I’m was all lamenting that I hadn’t bought MYSELF a gift for Alex’s birthday because, well, I’m the one who expelled him out of my uterus. But then the heavens opened up and shone down upon me.

I got an email from my friend who makes my profanity-laden shirts.

My new shirts were READY. I nearly peed myself.

Behold the newest in my line of shirts:


It is so full of win that I can hardly stand it.

I also make other profane shirts. They’re available in “fashion fit” (order a size up) for The Ladies and Unisex for The Mens.

Shut Your Whore Mouth shirt, now available in purple, pink AND black:


A Not Your Bitch shirt:


A With The Band Shirt (now available in sizes up to 2X):


A Cancer Is Bullshit shirt:


I Kicked Cancer’s Ass shirt:


I may be weeping with The Awesome right now.

To celebrate my overemotional status, I’m going to do a giveaway of one of these fine shirts. Why? Because obviously. Also: I love you guys to pieces.

Let’s give this two weeks to play out. Tax Day, April 15, a winner shall be announced.

How do you win one?

First, tell me which shirt you’d want and why.

For extra! entries! you can do the following (please leave me an extra comment for each entry):

Write a POST about the contest (two entries!)

Be my BFF on The Facebook.

Follow Mommy Wants Vodka on The Twitter.

Follow Band Back Together on The Twitter.

Tweet about the contest.

Add Mommy Wants Vodka to your blogroll.

Add Band Back Together to your blogroll.

YAY for new shirts!

211 thoughts on “Purple For The People

  1. I would like a “Not your bitch” shirt. Sometimes you just have to let people know that you are, in fact, not their bitch. Since actions speak louder than words, when someone is giving me lip, I would just open up my jacket and let them read. Hopefully, they’d be picking up what I’d be putting down.

  2. I deeply want a shut your whore mouth shirt. A few minor adjustments, and I’ll have a shiny new undershirt to wear into the courtroom under my fancy lawyer clothes.

  3. The new shirt rocks! I’d love a Shut your whore mouth t shirt, because I work in HR and its totally appropriate!

  4. I would love the “not your bitch” shirt because I really need to start believing that.

    My job has informed me that my last day will be next friday, April 8th, because the mayor is laying off 50 people… why then, do they really think that I am going to be open to doing favors for them? They want me to come in early next week to handle registrations because they mistakenly announced the building was open earlier than it is… NOT MY FAULT. I AM NOT YOUR BITCH (anymore).

  5. “Shut Your Whore Mouth” just because everyone I see need to shut their whore mouths! It would be perfect.

    Hot damn I am so excited seeing the shirt.

  6. “I kicked cancer’s ass” for my mom who was recently put in remission from breast cancer after being diagnosed April 2010 and who has lost 90lbs in the last year in an effort to reduce her chances of a re-occurrence. my mom is amazing. and hot. and she deserves a kick-ass t-shirt. pow! (and i’m already all up in your FB-goodness).

  7. Since I’ve been following you for ages (sounds like a bloody stalker, ha), I just put The Band on my blogroll. Hence, I’d go for With The Band, which is full of the awesomeness. Just like you. Happy squeezing-out-baby anniversary!

  8. I would want to win Cancer is Bullshit because my sister was diagnosed in Jan with an malignant melanoma which is not curable, but we hope will go into remission with the massive amount of chemo she is receiving. I follow you on twitter, and follow your blog.

  9. I Soooo need a With the Band shirt (now in 2x!) because a) I had triplets almost 11 years ago and they destroyed my body and 2) they are all girls and just had sex Ed at school

  10. I would take the Shut Your Whore Mouth one for our youngest daughter (19) because that is one of her most favorite things to say! And she would love it and wear it all the time—even to class. LOL

  11. I would love the “Cancer is Bullshit” shirt because it stole my best friend 2 years ago. Cancer sucks a giant one

  12. I myself want a not your bitch shirt. BUT if I was to win this i would actually get a shirt for my friend’s son that says I kicked Cancers ass cause today is the 4th anniversary of when her son was diagnosed w leukemia at the old age of 6. He just got his central line out before Christmas and is starting to feel like a normal kid again.

  13. I’d like the Not Your Bitch tee-shirt. As discussed on Twitter, not only would it be great to wear to PTO meetings (to remind the soccer moms) but to wear around the house to remind the kids.

    I’m already your bff on FB, I follow you and BBT on Twitter, and both blogs are on my blogroll.

  14. I would like a pink “Shut your whore mouth” shirt because, well it is just SO appropriate! So many people need to just do that, SHUT THEIR WHORE MOUTHS. I just could not begin to say it any better, that’s fo sho! And fo schnizzle!!

  15. Aaahhh. I must have! If I don’t win it this time I am just going to give in and buy it, because really. I need a Shut Your Whore Mouth shirt like nothing I have ever needed before. Especially for my trip to Vegas at the end of April.

  16. Hey Aunt Becky!

    I would love a Cancer is Bullshit shirt, because my husband was diagnosed with melanoma about 4 mos after we had our first baby. He’s 28. It was totally bullshit! Thankfully, as of now he’s kicked cancer’s ass – hopefully for good!


  17. A “With the Band” shirt. Because The Band has helped me through my bipolar diagnosis more than they’ll ever know.

  18. Squeee! Free shirts πŸ™‚ I want a With the Band shirt. BB2G is such an incredible site, and it also encompasses the Merry Band of Pranksters, so I’d be rpresentin’ (yo!) two of my favorite sites instead of just 1.

  19. I want a “Shut your whore mouth” for my friend who recently and unexpectedly lost her partner. We always say this to each other and I know it would bring a smile to her face and smiles are rare for her these days.

  20. I’m going to have to go with “Cancer is Bullshit.” Because, obviously. My second choice is “With the band” which I could wear around my children but I want that one because I am. Totally.

  21. O dear. Either the “Shut Your Whore Mouth” or “With The Band” – probably “With The Band” more, because I can wear that one to work and not get into trouble (that, and I told my story to more than one person finally); and in black (and thank GOD you got them in XL standard size – can’t fit Thelma and Louise into one of them cute fitted shirts…)

    Followin you on Facebook, The Twitter, blogroll
    Followin Band Back Together on Facebook and The Twitter

  22. I’d really like the “Shut your Whore Mouth” shirt to wear, you know to family events and the like. But I would probably pick the I’m with the Band shirt since it has the website on the back and I think more people should know about it.

  23. Oh how I would love the Cancer is Bullshit…cause it totally is. I’m an oncology nurse at one of NYC major hospitals and I have seen the toll it takes on the person (patient) families and loved ones. So three nights a week, 12 hours shifts, I pour my heart and soul into trying to lessen the pain and KICK CANCER’s ASS! I know what shirt I will be wearing under my scrubs.

  24. I would love a Shut Your Whore Mouth T-shirt in pink because I work with all men who secretly snicker and call me a whore behind by back (mainly because they are TOTES jealous) and I would wear that T-shirt every mother fucking day and shove it in their face.

    But I have no rage over the issue at all. Can you tell?

    I already follow you on twitter, FB and blog roll. All that’s left is to stalk you, which, if I lived anywhere near Illinois I totally would. Just so you know.

  25. Not to go all depressing, but I’d love a Cancer is Bullshit tee because it totally is. My mom died from ovarian cancer in 2004 when I was a teenager. If I had a cancer is bullshit tshirt, I probably would not wear it in public much, admittedly, but I’d absolutely live in it at home.

    I already follow you on teh twitter @jessie_liz88

  26. I would love a “I Kicked Cancer’s Ass” because a BFF was just diagnosed with it this week. At 30-fucking-two. I’d just gift it immediately as possibly something to wear during chemo. I think it’s motivating. And I also think cancer IS bullshit, so really – feel free to pick.

  27. OK, I would go with the I’m with the Band T because I could give it to my daughter. Because she IS with the band. And also because I dont have the nerver to wear the SYWM shirt even though it reeks of awesome.

  28. Cancer is Bullshit – my 5 yr old Goddaughter just got re-diagnosed with cancer after a brief remission. There is nothing else they can do for her, she has been given 3 – 6 months. I cant even begin to imagine what her mum (and one of my dearest friends) is going through. So YES – Cancer is BULLSHIT!

    And Im already your friend on the FB πŸ™‚

  29. A Purple should be a flavor, damnit, because (as you may say), well, obviously.

    Either that or Shut Your Whore Mouth because sometimes it just needs to be put out there.

  30. I Kicked Cancer’s Ass – for a dear friend who kicked the shit outta breast cancer at 27 yrs old and continues to fight it for other people.
    PS – I love your blog!

  31. I need the Shut your whore mouth (IN PURPLE!) To make the very best impression on my neighbors when I return their dog to their door again and again

  32. I’d love to win the “Cancer is Bullshit” shirt, because I’d actually give it to my buddy Kiara, who is fighting breast cancer at the tender age of 26. She’s already undergone her first round of chemo, had major surgery, and is now in chemo again. She is BAD ASS and has the best attitude. Her reaction when she was diagnosed was “well, I guess that now I have to buy a lot of pink shit.” She is also prone to saying things like “It’s SO nice not having to shave under my arms!” and “More chemo – my supermodel career is back on track, YES!”

    She is an inspiration to me and I know she will kick cancer’s ass, but until then, she should probably have a shirt that says “Cancer is bullshit,” because it goes so well with her hilariously awesome attitude about something that is very terrifying.

  33. “Shut Your Whore Mouth’ shirt please. Before I discovered your blawg, a friend of mine said this line all the fucking time. It’s her b’day in May and it will be a lovely gift. I’m already a follower and your blog has been on my roll for some time now.

  34. Dearest Aunt Becky-
    FIrst, I LOVE your blog! I totally understand and get your anxiety problems… I have them too! UGH! I want one of your T-shirts…
    I teach in Dallas and we are having major budget cuts to education in the state of Texas. As a result, we are losing several teachers to our school due to a retirement incentive. Anyway… One of my good friends and co workers is retiring after 49 years of teaching. She is a cancer survivor and I’d like to give her one of the ‘I Beat Cancer’s Ass’ T-shirts (size large) because she beat breast cancer ten years ago. I think it would make a nice retirement gift. She told me a story the other day about when she told her kids that they would get a 100 if they could pronounce her maiden name correctly AND say mother fucker correctly. She’s totally cool and cracks me up!
    Thanks for considering me!

  35. “Shut Your Whore Mouth.” because i want to say that to people all the time. also, i might wear it into the strip club and point at it when customers say stupid shit.

  36. oh yeah, and i’m following your Twitter too. maybe i really am stalking you. How Will You KNOW????
    “Shut Your Whore Mouth” (eeennnn blaaackk!)

    i am starting to sound like a suck-up. maybe. well not really, just someone who wants that damn t-shirt so badly she will go to extraordinary lengths. like possibly move to chicago??
    how i wish that i could move anywhere but here, actually.
    new orleans is nice enough, if you’re fond of the south. i most decidedly am not.

  37. I would love, love LOVE the ‘Shut Your Whore Mouth’ shirt in Purple, since purple is my second favorite color and I work in customer service, so I could wear my SYWM shirt under my work clothes and when I was dealing with a difficult customer I could look down my top and say “Shut your whore mouth, indeed.”

  38. Um…

    Tax day is on the 18th this year.
    They have some weird holiday on the 15th.

    Unfortunately, I don’t twit, I don’t blog and I don’t face-book (STOP STARING AT ME)so I can’t do any of those things mentioned above.

    and your spell checker doesn’t recognize “blog”. Dat’s weird.

  39. “SHUT YOUR WHOLE MOUTH” because really? It needs to be done. (not you just people in general)

  40. AWW, I love the shirts! I would get them, except that I think my parents would lock me in a cupboard and douche my “filthy” mouth.

    Also, I think your blog rocks.

    I might have said that before. If so, I plead amnesia.

  41. ARGH!! This is hard.. I want either the Shut your Whore Mouth shirt or… the I’m Not Your Bitch… or.. the new purple one πŸ™‚ I’m very indecisive so if I win you can choose !:)

  42. I would like the “Not Your Bitch” shirt. I feel like this is pretty much something I need to remind my two boys constantly as they bark demands at me like, “I need water!” “Take this booger!” “You forgot to feed me!” They are high maintainence and pretty obnoxious. My oldest actually asked my husband why he was making a sandwhich for himself when Mommy was standing right there. We’re clearly doing something right around here. So, that’s the shirt I really need so I can send the correct message to my boys and be an example for my daughter so she’s never anyone’s bitch! πŸ™‚

  43. I would like the “Not Your Bitch” shirt. I feel like this is pretty much something I need to remind my two boys constantly as they bark demands at me like, “I need water!” “Take this booger!” “You forgot to feed me!” They are high maintainence and pretty obnoxious. My oldest actually asked my husband why he was making a sandwhich for himself when Mommy was standing right there. We’re clearly doing something right around here. So, that’s the shirt I really need so I can send the correct message to my boys and be an example for my daughter so she’s never anyone’s bitch! πŸ™‚

  44. I just started following you on Twitter. I’m newish to the twitter and it took me about 15 to do this simple task so it’s really more profound than it might seem to a “normal” person.

  45. Here we go – a bunch of entries from me because I totally want a shirt. I’d get a With the Band one, because it sounds cool. And I totally am with The Band.

  46. “I Kicked Cancer’s Ass” for my stepmom!!! She really kicked ass!!! But really I need one that says “my mom kicked cancer’s ass”.
    (Bling) lightbulb aunt becky.

  47. I’m following you on twitter, I just added you on facebook, and I want a “shut your whore mouth” shirt because that saying has become pretty legendary in my household. One day I was reading your blog and he tried to talk to me and “shut your whore mouth” just popped out of my mouth! He still has no idea where it came from but every time I say it he busts up laughing. Wait, does that mean I owe you money because its copyrighted or some shit? Damn..

  48. I would like the Shut Your Whore Mouth shirt because
    * My husband wouldn’t want me to have it
    * When he gives me lip I could just refer him back to the shirt
    * When my autistic son is in the middle of a public meltdown and people are giving me the evil eye, again, I could just refer them back to my shirt.
    * When my inlaws are giving me grief, I could just refer them back to my shirt.
    * When doctors are spouting incompetent garbage I could just refer them back to my shirt and go get my 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions.

    But most of all because when total strangers give me well-meaning but totally irrelevant, slightly condescending and totally unrequested advice on what to do with my family, I could refer them back to the shirt.

  49. Yay! New shirts! I found your blog because I went to high school with the woman who makes your shirts. Now I’ve been reading through all the archives on here.

    1. Also, I would like the “Cancer is Bullshit” shirt because my mom has incurable cancer and that’s just bullshit.

  50. I want the “With the Band” T-shirt because although you women have much more kick-ass-ery than I… I still like to think I’m a type of groupie. I read and respect every post, and think it would be amazing to spread the word about the Band through this freakin’ awesome Tee.

  51. I need to go look and see if they come in toddler sizes because my not quite 2 year old SO needs an I Kicked Cancer’s Ass tee!

  52. Even though I have taken to calling it The Twitter myself, I don’t, actually, use it. πŸ™ BUT, I do have Mommy Wants Vodka on my blogroll πŸ™‚

  53. I’m going thru a looooong divorce and am still living in the same house with the &$)@er. he bitches at me all the time bc he expects me to still take care of his $hit. I’d love to rock a “not your bitch” shirt around here. it would be “full of the awesome.”. πŸ™‚

  54. I would like the “Not Your Bitch” shirt, because maybe I could save my voice from not having to say it so much if it was printed across my boobs instead. Maybe then my hubby would notice that I am not, in fact, his bitch. lol

  55. I would love, love LOVE the β€˜Shut Your Whore Mouth’ shirt in Purple, so i can give it to my good friend ANDIE, Goddess of Pickles (because she is supremely awesome, has a T shirt addiction and I am a pusher.)

  56. I would love the Cancer is Bullshit shirt – my boyfriend’s amazing sister is fighting lung cancer right now, and it truly is bullshit what she has to go through.

  57. I would like to win the ‘cancer is bullshit’ t-shirt, as I lost my wife and best friend to that disease – jackassery is how I described what that damn disease was doin to my Kimmy. Or fuckery. Anyway, I posted a story about it on Band Together and you can read the ‘bullshit’ cancer has caused to me and my three little ones on Kimmy’s blog at http://conca5.blogspot.com I added mommy wants vodka to the blog list there and will also put band together there, too. Thanks, Dave

  58. Hi,
    The fact that you wade through all these comments often deters me from writing one, but I have to on this.
    I’m in SA (as I’ve said before). A friend of mine whopped Cancer on it’s head a while back. How do I get an I Kicked Cancer’s Ass shirt?

  59. I totally want the Shut Your Whore Mouth shirt because I want those other moms that look at my son and think, “there’s that ‘bad’ kid again” to shut their whore mouths. He’s not the bad kid, he’s the kid with asperger’s, they just don’t know that. So they think he’s just a pain in the ass. And I think they’re whores…with big mouths…hence the need for the shirt.

  60. I need to social-network you, obviously, but I wanted to be greedy and ask for 2 shirts, and I’ll tell you why. One is for comfort, and one is for good juju. Because obviously your shirts are magical and prophetic.

    2 shirts, neither one for me. A friend has just been diagnosed with super-early-stage cervical cancer (the kind that Gardasil prevents, by the way, so you should all go get yourselves/your daughters the shot asap) and so she desperately needs your t-shirts. To begin with, she needs the comfort of ‘Cancer Is Bullshit’ (because it totally is) and then she needs the prophetic juju of ‘I Kicked Cancer’s Ass’ (because she certainly will, but your magical shirt will make sure of it).

    Cancer is really scary. I lost both parents, 2 grandparents, and an uncle to cancer, and I’ll be damned if I let it get one of my friends.

  61. I want the ‘Not your bitch’ shirt.

    Just because, it’s a common theme in what I say daily. Well, Sorta.

    “I’m NOT your maid!”
    “I’m not your whore”
    “I’m not your mother”
    “I’m not your babysitter/best friend/what the fuck ever!”

    Add in the the otehr random ‘Not Your..’ stuff daily, and it seems like it could be condensed nicely into “Not your bitch”

    Or SYWM. Because then I wouldn’t have to be all “Not your…” all the damned time.

  62. OH, and I totally stalk you on facebook already (probably the only Arlyne on your stuff, especially since all the blogs [Mushroom Printing, the band, and Becky :P] are on my list XD)

  63. I have a shut your whore mouth shirt, because obviously, I needed one right away! But I would loooove a Cancer is Bullshit shirt (because it is) or Purple should be a flavor, (because it should).

  64. I would love the I Kicked Cancer’s Ass shirt to give to my friend who has successfully finished chemo and radiation for breast cancer.

  65. I have band back together on my blogroll.

    I also forgot to mention that I’m marsupialmami on twitter when I posted about following both mommywantsvodka and bandbacktogether on there.

  66. I feel like a mega stalker, posting all these seperately. LMAO I follow BBG on the Twitter too. And I’m still originalwacky there.

  67. And I am getting my post up on my blog within the next hour or three, since I’m actually writing it right now. But it’ll be there, really it will.

  68. The ‘cancer is bullshit’ one. Cause it is. I’d get the ‘I beat cancer’s ass’ one but I haven’t yet. But I’m gonna!!!

  69. Cancer is Bullshit because of many reasons. Number one my friend;s daughter lost her daddy to cancer, there is almost nothing more unfair that a little girl without her parents. Two, my cousin, brother kicked cancers but! m Three because of my boyfriend’s father currently dying of cancer. Four for all the many people I know that have lost their battle to cancer and for the people that re currently fighting a desperate battle to survive it. My thoughts and prayers go out to all who have been affected by that disgusting disease know as cancer.

  70. I was gonna totally beg for a Shut Your Whore Mouth shirt but then My Super Amazing Boyfriend wandered in on a break from The Dumb Video Game and totally handed me a card to buy one. This is super amazing because I’m pregnant again and nothing screams Great Mom like dragging around a toddler, OBVIOUSLY PREGNANT, saying something foul like…uhhh

    I forgot.
    Oh yeah.
    “Shut your giant mouth ya crotch parasite.” I live in Vegas. It’s cool, especially if you have an awesome shirt like I will in…hmmm
    3-5 business days I guess. Don’t you love it when I eat up space on your page to ramble about nothing? It’s almost like having a real friend. I think. I don’t remember.

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