At one PM today, my daughter, Amelia, was feeling sad.

(note: Parts of My Daughter, Amelia, will be played by Your Aunt Becky)

Aunt Becky Mommy Needs Vodka

Not Actually My Daughter

Why could that be?

Could it be because she saw this scary poster hanging in a local eatery?


That Kid Can Believe it's Not Fucking Butter.


Could it be because she couldn’t find Mommy’s Boba Fett helmet?

Hot Girls in Boba Fett Helmet

Reality Doesn't Care If You Believe It. Neither Does Mom.


Could it be because no one bought her “Couch Jesus?” on eBay?

Kids drawing on couches

Couch Jesus

No way man!

Could it be because Mommy hadn’t installed the Ultimate Disco Ball in her bedroom yet?

Disco Inferno

We're Getting The DISCO Band Back Together



Aunt Becky Mommy Needs Vodka

Not Actually Amelia

Why so sad, peanut?

Here’s a song for you.

It’s what Mommy sings when she’s in the shower. Let’s sing i..ouch, Amelia, that hurts. Don’t pry Mommy’s lips off.

Oh. You’re sad because you just started school today. I see.

I’m sorry you were sad…What’s that? You’ll only be less sad if I buy you these in your size?

Blue Patent Leather High Heels

Pretty sure your father would have my head.

I’ll go get my credit card.

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