I best like my coffee or what is in my purse right now. HOWEVER. I am compulsive. And since I do this every year, I do this EVERY YEAR.

(As proof that I do not actually have a life, I offer this:  2009 here, 2008 here, 2007 here, 2006 here.)

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

Lost my marbles and managed to find them all again. I also got a phoenix tattoo on my back that I’m incredibly proud of (although it’s not yet finished).

I started two new user-submitted blogs, both of whom call me Site Master Aunt Becky Mushroom Printing and Band Back Together.

They call me Miss Site Master Ma’am, I call them schnookems.

I also went to Las Vegas for the first time. You can see how excited I was by this particular picture. You might want to get up and dance around the room because you will be unable to contain your own excitement upon seeing this photo.

Ready?

Naked Vegas Pictures
Aunt Becky can Party

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I wrote this last year: “2010 is going to be the year Aunt Becky Gets Her Groove Back. And hopefully, her fucking figure too.”

Done and done.

And as far as the New Year, we have a project in the works on Band Back Together that we’re putting together.

In the end, I hope that 2011 will bring me less bullshit and more happiness. More orchids and less backstabbing. More writing and less email. More cowbell and less synthesizers. Clearly.

There’s always room for cowbell.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My food baby just kicked!

More interesting, I birthed MY FIRST VIDEO!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

I’m trying to think of the happy, Meme.

5. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

A disco band and a rock star husband.

6. What countries did you visit?

Las Vegas is considered a country, right?

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why:

Meme, I’m on The Max (Topamax). Dates were the first thing to go.

I guess I’ll choose July 28. My new birthday.

Okay, let me explain. I had to change my date of birth. Turns out that my first DOB, July 15, it’s kinda cursed. After I ended up in Urgent Care for like the 34th birthday in a row, I decided that I was done with that birthday. So I chose a new one!

HAPPY NEW BIRTHDAY, AUNT BECKY!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Creating Band Back Together is probably what I am most proud of. Having a safe place for people to share their stories about really, anything, even the good things in life, ALONG WITH the resource pages (some of which, of course, still need to be created), so that the reader may find the help that they need, I think that was something that was needed.

Also: we pulled a John C. Mayer on the Internet. That was fucking rad.

OOOH! And how could I forget this! MY DIRECTORIAL DEBUT!

9. What was your biggest failure?

I did NOT get molested by the TSA, even though I tried really, really hard.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I always hate to answer this one positively because I feel like I’m tempting fate to drop a piano on my head or something. I had abdominal surgery in November. Does that count?

11. What was the best thing you bought?

That seems braggy and slightly obnoxious. I bought new abdominal muscles. They’re nice, if you’re into that kind of thing.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Everyone who has been brave enough to contribute to Band Back Together.

Also: every person who nominated me for a Bloggie last year. I don’t need to tell you that being a finalist for Best Humor Blog was the biggest honor of my (blogging)(possibly adult)(okay, not possibly, FOR SURE) life. Thank you.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

OH LOOKIT, A BLUE CAR.

I’m kidding. I don’t actually remember having a real beef with anyone this year. I did, however, realize that I was holding onto some old friendships that I probably should have let die awhile ago. I let those go.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Um, Meme, we clearly need to have a talk. Isn’t money a particularly tacky topic of conversation, especially on blogs?

Unless, of course, you want to give me some, in which case, OBVIOUSLY NOT.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Uncrustables.

And that time I was Aunt Becky, Fugitive On The Lam for like 14 hours.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

G-Love and Jack Johnson, “Rainbow.”

also

Gin Wigmore, “Hey, Ho.”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Very, very much happier. I don’t think it even compares.

ii. thinner or fatter? By a magnitude that even I cannot comprehend, thinner.

iii. richer or poorer? Shut your fucking whore mouth about the fucking money, Meme.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Blocking celebrities on The Twitter. Also: Pranking The Internet.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Accidentally flashing my neighbors.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Dude, Meme, Christmas is over.

21. There was no #21. I don’t know why there was no 21.

I’ll make up my own question because I like to hear myself talk.

Why are you so damn sexy?

I guess I was just born that way, Meme.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Over and over again. With myself.

23. How many one-night stands?

How many days are in the year?

THAT many. Plus 20.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Dexter. Because he and I are in a “relationship.” It’s exclusive because we’re actually married. Even if he doesn’t know it yet.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

*whistles*

*Looks around*

OH LOOK A BLUE…Eh, no. Actually, I don’t. Like

26. What was the best book you read?

Complications: A Surgeon’s Notes on an Imprecise Science.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I’m not a record producer. I don’t “discover” anything. However, I do love music. The new Santana album is pretty full of the win.

28. What did you want and get?

A discernible waistline. Unrelated, many cups of coffee.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

*scratches head*

Um.

Shit.

I don’t remember.

I’m going to make up a new question:

Where are your pants?

I have no idea. Pants are bullshit.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I went to Urgent Care. No. Fucking seriously, that’s what I did after I went off on a rant on The Twitter about how much clothing sucks these days. Because SRSLY, metal embellishments can kiss my fucking ass.

Then, I decided to change my birthday to another day of the month. My mother, the one person who might have a say in it (she did, after all, pop me out of her vagina on that date) completely agreed with me that the day is cursed.

I celebrated my birthday instead in Las Vegas in December. I was 30. I am beyond happy to be 30.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

This:

Swarovski Toilet

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

First half of 2010: “Holy shit, why did the 80’s come back? Holy shit, does complaining about fashion make me old balls? Holy shit, don’t answer that.”

Post-abdominal surgery 2010: “My abdominal binder brings all the boys to the yard.”

34. What kept you sane?

Um, I write a blog on The Internet where I call myself “Aunt Becky.” I haven’t been “sane” in years.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

BILLY MOTHERFUCKING MAYS.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Butter-side-up or butter-side-down?

37. Who did you miss?

I’ll always miss my friend Stef. She passed away in 2007 at the age of 26 due to complications of chronic alcoholism, leaving behind her two sons.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

My Band of Merry Pranksters.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:

It’s time to be all EYE OF THE MOTHERFUCKING TIGER, AUNT BECKY.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

(God, that seems so MySpace/Emo).

First, I’d like to quote this very, powerful and meaningful song. I think you’ll agree with me that this may be the most important song of our lifetime:

“C is for cookie.

That’s good enough for me.

C is for cookie.

That’s good enough for me.

C is for cookie.

That’s good enough for me.

(cue guitar solo)

Oooooh! Cookie cookie cookie starts with C.”

And one more…for the road:

“Ring your bells that can still ring,

Forget your perfect offering.

There is a crack in everything.

That’s how the light gets in.”

—————-

The rest of the meme says I should tag some people but, eh, I don’t like lists. They make me twitchy. Mostly because I’ll forget someone and then, then I’ll feel sad in the pants.

INSTEAD.

I’m tagging each of you. If I can do one Meme a year, SO CAN YOU, Pranksters. DO IT. It’s full of the awesome. JUST like 2011 is going to be. Even if I have to beat it into submission and make it my fucking bitch.

Happy New Year, Pranksters. If I you need me, I’ll be hiding under my bed until it’s officially the New Year. There are still a couple of hours yet for an anvil to drop on my head.

Year-In-Review 2009

Proving that I am a creature of habit, I couldn’t let the year end without completely my one and only meme. For past experiences, go here: 2008 here, 2007 here, 2006 here. The rest I believe have been lost somewhere. Probably for the better, eh?

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

I got myself a daughter, I watched my daughter go under the knife and defy all odds while I’ve struggled with some serious PTSD.

I’ve sent my second book proposal out with my agents and decided to incorporate and expand my freelancing career.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I’ve decided that I’ve put my own life on hold for long enough and that 2010 will be the year that I bring Aunt Becky back. Period. What that means is sort a nebulous “eh.” A constellation of things I’ll do.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes. I had a baby. So did a lot of people that I love.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes.

5. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

An Empire and a discernible waistline.

6. What countries did you visit?

Unless you count my head, none.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why:

January 28, my daughter’s birthday. February 26, the day she had her surgery to fix her neural tube defect.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I’ve successfully decided what I want to be when I grow up. An heiress.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I clogged the kitchen sink.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Shockingly, few.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My iPhone is pretty fucking awesome.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I’d have to go with Mimi’s, who kicked BRAIN SURGERY in the balls. I mean, how much cooler can you be?

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Okay, this one I can’t answer because it’s mean. If I answer it honestly, I’ll get bitches on my back, and if I don’t, I mean, okay, let’s go with, uh, OH LOOK A CUDDLY KITTY!

14. Where did most of your money go?

Diapers and pink frilly things.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I got excited when I figured out what the hell I was going to do with the rest of my life.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”

(if you haven’t heard it, you really, REALLY should give it a listen. It’s gorgeous)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Happier. Much.

ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner.

iii. richer or poorer? Richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Noming on baby toes.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Crying. Because I am very ugly when I cry and I pour buckets of boogies out of my head and really, you’re welcome for that mental picture.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

This is awkward. Christmas is over, Meme. Perhaps you should GET WITH THE PROGRAM.

21. There was no #21. I don’t know why there was no 21.

I’ll make up my own question here, then. Hmmm.

Name one random thing that people would be surprised to know about you.

I am a (former) concert cellist. I know. Who the fuck knew?

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Only with myself.

23. How many one-night stands?

If you could my Husbands From Television, probably like 4,129.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Glee! And House! And Dexter! And…uh. What else?

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

This seems awfully loaded, doesn’t it? I’m going to go with yes. And then, no.

26. What was the best book you read?

US Weekly.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Glee! I’m a sucker for pop music and a capella groups.

28. What did you want and get?

A direction in life. Also, Hello Kitty Sushi!

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

Pan’s Labyrinth. I’m saying this because I seriously cannot remember seeing a movie this year.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 29 this year. I celebrated by… *scratches head*

……

Apparently it was very exciting. So exciting that I can’t remember.

OH WAIT. THAT’S RIGHT. I bought myself a vibrator. That’s really boring. And of course, it’s a crappy vibrator because I cheaped out on it. BAD CALL.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More cowbell. Definitely more cowbell.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

*sniff, sniff* IS THIS CLEAN? *sniff, sniff* CLOSE ENOUGH.

34. What kept you sane?

My Internet. Thank you, my friends.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I dunno. I normally answer with Britney Spears, and I guess that’s probably my answer again.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Shaken or stirred? GET IT? Bwahahahaha! I don’t go political. You should KNOW that, Meme, because we’ve been together since 2005. Which, CREEPY.

37. Whom did you miss?

I still miss my friend Stef, who died in 2007, every. single. day.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

My cadre of Virtual Internet Pimps.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:

When someone tells you that you can’t do something, the very best thing to do is to prove them gleefully wrong.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

“I did my best, it wasn’t much
I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch
I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah”

Leonard Cohen, “Hallelujah”

So the rest of the meme calls for tagging, which I don’t do because I’m not A List person, so rather than tag you, I’m going to tag YOU to answer this meme on your blog OR in the comments.

Year-in-Review 2006

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?

Juggled two mortgages. Eventually sold House #1.

And no, we are not moving in 2007. Not if I can help it. Unlike my husband, I am not a nomad.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I have never really made a resolution for New Years. Not because I don’t believe in resolutions themselves, but because I can never think of something that I will be sure that I will do in the new year. And I don’t want to feel guilty for not completing them later on. I have enough guilt.

I didn’t resolve to, but I quit smoking this year. Next year, I’m sure I’ll resolve to lose the baby weight. But I won’t resolve to do it on January 1.

3. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

A second son. And a million dollars. Because, really, how else can I paper a room with dollar bills or get a Grill?

4. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Maintaining my sanity (stop laughing).

5. What was the best thing you bought?

My bumble-bee house. I freaking love my house.

6. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Daver’s. He has not killed me yet. He is also 99% of the reason that I have maintained my sanity.

and

Benner’s. He has made my life eversomuch better every single second of every single day. Mushy? Maybe. True? Absolutely.

7. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Britney Spears.

8. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My ultrasound. Finding out that I am having a healthy baby boy.

Moving the fcuk back outta my parents house (we moved there in January for a month while we waited to close on our house). Sweet Jesus. That was awful.

Getting over (mostly) hyperemesis gravidarum.

9. What song will always remind you of 2006?

Slow Down Baby.

10. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Happier

ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter: But I do have a parasite now.

iii. richer or poorer? Richer.

11. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Stopping to smell the flowers.

12. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worrying about things I cannot control.

13. What was your favorite TV program?

Law and Order: Criminal Intent. My husband, Vincent D’Onofrio is super-sexxy, even if y’all are haters.

14. What was the best book you read?

The Curious Incident of the Dog and the Nighttime.

15. What was your greatest musical discovery?

By far the best album I bought this year was “Back to Basics.”

16. What was your favorite film of this year?

I’m really not much of a movie person. I rarely see movies in the theater. Of the three I saw this year, the best was:

United 93.

17. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I had a nice BBQ with some good girlfriends that I haven’t seen much since. I miss them.

I got wasted on Cosmos and champagne.

Then I got pregnant. So, I got a Hot Beef Injection for my birthday. BOO-YEAH.

18. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Eschewing the horrible habit that I picked up from my husband: worrying about things over which you have no control. I have since stopped. It’s neither fulfilling nor does it help.

19. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?

Pregnant and itchy?

20. What kept you sane?

Dave.

and

Ben.

21. What political issue stirred you the most?

To wear underwear or to freeball it?

22. Who was the best new person you met?

I didn’t meet anyone interesting this year. At least, not that I can remember.

23. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:

“Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.”

24. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

“Everybody’s talkin’ all this stuff about me, why don’t they just let me live? I don’t need permission, make my own decisions, that’s my prerogative”