It’s BOOBS week over at Toy With Me, and I’m talking about the one awesome legacy my children left me. And no, I’m not talking about my accordion-like stomach folds, which, I admit are dead sexy.

(want to make out?)

As always, you have an idea for a future topic for a column over there, please, drop me an email to or leave me a comment.

Click the smiling beaver to be whisked away:


Aunt Becky: “Just so you know, I found one of your pubes on the baby’s high chair today. It was disturbing. I know you didn’t put it there or anything, but still. EW.”

The Daver (totally not listening): “AWESOME.”

Aunt Becky: “So NOT full of The Awesome. That’s full of The Awful.

The Daver: “Whatever, that’s full of The Awesome. I’m marking my territory.”

Aunt Becky: “You leave a trail of those around the house and it’s gross. You’re shedding pubes. It’s like The Trail of Tears.”

The Daver: “Dude, no way. That’s a Treasure Trail.”

Aunt Becky: *shudders*


And YAY for contests that are annoying and make me annoy you a lot and so I petition you loudly to vote for me because that is what blogs are for, unless you count being full of self-important bluster, which, of course, obviously.

I’m up for this award you should vote for me. And while you’re there, you should vote for me for this one too.

And then you should vote for me here, too.

Because if you do that? I will show you a picture of the best Halloween costume I ever dressed up in. And this requires me doing actual work to go and find the picture at my parents house.

(obviously, you should cue the violins and cry tears for me at all of the pain and suffering you’re putting me through by making me work. o! the humanity!)

I’ll give you a hint: there were several people who didn’t know me and had no idea I was dressed up. It was FANTASTIC. Man, you’re NEVER gonna guess what it was. I feel like I should tell you or something because seriously, it was THAT good.

*bites knuckles impatiently*

I suck at secrets and I can hardly wait to tell you. I imagine tomorrow you’ll see what this is, so vote.


Won’t SOMEONE think of the children?!?

48 thoughts on “Sweater Kittens! Chesticles! Boobs! OH MY.

  1. I voted. I also registered my husband and informed him I was voting for him. So does this mean I get double photos?

  2. I can’t access your sex column to leave comments while at work, and I won’t remember when I get home, so I just want to say that I am sooo jealous of your giant boob increase! I went from a B cup to a B+ cup, and the only time I got any bigger was when I was totally engorged (then maybe I was a small C). Now I’m back to a B-, and I would not care, if not for all the extra middle flab that is now in danger of sticking out farther than my boobs. Sigh. If I had the D’s, I would not care about the spare tire, because it wouldn’t be so visible!

    Can’t wait to see this picture…I admire the creativity of a good Halloween costume.

  3. first things first: that Daver conversation was both rivetting and gross all wrapped up in a whole lotta funny! Seriously, you guys are the funniest married couple alive!! Let’s all get together for drinks sooooon!

    Next: The blogher awards! What is up with the voting??? Am I just retarded?! I try to vote but it doesn’t give me any confirmation that I did, so I may not have. Either way…I’m trying for you!

    Also? That damn cakewrecks again?????!!!!!

    1. @Amy D, thanks for trying to vote for me, lover. Check your spam folder. The confirmation is probably there. Stupid spam filter.

      And Dave? Is full of gross. He hasn’t noticed that he’s made it to my blog yet, but he will.

  4. I want to see the picture!
    And I’ve tried to vote for you twice on blogger’s choice, but it requires getting an account, which I’ve tried to do, but then it won’t send the confirmation. So I want an A for effort!

  5. I totally voted for you on both categories because your blog is awesome.It’s what mine wants to be when it grows up.PLus, I’m curious to see the costume lol.

  6. I voted already and am biting my fingernails impatiently while waiting for that photo. I love Halloween and get a little too excited about costumes. Two years ago I painted my black brother in law white so he could be Michael Jackson and everyone went nuts for him. There were a few people who didn’t realize he’d been painted. It’s was fun and awesome then, now I guess it’s a little sad. But still awesome.

  7. I think my stomach folds are my best feature. Not!! My little boy thinks it’s hilarious that he can make my tummy look like a butt when I’m not pregnant. Seriously, though, I’m so begging my hubby for the mommy makeover surgery after I have this one!

  8. Damnit, Woman! I love voting for you, I vote early, and I *would* vote often if they let me. But every single time, I forget that I’ve already voted, and I steam in there and realize that Yes, yes I have voted and NO.. NO I cannot vote again. What, these jokers think they’re running a democracy or something?! It’s a freaking popularity contest, isn’t it?? No? Whatever.

  9. I just voted for you and really happy to do so! And as far as Daver does he say/do the same with leaving stuff all over the house? No? just wondering 🙂

  10. Voted. Left Post-It notes all over my monitor in case my other personalities show up, reminding them to do the same. “Timmy,” the shy 10-year-old, will probably do it, but “Fuckin’ Lou,” the jaded construction guy, may require some sort of payola.

  11. Pubes are nasty, except for my husband’s, which are a surprising carroty orange color. Tee-hee, don’t tell him I said that on the internet.

    You always get my vote, except I’m kinda mad you made me think about my F cup size, for fuck’s sake. It’s a good thing I love you so.

  12. That post was awesome. Haven’t read about the boobs yet, but mine have been on a terrible journey of C, D, DD, C, D and maybe some other sizes too. Thanks, three breastfeeding children! And thanks, 3 C-sections, for the ab flab that is now a permanent part of me. I’m glad I’m not alone in lamenting what used to be good features.

  13. Ha ha ha, I can’t wait to see the picture. I’ll go vote now.
    Oh and Chesticles? I love it, I call mine Breasticles and my husband’s Chesticles. I knew there was a reason I like you. 🙂

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