Dear Aunt Becky,

I WANT TO BE A FAMOUS BLOBBER LIKE AUNT BECKY!!* Well, actually no. I don’t.

I have a blog that exactly 9 people read (if they read it!) and it’s really for my creative outlet. My problem is my husband.  He doesn’t like when I put ANYTHING that’s not generic fluff on it.  I have a nasty habit of bottling things up, and when I can write about it, I can let it go. This happened recently and he was furious that I put our “business” “out there”.  An old friend’s wife read it, mangled it up and “told on me”. (He didn’t care about the issue that I wrote about though!! Dumb men).

So, how do I effectively blog without pissing off the people I need to write about?

Oh Prankster, it’s the age-old blobber issue: how much is too much? And I’m afraid that there’s no “right” answer, it’s all situational.

Here’s what I say about how much to share on your blog (and OH I am a bad person to ask this question):

1) Don’t put anything on the Internet you wouldn’t wear on a shirt.

B) Don’t lie.

3) It’s a small Internet after all.

4) People thrive on The Dramaz.

87) Own your words.

c) Whatever you write will probably be read by the person you’re writing about, especially if it’s a rant.

9) Facebook has made anonymity a hell of a lot harder.

28) And most stories, if you remove all of the identifying details and characteristics, well, they’re pretty dull. Plus, by that point, your story has lost most of it’s conviction because you’re all, “I’m mad because someone I can’t tell you about did something bad that I can’t mention because obviously.”

Bor-ING.

So.

The ethical quandary remains. How do you decide how much to share? What the hell is oversharing? WHY DOESN’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?!?! *wrings hands*

This is the bottom line. What you share depends entirely upon how much shit you want to take. You have to imagine that every person you’re talking about is sitting there, reading your words, or looking for themselves in there, and interpreting words on a screen without the benefit of facial cues, THEN write from that perspective.

Writing on a blog gets especially complicated if your husband doesn’t appreciate the things you talk about. As far as that goes, you’re either going to have your way and write whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want it, and you’re going to make him upset or he’s going to make you upset because you’re censored. Or, perhaps, you can meet somewhere in the middle. That fuzzy, nebulous, undefinable grey area.

WHY WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?!

I don’t tend to write about conflicts that I have in my personal life. Most people I know (read: three) have the ability to read my blog and I need dramaz like I need a jello mold salad (blech). If I do write about anyone, I try and stick to facts and my own feelings about them.

If you want to write about people, you have to assume they’re going to read it and get pissed the hell off. It’s a calculated cost/benefit analysis for you.

Will the personal cost of drama be greater than the benefit of letting it out?

That, my good Prankster, is entirely up to you.

P.S. You can always go password protected for the ranty posts. Also: my bitch-slap group blog Mushroom Printing will gladly welcome you.

Dear Aunt Becky,

A woman I work with has, in the past several weeks and in the course of discussing project-related details, referred to me directly as “my love” and then later said “I love you” while in the presence of a superior.

Now, I’m willing to brush these events aside because 1- she’s way married, and 2- seriously?

But here’s the thing: this is the one woman who, if given the chance, I would R-U-N-N O-F-T with without any reservations and never look back.

Please confirm I’m crazy to suspect her words are nothing more than, well, friendly words.

Your pal,

stupid.

Sorry Prankster, I love you and all, but I’d venture a guess that her words are just that: words. Some people are more comfortable using pet names than others and apparently, my love, this woman is one of those.

I apologize, darling, but I’m guessing she’s just very friendly. Unless she’s grabbing your balls while she does it. Then, hm, well, maybe. Or maybe she just likes testicles.

Love you!

AB

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So, Pranksters, what say you? How would you answer these questions?

*BEHOLD MY FAMOUS BLOBBERNESS. I AM BLOBBER, HEAR ME ROAR! IT’S THE EYE OF THE BLOBBE…okay, yeah. But that made me snort. “Famous” my ass.