1) You go to annual doctor’s appointments, not just when “it burns when you pee.”

2) You begin to care about the length of your lawn.

3) You dread summer vacation because WAIT A MINUTE, I have to PARENT these kids?

4) Rather than stopping to check out that rad couch on the side of the road to see if it has obvious pee-stains, you drive by, laughing, remembering when you’d say, “THAT LOOKS GREAT.”

5) You actually drink alcohol for the flavor.

6) You laugh at the Coors Lite commercials, because remember when you drank that shit?

7) You know how to reorder checks.

8 ) Staying out until the bars close is an impossibility.

9) You get excited about buying a steam cleaner for your rugs.

10) You become even MORE excited to USE the steam cleaner.

11) You know what a 401K is.

12) You can’t remember what month it is because they’re all the freaking same, right?

13) You have a mortgage.

14) You refinance your mortgage to get better rates.

15) You own jewelry that needs to be insured.

16) You take your car in for regular oil changes – not just when it starts making that weird thumpy sound.

17) Your fridge is stocked with things other than condiments and beer.

18) You buy mulch. And use it. HAPPILY.

19) Drinking until you shit now sounds like a bad idea.

20) You own – and occasionally wear – comfortable underwear.

21) You realize that spending the night in front of the television sounds preferable to getting smashed at the bar.

22) You can keep a plant alive.

23) You regularly change your wiper blades.

24) The prospect of dropping 5K on a new air conditioner thrills you.

25) You never turn a load of whites pink by accident.

26) You no longer use rope lighting as an accessory.

27) Putting up a Bud-Light poster in your living room is considered trashy. By you.

28) You’ve developed a plan that goes a little farther than, “drink as many PBR’s as possible before lunch today.”

58 thoughts on “Signs You May Have, In Fact, Become A Grown-Up

  1. I too can keep plants alive now. Also I can’t wait to stain my deck and am checking weather forecasts to plan ahead. Great post. I’m an old man.

  2. I too can keep plants alive now. Also I can’t wait to stain my deck and am checking weather forecasts to plan ahead. Great post. I’m an old man.

  3. 29) You actually find yourself using the phrase, “I know I wasn’t that annoying/loud/lewd in public when I was their age.”

    True story. Happened to me the other night when the fiance and I watched X-Men: First Class. At some point that night, I used all three of those words to describe the crowd sitting around us.

  4. Phew. I’m only about 3/4 of the way there. Which is kinda cool but when your only child is 3 months away from being a legal adult, maybe that means I suck. But I KEPT HER ALIVE this long! And I bet she will be done with therapy before she’s my age. Also, mortgages are scary.

  5. I just got new windshield wipers and was excited because they were RainX Latitudes AND they were on sale! I made my husband install them in the parking lot. LOL

    OH and my carpet cleaner lives in the hall I use it so much. There’s absolutely NO reason to put it away.

  6. My wake-up calls for grown-up hood included having ‘Hand-wash only’ clothing, and actually hand-washing said clothing.

    And when getting drunk became something I did occasionally, by accident, instead of an evening’s main objective.

  7. It’s official, I’m a grown-up. So, yeah, buying pool supplies means more than just getting a float and a bikini now, but the pool’s also sort of a built-in sitter for the kids, so I’ll take the skimmers and vacuums and chemicals that symbolize my adulthood.

  8. So if I can never ever keep a plant alive do I never have to grow up? Because everything else on the list? Pretty true. But those darn plants don’t cry when they are thirsty like children do!

  9. I actually asked for a steam cleaner for my birthday this past year, and when my husband agreed- I went out, bought it, and opened it EARLY because I was SO EXCITED about CLEAN CARPETS.

    In other news, I still can’t keep a damn plant alive so maybe I’m not really THAT old 🙂

  10. 5) Went out for dinner recently and got a Strawberry Lemonade mixed drink. God, it tasted so good. And smooth. Mmmmmmmmm.
    18) Mulch DOES make me happy.

  11. I will agree to all of them except #27. I have booze memorabilia all over. Not empty beer or wine bottles, but actual framed stuff.
    That lawn & Mulch shit, it really got to me. Best part of my weekend. Is that sad? My lawn looks really super good tho, like someone lives in my house that MAY actually give a shit… (just dont look INSIDE)

  12. Aww man, guess I have to joint the ranks of adults. Ew. Well, all except #8. I’m a night owl. I can dance until 5am. I just hate life the next day, especially at 7am when the 2 year old is screaming MOMMMMEEEEEEEEE from the crib, ready to play! Oh, and wait a sec, I don’t want to spend $5k on an AC unit. That would make me cry. I may be grown up, but I’m broke. Ugh. That never changes. 🙁

  13. #29) You realize that all the celebrity crushes you had in high school are now in their 60s, and you’d still do them, given half a chance. Oh wait, that doesn’t make one grown up, just old. There’s hope for me yet.

  14. Yeah. . . Not so much of a grown-up here. Is there a female version of Peter Pan syndrome? Or since Peter Pan is always played by a chick on stage is Peter Pan syndrome unisex? Does anyone still use the term unisex?

  15. I agree that being a grown up sucks.. and most of those things I agree with, although I don’t own a home, so some of them don’t apply to me.

    Can’t I be a teenager again and just hang out with friends?

  16. Shit, you got me on the length of the lawn and the mulch. When I lived at home mowing was punishment. Now working in the yard and gardens on sunday mornings is what I look forward to all week.

  17. Ha ha ha……being grown up is overrated and boring. Best to put it off til you’re 90 or so. You, aunt becky, will always be a kid at heart!

  18. Holy crap, I’m a grownup! How did that happen??? I’m still terrible about oil changes when they are due, but I come close (generally, well at least occasionally)

  19. “The prospect of dropping 5K on a new air conditioner thrills you.”

    This? Will never be true. The prospect of dropping 5k on any sort of home repair fills me with dread. (It’s the aforementioned mortgage that makes it so scary.)

  20. Thanks so much! I was just starting to feel old when I ran across this post via Technorati. Fricken awesome. I’m juvenile again!

  21. I’m so glad that my ‘I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up’ has been justified by this list! It does make me sad that just under 1/2 of them DO apply tho…need to work on that.

  22. I have full intentions of keeping plants alive . . . but I still can’t. And I’ll never enjoy using mulch (which may be related to the first item), but yeah, it sucks when you’re heading to bed when you know that your younger version would just be getting ready to head out.

  23. How about getting excited about paint colors? We are painting inside our house and I have found myself staring at walls, imagining colors and getting all pumped when my husband brings home a can of paint for me. I used to reserve this kind excitement for shoes.

    Oh. And I have a coupon holder. And it has coupons. That I use. What the hell happened to me??

  24. This is a great list but i have always cared about my lawn length. My parents house had and still has manicured greens.

  25. Okay, wtf is “rope lighting”?

    I can keep an outdoor plant alive, does that count? Indoor plants, not so much. And there’s NO WAY I’m dropping enough money on jewellery to need it insured. Maybe I’ll inherit some someday. I’m just too cheap/practical for that.

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