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Shit I Found Saturdays is a weekly feature here at Mommy Wants Vodka, that’s more fun than a basket of kittens,  except that the Internet is mostly closed on Saturdays.


Who likes RULES anyway? 

So, let’s fuck that noise and get into cool shit we’ve found around the Internet and bring Saturday back.

It’s like bringing Sexy Back but awesomer.

Join in! We have donuts!

(that’s a lie)

Shit I Read:

Does The Internet Lack Social Etiquette Rules?

Craig’s List Conversations: The Trilogy

Bye-Bye Bacon

Shit I Wrote Other Places:

My Life On the Frugal Side blog has some neato posts (mostly from people smarter than me, but let’s face it – that’s most of the world). I started this blog as a way for me to keep track of ways to live on the cheap. Guest posts are always welcome.

(Barely) Surviving Parenthood – The comments are always a gas.

Shit That’s Hilarious:

shit I found saturdays

Shit I Wish I Were Doing:

Intervention Convention: hosted by one of my very best friends on Teh Internetz, I spoke last year. This year? I gotta sit it out. So you go and tell me what it’s all about.

Shit I Watched ‘Til I Pissed Myself:

Shit People Need Help With:

Prankster Lindsey is going to lose her home. If’n you want to help, go here and help her keep her kids in her home.

Shit That Sounds Like Awesome:

I fucking love giving my opinion about things – I’m always fighting Dave to be the person to answer the phone. Internet surveys FTW!

Shit Around My Blog:

I’m on The Facebook.

And The Twitters.


Now it’s YOUR turn, Pranksters?

What rad shit have you found this week?

Before I launch into my fabulous guest post from my BFF Adam, I’m here and here.

Enjoy, Pranksters!

Avitable here – you may remember me from Becky’s birthday post and the most epic motherfucking soul portrait EVER. The reason for my post today is that I just wrote a book called Interviews with Dead Celebrities which compiles a series of, well, interviews with, umm, dead celebrities, that I’ve written about on my site over the last few years. Then I added a bunch of new material to it, put it together and published it on

This post is an exclusive look at one of the newly written interviews, previously unpublished online anywhere, and here to make love to your eyeballs. Please to be enjoying my interview with the deceased Diana, Princess of Wales:

Diana, Princess of Wales, interviewed after her death by Adam Avitable

Name: Diana, Princess of Wales

Born: July 1 1961

Died: August 31, 1997

Profession(s): Princess and member of the British Royal Family

Best known for: Princess Diana, known for her charitable endeavors, was also most famous for divorcing Prince Charles and later dying in a car crash in Paris with her companion Dodi Fayed, inspiring Elton John to write that song about her.

Fun fake fact: Her shit actually did not stink.


Avitable: Princess Diana, I apprec-
Diana: Knock it off. I know what you’re going to do, and I’m going to beat you to the punch.

Avitable: You know what I’m going to do?
Diana: Yes, and before you can start doing tasteless morbid jokes about me, I’m going to do them first.

Avitable: I don’t even know what you’re talking about!
Diana: Sure you do. Here we go.

What does world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Avitable: Diana can’t stop either.
Diana: There we go. What’s the difference between me and a blade of grass?

Avitable: About six feet.
Diana: Ha! What does Dodi stand for?

Avitable: Died On Direct Impact.
Diana: So hacky. What’s the difference between me and Casper the Ghost?

Avitable: Casper can go through walls.
Diana: Terrible! How am I like a cell phone?

Avitable: You both die in tunnels.
Diana: Okay, that one was slightly amusing. Why did I cross the road?

Avitable: Because you weren’t wearing a seatbelt.
Diana: Groan. When is a princess not a princess?

Avitable: When she turns into a pole.
Diana: Meh. What’s the one word I could have said that would have saved my life?

Avitable: “Taxi!”
Diana: Haha! Okay, that one was good. I think I got that out of my system.

Avitable: I’m glad – that was fun, but I was going to use this time to talk about your charity work and all of the good things you did during your life?
Diana: Oh, well we can do that, then!

Avitable: Too late! Now I just want to tell Princess Diana jokes! What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
Diana: I don’t know.

Avitable: You can’t jelly a Mercedes into a pillar at 65 miles an hour.
Diana: Did you just write that yourself?

Avitable: Yup.
Diana: It’s probably the second worst thing ever written in my honor.

Avitable: What’s the first?
Diana: That dreadful song written by the queen.

Avitable: The Queen of England wrote a song?
Diana: No. I’m talking about Elton John.

Avitable: Ba-dum-chihhh
Diana (bows): Thank you and good night.

If you enjoyed that interview, you can pick up Interviews with Dead Celebrities, currently available for the Kindle (or you can read it with the free Kindle app for your phone, iPad, or computer), and soon to be available in print.

If you didn’t enjoy it, you should buy a copy so you can make fun of it and deride it mercilessly. Either or . . .

Interviews with Dead Celebrities, a book by Adam Heath Avitable

It seems that every September, as the schools prepare to open, new reports about the state of America’s education are released and each seems more depressing than the next. Foundations, think tanks, politicians and professional organizations publish their papers and reports in which they basically tell us what we already know.

The numbers of American students who are equipped to compete with their peers from other areas of the world in many disciplines, including in technology, math and science, drops every year. Fewer students read and of those that do read, most are not familiar with the great classics and other high quality works of literature. Fewer students have the life skills that they will need to enter the work force after high school and a large percentage of high school students are lacking in basic general knowledge. The drop-out rate is high and fewer students are going on to college.

Figuring out the reasons for the decline in America’s educational system is the first challenge. Depending on whom you speak with you may hear that the education system is in trouble because there’s too much emphasis on testing or there’s too little emphasis on testing, because the teachers are incompetent or because the system won’t allow talented teachers to flourish, because the multi-cultural nature of the society prevents the system from functioning properly or because the system doesn’t properly harness the diversity of students, languages, cultures and ethnicities.

It’s easy to get caught up in the blame game but finding workable solutions is complex. New technologies and methodologies are being put to use in school districts throughout the country, oftentimes with good results. Teacher-training programs are relying on teacher-mentors to give teachers-in-training and new teachers the benefit of veteran teachers’ experience and knowledge.

One worrying statistic, however, comes from a recent study that was put out by the Rand Corporation, an education think tank. The study examines the outlook for American education in the 21st century and gives voice to the concern that the most talented and effective teachers — those with a high measured teaching ability — are more likely to leave their teaching positions for better-paying, less-stressful and more prestigious jobs. The study summarizes the situation, noting that while school districts differ in the extent in which their high-performing teachers are leaving the profession, all school districts are struggling with this problem. When less-experienced teachers remain in the classroom, it’s clear that the students’ don’t have the opportunity to advance at an optimal pace.

Figuring out how to encourage veteran, effective teachers to remain in the classroom is getting harder and harder. Class sizes are at an all-time high and teacher responsibilities are increasing at the same time that their salaries and benefits are decreasing. Some teacher-educators are involved in creating better teacher-training programs while other civic and governmental groups are working to raise teachers’ pay, bring community members into the schools as volunteers, improve teacher-administrator relations and provide more advancement opportunities for classroom teachers.

Public institutions are turning to private initiatives to help find a solution to this problem. One such initiative involves formally recognizing highly-effective teachers as a way to motivate these teachers as well as their colleagues to remain in the teaching profession. The Milken Family Foundation (MFF) has created a special award to address the issue of how the nation’s educational leadership can keep America’s best teachers in the classroom.

The Milken Educators Award is based on the idea that an effective teacher plays the most important role in a child’s education. Lowell Milken who created the Award, theorizes that when an exceptional teacher is recognized for his or her achievements, s/he is more likely to remain in the classroom.

MFF presents the Milken Educator Award annually to deserving teachers — our nation’s “unsung heroes” — who harness their vision and creativity to help shape their students’ successful integration into their post-school lives. Receipt of the Milken Educator Award has proven to encourage these outstanding teachers while generating enthusiasm among other educators as well.

The annual Milken Educator Awards honors highly effective K-12 teachers who teach in the public school system. Award recipients receive $25,000 that they can use for whatever they wish.

As of 2013 the Milken Family Foundation has invested over 135 million dollars in the Milken Education Award project.

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