You’d be shocked–and probably dismayed–to learn that there are a number of companies who want nothing more than to have me put my seal of approval on their product and then TELL YOU ABOUT IT. I’m personally shocked that any company would want anything to do with me, but you know.

Marketing to Mommy Bloggers is the new black, donchaknow? While I appreciate that many people do enjoy writing about the newest hot luscious cleaning apparatus, there’s a very real part of me that would feel kinda oogly about the whole thing.

It’s just not my bag, baby. It’s not to say that if a cool product was given to me, I wouldn’t endorse it, but I don’t think I need to do the work of a marketing company for them. Not without more compensation than a $10 product.

But I digress.

Occasionally, an opportunity to review something DOES come my way and while I am to fat (currently) to jump on it, I certainly THINK lazily about meandering towards it.

Like my friend Chris’s book: Pacify Me: A Handbook For The Freaked Out New Dad. First, he’s a friend and how fucking cool is it that I have a friend who has written a book (okay, I have a couple friends who have written–and published–books because they are cooler than I am)? And Part B, I sort of owe him*.

While we ladies have such humorous books as Naptime is the New Happy Hour and Sippy Cups Are Not For Chardonnay (also written by a friend because I tend to keep friends that are cooler than me), not to mention the Girlfriend’s Guides (to everything kid-related), dads are kind of given the short end of the stick.

Okay, let me rephrase that: Dads are TOTALLY shafted.

I guess the transition to fatherhood is supposed to be seamless or something, which is such fucking bullshit. Sure, the dudes don’t (presumably) get stretch marks or heavy boobies, but still, going from 0 -> 1 kid is a Big Ass Deal. Don’t let anyone tell you differently, because they are lying and if you believe them, I have this Nigerian Prince I know.

Fatherhood, is a Big Ass Deal.

Sometimes, you need a friend along the way to humorously guide you along while making obscure references to movies that I’ll probably never see because I am not a dude. Luckily, The Daver (who has approximately 3 minutes of free time each week) plucked Pacify Me out of my hands the moment I unwrapped it. He swears that “it rules” and “he wished that he’d read it before our babies were born.”

Dave was planning to do this review for me, but he’s also planning on building me flower boxes I’ll build myself and considering buying a new hose I’ll need to go buy. Like I said: he has no free time.

It’s a great book, a light, fun read, and I’m pretty sure every dad I know would get a kick out of it. So, you want a copy, you clamor? OF COURSE YOU DO.

Leave a comment and I’ll randomly select someone for whom I will BRAVE THE POST OFFICE FOR (I have a phobia, okay?). I’ll even fake his autograph! Consider, o yee who will win this, as a freebie Father’s Day gift! No need to go buy another ugly tie! Win, WIN! Contest ends June 14 at 11:59 PM.

If you don’t win (boo!), his book is available on Amazon. He also blogs over here at Daddy Needs Some Alone Time.

*I’m building up to something here. My 7th grade English teacher would call this “dramatic foreshadowing.” She would also be horrified that I referenced her in my blog here because she was a HUGE bitch, but what can you do? Free country and all.

And hey, you’re still here? Why don’t you go vote for me? You can vote EVERY DAY until July 6 at which point I will stop shamelessly begging for votes.

2009 BlogLuxe Awards

Comments = full of the awesome. Like gravy. I can haz an RSS RSS feed .

67 Responses to Pacify Me

  • Kristina says:

    Pick me, pick me! I have been desperately searching for something that my husband might actually enjoy reading. So that would have something to talk about other than, y’know, how often we DON’T have sex or why it is absolutely necessary to watch EVERY SINGLE CARDINALS GAME EVER. Even the old ones from like 1942 they replay on ESPN.

  • Maria says:

    Awesome people keep saying this is awesome.

  • Lola says:

    Well, since I offered to be your husband in every sense of the word, I think I should win!

  • Amy deClouet says:

    You are so right! The dad DOES get the short end of the stick…in a way. My husband is amazing and at times has pulled his weight, my weight, and every other burden on his back without the hormonal sarcasm. Please pick me…I need a cool 1st father’s day gift:)

  • Pick Me! Pick Me!

    Wait… I wrote it so I already have a copy of it around here somewhere. I just get caught up in the moment sometimes. Thanks to you and the Daver for the kind words.

    And although I’ve never met her, your 7th grade English teacher is a dink.

  • Creepy Mommy says:

    So when is YOUR book coming out? Cause I’d be all over that shiz. Then, you’d have to come to the LA/LB area so I could get it signed and I’ll make you fried chicken. The end.

    Oh, pick me! I don’t know if my boyfriend would actually read the book(I certainly will!) but I could throw it at him the next time “playing” with our daughter whilst talking on the phone.

  • Marie says:

    I voted for you and your pretty. I would really luuuuuve to win if not I will be snagging it anyway for Eric for Fathers Day. I want to get him something special since he the cutest expecting father in the whole world.

  • Marie says:

    Oh and I promise to try to remember to vote for you everyday until the contest..amen.

  • a says:

    I like free stuff. Pick me! I’ll even vote for you some more! My husband likes free stuff even more than I do, so the only Father’s Day gift he’ll be getting is something I get for free…

  • Danielle says:

    Pick me pick me random generator! I wanna read it and torture my husband to read it, as well. It’s a win/win situation! Voted and all that jazz as well. I even re-tweeted tellin all my bitches to vote for ya. See? I’m nice!
    *HUGS*

  • Kristine says:

    I voted.

    And also PICK ME!!

  • A) It’s awesome you know people who write books!
    B) It’s even more awesome that you’re giving away one of those books!!
    C) It’d be the awesome-est if I won!!!

    w00t w00t for freebie book giveaways!!!

  • Shari says:

    *waves hands*

    me ME me Over here!

    Pick me!

  • Suzy says:

    Me, me, me!!! I’ll vote for you with different email addresses, even!!

  • GingerB says:

    My husband needs all the help he can get, despite the fact that our two girls means he has four (4!) children to support and care for, and ought to know a little something by now.

    Pick us!

    And we do vote for you, all over.

  • honeywine says:

    I don’t know who I’d give it to since Paladin has the Dad thing covered. Wuuu…maybe I should leave it out for Bell’s boyfriend! It might scare them more than Bell’s well-behaved siblings!

  • kalakly says:

    I’m in, but I have to read it first, just in case there are secrets or other tricks I should know about before my husband finds out about them and uses them against me:)

  • Mrs Soup says:

    Voted for you again today. :D And that sounds like an awesome book! Have SEVERAL people I could give it to as presents….my husband doesn’t need it, as he adjusted way better than me.

    But I, just like you, surround myself with people that are WAY awesomer then I am. It’s how I roll…..

  • lady lemon says:

    Dude, I know that Nigerian Prince. He gets around.

    Ask the people at the post office about him. They know him, too.

  • giggleblue says:

    we have no daddy over here, but i think i would enjoy the read anyway. and who knows, i may meet some new dad to pass it on to, you know, after i’ve read it! my BIL is pregnant. well, he’s not pregnant but his wife is. same difference, right? anyway, i need to win something, hell.

  • Lippy says:

    I have a post office phobia, too. Luckily my husband has a phobia about tasks left unfinished or we would never get christmas gifts out. My BIL and SIL just had a baby so this would be a great gift.

  • desiree fawn says:

    Gasp! My partner would love this ^_^
    Thank you for zee chance!

  • SciFi Dad says:

    Don’t pick me. I’m already reading (and loving) it.

    More to come later this week on my review blog.

    (Now THAT, my dear, is called foreshadowing… or maybe just a shameless plug.)

  • Thomas says:

    Ooooh oooh. Random generator fall on me!! Well not actually the random generator, rather the random generator result. How heavy is a random generator anyway? I might get totally injured!!! Wait… the random generator isn’t actually Becky herself is it?! Didn’t she say she was like super heavy and un-photographable not too long ago? Oh noes!! Help!! Random generator… pick them below to fall on, not mE!!
    V V
    V V
    V V
    v

  • susan varney says:

    love it governor mverno@roadrunner.com

  • Well, I would hop up and down and wave my hand furiously, but as the selection is totally random and I already look foolish most of the time, I’ll take a dork’s holiday on this one.

    Of course, if it’s not really random, I might make you an offer of doing all your laundry for a week if you pick me. I might also suggest that I would be willing to strap on the appropriate “gear” in order to get into a male head space so that I can truly mesh with the male POV offered up in this here tome of daddyhood (What? It’s no different than a sympathy belly).
    Clearly, I have no shame and way too much time on my hands.

  • Meg says:

    Hmmm…I’m not even the most remotly talented in any way. Half the time I can’t even string two words together without scrtatching them out 3 or 4 times. I love that others can write books that I can read and get a good laugh out of. Hey maybe YOU should write a book;)

    What was the topic again??? I forgot what I was commenting about .I just like leaving rambling stuff for you now;) Crap I think I may have to go back into therapy again…Off to call the therapist….

  • Inna says:

    I voted yesterday… and I voted again today.
    Foreshadowing rocks… now if you would just spill the beans we’d all stop stalking your blog for clues…. so I guess that means… oh, I don’t know. :)

  • Mike Barry says:

    your website is so funny and true

  • Mike Barry says:

    keep up the good work

  • This is something that gets my husband all irate, the lack of books, websites ect aimed at the dad. I bought him a few books when I was pregnant, but they were all pretty sophmoric, I just may have to get this for him.

  • sandy says:

    looks good

  • Jenn says:

    My English teachers were all bitches. The high school ones anyway.
    Books are awesome but Kent doesn’t read (books) and I am not a dad.
    I wouldn’t review things either. I would feel obligated to say NICE things if someone sent me free stuff and the truth is I hate most things, even when they are free. (Not that anyone’s offering, haha.)

  • randi says:

    My son is expecting his 1st baby in Jan. & I know he would certainly appreciate this book!

  • Two Wishes says:

    The contest ends on my husband’s birthday. And at this point, he’s not likely to get anything for that OR his first father’s day. (Our baby’s young, and mommy’s very, very tired.) So here’s hoping we win and save his week from TOO much sadness!

  • Kristin says:

    That would be a frakking awesome Father’s Day Gift. I hope I win.

  • Meg says:

    It would be really extra great if you picked me, uh…random generator?

  • rita says:

    I’ve had all the kids I’m going to have, my kids have had all the kids they’re going to have, so now I’m waiting for a niece or nephew to get around to it. I have a nephew who would totally appreciate the book, if he’d get off his ass and stop smoking weed and find a real girlfriend.

  • Sarah says:

    I hope we get it because my poor husband has to live with ME. He needs some bright spot in his life.

  • Jen Anderson says:

    I’d love to win a copy. But if I don’t, I’m likely to just buy it. We’re trying to get me knocked up and although my husband has many friends with kids, I still think he could use all the friendly advice he could get.

  • Nancy says:

    Leaving a comment on my way to vote for you! I would love to read it.

  • Nancy says:

    Dude, you’re kicking Dooce’s ASS over there! Woot!

  • Potty Mouth Mommy says:

    heh- i’ve been TOTALLY voting for you… before you even ASKED for it!! (I followed a link on someone else’s blog, and found you from scrolling the awards.. teehee)

    and I TOTALLY think I should get that book- even though I won’t give it to my husband until AFTER I give birth to a live baby….

    and wow, that sounds harsh- i’m TOTALLY not trying to play that card… but I’m hormonal from starting drugs for CLOMID: THE SEQUEL… fun times!!! :D

  • Lindsay says:

    I really hope I win. This could be the saving grace in our endless struggle to conceive. Give him something to look forward to as well. Yay!

  • shay says:

    I’m voting every day (that I remember – sorry the old brain is not what it used to be!)

  • RhoRho says:

    I am most definitely NOT cooler than you, as I regularly STILLL after all this time get one comment per post, and have not had a book published (although I should; it’s just bad taste on their part)…but anyways, dug your college story. I’ll vote!

  • Jilly says:

    Ooh Ooh, pick me . My hubby would live it!. Love reading your blog. Gotta go vote now.

    Jill

  • Angellee says:

    wanna trade pictures of my little man for your book?

  • Kendra says:

    I’m all about surrounding yourself with people who are cooler than you. (That’s why I hang out here; I’m hoping some of your cool will rub off on me, or at least make me look slightly cooler simply for knowing (about) you.)

    The book looks terrific. And keep remiding us to vote. I can’t remember anything for longer than a few hours, so I need daily reminders, and I’m totally hoping you win!

  • Mimi says:

    Am I too late? Is it the 14th? What day is it? Who are you? Where am I? Give me the book and I swear I’ll get every family member and friend of mine to vote for you. Repeatedly.

  • Betts says:

    Geez, 50 comments! I should try giving something away sometime. Maybe I’ll give myself away to a family that has a new couch broken in. But I digress. I’ve got to look at this book, because I’m not seeing dad’s lives change as much as ours, so I need to read and gain a little sympathy for them.

    Oh, and I’m waiting for flower boxes, too. The were supposed to be Mother’s Day gifts, but so far they are pieces of wood in the shed.

  • Ali Hammons says:

    My husband and I are pregnant (well I am) with our second child. This book sounds like a great book for him!

  • Erma says:

    I would love the chance to win.

  • Thomas Gibson says:

    My cousin just had twins. He needs all the help he can get!

  • Ed Nemmers says:

    Happy Weekend!

  • Shania Duncan says:

    This would be a great gift for my brother, the soon to be new dad.

  • marge mckoen says:

    oh golly my son inlaw could really use this book

  • gloria mckellar says:

    This would be great for Father’s Day!

    kngmckellar@hotmail.com

  • Kristin says:

    enter me please this would be an awesome fathers day present for my husband

  • kathy p says:

    Thanks for the GREAT giveaway
    please count me in :)

  • Marianna says:

    I’d love to give this to my brother-in-law! Thanks for the chance to win!

  • Christine says:

    This would be great for my fiance. We’re expecting!

  • chastidy says:

    This would be great for my hubby, Thanks :)

  • Gabriel J. says:

    My partner would love it! Keep up the great work as well :)

  • Gianna says:

    We just had twins not too long ago.. Please enter me :)

  • emily L says:

    Sounds like a GREAT book!

  • Lily Kwan says:

    Please enter me into the contest. Thanks!

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