Today, Pranksters, I bring you a post done by my friend Angie from A Whole Lot of Nothing. She’s my Co-Captain for Aunt Becky’s Family Reunion and my BFF OMG FB BBQ! She’s fabulous and sassafrastastic and also my sister, because I got adopted by her family, which, HI AWESOME.

(also, if you want to vote, blah, blah, it’s ALMOST over, and I’m sucking at asking people to vote this year, which, whatever. It’s all good.)

I expect a modicum of decorum from people. Not much. Just a smidge. A minor amount of consideration for the people around, sharing the same toxic air.

I know that sometimes I may not realize that I’ve cut someone off, or that I’ve accidentally stepped on a kid’s toe, or I’ve maybe, possibly amped up my walking pace to slyly beat you in the restaurant door to get my name on the wait-list ahead of you.

But when I realize the minor damage I’ve done, I always apologize and try to make my karma right.

Then again, I’m normal.

Some people, are douchebags.

Like this guy. This guy, to whom I wrote a blog letter back in 2008:


Excuse me, sir, but when you cut in front of me to open the door to sneak your nasty ass inside of the bookstore, while I have two young girls, then DON’T EVEN FACKING BOTHER TO HOLD THE DOOR OPEN, you, sir, are an ass.

This may not seem like a big thing, the whole holding-the-door-open-for-the-lady-and-her-children. But it is.

I’m a Feminist. I’m even a member of NOW or I was until I forgot to pay for my dues for this year. Don’t worry; I’m not the bra-burning, death to Whitey, cut-off-your-nuts Feminist-type yet.

I want to be considered an equal when being considered for a job or picked for the team. I believe anything you can do, I can do better or equal.

But at the same time, I want to be able to cry to get out of a speeding ticket, I want the seat you’re sitting in if there are none left, and I want you to HOLD THE DURN DOOR OPEN FOR ME AND MY GIRLS.

So, Mr. Oblivious, can you please take your dirty shoes off of Sir Chivalry’s balls, and hold the door open for me?

Love & kisses,


Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

25 Responses to Stomping on Sir Chivalry’s Balls

  • Hells to the yeah! Hold that damn door open. Small acts of kindness are rewarded with big karma. IJS.

  • Lynne says:

    Hey Becky, I voted for you today and yesterday, keep going!

  • Melissa says:

    Umm, yeah. I am a woman and I hold doors, doesnt everybody?

    Oh, and since I am a woman unless you are like 80 or 9 months pregnant, you aint getting my seat bitch, there you can turn to a man and show him your sweater kittens or something.

  • MommyLisa says:

    I think you hold the door open for women, women with children, old people and men with children in tow. Its just common curteosy.

  • CycleNinja says:

    I always hold the door for women, especially the ones with little ones. Oh, and MILFs. AlwaysMILFs.

  • Tracy says:

    I honestly don’t think that holding a door open for another person has anything to do with the gender of the other person. If I see anyone near the door that i’m opening and about to go through, I’ll wait and extra few seconds for them to get there, with kids, without kids, with their arms full, or just walking all by their lonesome. But I just do what I expect other people to do for me… Not saying that it always works the other way around…

  • toywithme says:

    Seriously, what ever happened to common courtesy? I hope the door smacked him on the ass on the way out.

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  • Rebecca says:

    That gets me all fired up too….but what gets me even MORE fired up was the time I went to a baseball game with my then just turned 2 year old daughter and rode the metro……….Some young guys were sitting in seats and I had to stand there holding her….STAND on the metro holding my barely 2 year old daughter……I would have actually been okay with it had he gotten up for the elderly couple who were standing near me. The elderly couple was at least 75.

  • Krissa says:

    BRAVO! My feelings, exactly! And while you’re at it can you please just offer to put the gigantic, heavy object in my trunk for me when I’m struggling in the parking lot?

  • pattypunker says:

    and the even bigger asshat: the one you hold the door for and they walk through without even a nod, let alone expending the energy to say thank you. GRRRRRrrrrrr

  • Jennifer B says:

    Exactly this:
    “I honestly don’t think that holding a door open for another person has anything to do with the gender of the other person. If I see anyone near the door that i’m opening and about to go through, I’ll wait and extra few seconds for them to get there, with kids, without kids, with their arms full, or just walking all by their lonesome. But I just do what I expect other people to do for me… Not saying that it always works the other way around…”

    But I think people (especially in Miami) are serious asshats in general. They just don’t give a shit about anybody but themselves. Seriously? Like you are going to not get to your destination at the exact same time if you don’t let anyone merge when a lane is closed? It’s just common courtesy, one car from each lane people. It’s not that flucking hard. It’s not like you’re a better person than me because you are driving in the lane that’s NOT closed for road work. Gah!!! Thank you, that was bothering me since Wednesday.

  • Becca says:

    Hell Yeah!!! I hate all the people who want to be rude and then stand there like they’ve lost their minds if you dare to ask for their help!!! :(

  • Jerseygirl89 says:

    I don’t understand how you don’t hold the door open for people. Unless you’ve had a lot of experiences like my husband, who always olds the door for us and then 12 people push their way through and he stands there like a doorman until someone grabs a clue and notices that he is wearing a t-shirt, not a uniform.

  • Mandi Bone says:

    A man who is well known in my area didn’t hold a door open for me when I was 9 months pregnant. His house burnt to the ground. Karma is a bitch.

  • Margaret says:

    Hell, I even hold the door open for dudes. I’m an equal opportunity door-holder.

  • Jessica says:

    Man or Woman, if you are walking through a door with your children, the door should be held! If you are a human being and you breathe air…it is common courtesy.

  • Nona says:

    What kind of asshat douchebag doesn’t hold a door open for a parent with young children?

    Guess I kind of answered my own question, huh?

  • a says:

    My superpower is the ability to time it precisely so that if I let a door go, it will slam directly in the face of the person following behind me. And so, I generally will hold doors open forever, so I can’t be inadvertently responsible for breaking someone’s nose.

    Also, I like to hold doors for anyone with both hands occupied (um, a little girl attached to each one?).

    Yes, Sir Chivalry would seriously like to have is balls unmashed.

  • Kate says:

    I am SO glad you posted this, I am constantly wishing I could yell at people who let the door slam on my toddler and myself. Especially when I am clearly struggling because my preemie baby hit a growth spurt and is now the size of The Jolly Green Giant’s kid Lil’ Sprout. 33 pounds of wiggle? I think that warrants someone holding the door open. Jerkface.

  • Kendra says:

    What ever happened to simple things like that? Holding doors open? I briefly lived in LA, and thanks to parking garages and office buildings and random other things, I spent a lot of time in elevators. And I swear, there was this unspoken elevator etiquette there, where when the door opened, all men hung back for a moment and let any women enter or exit first. At first it threw me off, but then I realized this was the nicest, most chivalrous thing I’d ever seen. This was pre-kids, pre-everything that defines my life now. And people were genuinely considerate, on a regular basis, in Los Angeles! When my arms are full of cranky kids who won’t leave their shoes on and I’m trying to make my way into the doctor’s office less than 15 minutes late, I think a small act of consideration like holding the door for me is only to be expected. I certainly do it for other people.

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