In movies, you always know when the really important moments are about to happen because the music swells and ebbs and the soft focus lens sweeps through while time slows down capturing everything in full panoramic detail. It’s nice, I guess, if you’re a movie goer, and if your IQ is 12, because HI, they don’t normally put stuff in movies that isn’t related to the PLOT.

Anyway.

The day that I met The Daver wasn’t one of those days where I had any idea that my life was about to change. We were just meeting for the Einstein exhibit and breakfast in the city as friends, set up by a mutual friend, but it wasn’t all date-y and I certainly wasn’t impeccably dressed. Neither, I should add, was he.

Weeks later, I woke up in bed with him and I had A Moment. It wasn’t a Hollywood Moment, where we adorably shared breakfast in a perfectly fluffy bed, having coffee and witty reparte with our Chicago Tribune, no. I’m sure I was a drooly mess all bleary eyed and sleepy, and The Daver was actually asleep, but I rolled over and Had A Moment.

(I am not a person who has Moments.)

But I rolled over and said to myself: I am going to marry this guy.

And I did. It was one of those rare defining moments. You only have a certain number of those in your life, I think, where something happens maybe to you or maybe within you and nothing will ever be the same no matter what. Defining moments.

The first time I walked into my microbiology laboratory and realized that for once in a long time I was home. Having my naked, warm son laid upon my chest. Finding out that my son was autistic and that I wasn’t just a terrible mother. Knowing that from whatever destruction I found my life in, I would rebuild myself again and again.

I’ve found myself in sort of a mixture of elation and sadness these days–kind of like chewing on a foil-wrapped candy–while I’m really thrilled by the way things are, I can’t help but feel I need to pay tribute and honor the year that we’re laying to rest in a couple of weeks. Never has a year been more filled with defining moments for me.

When I close my eyes, I can still hear my doctor as clearly as if it were yesterday, “Becky, there’s something wrong with your baby’s head” and I can still remember all of the anxious uncertainty. Her first weeks and months were a gigantic question mark. There were no NICU doctors coming to see us or tell us what was wrong, no group huddles or anything. It was all very, “here’s this, here’s that, you can go home, OH WAIT, NO, WE’RE TAKING HER BACK.”

No one comforted us or held us up.

That’s a lie. That’s a lie.

YOU did. As the year draws to a close, I need to once again thank you, my friends who are more than people who live in the computer to me. In a year full of defining moments, I learned who had my back. You did and I am so grateful for all of you. There were times when I all I could do was read and reread my comments and emails because it was like you were here, holding my hand and stroking my hair. Because you were.

I know that if you could have been, many of you would have been. That means so much to me and to The Daver and it will mean so much to my daughter too. I’ve saved every single email that anyone sent me about my daughter in a special folder, and while I don’t routinely open it, because I can’t bear it, it’s there.

I’m shocked and humbled and honored by all of you. Thank you.

I got word very late in the day on Friday that I’d won Divine Caroline’s Love This Site Award, and the only reason I’d won it was because of you. I admit it, I cried. Shut UP, I’ll fart on your TOOTHBRUSH if you laugh.

Sometime in January or February, I believe, we are supposed to get our gift cards, and when I do, mine will be given to the March of Dimes in honor of my daughter Amelia. Because in the midst of all this fucked up year, I’ve found the silver lining. I’m officially a March of Dimes Mom now and while this has been one of the hardest years ever, I wouldn’t change it.

2010 is going to find me rebuilding myself again*, and I’m proud to do it with my daughter, my sweet ass-kicking cinnamon girl by my side. And I know that you, The Internet, will be there too. Now if you tell ANYONE that I have feelings, I’ll kick you.

What are some of your defining moments o! Internet, my Internet? Why don’t you pull up a chair and a glass of Eggnog and tell Your Aunt Becky all about things that made you who you are?

*Am totally getting a tattoo.

Comments

comments

115 thoughts on “Stupid Midwestern Winter Allergies, Man, I Swear

  1. *tears

    You’re the BESTEST Auntie ever!!!

    Defining moments, *sigh. They all have to do with my kids!

    With my first son, knowing that I finally found unconditional love.

    Looking at my oldest son and seeing a man in front of me and knowing that “I did that!”

    Watching my middle son go from outgoing to inside a shell when their father and I split and knowing, “I did that…” then watching him come back out a few years later and thinking, “He did that, all on his own.”

    Having my six year old sneak into my bed in the middle of the night, wrap around me and whisper, “you’re the best mom in the world” before he goes back to sleep.

    I find my moments defined by my sons, just as my life has been since having them. As my teens get ready to launch, I find myself trying to grasp each moment they hug me and each “I luv u” text is saved. My biggest defining moments are looking at two men in front of me opening doors for women at the grocery store, saying “Yes Sir” to older men when speaking, eating with their elbows off the table, and again knowing: I DID THAT!!

  2. You’re quite a gal, Aunt Becky. And you have so much to share. I predict 2010 will be a year when many doors open to you.

    Congrats again on the award.

    Wishing you and your family a lovely Christmas.

    Jayne

  3. Aunt Becky,

    I just recently discovered your blog and I have to say I look forward to pulling it up in the morning when I first get to work and again at lunch to see if you’ve blessed us with a second post.

    So while I didn’t have your back in most of 2009 you can bet I’ll be here with you every step of the way in 2010.

    Best to you.
    Robyn

  4. WORD.

    This was certainly a hell of a year. A defining year that was more defining, I feel, for the people around me, but since I was around them there was no way that I could escape the touch of change and definition and altering where life would go. I look forward to 2010 to getting back to me, and reworking things, getting rid of others, and welcoming in new ideas and people and moments.

    I know I came to this vodka party late in the game, finding this blog and all, but I’m oh-so-glad I’m here.

  5. The first time I met The Husband. I didn’t know it at the time, but my whole world was turned on it’s ear that day….and I mean that in a good way.

    The day I came home from the hospital with my first baby. I had a wave of terror sweep over me when I realized, “Oh my god. This isn’t a game. He’s completely my responsibility.”

    Walking out of the hospital on Father’s Day after visiting my father for the last time. I never saw him alive again.

    Giving birth to my 4th child. She was my last, and I knew that all along. Still, it was so odd to think that I would never have another baby. 2 1/2 years later, I’m okay with that.

    Happy Hanukkah….
    Merry Christmas…
    Happy New Year….
    All the best to you and your family.
    Love,
    MamaCas

  6. I’m with Robyn and Molly. I’m going to be your most oppressive new stalker…and you’re gonna like it, damnit!

    For me, my biggest moment was making it a full year in remission and finishing a very personal painting. (http://bugginword.com/2009/11/28/reflections/)

    What doesn’t kill us probably doesn’t make us stronger, but at least it doesn’t kill us, right? 20 pts and gold stars to you, nifty lady.

  7. Congrats on your award and for surviving your year with strength and humor. Humor can get a person through anything.

    Defining moment? None for me, but a lot for firends and family who have been socked in the gut with Cancer. Too many friends and family members, too many deaths. Too many tears shed.

    On with 2010 – the Year of YOU!

  8. You know I am too new to visiting you to know much about your 2009 without days upon days of your archives. From what I do know about you it has challenged you but the strength that comes from that challenge is amazing.

    My moments were
    The first time I met my husband, I was getting pushed around during a ZZ-Top concert and got pushed over and he caught me. We spent the rest of the concert together and then I didn’t hear from him until 6 months later. It was that letter 6 months later that I instantly at 16 knew someday, 10 years later we were married.
    The day we found out that our baby boy Jordan’s heart had stopped beating in utero. The next day giving birth to a baby I would never watch grow up.

    The Birth of James the following year and the joy he brings to us each and every day knowing that he is healthy and with us.

    I too am on a journey this year to find the me that used to be to be more than mother and wife without losing either. I look forward to having your back on this journey

  9. Hold the Egg Nog (or as I like to call it, “Holiday Snot”). I prefer a glass of champagne as I prepare to kiss this year goodbye.

    I’m going to say that the single most defining moment happened after my husband died in August 2008. He was 37 and I had just tuned 36. He was killed on the job and therefore we never had a chance to say goodbye.

    His death was the catalyst for my defining moment. This moment came over the course of these past 16 months as I check in on myself, trying to keep this house together and raise our three kids. Some days are better than other but I’m doing it. And some days I do it well. That’s good enough for me right now.

  10. The NICU really does cause you to get one’s priorities straight. That’s what I found when Joel spent some time there. I was furious, totally powerless, and yet so incredibly humbled by the love—for us, by us, all around us.

    So, yes, I get that.

    Beautiful Post, Becky.

  11. It’s hard to come up with defining moments. The day I arrived at college I knew it was the start of something wonderful. When my long time boyfriend left for the Peace Corps for 2 years I knew it was the end of my ‘happily ever after’ dream. DH & I moving into together. Havoc’s birth & my long dragged out decision to, really I mean it, I’m sure, really sure, I will be a stay at home mom.

    1. Sometimes you’re all “THIS is a defining moment” and then it’s SO not, and sometimes you know that nothing, and I mean NOTHING, will ever be the same after this point. Weird how that works.

  12. YAYYY for you getting a tattoo!!

    This year… has been a pretty tough one. My parents have recently split up and that has been pretty self-defining. I broke up with a boy who I had been in love with for 7 years, but i finally realized that he would never be good for me. Oh and starting a blog and meeting a million new people that I want meet in real life has happened.

    Love you Becky and I’m so proud of all your achievements!!

  13. Aw, I laughed when you threatened to fart on my toothbrush and all the responses have me teary-eyed. Not while I’m at work, people!

    I swear I’m not a kiss-ass, but I think you’re an amazingly strong woman, Aunt Becky, and I think Amelia was given to you because you could handle it and take it all in stride. This year was challenging, but I think you’re due an amazing year of new opportunities, health, and a revitalized and reborn Aunt Becky. You’ve lost little pieces of you, but you’ll find them and put them back together again. That is my hope for you.

    My defining moments have been that instant I knew I was worth more and making the decision to leave my alcoholic and emotionally draining (I have a hard time saying abusive, but I suppose he was) ex-boyfriend, meeting and marrying my husband, and being trusted to take care of my friend’s 5-day-old son when she had to go back to the ER (that meant a lot).

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Aunt Becky. Happy Holidays, everyone. Good night moon…

  14. That’s really awesome that you felt so supported by the Blogosphere. I’ll tell ya, it’s that very reason why I love participating in this community of Bloggers — there is a real sense of friendship and support and connectivity despite distances. It’s amazing.

    Defining moments? My boyfriend, whom I’ve been with for five years now, I knew I was going to marry him the first night we met. A couple hours of hanging out with mutual friends, and then at a moment of alone-time he swings me around and gives me the Best Kiss I’d Ever Experienced In My Life (I was 19, I’d only kissed a few people, but STILL). We fell hard and fast for each other, and look! Five years later! And we talk about “our life together” all the time; we’re just waiting to get the career thing going before taking the next step (we’re so damn practical! damnit! lol).

  15. I don’t think I have any defining moments, but then I’m always either completely sure of the next step or content to drift until the certainty shows up. Defining moments aren’t my style…

    Congrats on your award! You are pretty awesome. I’d like to see you find my toothbrush to fart on it anyway…

  16. My son. Wow…..his first two years. They were filled with er visits, visiting lots and lots of different specialists, hearing that his leg would need to be amputated. He still has his leg and it’s doing better than expected…but still only 30% as strong as it should be. Knowing that he’ll be in a brace for life, and if his leg ever breaks again, it may never heal and that may mean amputation. Scary stuff.

    Visiting his ophthalmologist last week and hearing that his optic nerve may have an optic glioma. Knowing that MAY mean more surgery, radiation, chemo, loss of vision…………

    Some people say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger but for some reason I feel like that little guy in Zelda and every time he gets hit his heart starts going away, little by little until the game is over and it’s the end.

  17. What a sweet sentimental post. I always knew you had feelings Aunt Becky. It is going to be so amazing one day for Mimi to go back and look at those emails and be amazed at all the people around the world who loved and cared and worried about her.

    I hope I have A Moment someday. But since I think, rething, and overthink everything, it doesn’t surprise me too much that I’ve never had one.

    1. I’m an Overthinker too, which is why I’m always amazed when I find tears on my cheeks and it’s not because I sprayed hairspray in my eyes.

      Next time I have A Moment, I’ll call you and you can share in it.

  18. Awwww. Aunt Becks, you’re the freakin best. That’s why you won the award. We really DO love you out here in internet-land. And we love Mimi too, and we have both of your backs whenever you need us. I do speak for all of you other stalkers, I mean followers, right?

    I’m not much of a tat person, but I think Shannon totally has it right: a phoenix tattoo. And we are all going to love living and growing vicariously through you. 🙂

    Defining moments? Um, meeting my husband for sure, and having the patience to wait for him until he knew I was the woman of his dreams… I felt I had finally grown up and knew what was good for me (Um, I was like 27 but hey… it’s all good.) The birth of my son, when I realized how strong love could really be. Somewhere around when my daughter was about 4-5 months old and I started seeing her personality and something just clicked and it changed my world in many ways.
    And I’m not just kissing your butt here when I say that many times reading your blog I get little moments when my view on life is readjusted. Your humor and raw emotion often helps me realize things that I’m thinking or feeling and I feel like a better person for knowing you, even if it is very indirectly. Thanks Aunt Becky!

    Here’s to a kick-ass and HAPPY 2010!!!!

    1. Here’s what’s fucking funny (also, you’re so sweet that really, I cannot handle it because I love you and SHUT UP FOR BEING NICE. KICK ME OR FART ON MY PILLOW OR SOMETHING):

      I am getting a phoenix tattoo. My jaw DROPPED when you both suggested it. I just can’t find one that I like yet. I am not an artist.

  19. Oh Aunt Becky, every now and then you sneek in some feel good stuff that makes me all warm and gooey inside. Well its your or the food from my office cafateria either way Thank you. You have brought many smiles to my face while I pretend to work. I hope the new year brings many good things for you and your and ever’ body else out on the Interwebs.
    Now, please return us to the regularly scheduled snark.

  20. I totally had that “I’m going to marry this guy” moment the second I met my husband. My next thought ws “wow, that was a little crazy”, but it turned out I was right.

    also, I hate to be THAT person, but I think you meant to type reparte and not repertoire. Eeek! I know, correcting people is so bitchy. sorry!

  21. My most vivid defining moment actually kinda sucked a little bit. Well, the circumstances sucked. I was in this massive vortex of doom, working a job to nowhere, living in a shoddy apartment a quarter of a mile from my mom, all of my friends had moved away after graduating from college, and I had finally worked up the gumption to break up with the guy I’d thought I was going to marry (ring and everything). In the aftermath of the breakup, I Had My Moment, wherein I realized that I had two choices: get on with life, or be ‘that girl’ who never got over it. I decided to get over it, no matter what. It took a surprising amount of effort, but it worked.

    (remember that list of things to do that I told you about the other day? that was part of my efforts. all about loving ME, knowing I was the only person in the world at that moment who was going to love me. )

    About four months later I had another moment – wherein I realized that a good man actually would (and did) love me.

  22. Defining moment…I guess would be realizing that no matter how angry I am with my ex, that doesn’t matter any more.

    We made a baby together.

    And the last thing in the world I want for my daughter is for her to have to choose sides between her mommy and her daddy. I can’t be angry or mean. It will only eff her up. And while there are tons of ways I plan to eff her up, (Air Supply record parties,) that isn’t one of them.

    New Years resolution: Learn how to be a mom. Then get good at it.

    1. It’s hard, but sometimes you have to remember that for the good of the child, you have to swallow your pride. That said, I learned that I couldn’t settle for the sake of my child either. Does that make sense?

      Being a grown-up sucks.

  23. I don’t know HOW I didn’t find you until this year, but you’re now one of my favorites and I make out with your blog daily. Sometimes more than daily because woman, I don’t know where you get your stamina from.

    I know it’s probably pretty recycled, but my defining moments are probably the same as everyone else’s.

    Meeting my husband. We had a long distance courtship for a mere 3 months before meeting. When I picked him up at the airport, our eyes met and in true cheese, we had one of those sappy movie style unions. I think we both knew we were going to be together forever. Now he puts up with a lot of my shit and cooks dinner every night and bakes. Good egg, that one.

    And of course, my kids. Going through IVF with my son, the day he was born was so surreal (also, I was pretty high). It’s been such a wild ride. Part the second was when I found out I was pregnant again, naturally. I will NEVER ever in a million years be able to tell you exactly why I took that pregnancy test. I was barely late, and see above re: IVF. I know it’s common for that to happen, but I never saw myself as one of those people that just “oops”, I’m pregnant. I tell people that she was the one who was sending me messages. She had other plans. And the day she was born will be etched in my brain forever. She renewed my faith in my body.

    You know, I’ve casually looked through your archives, but I’d love to hear more about your eldest and your tale on learning about him being diagnosed and what he was like. Given my son’s close call with Autism, I love reading other people’s stories.

  24. Pingback: Milfs R Us – Updated Every 30 Minutes » Blog Archive » Stupid Midwestern Winter Allergies, Man, I Swear at Mommy Wants Vodka
  25. A defining moment for me was at 24 realizing I was strong enough to leave my husband and knowing that somehow I would be okay.

    Getting myself into counseling to deal with being sexually abused as a kid and knowing that somehow I would be okay.

    Holding my nephew in my arms when he was 1 day old and knowing I was never going to have my own. I was 28 and I was right, I just wasn’t cut out for being a mommy (you are all so brave).

    Finding Aunt Becky this year was a wonderful thing, like everyone else, it gives me great pleasure to get to work and read her rant, er, blog of the day and have a good laugh or tug at my heart moment.

    Happy Holidays to all.

  26. I totally laughed. And my toothbrush is the blue one with the name Mr. Soup on it. **innocent grin here**

    I’m so sorry that I hadn’t met you until after you went through the toughest points, but am SO GLAD I decided to stalk you when I did. You make every day so much brighter at work. Even if you do steal my daughter to claim as your own.

    My moments hit me differently than yours. They hit me after a decision has been made in the form of sheer peace. The decision to accept the Walt Disney World internship. The one to decide to get married to someone I had spoken on the phone with only 2 other nights. Deciding that now was time to have a baby. Moving to the place out in the country.

    Now, if ever a big decision comes around, if I don’t feel that peace, I know it’s wrong.

    And that is glorious.

  27. Wow, I’m sure there’s been a defining moment around here this year, but I may need to ponder over the past 12 months. I suppose that we’re all still here, still under the same roof, and we’re all good is big in itself.

    You’ve had quite a year, friend. I’m forever happy you have such a beautiful girl in your mix now to bring up in your truly ass kicking ways!

  28. The first time I ever wrote a poem.
    When I got my first fountain pen and then my first very own antique-but-working typewriter.
    When I held my baby brothers and smelled their sweet baby smell.
    When I had my first baby. When I put him to my breast.
    When I met Mr. Moon…the SECOND time.
    When I wrote my first blog.
    When I got my first comment.
    Those are a few.
    Thanks for this post in which you shared (Oh God no!) the feelings.

  29. My moment was a few years back. I threw myself into being a super mom, giving my 3 daughters the best of me, in fact, giving them everything. At the end of the day, I was a spent puppy with nothing left, especially for myself. It’s what we mothers do best, throw away the selfishness the minute that baby is placed in our arms and that fierce instinctive love washes over us. We get really, really good at selflessness. As a mom, that fierce love never left me and never changed, but my girls did. They took first steps, said first words, learned to tie their own shoes, went to school, learned to drive. They let go of my hand, all in, I swear, a seconds time. And suddenly, I was mourning the loss of us, this identity of me as their mother, their caregiver and I had this maudlin pre-midlife crisis, wondering what I should do now. On my birthday, in a great big ole funk, as I sat there and contemplated my life, these words found their way to my heart, “I am a writer.” I know it sounds like a big hunkin’ piece of cheeseorama, but I swear I heard the words reverberating through me. I brought out my writer’s notebook, ignored for far too long and now, I can honestly say, I have never been happier. No matter what happens in my life, I have done right by myself. I have girls who are turning out to be lovely, young ladies. I’ve got a husband who supports me like no other and this, my life-long passion, my writing is back, front and center in my life.

    Oops, sorry Becky for being such a rambler. Your question just carried me away. And once again, you are the Queen of all things rockin and sweet. I’m glad your rocky journey of last year can be put to bed. May this year bring you only joy.

  30. I didn’t laugh when I read that you had cried but I lost it when I read “Shut UP, I’ll fart on your TOOTHBRUSH if you laugh.” I know one defining moment I had was right after I had the first date with my hubby. I was talking to my friend who set us up and I said, “I have to be careful with this one because, if I’m not, I will fall hard and fast for him.” I knew he was the one for me but wasn’t quite ready for it.

  31. Gads…I have no clue what my defining moment is. I knew after spending an entire weekend with my then-boyfriend and I wasn’t completely annoyed with him that I’d marry him (I did). I knew the moment that I had my first daughter that I wanted more than the two we agreed to have (I have three now). I knew the moment that I lost my Lukey’s twin that I was done having children (obviously, after having Lukey) – that I couldn’t handle losing another baby.

    I’m new to you and your blog – I can’t even remember how I found you. But I love how you make me laugh…and your stories always let me know that there are other people out there like me 🙂

    Thank YOU 🙂

  32. I was with you on the seriousness of this post – but when I read “I will fart on your toothbrush” I just about peed my pants. Keep your humour! It will help you through if you wake up without blog friends tomorrow!

  33. Hey Aunt Becky! I’m Collette & new to your blog. I just stopped in from Hilly’s blog & knew I had to stalk you, I mean subscribe to your blog! LOL. Beautiful post, & don’t worry your secret emotions are safe with me! I’m looking forward to hearing a lot more from you! (((HUGS))) Yes, I’m one of those “huggy” people.

  34. I too have only just found you a couple of months ago. I really wish I could have been there for you because you are so full of The Awesome.

  35. Congrats, Becky!!!! So happy for you!

    I had to smile about special email folders — I have them, too. My husband and I had a special page for our son for a time and I’ve copied all the posts and all the comments. I don’t want to lose them, but I don’t know what to do with them either.

    Best wishes for the new year, Becky!

  36. “Finding out that my son was autistic and that I wasn’t just a terrible mother.”

    My defining moment happened eariler this year when I found out that my 16 year old daughter isn’t just a smartass kid, but is bipolar and has multiple personality disorders. For years I blamed myself for her behavior problems, thinking “How could I have raised this child? What have I done wrong?” Now that she has been diagnoised and treatment is working (most of the time) I can give myself a break AND help her when she is on the edge of uncontrollable.

    “Knowing that from whatever destruction I found my life in, I would rebuild myself again and again.” – well said.

    We are women (beating my chest). We are strong (flexing my arm where there used to be a toned muscle.) We will prevail (sloshing my glass in your direction in a symbolance of a toast).

  37. First off…I just love your blog!

    As far as defining moments…I don’t know if you would agree but when you have a child with Autism, it seems every day can be a defining moment.

    My little man has taught me so much about patience, looking at things differently, understanding differences, unending love and how to sometimes just laugh. He is totally goofy and I must say, gorgeous. If it wasn’t for him I don’t think life would be a quarter as fun as it is now.

    I will say, I got incredibly lucky with my son. I know how much worse off it could be and I am thankful every day for him.

    Oh damnit..now my eyes are getting all leaky.

  38. There have been several over my adult life. One was shortly after I started dating my husband and he said he wanted to take care of me and my first instinct was to throw up. Then I thought, “Wait a minute, if I don’t make it ok, right now, for someone to care about me and be willing to let someone take care of me I’m going to end up in the same dead end relationships I’ve always had.” Right then I flipped an internal switch and here we are 11 years later.

    Then there was the moment that I realized God had me in a job I hated for so long because He wanted me to be there to pray with a woman when her mom was dying.

    And a little more recently I had to let go of trying to control my husband and his diabetes because I was making us miserable over my fear of the future. And I don’t know if that future will actually happen, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and won’t have to take care of a blind legless old man someday. Instead I trust that God will give me the grace to deal with whatever situation arises when I need it.

  39. Aunt Becky, you really ARE a sentimental sap! My dearest husband is looking at me wondering what I`m snorfing about over here.

    I too, like many others that have posted before me, only found you this year. But I know what it`s like to have a baby in NICU – not mine, but my brother who passed when he was five. I was almost 11. Too young for a defining moment in life, maybe, but I do think that living through that at that age does shape a person.

    My mom passing on my 17th birthday was definitely a moment – if, as a teenager, you can get past that, you can conquer the world. I haven`t, yet, because I`m lazy.

    Going to Vegas to get hitched this summer – that was The Awesome. Screw the in-laws and their hurt feelings, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Although maybe not in August. Too hot.

    You are The Awesome, Aunt Becky. Mimi is the second most adorable little girl out there (Sorry, but I *am* partial to my niece Lily), and if she`s anything like here Mama, look out world!

    Here`s to a fantastic 2010, and 2009 can kiss my dimpled ass!

  40. I’m proud of you! Your blog is amazing, and on top of being a superawesome blogger, you find time to comment on other people’s blogs, offer advice, respond to comments, and be a nice person to boot.

    I haven’t really had many moments. Every now and again I look and my son and have an “OMG that’s mine and I’m a grownup, when did that happen?” moment, but it happens every few weeks so it’s not exactly life-changing.

    I kind of had one when I found out I got into a master’s program last week- I was telling my dad about it and getting all excited about insurance, and it dawned on me that I really, really love insurance and risk management. I know, DORK, but what can I do?

  41. I wish I’d found your blog earlier. I pop in every few days to catch up and it’s always enlightening. I wish I’d found it though, when you were going through those first stages with Amelia, so I could have held your hand from where I live in your computer, over there in the lefthand corner by your startup button. It’s cozy over here now that I’ve found my way in.

    Defining moment in my life? 2009 has been a life-changer for me too but I see now after reading a lot of these comments regarding families, husbands, children, that my 2009 was defining in a more selfish way and i guess I’m kinda embarrassed now… but the last few years I was in a relationship that defined me. I was “J”‘s girlfriend and I thought that was forever. In March I broke up with him and it was like being born again – I remembered how to feel pretty, important, fun, desirable, I learned that sex can be FUN not just routine, and I discovered that I am an amazing person on my own. On a not-so-selfish note I have gotten a lot of joy from re-meeting the friends and family I’d left for my relationship and being able to give much more time to those people and their needs. I also this year discovered the selfless happiness from donating blood for the very first time. 2009 has been a rollercoaster to say the least but it’s gotten me quite excited for 2010 to see what happens next!

  42. You know, I guess what I learned, the fucking hard way, is that life isn’t the defining moments, those, to quote my beloved Charmed Girl, are the fucking highlights. Life, that’s the stuff that gets smooshed between them and it’s the stuff we forget to remember. But in the end, it’s what matters.
    How much sense that does make?
    xxoo
    2010 is soooo your book year!!!

  43. I think my toothbrush has already been farted on, and I don’t see any glitter! (need to watch what the kids are eating more closely, I guess)

    I think I’ll limit my ‘moment’ to 2009. Finally, an officially official diagnosis for my son that so very clearly tossed him into the Autism spectrum. I’d known he was different for so very long, and this gives me the tools I need to bully his school into properly educating him instead of kicking him out or even spanking him into submission. As I’ve stated on Facebook and my blog, atypical neurodevelopment is NOT willful non-compliance.

    There’s the realization that I wouldn’t trade my special son for anyone’s “normal” child – ever.

    2010 is a new year – Let’s be ourselves together!

  44. Hi Aunt Becky,

    Well, you are most fabulous blogger, and I am glad I got to share in your journey this year….awwww 🙂

    I got married this year, but also became homeless for a while. Both pretty big deals. :-O

    Merry Christmas…etc…etc.

    May we both have good ones 🙂

    Jo

  45. I know my comment will get lost in the masses, but that’s OK, coz it’s good to write it down, I think.

    1st – thank you for you this year. I’m so glad I found your blog(s). You are simply an amazing woman and you radiate with your words.

    2nd – “tell Your Aunt Becky all about things that made you who you are”
    Honestly, I’m not sure who I am but I have determined that 2010 is going to be a year that I make a sincere effort to not only find out, but to explore & embrace all those things.

    Currently I have many things in my life that are wonderful & I have many happy, good, proud, joyful moments but I still find myself feeling lost, alone, overwhelmed, uncertain, cowardly quite a bit of the time. I’m working on it and I know that I can be a better me if I’ll just take the time, find some bravery and get out there.

    Happiest holiday season to you & yours & all of your blog followers!

  46. Unfortunately I feel like a lot of my “MOMENTS” have happened at work (ugh- you know, the ass/butts floor, or as I am in ICU, I would probably call it the Intense smells unit, or something of that nature)

    The one that comes to mind though is when I floated out to ass/butts one day. There was a 95 year old woman who was actively dying. Literally taking her last breaths. Her husband was there with her. They had been married 75 years. Her husband had been pretty accepting of the entire thing, but when her heart began to slow down, and death was comming, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said “Please can I just lay next to her now?” I said of course, and watched as he stuggled to sit at the edge of the bed. He just couldnt get onto the bed, so I ended up basically lifting him onto the bed next to her where he proceeded to spoon her and take her hand. He began talking to her saying things like “you look just as beautiful now as the day I first met you”, and “Im right here with you, I love you so much” and “I will be right there with you in heaven any day now”.

    All this was too much for me to handle and I couldnt contain my tears. I guess my moment was that I saw such real love at I time when I was really unsure if it actually existed. It gave me proof that love does exist.

    (*wipes eyes*)

  47. My defining moments may make me cry, so I will stop thinking about them now. Sorry I’m so late to the show all the time, posting here at the bottom of the comments list: work is hectic. Enough about me, let’s focus on you. You’re going to have a brilliant 2010! hugs & kisses for you

  48. I have to admit, 2009 was a pretty crap year. My beautiful son was born, a defining moment in the most literal sense of the word (in that my definition, in an instant, grew to include “mother”), and I am so grateful for that. But dealing with the PPD aftermath and a semi-unstable relationship has been very, very hard. I look forward to 2010 being a year of rebirth and renewal, for all of us.

  49. I really shouldn’t have read this before my first cup of coffee this morning, because now I’m weepy at my desk at 8am. I am so glad for you that everything has worked out well, and hurrah for 2010: The Year of Redefinition!
    I feel like I’ve had a number of defining moments packed into the last few years – meeting my husband (it may not have been a gong going off right away, but it didn’t take me long to have that moment where you look at him and think “yeah. yes. It’s him.” Getting married solidified us in a way living together didn’t (although that was good too), and the birth of my daughter rocked my world, but I have to say getting to take her home was almost more of a defining moment for me than her actual birth, I think. I also had several moments this year of realizing that you can’t please everyone all the time, and if you try and they still crap on you, well screw them (not in a direct way, but maybe I should just stop trying to please them and live my life). And I think I actually get it now.

  50. My biggest defining moment (besides the births of my children) was the first time my DH kissed me. It wasn’t even a date. We were at a company Christmas party and he walked me to my car. I, too, remember thinking “I’m going to marry that man” and immediately telling myself that I shouldn’t drink so much!

    Another was in college. My roommate and I were attending a fraternity party. I was a hovercraft. She wanted some space. And told me to find someone to talk to – by myself. I talked to every.single.person. in the house. And I don’t think I’ve shut up since. That was when I found out that I’m a VERY social creature. One who has valuable things to say on my own. I am my own person. And I’ve never looked back.

  51. This is a lovely post. For someone who has no feelings, that is. If I had feelings myself, I would probably be all weepy and shit. But I don’t, okay?

    A couple of defining moments for me:

    Answering the phone on a Monday night and having the wind knocked out of me because it’s BRIGITTE, the woman I have been madly flirting with for 10 years, who I have not spoken to for two years after a falling out, who wants to establish “closure” on our friendship. (We have been married for 12 years now.)

    Having my very, very newly adopted 13 month old daughter throw her arms around my neck, choosing me for the first time over our Chinese interpreter.

  52. Apropos of your title, I used to work for a man who was allergic to the cold!

    This is beautiful. You’ve had a very hard year, as have a number of bloggers this year, and you’ve survived and thrived! Congratulations on your award! You deserve it!

  53. Defining Moments of My Life

    – a talk in a park that turned me into an engineer forever
    – a walk in the street that made me see that there was someone like me who liked me
    – a night in front of the computer saying I love you and meaning it
    – saying yes, I do
    – entering the Pantheon while a choral of boys sing Alleluia (and I don’t even believe in God!)
    – signing the mortgage for my house
    – a cry in a hospital that told me that my life was over and a new life was being born before me with a new life for me, my husband and my lovely daughter
    – finding out I was obese and unhappy and I had the power in my hands to change it
    – reading mommywantsvodka.com for the first time

    Thank you Aunt Becky.

  54. Like you, finding out something was wrong with my baby. It was defining in a good way, though. Defining in that it made my marriage stronger, my love for my child deeper and my overall outlook on life more appreciative and less petty.

    I just found your blog too. Wish I would have been around to vote. I think you are an awesome woman and mother. Thank you for donating to MoD. Down with NTDs!

  55. Aunt Becky, I have been a lurker on your site for about five months now. I read it EVERY DAY. It is like crack to me. Every once and a while I comment, but not too seriously. I hadn’t realized until this post how much you draw comfort from comments, so I wanted to tell you that I read and was really moved by your posts on Amelia, and also on your older son (I can’t remember if that’s Alex or Ben because my brain is leaking out my right ear). You have dealt so bravely with your children’s health problems. What I admire most about you is that you love them for who they are and are not looking for a designer or perfect child. Your stories about Alex/Ben (DAMN YOU, leaky brain!) and how he remembers everything are hilarious. I still think about what you said/thought about Amelia when she went into surgery, that you didn’t care if she came back severely impaired, as long as you got to keep your daughter. Many parents would rather have a dead child than an impaired one, I think, and it was extremely brave of you to want Amelia, however the surgery turned out. Many people would not have the courage. I am not speaking from experience, thank God. You are setting a real example for those out there dealing with life’s difficulties. I wish you the best with your writing career, and I think it’s borderline criminal that no one has given you a book contract yet.

  56. You secret feelings are safe with me…
    one of my favorite defining moments was the first time my husband took of his sunglasses the day we met and I saw his brown eyes for the first time. I completely fell in love with him right there. Even if it took me a bit to admit it.

  57. The MOD Mom thing is cool Bex! Congrats on winning the award. It’s so generous of you to donate it to the MOD in honor of Amelia:)

    Hope you, the Daver, Ben, Alex, and your sweet cinnamon girl have a wonderful Christmas:)

  58. “I’ll fart on your toothbrush.” is the latest in a long line of Aunt Beckyisms that I will lovingly co-opt and use for all time.

    Seriously, Becks…I love you more than I love Clive Owen, sprinkles, AND bacon. How’s that for devotion? Congrats on making it out of ’09 alive, baby.

  59. IT’S THE ALLERGIES, DAMMIT!

    Congrats, Becks – no one deserves it more. Merry Christmas to you, Daver and all those adorable cheeked cherubs in your house. *smooches*

  60. You know I don’t do feeeelings, but I can say when you were my first-ever commenter, that that was a defining moment. Of course, now you’re to blame for getting me caught up in the blog world or at least the teeny, tiny corner that I have time to keep up with. My fat ass thanks you 😉

    The way my year is ending, I just want a peaceful moment, where nobody dies or gets sick. Bring on 2010!!

  61. Becky, you make me smile. Thank you for being you, thank you for spreading as much love as you accept.

    Giant Hug your way (and this goopy “feelings” stuff is totally between us…and the internets).

    Much love and all the sappy stuff to you and your fam!

    xox Erin

  62. I started reading you just about a year ago, and it’s been a hell of a year. I remember when Amelia was born, thinking “how can I be this concerned about a woman I’ve never met and a baby I’ve never actually seen?” But it was a statement to me about what it means to be part of something–that I did care, and I could try to help in some small way, just by being another person who cares. It was a very meaningful experience to me, and I am so grateful for every beautiful day you have with her.

    Defining moments are funny, aren’t they? I think mine have been forehead-slapping moments for me, like the day when I realized that I’d always thought I was a real romantic, but the truth is, I’m deeply analytical. My life has made so much more sense since then! There was also the moment I was told a dear friend had died in a single-car accident and the next day, when I was told my dad had been having an ongoing affair, and for the second time in two days, I said “That’s not funny.” Those were the moments when you knew things weren’t going to be the same.

    But there was the moment when I said to my dad, “I was born to be a mom” and meant it. There was the moment when I decided that the future be damned, we were going to have this third baby and see what came of it. (Answer: my beautiful, wonderful daughter.)

    I have a tattoo of a sunflower. It’s because when I was little, that was my nickname in my family. And no matter what, or how my memories may be changed by the present, that’s where I came from. I’m a believer in physically reminding yourself of who you are.

    1. That’s so important. Remembering who you are. I love that tattoo. Seriously, what a great thing to remember.

      And thank you so much for all that you’ve done for us. It’s helped out so much more than anyone could ever imagine. I know that sounds dumb, or maybe it doesn’t, but it means so much to me, knowing that people care.

      xoxo.

      So glad to know you.

  63. Congrats on your win! It is well-deserved.

    I can’t wait to see what 2010 brings for you. I think you are pretty terrific right now as you are. I’m sure you will find some way to become more awesome.

    Smooches!

  64. I’m going to consider this a Christmas present to myself, that just now I realized you had mysteriously disappeared from my feed reader. You are now back on it and that is the present! In case you needed clarification.

    I’ve not done well this past year keeping up with my blog friends, and I am so sorry for that.

    Congrats on your award!! That is wonderful!

    As for defining moments I think mine are fairly typical. Meeting my husband and six short-months later uprooting myself and moving from MI to PA to be with him. Finding out we are infertile, then adopting our youngest. Hearing diagnoses after diagnoses attached to him over the last six years. Sitting in the fertility doc’s office and having him offer us 10 donated embryos. Seeing that first positive EPT test, and the first heart beat, and then giving birth to a wonderful little boy who brings me joy every day.

    And this time last year “breaking-up” with my parents and all the Dramaz that has entailed.

    To now, where I feel I am in a defining moment for my blog, as my parents and brother have discovered my blog and appear to be “stalking” it. My safe place feels violated and I’m not sure yet what to do.

  65. I’m a week late getting back to all my blog reading, but I did just read them all backwards up to this one and now I have to comment just to say CONGRATULATIONS and I do love your blog and your family and you totally deserve that award, and you are so awesome to donate the gift card. Huge run-on sentence, just for you. 🙂

    1. Thank you for all of your encouragement and help. Seriously. And the run-on-sentence, that was JUST FOR ME and I know it because I love them like they’re my job and it’s like Christmas and Easter and uh ALL the holidays ALL IN ONE just for MEEEEE!

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