Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

Parent of the Year Strikes Again!


Scene: My Living Room, Saturday Afternoon

Me: (mumbles to self while setting up Christmas tree)

Alex: (perplexed) “Hey… Mama?”

Me: (pulling head from underneath spiky needles of doom, expecting the question to have something to do with pizza): “Yes, J?”

Alex: “So, I was thinking a lot about this.”

Me: (resting on my haunches and giving him my undivided attention, expecting a cunning con to splat from his adorable mouth) “Okay.”

Alex: “I don’t know if I’m right.”

Me: (now thoroughly entertained by his The Thinker pose) “Well, why don’t you ask? I’ll see if I know the answer.”

Alex: (is silent for a few moments)

Me: (silently awaiting his question and hoping it has nothing to do with building bombs or roller coasters in our bedroom)

Alex: “A fart is really like a burp coming out of your butt…. right?”

Me: (gapes for a second) “Um… I’d never really thought of it that way, but yes, J, you’re right. A fart IS a burp coming out of your butt.”

Alex: “Okay, that’s what I thought.”

Me: (stifling laughter at how seriously he’s taking this) “Really glad I could help you with this one.”

Alex: “And… can we order pizza?”

Me: “Nice try, kidlet.


Yesterday, I wrote this for Band Back Together, the community weblog I run with a group of volunteers. It’s there that we share stories – YOUR stories – (and pair them with over 600 resources) with the rest of the world so that we can grow, learn, and thrive through our trials and tribulations. You never know who will be touched by the words you write, so I’m seriously asking you to share your stories. Can be old stories or new. Sad stories or happy.

Everyone has a story – it’s time to tell yours.

And? If you’re interested, we’re doing tons of excitable things behind the scenes – we have an auction going on AND a calendar this year. If you’d like to join our volunteer pool, we’d be honored to have you. Email and we’ll get this party started!

6 Comments to

“Parent of the Year Strikes Again!”

  1. On December 5th, 2012 at 12:54 pm Beth Says:

    Y’know… he IS right!

  2. On December 5th, 2012 at 1:27 pm The Comedy Ninja (@ComedyNinja) Says:

    Parent of the Year Strikes Again!

  3. On December 5th, 2012 at 2:32 pm TiaMaria Says:

    You have the best convos with your kiddos. Mine always involve money. Wanna trade?

  4. On December 6th, 2012 at 1:26 am Lianne Marie Mease Says:

    I laughed so hard at this I damn near went into labour. Thank you!

  5. On December 6th, 2012 at 6:37 am Jolie Says:

    WOW! Must be in the air, this week one of my kiddos when accused of farting said “It’s a butt-burp” – and we died laughing. Way to not be distracted and cave to the pizza!!!

  6. On December 6th, 2012 at 4:12 pm tara Says:

    Hahaha does that mean a queef is a vagina fart?

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