So I totally swallowed the red pill on Mother’s Day and forgot to make more of my cards-you-should-never-send-to-someone-unless-you-hate-them. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re probably better off, but here’s the link. As you can see, I have a lot of work to do (most of that is going to be finding artwork I can actually USE, which is shockingly difficult) (I’m all ears to suggestions)(if any of these are your images and I’ve taken them in error, please let me know and I’ll remove them immediately).

But Father’s Day is this weekend, and how could I forget with The Daver constantly telling me things like, “Oh, well, the new iPHONE is coming out!” and “I need a new computer!!” Because apparently, Father’s Day is cause for me forking over loads of cash. Who knew?

Since I borked on Mother’s Day, I figured I should make it up to all of the three dads out there who read my blog and might appreciate the sentiment. If Hallmark were smart, this is what they’d make because inappropriate is always better than appropriate.

72 thoughts on “Pretty Sure Hallmark Will Be Beating Down My Door…To Kill Me.

  1. you make me happy in the pants. I need one that says: Even though I was a little asshat shitforbrains, thank you for never sending me back to the state, Dad. You’re the tops.


  2. When my son was first born, we had just gotten a Nintendo GameCube so we played it. A lot. When my son would cry, my response was always “Mommy’s playing Nintendo right now!” I still get shit for that one but it made me laugh. 🙂

    1. I did the SAME THING, only with a Wii! There’s something about video games that was REALLY soothing right then. Alex was REALLY colicky and the Wii saved me…and him, I think.

      1. I guess I meant to simply say “When my son was BORN.” Although he is my first born too. Sometimes my English skills are wonky and unsophisticated. Like me. 🙂

  3. I really like the “Daddy, I’m so glad you didn’t use birth control.” That one is actually quite cute 🙂

    Of course I’m a dad, so I’m probably a little biased 😉

  4. I need one for my Dad thanking him for burning the image of middle age men in their tighty whiteys into my retina.

    I cannot date men who wear them because of him. I guess he had a problem with losing his pants for a few years too.

  5. not even gonna lie, my child wore a “daddy drinks because I cry” onsie. And then my nephew wore it. And then my second child wore it. Fantastic.

  6. I heart you Aunt Becky. These are hysterical.

    FWIW, J is getting some Star Wars pancake molds with which I will make pancakes that morning. They’re Williams-Sonoma, though, so that automatically makes them awesome.

    1. Oh, my God. There are Star Wars pancake molds? If they’re less than $100 (and I know they might be that much), I’m totally getting them. My boys will love me forever if they can have Star Wars-shaped pancakes for breakfast!

  7. LOVE the cards. Do you care if I print them and use them for fathers day? EVERYONE should get one of these. Much too good to pass up!

  8. Maybe you can take your own pictures of stuff, then you don’t have to worry about it. And I’m sure you could be much more creative about it that way too.

  9. Oh Aunt Becky u ROCK!

    Also just so you know that I ROCK I ordered your buddy’s book Everything something or other…. I forget the name of it but I support u and ur friend! I am sure its good cause u Rock like I said

    maybe one day we can meet I dont live that far from ur stompin grounds LOL

  10. Dear Aunt Becky,
    A trying day at work, and then I come home to…this. MUWAhahahahahah!
    Thank you, thank you.
    How dearly I love you, my Internet Darling.

  11. These are your best bunch yet! I’m stealing one of each.

    (Just kidding. I don’t even know how to do that.)

  12. I just went through receipts from last month to pay bills and discovered how much my Mother’s Day gift cost. Let’s just say the card my husband gave me cost slightly more. Methinks I’m going to ponder one of these cards for him because really, these are priceless!


  13. I was reading my mom’s (the short curly haired tambourine player you nailed in the back of your van after you gig at the folk fest in 1969) diary the other day and as it turns out I wasn’t immaculately conceived after all!.


    Happy Father’s Day

  14. OMG! I thought that my Hallmark moments were awesome, but they shrink in comparison to the witty prose that spews from your keyboard. High five to you Aunt Becky!!!

  15. Holy crap, you just answered my question about what to get my husband for Father’s Day (although technically shouldn’t that be my kid’s problem?) He’s getting a framed set of these greeting cards, but I may photoshop his face onto the dad’s faces in the pictures. And also possibly on the golf balls, because it would amuse me.

    The birth control one slays me.

  16. You need to make these into a full merchandise line for next year. Drink coasters, beer mugs, party-ware. You’d be living like an heiress in no time.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *