After my quivery “Not Without My Roses” post on Thursday, my friend Mitch, who is always sending me awesome links, send me this:

Lightning strikes three of the tallest buildings in Chicago at the same time! from Craig Shimala on Vimeo.

I don’t tend to watch videos on blogs because I always assume it they are hilarious pictures of cats playing the piano and frankly, I have SCADS of (insert term for computer memory) of my OWN fake cat Mr. Sprinkles and his wacky antics! He’s quite an accomplished fake piano player, don’t you know!

But this, well, Mitch doesn’t send me bullshit, so I watched it. You should to. It’s like 40 seconds, and it’s WICKED AWESOME. DO IT, I’ll wait here.

Apparently, The Daver did have reason to worry…IF I WERE AS TALL AS THE SEARS TOWER*.

(hint, I’m not, but I’d be WAY cooler if I were)

Or perhaps had he come outside to see this:

I know, can you believe it? How had I not shown you photographic proof before? How had it not ruined my camera? How had I not been sucked off to Kansas City to be welcomed by a swarm of very tiny people?

It’s almost like it hadn’t existed in nature before Photoshop was invented. (thank you Mrs. Soup for helping this bitch out).

While I was selfishly off pruning my roses, my daughter escaped from jail:

Then, proving that she learned what thug life means, she stole a cookie and ate it wearing her gold chains. Maybe SHE stole my pants!

And indeed, she never DOES say please. Or anything else, really.

(I do have to tell you more about that, but for now, know that I have read every single email, comment, Tweet and DM you have sent me, but I have been literally paralyzed by the gravity of the situation. I am sorry. I promise I am not being rude)

Then, my middle son decided to outdo us all and become half human-half arachnoid:

When he starts scaling buildings and fighting crime, I’ll totally claim it’s my awesome genetics.

And my last son, Benjamin, became a teenager at age 9. He is also for sale.

Actually, I may PAY you to take him for a couple of years. Attitude is included. All sales final.

And now that I have offered to sell my son (POOR TASTE, AUNT BECKY), I will advise you to pretty PLEASE vote for me (for funniest blog), which is ALSO in poor taste, I know. But what can you do? You may vote once per day.

If’n you are the voting type, you can also vote for me in the awards on my sidebar, which would be rad. Voting is good for karma, unlike stealing, which gives you herpes.

*No, I will NEVER, EVER call it the (Wesley) Willis Tower, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Comments

comments

71 thoughts on “Proof That God Hates Chicago

  1. Dude, best tornado picture of you ever!

    Also, what category are you in? I went to vote, and I didnt see you.

  2. I saw those lightning pics and damn were they cool. Look, you didn’t fly away and the roses are all the better. No harm no foul! Also, watch the kid. She might be selling your pants on Craigslist for my gold chains. Just saying. You better give her the cookies.

  3. I went over and voted when I saw the tweet, because obviously, you are the funniest, then I went down and voted for marymac in her category, because, well, duh! Rooting for both of you ladies! Also, love, love, love the mad toranado dreamscape, Tim Burtonesque pic! Total Photoshop win!!!

  4. We have been getting some wicked storms in Chicago lately. I don’t think I have ever seen a storm with so much lightening as we had a couple Fridays ago.

    What is it with kids showing attitude so young? I always heard 7-10 were supposed to be the best years, for kids. They are supposed to be fully self sufficient, but still agreeable. Not in my house. My 8 & 10 year olds are so hormonal and they have more attitude than I know what to do with. If you find any takers for Ben, send them my way next.

    1. Trust me, I’ll be sending along ANY takers if I find them. Because really, I’m just glad to know it’s not just MY kid being a jerk. I had NO IDEA they would turn into such hormonal critters so young!

  5. I am oh so glad you’re not as tall as the Sears Tower and the other two towers because I really need you Aunt Becky. Promise me that you’ll never grow to gigantic heights!

  6. I was just coming over to say Congratulations on the big nomination! You deserve it, girl.

    And do not say such things about tornados and lightning and all other horrific acts of God, you are scaring this scaredy cat to death. I’m coming up on Friday to The Windy City and I do not need tornadoes following me around the whole time I’m there.

    And that girl and those lashes, my oh my. Be careful, before you know it, those boys will be a-knockin’.

  7. (1) Voted.
    (2) That is one scary tornado, and it was about to touch down right there in your ponytail/bun thingy. You must have the balls of steel.
    (3) I really don’t think your kids could get any cuter. Oh my goodness.

  8. I am always blown away by how insanely freakishly not fair how adorable your kids are! That cute should be fucking illegal yo. Serious. Like for realsies. Where did you find such cuteness? And outlet mall? Ebay? I must know.

    Hugs to you and your family!

  9. Interestingly enough, my hubs and I were discussing lightning strikes the other day. Not sure why, probably the most recent thing I’ve done that I’m waiting for God to strike me down for.
    ANYWAYS-did you know the touchdown Jesus statue was struck by lightning and broken? OR that people that have once been struck by lightning tend to be struck again?
    Also? I TRIED to create an account to vote for you and they kept kicking me out, that shit’s rigged.

  10. Amelia has so much confidence in those big brown eyes. My caption would read: Fuck off, bitch. This is MY cookie.
    Hopefully, since Benjamin started his pain-in-the-ass teen-age years so early, he’ll finish earlier. I am so glad that’s over with for me.

  11. Went to Chicago once for a wedding a few years ago and it’s the only time I’ve heard tornado sirens. We were on Michigan Ave shopping when they went off. Scary as shit for someone from WA who’s never heard them!

  12. Dude, I made up several new emails just so I could vote for you lots everyday and not be all OBVIOUS about it.
    And we all know you could totally catch lightning with your bare hands. And then watch out, Becky has a weapon of mass destruction at her very own fingertips!
    And Amelia, she will kick ass. She just will. I know this b/c she already has and does.
    xxoo

  13. OMG the dog cage! I have one too and it never occured to me that it is big enough for my 7-year old AND my dog. Thanks so much, Aunt Becky. Your blog is now my number one source of parenting advice.

  14. Want to nibble Mimi — damn those eyes and curls.

    Also thinking of you lots… been a horrible writer lately, but you and your family are never far from my thoughts.

  15. I’ll take Ben for 20 bucks, I’ll send him back in August well trained, for an extra five dollars I’ll give him an English accent. Another 5 and I’ll teach him how to play clarinet and saxophone.

  16. Yeay! You got a picture as proof. It looks so real too. Thanks Becky, I totally believe it now. And that video was amazing!

    ps – Your babies are gorgeous.

  17. God Aunt Becky, those kids are ridiculously, abnormally beautiful!! I’d take Ben in a minute…i’ll pay you! My son also went thru his rebellious, PAIN in the ass teen years early. He was the only kid in 4th grade with blue hair. (this in a small country school with only 180 students )The good news, by 16, he was over it, and became sweet and caring once again. ahhhhhh, growing up ain’t for sissies
    Awesome video!!
    I’m voting every day! You deserve to win, and if you don’t, may lightning strike them! .

      1. Oh yeah, like everything, it passes. This same kid asked me at age 10, “when can i go on a date?”….I almost passed out, but said, “when you can pay for it, and reach the pedals….” bwahahaha…he kept me on my toes!

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