Amelia, it was clear by our lack of preparation, was our third child. I think it wasn’t until week 34 or 35 that we set up anything that we could have brought a child home to, having barely put them away for Child Number 2. Mostly because we didn’t have anywhere to put her and partially because we are lazy.

Let me back up (Ima let you finish) and give you a brief rundown of the layout of the land.

We technically have a 4 bedroom house.

Upstairs are three bedrooms:

1) Master Bedroom: currently occupied by 1 Aunt Becky and 1 The Daver which is stupidly big. Not us, but the room, you know. It’s a poor design, and should have been 2 rooms, but will probably be bedroom PLUS office or bedroom PLUS porn den or something.

Had originally thought to be converted into boys room until it was determined that the space would never be used by the boys as play space.

2) Ben’s Room: it’s a medium sized bedroom full of the weird stuff my son cannot manage to part with. This is only noted because this is the same child who FREQUENTLY comes through the house saying “when I grow up, MY house is gonna be SUPER organized.”

Judging by the back issues of catalogs and his inability to throw away anything up to and including: tags to clothing and/or Target bags, he may want to rethink his berating of others within earshot.

3) The Nursery: It’s a fart (armpit) of a room, previously painted French Impressionistic pink (one of the only colors of pink that offends even me, lover of all things pink) where Alex spent most of his babyhood hating, well, everything.

(Bedroom 4 is in the basement and would probably be best for a teenage lair, not for a child, especially not one who might get up overnight.)

Mimi has been sleeping in a pack-n-play (o! bless thee God of pack-n-plays) in the living room since she was born because she seems to hate the crib that we’d set up in the master bedroom. Oh, sure, she’ll NAP there, but when it comes to SLEEPING at night, oh, HELL no.

This weekend, we made the switch. The dreaded switch of sleeping quarters. The only one looking forward to this was Ben, who had been promised, in time, bunkbeds.

Alex moved in with Ben, and Amelia got her own room. I was terrified and Dave was so annoyingly optimistic that I sort of wanted to pee on him, which is the same way Dave and I go into pretty much everything. Blind optimism and The Voice of Reason. It’s not that I want things to go WRONG, it’s just that sometimes, I think that Dave should remember that they could.

Like this, for example:

Alex, who previously has slept like a champion in his fortress of a crib has now learned to crawl out of his crib. I’m not sure why it took moving in with his brother to take place but somehow that’s when it happened: yesterday at naptime, Alex took the opportunity to hoist his wee body from his crib to the room to lock the door. FROM THE INSIDE.

Can you hear my hair greying as I peck out those words?

We have a toddler bed, yes, and obviously I am somehow going to dismantle that lock today (chainsaw?)(icepick?)(playing Britney Spears music at it?).

Mimi is adjusting swimmingly to not sleeping among the chaos, and Ben, poor abused Ben, was kept up last night by his brother, who, overjoyed by having company, not realizing bedtime could be a team sport, wanted nothing more than to TALK to him. All night long. Poor, poor Ben.

In time, we’ll adjust, and in time mean time, I’ll pry my anxiety ridden fingers from my own neck where I am trying to strangle myself for having such a lovely idea and remember that this had to happen eventually.

Amelia couldn’t live in the living room forever. Right? RIGHT?

——————–

So, loves, come gather round Your Aunt Becky and tell her a story. She’s not feeling too well today and could use some distractions. Advice, stories, gossip, just, anything.

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

145 Responses to *punches self in face*

  • Melia says:

    You know, somehow, it could be worse. Like there could have been a bucket of sharpies glistening in the dark, awaiting the hands of… well… “them.”

  • Sarah says:

    I got nothin’. I’m impossibly lame this week. Possibly this month. I do kind of have sympathy. Maybe even empathy. Its my brother’s birthday, for whatever that’s worth, & a Navy friend is doing a retirement skit/video for a retiring officer buddy incorporating both NCIS & Brokeback Mountain, as said officer is from Wyoming & of course, in the Navy. Rather looking forward to that.:)

  • avasmommy says:

    Hey, at least you have the rooms to do the shuffle. We have a 3 bedroom house, one of which is our home office. I don’t know what the hell we’re going to do when we decided to have baby #2.

  • Kate says:

    I have 7 kids in 3 bedrooms. This is an upgrade from 6 months ago, when we had 7 kids in 2 bedrooms (3 girls in 1 and 4 boys in the other).

    It really COULD be worse. ;)

    Remove your fingers from your neck, have something nice to drink, and relaxxxxxx…. bedtime will be more peaceful in time & you will be happier having your living room to yourself at night.

  • Tawnia says:

    Nighttime cough syrup for kids knocks ‘em out cold:) LOL WHY don’t kids like to sleep? When you get old it’s all you want to do:)
    Love Tawnia

  • Janie Woods says:

    Ahahahah!! AWESOME!! I had just put my two older boys in their own rooms when we found out the Little Man was on the way…We only had a three bedroom at the time. Bunkbed was the bribe that worked. However…it was almost like the movie Stepbrothers when they decided that jumping on the top bunk was a brilliant idea. That, and almost getting a concussion from hitting the ceiling which was a mere foot or so above their heads…sigh

  • Shannon says:

    I can feel your pain. With 3 kids and a 3 bedroom house the only choice we have, within reason (because I know that The Boy would choose a tent in the kitchen), is to put the two girls together and give The Boy his own room. He constantly complains that the girls have a bunk bed and a bigger room. The girls never, never, NEVER sleep in that bunk bed, or even in that room. Every morning I wake up to the oldest one on the sofa. The youngest always ends up in our bed. The bed that at one time only had to hold me and the husband and seemed so big, now is the size of a piece of toast when a four year old is added.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      @Shannon I’m afraid that Ben will end up on the sofa for the time being while Alex adjusts to living in shared quarters and I slowly turn wrinkle into a Shar pei dog.

      And the idea of a bed the size of a piece of toast is brilliant. Because, oh yeah, SO glad that my kid doesn’t sleep with us.

  • Christa says:

    Eh, your plan is 5 times better than what my brother did when thier family outgrew the house. They moved a 3 & 1/2 old little girl into the basement. An entire flight of stairs away from parents or a bathroom. THAT was a transition!

    In other news: I decorated my house for Halloween! Squee! Click and see.

  • Caron says:

    Here’s a stoopid thing to distract you:

    This is a byline/tease from a newspaper: “New London – Catholic Charities is moving its offices next week from Masonic Street to the newly renovated former convent next to St. Mary Star …”

    The first thing I notice? That Catholic Charities is on Masonic Street and I think, “No wonder they wanted to move.”

    Does anyone else think like that? Did anyone else read that just now and think the same thing?

    It’s the small things…

  • My nickname in my family is Mimi. So your daughter is obviously going to grow up to be an amazing person….with a bad attitude and a slight love for cheap beer, and bad tv.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      @Minivan Soapbox, Mimi is a freaking AWESOME nickname and I didn’t know that it was your nickname which would have made me love you more and hump your leg.

      *hump, hump, hump*

  • Love says:

    Crib tent. Ah, sweet, beautiful crib tent.

    Tell Alex he is camping. It worked like a charm for my boy. Also that monsters could not possibly get in the crib to get him. He fell for that one too. Or paint the boys room that same color pink and they’ll be too scared to move again.

    Also, if you ever make part of your master a porn den, please let me know who your architect was.

    Good luck!!

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      @Love I think a porn den is totally in the cards for me (what The Daver doesn’t know, won’t hurt him)(also: see, he’s never home) and I told him firmly he wasn’t to get out of bed last night.

      Threatening him with monsters, AWESOME idea. No, seriously.

  • Tania says:

    Oh the pain of getting kids to sleep!

    My son never slept through the night. Never…ever! Not until four and a half years (YES YEARS) old. We had a small home with three bedrooms. Unfortunately before number one we had the great idea to turn one bedroom into a dining space.

    Accident number one…oops I mean baby number one came along…no problem. Four years later we had accident number two, again I mean baby number two. So we had them share a room. Brilliant freaking idea. I don’t think the four of us slept more than a few hours a night for over four years.

    I would put my daugher to bed in our bed and then move her before we went to sleep. Every night for four years. She was eight when we finally moved to a bigger house.

    As for my son, well we had to turn the door knob around so that we could lock him in. That’s how many times he would get up. Screw those of you who are thinking this is cruel…you’ve probably never gone four years without sleep!

    So Aunt Becky…whatever works!

  • violet says:

    OMG, Alex talking to Ben all night is hilarious! When my son began talking that’s all he wanted to do, at night! Sometimes he still lies there in his toddler bed (which is in my room eventhough he has his own room) and talks about everything. I finally just ignore him so that I can fall asleep. It is so darn adorable though!

  • MamaSkates says:

    hopefully the thrill of a new big-boy bed will make sleeping fun? yeah, i know – don’t smack me! ;0)

  • Sylvia says:

    My children never believed in cribs. The baby is the 3rd child to sleep in a pack-play. Everytime I get around to thinking about buying a crib, I remember how destructive boys are. And I remember that it’s pretty hard to climb out of a pack-n-play if you stick it in the middle of a room. The boys never slept in their own rooms. They slept in toddler bed mattresses on the floor in my room. Ok, I’m lying. They sleep in the bed with their nana or me. They are 3 and 5. I bought The oldest a bed. He and his brother broke it in one week. It was not cheap.

    HENCE the reason I decided with number three that co-sleeping was not an option. The pack-n-play has wheels. I sometimes roll it into the living room. It is a perfectly fine place for him to sleep. Or I will never sleep. He talks in his sleep.

    My advice for locks and doors. It’s horrible. But it’s what I did. I flipped all the knobs on the doors so that they lock from the outside. Ahem. And now I will pretend that I never locked my kids in their rooms for time out. AHEM.

    (Don’t worry. Their rooms are nothing more than padded cells with clothes in laundry baskets and possibly cookies they sneak away.)

    AND NOW, for fun, I will tell you a funny story. Funny to everybody but me.

    One day I was uploading pics from my phone to Facebook. I had the baby in my lap and he was making an effort to eat the phone, my hand, and anything else in a one foot radius. You know where this is going, right? I uploaded a pic of my BARE boobs to Facebook. I didn’t check the computer right away because I had to change a diaper. I have no idea how long my tit was on Facebook before I deleted it.

    Go ahead, laugh your ass off. That;s what I’m here for.

  • Rebecca says:

    O my dear, Aunt Becky. Let me tell you a story about a boy and a girl. This is the story of how I met my smoking hot, extremely sexy, husband, Kevin.

    It was a cold winter night. My friends had volunteered to be the designated drivers. I was so stoked, I made them stop by 7-11 where I bought a bottle of tequila, some sprite, and salt. Yes, Aunt Becky, I was in the back seat, on my way to the bar, taking tequila shots! It’s cheaper to get drunk on the way there, right? RIGHT!

    Fast forward two later, we finally arrive at the bar. I was feeling mighty confident and was Ms Chatterbox to anyone ANYONE who would even look in my direction.

    A few drinks at the bar later I met Scott. He was so cute and wearing a big goofy hat that looked like a condom. That was (in my drunken stupor) so cool! So, I asked him if I could wear his hat. He put it on my head and we were about to get our groove on on the dance floor when his group of friends said something about the east side (titty bars). So he leaves. Good-Bye Scott……..he let me keep the hat! Thank You Scott!

    So, I think this would be the perfect time to check in on my friends and show off my new hat. Condom Hat! BUT on my way to my friends I see this guy who made me all tingly and wet in my girly bits. I somehow remembered seeing him earlier and hearing people tell him happy birthday. He made eye contact and I instantly fell in love, he was that HOT. Or maybe I was that drunk?!

    Anyway, he spoke! He said, Nice Hat! (he must have been plastered too?!) I tried to play it cool and said, “I’ll let you touch it if I can spank you birthday boy!” Of course his response was, “Sure!” So, I grabbed his ass and he grabbed my head, and we proceeded to make out like dogs in heat, right there at the bar!

    We must have been pretty entertaining because COMPLETE STRANGERS were buying us drinks!!! It took about a month of e-mail before we finally called one another, then another month of phone calls before we finally started dating but now, more than 10 years later. We are married with two kids. Amazing huh?!

    I hope you feel better. Just stick with it, the kids will work it out and soon be back to sleeping ‘normally’.

    Now, where is your story about how you and The Daver met, because Isabella is getting older and might one day ask me how mommy and daddy met, and I can’t tell her this story!

  • I have a 4 bedroom house. 2 of those bedrooms (main level) are offices for the business. The remaining 2 (upstairs) are our room and the kids room. I have the 2 year old girl and the almost 4 year old boy living together. They have locked themselves in their room too many times to recall but we have those locks with the little hole thing so you stick the special thing in it to open it (yeah, yeah I don’t know the technical words) and we keep that on the molding above the door.

    I would love a big bedroom for myself. Yes myself as my husband has an a thing for the sofa so I’m not complaining.

  • Pagan says:

    AAAAHHHH, Aunt Becky! Poor Darlin’. My 4.5 yr old doesn’t sleep in his bed until he’s wet mine and there’s no longer a dry space for him to sleep. =) So yeah, could be worse!

  • maddy says:

    I don’t have kids, but can empathize. When we brought the great dane home as a pup, we had the brilliant idea to kennel train him. Our previous dane had been kennel trained as an adult out of necessity (he could clear a 6′ fence with ease.) So we bring the pup home, make a comfy kennel for him in our bedroom and put him in it then turn out the lights. Within 37 nanoseconds, he starts making a sound I would imagine would come from a death camp or a gangland mass murder – strangling, fear-induced yelping, mixed with a hiccuping sort of whine. I thought ‘oh! He needs to pee!’ and got up to take him outside. The sound of the door to the kennel creaking open ended the weird braying sound. He did not want to go out, just to be loved and to slobber on the (unwilling) object of his affection, an orange tabby cat. We played for a bit, then I shoved him back in the kennel. From whence the same horrible cacaphony recommenced. He continued for HOURS before we released him from his prison (in order for us to actually get some sleep) and has never set paw back in it. However, on an up-side, the orange tabby loves it in there.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      @maddy Having a puppy is a lot like having a newborn. We got a puppy last year (right as I found out I was pregnant, actually) and we did manage to kennel him. But man, yeah, it’s AWFUL.

      Puppies are like babies.

  • Allie says:

    I think Kate wins the prize on it could be worse. After reading her 7 kids in two rooms, I have nothing left to say.

  • Sasha says:

    Once upon a time, a beautiful little boy was born to parents who loved him very much. It became very quickly apparent that he hated being swaddled and loved sleeping on his mommy, probably because the evil trolls at the hospital took him from her too soon and kept him for days for now good reason.

    And thus he became a co-sleeping baby.

    Ten months later he uses his crib as a makeshift playpen when mommy is cleaning the bedroom and sleeps between his mommy and daddy every night.

    Some nights mommy wakes up because someone is breathing loudly in her ear, and she finds that the beautiful baby boy has moved onto her shoulder with an arm draped over her and his hand on her heartbeat. His face is molded into an expression of absolute contentment and joy, a little smile on his pursed lips as he snuggles in even closer.

    No. He does not recognize the crib as a sleeping area. At all.

    And so the mommy, who is nearly 7 months pregnant with number two because she and her husband are apparently as good at birth control as a couple of randy teenagers, is hoping fervently that beautiful baby boy number two likes cribs much more than his brother does. Because she hasn’t the faintest idea how she’s going to get this kid out of her bed anytime soon. (Which is fine! Was planned on…except for the sooner than expected new addition part. Oops)

    The end.

  • kalakly says:

    I’m with crib tents, I used one on both older kids and LOVED it! Just tell them it’s a fort(yes the fort ‘term’ is multipurpose) and that they can decorate the inside however they want.
    As for sleep, I’d kill for uniterrupted 5 hours…maybe I’ll go nap now. The dishes can wait.

  • leanne says:

    Oh, Becky. No advice. None. I’m still clutching my chest after reading about Alex locking himself in.

    So how about this… my son recently announced “homework IS playing.” (?)

    I’m still scratching my head over that one. I don’t know what I was thinking when I suggested he might want to stop doing the homework and, um, play.

    Oh, and I think his sister (15 months old) has discovered the word no and how it can work for her. And is beginning to test the concept of “mine.”

    Laugh or cry, right?

  • 3xE says:

    All my friends and siblings and siblings-in-law have kids. Between their stories and anecdotes, I’m happy I have dogs.

  • Cat says:

    Oy, the talking… I shared a room with my brother for a few years, but that was one of the reasons my sister got her own room. My parents knew whoever shared with her would be kept awake all night with her jibber jabber. I love her, but anything more than 20 minute car ride with her frays my nerves in a bad way.

  • amber says:

    Oof. That sounds miserable…but it could be worse. You could have had in-laws like mine show up and *surprise* decide to stay for an extra day, and *surprise* decide that going for a five hour drive with a six-month-old is a good idea, followed by a dinner out with the aforementioned and by now terribly crabby six-month-old, and then decide that bedtime should be completely optional!

    I am sorry though. Maybe you could lock yourself in your bedroom and let the Daver handle them tonight?

  • Karyn says:

    If you cringe just the littlest bit about turning the knobs around (which is what I did for a while), you can also just go pick up a closet doorknob, and put it on. Those don’t lock on either side, so there’s no risk. (from the kids locking themselves in, or nosy busibodies thinking you’re cruel).

    I have no advice on sharing rooms, as my son is a lonely only for another few weeks.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      @Karyn I will have to figure out how to turn the knobs around or get a new doorknob. A closet one? Great idea.

      Now I just need to figure out how to install it.

      And only a couple of weeks lonely! oooh! Exciting!

      • Karyn says:

        Installing a new knob is SUPER easy. The old ones are attached by, like, 2 screws. Undo those, pop the new knob on both sides, screw it halfway together, check to see if it turns… *grins* then screw it on tight. Best to have the screw side on the OUTSIDE of the door, just incase the knob needs removal for some crazy reason.

        You see, I’m the oldest of 4, so my parents left me at home in charge of my sibs frequently. They’d lock themselves in their rooms to prevent me from being near them, because I was a terror. And they were too! I swear it! So.. I’d take off their doorknobs and break into their rooms. *evil grin* Sisters who grow up to be engineers are no fun at all.

        • Your Aunt Becky
          Twitter: mommywantsvodka
          says:

          @Karyn Okay, so I can do this myself? I’m learning how to do these things around the house that I SHOULD be able to do JUST IN CASE. Normally I’d leave them for The Daver, but he’s never around, so I’m just doing them.

        • Karyn says:

          Totally within the realm of possibility. There are directions on the knobs you buy at Home Depot, and it’s pretty self explanitory. If it doesn’t work, you’ll just have a hole in the door til the Daver fixes it for you, and they still can’t lock themselves in, so you’ve WON.

          And yes, every triumph over my 5 yr old is reason for happiness. So sue me. :)

          • Your Aunt Becky
            Twitter: mommywantsvodka
            says:

            @Karyn I can TOTALLY follow directions. I even made BREAD yesterday and they have cryptic instructions like, “knead until firm and elastic.” Which, HUH? But I DID it. And it? Is tasty.

            So I can DO it.

  • Lisa Bond says:

    Ok, I know that I am will officially be “wet blanket” mom, but AVOID BUNKBEDS LIKE THE PLAGUE. Forget the whole kids killing themselves jumping off of them – have you ever CHANGED THE MATRESS PAD AND SHEETS ON THE TOP BUNK??? It is a NIGHTMARE. One tummy bug with bunkbeds and you will truly want to kill yourself.

    Between vomit, wetting the bed, spilling the forbidden-in-the-bedroom juice, crumbs from the forbidden-in-the-bedroom food, and just general once a week regular changing, you will pay someone to take those bunkbeds off your hands.

    Aunt Becky, DON’T DO IT.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      @Lisa I’d never really THOUGHT of that! And you’re not a wet blanket at all, that’s great advice. Plus, a number of people chimed in after you and agreed with you. Thank you!

  • OK, so if you build this porno wing, that means you have to hire a bunch of strapping young lads to build it…

    (Just kidding, the Daver.)

  • Nel says:

    Busy weekend! The sleeping situations will work themselves out. I JUST NOW got the SIX YEAR OLD that I babysit to sleep in her own bed instead of with me (on top of my face).

  • Sam says:

    I hate transitions, so I feel your pain. It was traumatic enough moving my daughter from crib to toddler bed – now it’s time for a Big Girl Bed, and I’d rather stick a fork in my forehead. She’s all “but I love my princess bed!” and I’m all “your feet hang off like you’re a mutant!” Negotiations are underway. I’ll be downing daiquiris and hoping for the best – I’ll make extra. I always do, Aunt Becky!

  • Should I tell you a story about lack of preparation ? Maybe that will entertain you….

    So. Lucy is adopted. Adoption is a blessing. It is also the sort fo thing where it could turn sour at any moment up to and even after you go before a judge and the judge signs the papers and everything is LEGAL and PERMANENT. So, when we were selected as birth parents, I basically refused to do anything. At all. I didn’t want ot jinx it. I didn’t want to have to take apart furniture and return diapers and wipes and clothes if the birth parents changed their minds.

    So. I was crossing the street to work one morning and the phone rang and someone said “congratulations you have a daughter” and I sat down and cried. Cried with joy, to be sure, but also because I didn’t have a carseat to bring her home in. Or a camera to take her picture. Or clothes or diapers or, you know, ANYTHING.

    So we brought home our lovely Lucy and everything was very quickly legal and permanent, and Max had his room and Lucy had her room and neither one of them wanted to sleep in their rooms and then Max swallowed a marble instead of going to sleep one night and I had to do the heimlich maneuver on him and he didn’t die but still isn’t allowed to play with marbles at the age of nine the end.

  • lola says:

    I’ve got a migraine today, so I’ve got nothing ;(

    Feel better!!

  • kys says:

    Why do houses need these ginormous master bedrooms? It’s not like I’m going to put a sex swing up in there or anything. (Cause the ceiling beams wouldn’t hold that much weight.)

  • lola says:

    Oh, here’s something: Get me a better avatar!!! The frowning, orange blockhead is just not cutting it!

  • Melanie says:

    So Dylan came over to me last night for a hug. He’s recently started being all lovey-dovey and saying “I luff you mama” which of course makes me melt into a puddle of goo and give him even MORE hugs than usual, if that’s possible. Anyway, he reaches to give me a hug and then withdraws in horror. “You’re a mess, mama” he says, and as he turns around I look down at my tank top and realize that I’d spilled something on me without realizing it. He went and got the diaper wipes and pulled a couple out and came back over. Instead of just handing them to me, he starts wiping off my shirt. I’m cracking up at this point. Then he says, “all better, mama” and reaches up for his hug.

    I died. Love and happiness and cracking up. They all killed me.

    I love three years old. Love it so much. Two was absolute hell and three is just awesome.

  • Vinomom says:

    I too have a housing nightmare in our home. See we have a capecod, which means 2 bedrooms up, 2 bedrooms down. Lady H is an only child. Of course I thought this would be sooo cool for her, it was like her own little apartment upstairs with 2 bedrooms, a bathroom and a big oversized hallway. What kid wouldn’t want that? And it will be perfect as she gets older! Right??

    The child HATES sleeping up there. We had sleeping issues before in the old house (separation anxiety) But it didn’t even compare to the issues we have with her sleeping on a whole separate floor than us. (And she was 7 when we moved into the house, not 2 or 3) I swear to god if I had known the hell I was going to go through trying to get this child to sleep I would never have bought the stupid house.

    She finally will actually sleep through the night up there but getting her to actually FALL asleep is another story. A lot of times I read in the hallway for half an hour waiting for her to fall asleep. Otherwise she is up out of bed until 11 or 12.

    Oh and she slept in a pack and play in a HALLWAY until she was six months old. I feel your pain Aunt Becky!

  • Jenn says:

    Monkey keeps everything too. Everything. He has had collections of (among other things) dust bunnies, tabs from his juice at school, and (I’m not even kidding) boogers. He BAWLED the day I discovered his booger collection and made him throw it away.

    I got lucky with Boo on the crib thing. The first time she tried to climb out she fell & hurt her head and never bothered to try it again.

  • Poor Ben! So sorry for the transition. Ack, our boys slept in our bed until they were two years old, so this actually doesn’t sound too bad.
    I just got back from a girls weekend in Santa Barbara and Santa Monica. Life Doesnt Suck. Sending you some virtual amb.ien for whomever you see fit.

  • Kelly says:

    Last year, the weekend of daylight savings time, fall back, my husband broke his right arm (humerous, um, not really all that funny, supposedly the worst bone to break) while refereeing a football game (kid fell on him.) He had to have a rod placed in it that weekend, and couldn’t sleep comfortably in bed um, forever. Mea was so screwed up from the time change, and from her daddy being in the hospital she has slept with us (me) ever since. It is making me crazy. She is getting so big now, that there is no comfortable way to sleep. My husband can finally sleep in the bed, a year after breaking his freaking arm, and also having the stupid rod removed and having a plate and screws put in to screw his arm back together.

    She is a crazy sleeper, flips all over the freaking place, ends up completely laying on my pillow stealing all the blankets. I’ve decided that I’m going to start sleeping in the bunk bed. Maybe if she sleeps alone in my bed, she’ll figure out that she can sleep alone in her bed right?

    Bunk bed, here I come.

  • Barbara says:

    **wondering….are we the only parents who never ever let their kids sleep in our bed with us??**

  • Clair Jordan says:

    My youngest, now three, suffered horrible reflux and would projectile vomit in such a manner it would put Linda Blair to shame. So for the first three months she slept upright in her pumpkin/car seat thingy. I say wherever the heck they will sleep and let you sleep too is fine and dandy.

    You might want to get a toddler gate to put on the boys door. Get the kind that swings open like a door so that poor Ben can get out but it will keep Alex in. I’ve known a lot of people that have turned the locks around but being neurotic I am afraid the house will catch on fire and the kids won’t make it out of the house and then try sleeping after that!!

    My friend got tired of her six year old continuing to try and get in bed with her and her husband so they actually locked their door at night and their kid slept on a sleeping bag right outside their door. LOL.

    I’ve always thought its kinda funny that we expect our kids to sleep alone every night yet we have someone to cozy up to. Must seem odd from their perspective.

    Hope you feel better soon!

  • Amy says:

    My mother was the 3rd of 4 children, of which 3 were girls and one was a boy, and she grew up in a 6 room house…not 6 bedrooms, 6 rooms total. On the main floor is a living room – where apparently all babies slept in their cribs until moving to a real bed – a kitchen, the “master” bedroom, and a hallway with the stairwell, the bathroom, & a cellar entrance. Upstairs are 2 bedrooms. For some reason, the oldest & youngest sister had the bigger upstairs bedroom, the lone brother had the smaller upstairs bedroom, and my mother indeed slept in the hallway on the main floor. She acts like it was fine because she had her own “room,” but I’d think anyone coming/going from the stairs or potty would be a little disturbing. It’s hard to tell if this was enacted because she was the most or least favored child. So see, staying in the living room until you move into a big bed is a-okay, and perhaps you’re just not assessing your hallway space enough…or closets,laundry rooms,etc.

  • Zakary says:

    I feel your pain. We recently made Zoe move up to the main level because she was sleeping in a room next to my mother. This means she would pretend to go to bed and then sneak into my mother’s room and watch tv and eat candy all night. (My mother is a night owl with boundary issues.)

    We put Zoe in the office and she’s doing much better.

    And Troy learned to crawl from his crib a few weeks ago. It’s not good.

    God speed, Aunt Becky.

  • Ed says:

    Yeah, we bought a too-large 4 bedroom house with an additional full guest suite in the basement. The idea was that their mom and I would share a room (bow chick-a wow wow!), each of our 2 boys would have their own room, we’d have one room for visiting peoples (we live HELLA far from anybody) and Sandi’s mom, once she became too infirm to live alone, would take the basement suite. Well, Sandi’s mom passed away. Nobody comes to visit. And the 2 boys prefer to sleep with each other. We bought them bunk beds. Turns out they prefer to sleep in the same bed — when they’re not crashing into our room in the middle of the night to sleep with us (bow chick-a wow DAMN IT!). So out of 5 possible bedrooms we use 1.5 at most. And somehow the other 3.5 still manage to get dirty enough to have to clean them every week.

  • Kristine says:

    Shoooooosh – Landon has no idea he can climb in and out of his crib – I will probably still be putting him in there when he’s in Jr. High – it will keep the girls away! Don’t give him any ideas!

    When I was born my parents had a 3 bedroom house – and I, being #3 – had no room. They put me in a crib in their room for a while, until mom woke up one morning and I was staring at her from my crib (no doubt griping in baby talk about the snoring) So she, a non believer of shared rooms, did what any sane persdon would do. She moved me out into the dining room. I had a doorway that led to the living room and a doorway that led to the kitchen, she said it was a perfect giant playpen, she gated both doors and could be almost anywhere in the house and still see me and what I was up to. When I was about 3 and my middle sister was about 9, we switched rooms (why a 9 year old would all of the sudden want such a public room is beyond me, but we did it.) Ever since I have been of the mind that a room’s name is not necessarily it’s destiny.

  • Dr. Dre says:

    Here’s something that will make you feel better. 27 weeks pregnant with about 14 months to go; my 4-year-old is still SLEEPING with us and my husband thinks it’s ok that she hasn’t slept one minute in HER bed in HER room. When the next kid gets here, I am threatening to kick HIM out to go and sleep in the princess sleigh bed and I will keep the kids with me. Do they make pack-n-plays for 34 year olds?

  • Ms. Moon says:

    Ah, dahlin’- Just keep remembering that one day, one of these mites will give you a grandchild and you will need gray hair then to be a proper grandmother AND you won’t have to worry about sleeping arrangements AND all you will want to do is have your grandchild over to spend the night to sleep with you.
    Oh wait. Maybe that’s me.
    It could happen to you, too.
    In the meantime….
    I have no advice.

  • Mrslala says:

    Thank you for reminding me of what I am about to go through. ;)

    ::Sigh::

    ((hugs))

  • Mwa says:

    I bet he was SHOWN how to get out. My son showed my daughter and I got “a little annoyed”.

  • Mrs Soup says:

    I totally bet Ben showed Alex. He’s that nice of a brother. I hope Mimi’s sleeping better now that she isn’t in the living room….

  • Erin says:

    Hey, I don’t have kids, and that is why. YOU ARE A BETTER PERSON THAN I AM! Times 3, no less! You take care of three other people. I barely take care of myself. I have a dog. And a husband. And a part time job. That is about the sum of my capabilities.

    So, relax, as the other superwomen on here say to, and take comfort in the fact that you achieve something everyday which I cannot even fathom taking on. You succeed. Your children are thriving, bad days aside. You’re right up there on my list of Heroes of the world with Ghandi, My Mother and Father, my Great Grandmother (she had 7 kids!), and whoever invented the pillow. Seriously, I am eternally grateful to that dude.

    Anywho, not that this helps, but feel better!!!

  • Beth says:

    Seriously, the punching of self in the face seems like the easiest part of this story.

  • SciFi Dad says:

    This? This post right here? Is why we are stopping at two.

  • Liz says:

    Hee hee hee – my boy and girl shared a room until we moved to Oklahoma and bought a house big enough to give them each their own room. I still have to convince my now 4 year old daughter to sleep in her own room because she’d much rather sleep in the same bed as her 6 year old brother. Who has bunk beds. She has a double bed. Sometimes son will sleep in her room on her bed, which is nice, because I like to steal his bottom bunk. Most comfortable bed in the house, no joke.

    I agree with whoever said the top bunk is a beeyotch to change – I can’t do it by myself – very tall DH must do it. Heaven forbid something disgusting happen up there when he’s out of town.

    I came from a family of 7 kids – one boy, 6 girls. You better believe some room sharing went on. I still let my older sister know that I didn’t care for being busted for smoking when she left her cigarettes on my dresser. If I’d been dumb enough to try smoking around our house, I would NEVER have left them where a parent could find them! I still remember the year or two we lived in a singlewide trailer – three of us slept on the couch bed in the living room.

  • giggleblue says:

    DP taught the baby how to pull her self up on the side of the tub. ain’t that a bitch?

  • Slap a piece of duct tape over the door so the thingy can’t go into the hole…oh that sounds dirty but YKWM. We have 3 bedrooms, one is a playroom/guest room & one is ours & one the boys share with bunk beds. I figure about the time they are 10 or so they will want separate rooms & we’ll move one into the spare room. Havoc was in a toddler bed at 17 months old because the kid was a born climber. I double gated him in the bedroom (one pressure gate on top of a latch one)at naptime & duct taped the door so he couldn’t lock it.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      @Stacey Brilliance. A baby gate. That’s a great idea. Also, Amelia will be the one who monkey’s herself out of the crib at like 14 months because that would be the way of it. Damn kids on my lawn.

  • Jill says:

    When I had to move my son into my daughter’s room (and thus out of my room) I cringed.

    And the Girl, she loved to wake the Boy.

    The Girl? Had to have a nightlight. The Boy? Was accustomed to sleeping in the pitch blackness.

    It was an adjustment.

    When the Boy was 3 and the Girl was 6 we moved and they got their own rooms. I can’t keep the Boy from sneaking into the Girl’s room to play games and giggle and NOT GO TO SLEEP.

    I assure you, whatever path you take, they will find a way to make you grow gray hairs.

  • I have no advice for you in this situation. It took my daugther months to realize that she could get out of her bed on her own without me or my husband to go get her. Don’t hate me because my son is a different creature. I’m already paying the price with his inconsistent sleep haibts. GGRRRR!!

    As for a story to distract you, hmmmm, let’s see. So here’s a fun little story. I love No Doubt and had bought tickets when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant knowing that I would have a 3month old. My first was OK to go places and have someone else watch her so of course I assumed my son would be, too. Well,leading up to that concert he had been miserable, and crying, crying, crying all the time. So when we finally get to go, I barely feel like going. When we get there, we meet up with someone my husband knows who works there who we were hoping would get us better seats. Well, his boss came up and asked if we were big fans in which I say yes. She asks us to come with her. She takes our upper bowl tickets and gives us 3rd row tickets on the side (not the standing room only ones). And it was teh side that the hot bass player Tony Kanal was on, too! So what I guess that I am saying is that when things get really hard on us moms, there is a ray of sunshine, sometimes small, sometimes big that helps us power through those tough times.

    Hang in there! Hope you feel better!

  • Lippy says:

    We waited until Ellie was 3 months before even making room for her in the office. The office/guest room double bed moved to Owen’s room, Owen’s twin moved to Maddie’s room, and Maddie’s toddler bed had the side put back on and moved to the former office. Whew. Now Ellie has half the room.

    We need to get a dresser refinished for Maddie so her old dresser can go to Ellie. All Ellie’s clothes are in a laundry basket. It sucks to be the third baby.

  • Io says:

    I don’t know – my dad has managed to sleep in his recliner in the living room for years and years. I think Amelia could have managed.

  • Fuckin’ kids.

  • Trista says:

    Aaaagh, musical beds….we have a three bedroom house, and only one kid, so the math works so far. But eventually she’s going to want out of the crib (when she’s like….seven, right?) and we are buying a king-sized bed to replace our queen-sized bed, and the queen-sized is going into the currently-empty spare room (got that?)…so what the hell do we do when we have a second kid and our current kid is ready for a bed? Put our teensy girl in the queen-size bed and risk the brain trauma from her falling out? Buy a bigger house? Throw the queen-sized bed out, get her a toddler bed, and never, ever have a guest room? And why am I even worrying about this when we are not even expecting a second child right now, and my baby sleeps just fine in her crib?? I’m suffering a head cold right now, and I think the cold medication is making me squirrely. Yeeeahh, it’s the cold meds.

  • Gosh, when Larissa was on the way I wrung my hands over and over as to how we were going to reassemble the children as there are 4 bedrooms upstairs and similarly to you, one guest room in our basement. We toyed briefly with putting our 11 year old in his own basement room but figured it would result in secretive gaming, tv watching and other mayhem. The older boys stayed together and ultimately, after lots of waffling, my daughter and toddler son ended up together and Larissa got her own room. My husband is a genius handyman so he turned Eliza’s pink palace into this fabulous gender neutral room complete with built in shelves on an entire wall. For the most part it works…..for now, anyway.

  • Kristin says:

    Sorry dear, no stories here. I am totally wiped out…exhausted beyond belief…this has been one hell of a week (since last Monday).

  • Nyx says:

    Oh man…I feel for ya. I used to watch over a little girl who REFUSED to sleep in her bed – like you said, she’d nap in it.

    But sleeping in it? Yea, the snowball in hell had a better chance.

    And the facebook thing? LMAO. With you dearie…with you. I think.

    Good luck with all of the insanity!

  • Chris says:

    For whoever said that bunkbeds were the devil, I totally agree! We have a three bedroom house and three children, so daughter has her own room, and the two boys share. For a while we had bunkbeds, but older son was afraid to get out of the bunkbed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night so he would pee the bed. Cue the impossible sheet changing scenario every.single.day. So we finally got rid of the bunkbeds.

    Youngest son did not sleep through the night until he was four years old. Seriously. He slept with us, and every night we ended up in the standard H position, Hubby and I vertical, youngest son horizontal with his feet on MY HEAD.

    I feel your pain!

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      @Chris I’m starting to think that bunkbeds are kind of Of The Devil. Hm. And wow. you poor thing. His feet on your head? Seriously, I want to hug you and offer you my bed for a couple of nights.

  • Gossip: Katy Perry and Russell Brand are allegedly humping.

  • Stone Fox says:

    yesterday my darling princess ripped off her pull up while she was in bed and finger painted her whole body (except her face – and wow, thanks kid) in poo. and she also stepped in it and walked around her room some. i spent about half an hour scrubbing her down in the shower and another half an hour scrubbing shit out of the carpet.

    stupid me, i figure she’s done pooping and let her run around nakee bum and she SHITS ON THE FLOOR. TWICE. it was awesome, i tell you.

  • GingerB says:

    I found a booger between my boobs, two hours after I had last held the baby while putting her down. Two hours. Green and fairly substantial for such a wee girl.

    My three year old has been lurking about the house after I put her to bed, sneaking around really quietly. My baby wakes twice after we feed her as we go to bed. I got nothing good, here.

  • TJ says:

    Ok, here is something I don’t get, and it’s probably just because I don’t have kids that I don’t get it, and someone is probably going to damn me straight to hell, but, I’ve got to ask.

    Why don’t cribs have lids?

    I mean, obviously not air tight lids or something, and ones that can easily be flipped open by an adult as needed for feeding and changing and emergencies and such, and they obviously wouldn’t be needed for an ENTIRE babyhood, but at least the time period between “learns to get out of crib” and “big enough to sleep in own small person bed.”

    You know. A kid lid.

  • Bex says:

    No stories today, just an interesting observation. We are also Becky and Dave, only apparently we are your opposites. In that I am the ever-optimist, (oddly, considering my struggles with anxiety etc, but true) and David is the pessimist. Though he considers himself the “realist,” a label I’ve noticed most pessimists grant themselves. And he has said the EXACT SAME WORDS to me: “It’s not that I want something to go wrong, it’s just that I want you to acknowledge the fact that it could.” Of course, in my head I do acknowledge it, I just don’t see the point in stressing about something until it actually happens.

    Do you think we find each other on purpose, the silver-lining people and the always-raining people? I suppose that’s an obvious question, but sometimes given how annoying those differences can be, I wonder why we don’t just try to stick with “our own kind.” Or would the world just fall apart if we did?

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      @Bex I think that finding someone to balance each other out helps. I imagine if I married your husband or you married The Daver you’d annoy each other to death.

      I’ve had a lot of really horrible things happen in my life and I find being prepared for the worst helps whereas Dave, well, he lived in a Leave it to Beaver episode.

      It’s all in how you prepare for it. I HOPE for the best, he expects it. Does that make sense?

      • Bex says:

        I think you’re right. Again, like you, David’s life has careened into horrible places, while I’ve lived straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting. It’s my expectation that all will be well that frustrates him, because he knows that sometimes, it isn’t, and he wants me to understand that. Whereas I want him to understand that maintaining a good attitude can actually, sometimes, make a difference in the outcome. But in the end, we share the same capacity for grief and joy, if we’ve had varying levels of it in our own lives, and that’s what matters: that we remember that, and BALANCE each other (as you said), instead of trying to change each other.

        • Your Aunt Becky
          Twitter: mommywantsvodka
          says:

          @Bex And that’s what frustrates me about Daver too. Not that I expect a plane to crash into my ceiling at any given point in time, but it could and while we’d get through it, maybe he should think sometime that it could.

          It wouldn’t hurt him to think of the OTHER side of the equation, that’s all I ever try to get him to realize. Sometimes things DON’T work out. It’s not that I’m pessimistic (I doubt your husband is either) it’s just that when horrible things happen time and time again, you learn not to count on things *always* working out.

          Balance, that’s good. He helps me, I help him.

  • Badass Geek says:

    You want a story?

    Well, in the beginning, there was nothing. God said, “Let there be light.” There was light, and He saw it was good.

    Shall I continue?

  • Tracy says:

    Dear Aunt Becky.

    My only suggestion to you… Turn the doorlock around! Yes that’s right, put the lock on the outside!!

    *hides from child services*

  • It’s only a matter of time before the “garage” becomes the “office” even if you don’t need the room. It will be a.. separate.. room. All that matters.

    • Your Aunt Becky
      Twitter: mommywantsvodka
      says:

      @Chris, maybe I’ll move into the garage. So the fuck what that I live in the Midwest and it’s going to be below zero? Maybe then everyone would leave me ALONE.

  • igster101 says:

    I don’t have any real horror stories. However, when my daughter was almost ready to arrive, I went out and spent my first pay check from the new job to buy her crib. We had her room all set up, crib, changing table, mobile for said crib etc. When our tiny bundle of joy came home? She would have none of that fancy-shmancy crib. Oh no, not her! She would up sleeping in a laundry basket on blankets and towels next to our bed. That was where she slept the best. Eventually she did accept her crib, but for awhile I wasn’t sure.

  • moonspun says:

    Well you didn’t mention how big the living room was…just kidding!
    I can’t wait until husband stops paying his bloodd money. I mean alimony in 3 years so we can add two more bedrooms to our house and everyone can have their own space….yikes…

  • So Peeing on your husband and strangling your self…you could use parts of this on Beaver Talk…heh, i love the gutter where my mind hangs out most days.

  • MoranChick says:

    Well, it’s totally irrelevant to anything like houses and space and such, but I have a little story, or anecdote, or at least something that made me think of you this weekend, Aunt Becky.

    My mom’s side of the family had our annual Gathering Before the Grandparents Go To Florida for the Winter this Saturday, and one of my cousins had her little 2 1/2 year old daughter (who is SO adorable!) there, and she (the daughter) was wearing a black dress with silver skull-and-crossbones all over it her grandmother made for her (AWESOME!), and fabulous sparkly silver shoes to go with the dress. They made me instantly think of Mimi’s similarly fabulous shoes. Apparently my cousin’s daughter has a pair of sparkly red ones, too, and she likes to wear one of each. You go, girl! I want a daughter someday so I can dress her in little black dresses with skulls on them and fabulous silver shoes. (At least until she rebels against her parents and goes all pink-prep on us.)

  • Jennifer says:

    I’m coming late to the party and I haven’t read any of the responses because I’m sick with the flu and lazy to boot, but I did have an idea for you.

    When our oldest was put into a toddler bed she would not stay in her room for ANY reason. She also had great fun locking herself into the room and then screaming while we frantically tried to break into the room. My solution? I turned the doorknob around. Put the lock on the outside of the room. She could no longer lock us out and if I got desperate, I could lock her in. >:)

  • Karin says:

    Hi Aunt Becky – I have 3 kids in a 1300 sqft 2-bedroom townhouse. We put the 3 in one room for a while but our youngest started climbing out of his crib BEFORE HE COULD WALK (you should have seen the grey hairs that popped out of my head 18 months ago)!! and he would wake up our middle child who would not go back to sleep (she sleeps like me – we’re “toaster tarts” and pop right out of bed bright-eyed and bushy-tailed). So since we’re upside-down on our mortgage and can’t move, we moved down to the basement (there’s a 1/2 bath and walk-out down there), put the girls in the 12×12 “master” and Mike in the 10×12 room.

    oh, and the only doors that have locks on the inside are the bathrooms – I needed to be able to lock myself in and the kids out (sometimes just the kids out, you know, when Jameson’s is available – I don’t do vodka, sorry). I read somewhere that firemen prefer this is that kids can’t lock them out in case of a fire. I wanted to just put pass-thru knobs but apparently I would have to change them to locking knobs before I sell my house.

    Good luck!

  • statia says:

    Ugh, the baby switch. I find that mine tends to sleep better in her crib at night, and slept like fuck all shit in our room in her co-sleeper. I swear the instant she was moved to her room for bedtime, she was like dream sleeper. Although, even though she is NOT dream sleeper all the time, I like my rose colored glasses, thanks.

    But yeah, I find that she sleeps better in her crib at night (and I HATED having to tip toe around and try and not make sound after putting her to bed. I also missed my tv) and yet, not so much during the day. She also naps in our room during the day. WTF?

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