How did you guys not tell me this existed until YESTERDAY?

Furthermore, HOW DID NONE OF YOU BUY ME THIS?

You Shut Your Whore Mouth
You Shut Your Whore Mouth When Dr. House Is Talking

On second thought, don’t buy me this. I’d NEVER sleep again. Ever. In fact, I may never sleep again knowing that it exists: I have more questions than can possibly be answered.

THIS is why mommy wants needs vodka.

Comments

comments

70 thoughts on “Sometimes There Are No Words. Only Awesome.

  1. Holy Shitballs I had NO idea it existed. Apparently I don’t Google enough. Or I am selfishly Googling things for ONLY ME!! But had I known it existed it would have been bought for your fake birthday, Christmas, Hanuka, Kwanza, New Years, We now Have mardi Gras Easter. There is still time.

  2. “Bless this House” is a sweet ass saying, but I think it really needs a platitude. It isn’t good enough for you without one.

  3. This would be WAY better, if instead of bees or butterflies or whatever is flying around him, it would be a cane and a few random pills. Don’t you think??

  4. Somehow…even with all our best friend sleepovers and secret handshakes and shit, I never realized that you were a creepy House Sampler kind of gal. How did that never come up? Had I known, UPS would have had that baby on your wall by Christmas. Just saying…

  5. Of course, I would have bought it for you — but, chances are, it would not have been sent, because it would have fallen and stuck against my wall at approx. eyeball height (shit like that happens around my house!) but it’s the thought, right?

    Oh, just changed my blog to a domain address at http://mainstreamsolarcooking.com in case you want to fix your link.

  6. Probably it is best you don’t have it as a pillow because your fake cat would just shed its nasty fake hair all over it, and maybe even pee on it. Things are safer this way.

  7. Gotta love Regretsy! I was fully prepared to drop the hundred bucks required to own such a masterpiece for my kitchen, but they were sold out. bitches.

  8. 1) Your blog is screwing up, or my computer is. Either way, I do not like it.
    2) For some reason I googled “john c mayer” this morning and you were results number 1 and number 2.
    3) I miss you.

  9. What if I said I did buy you this, but it’s the only thing scaring the ghost away at the theatre I work at so instead it’s posted by the light board so he (or it? what pronoun do you use for ghosts?) won’t mess with the lights anymore.

  10. Hi there , this is totally of topic for this post, but I wnated to pop on and say thanks .I have spent some time reading the “band Back together” blog that you have created and I applaud you and all the writers for a wonderful work! I spent a long time reading and have found it to be quite cathartic.I am a 43 yr old woman who suffered 2 micarriages and no succesful pregnancies,Iam unable to get pregnant now and if I should by some wild chance the liklyhood of a positive outcome is very low. and have currently been approved and waiting to adopt for ove 3 yrs.The miscarriage posts were so helpful in that ,while family and friend support , no one really talks about the experience , and lord knows we need to sometimes talk about the awful parts too.So healing.

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