On Writing Hard
On Friday, I saw one of those things that made me happiest in the pants: my friend Brittany over at Barefoot Foodie (who, if you don’t know her, you should, because she’s full of The Awesome, and you should trust me because I’m a doctor) had actually been featured on a Social Media Site (this one was Shamable).
Now this was beyond fucking awesome to me because Brittany isn’t a cookie-cutter blogger. She uses words like “fuck” and “asshole” and peppers her posts with all sorts of interesting imagery that make her as endearing to read as a doe-eyed puppy. But much fucking funnier.
This means that maybe–JUST MAYBE–the media is going to stop paying so much attention to blogs of user submitted photos and start focusing on blogs with REAL CONTENT. You know, WORDS? Because you can only look at pictures of cute kitties with funny captions for SO LONG until you realize that there is another world out there–a world of people who use words, REAL words to write with.
And that people like to read those words, even when those words are dirty. It doesn’t matter how profane we are, PEOPLE READ US. I like to imagine that if she, or I changed our MO and started simply writing posts like,
“Today, I looked at my beautiful glorious children who shone like diamonds in the sun, and then I smiled.”
(insert over-processed picture of my Photo-shopped beaming kids)
I’d lose my Band of Merry Pranksters. Why? That’s fucking VANILLA. Sure, it’s a fine sentence, I GUESS, if you like boring, old tripe that’s pretty much the same thing you can find at any other flowery blog.
No, you come here to read this sentence:
“My crotch parasites shrieked and wailed as they all dog-piled onto my pants (oh, no, not my WHORE pants that are STILL fucking MIA!), that had pooled around my ankles as I tried in vain to take a crap without an audience. I laughed as they fought over the prime spot, closest to the bowl of the toilet, and thought, “I guess I’ll take dump alone in about 15 years, eh?””
There’s a difference, clearly, and that’s what keeps YOU here (the good ones, at least) and bloggers like Brittany and I off the radar of the social media sites and the mainstream media sites. We’re too…profane, I guess. Not cookie-cutter enough. We swear, we curse, and we talk about the sort of stuff other people don’t. It’s why you read us, and why I read you.
Sometimes, I am marginally funny. Sometimes I shock you. Sometimes, I am heartfelt and then I make you nervous that I might have had a lobotomy and lost some of my brain function. Either way, I write the hell out of my blog. It’s raw, it’s real, and it’s all Your Aunt Becky.
I write because I have to. I write because I love it. I write because I don’t know how not to. I write because that is what I do. I am damn proud of it. My ickle blog is a labor of love. My Band of Pranksters are my friends. They inspire me.
To be able to Write Hard and to do it genuinely, you have to do it without fear. Do I get people who come here and hate me? Of course I do. It’s not terribly often, and typically on posts over five years old but I have been called names and insulted. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt, but I’d also be lying if I said it hurt a lot. But if someone coming and trying to hurt me is the worst thing that happens to me today, well, shit, that’s a damn good day, Pranksters.
In the end, so fucking what? Plenty of people don’t like Your Aunt Becky. The haters can take a number.
To those of you who have your own blog, I encourage you to Write Hard. Write because you love it. Write because it fulfills you. Write because it makes you happy and because without it, you feel like your arm is missing and your pants are on backwards. Write because you’re empty inside when you don’t. Stick your neck out and say what you mean. Be authentic. Be REAL. Show the world who you are. Write without fear.
Write Hard, Pranksters. Write Hard.
I am infuckinglove with you.
Fucking right on!
(and you know this is not the first time I have writtend the fuck word)
I know that I taught you that word. I am proud of myself.
P.S. No shit that it was my first word. Seriously.
Yanno, this came up yesterday for me. My uncle’s girlfriend told him that I have a dirty mouth on my facebook, and he called me out on it yesterday. I looked at him and told him that if she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to be my friend. She can delete me for all I care. I think it shocked him.
I have a dirty whore mouth, and yes I kiss my mama with this mouth. My mama uses the word fuck more than I do. Muthafucka. Douchebag. Bitchfacedhookerwhore. Slutpuppy. Bitchwagon. Twatwaffle.
And yes, when the occasion calls for it, I’ll drop the C word.
COCK! he he he
Dude – so going to be my postie today. You are giving me a reason to fucking live.
I get unfriended ALL the time. Who gives a fuck? You don’t have to be my BFF on Facebook. Good for fucking you, duder.
I sure the fuck don’t. If you don’t like me for who I am, than I sure the fuck have no reason to like you.
Not you, Bex. You know what I mean.
I actually had to put a disclaimer on my Facebook because everyone was expecting the uptight insurance agent that I am from 9 to 5! I say fuck. A LOT. And it’s okay. You don’t like it, PLEASE unfriend me. If I don’t censor myself in front of my kids, why should I censor myself in fron of YOU? Kiss my FUCKIN ass!
Have a nice day!
You SHOCK me.
snort.
totally kidding.
I’m here for the long haul, mainly because I like when you say “crotch parasite”
I love you already, but I’ll love you a lot more if you admit the “write hard” phrase is a reference to “Talk hard” from Pump Up the Volume.
Also, thank you, this is exactly what I need to hear today. I recently had a conversation with a very, very, very popular blogger who says she never says anything mean on her blog, never makes fun of anyone on it. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t even have a blog if I didn’t have a deep need to make fun of myself and the people around me. So I was feeling like it’s not my laziness holding me back from blog fame, it’s my total brutal honesty. Thanks for reminding me that it really is just my laziness.
I try to not make fun of people on my blog either, actually, but I can be mean. I find it adds to my charm.
And really, it doesn’t matter to me whether or not I get popular. I’d rather write for myself than get a ton of fans.
And YES, it’s TOTALLY a Pump Up The Volume reference! That movie? RULED.
Fuckin-A right you are, dearie. Wondering if you got the link I sent (via the cheeky little boxes above)? although now it seems vanilla with a capital VVVVVulva…
btw, you have so many little boxes, your really smart techno guy has had to start a second motherfuckingcuntlickingschwantzbreath Row, for godssakes 😉
Love your friend,
Mel
Dude. TELL me about it. Stupid ass boxes.
Where the fuck did my comment go? Grrr…totally working on my Bitch and Moan Monday postie, and this is just like throwing gasoline on a bonfire!
fuckshitcockhelldamnass
Nevermind. I hate the interwebz sometimes.
I read blogs that remind me of my friends. I curse like a sailor, I bitch, I complain and sometimes I get sappy and heartfelt. But It’s all real, it’s all me and it’s just the way I talk/act outside of my blog. That’s the kind of blogs I am attracted to as well. I want to laugh my ass off and I want to read things that most bloggers won’t put out there. I could give a shit less if I stay off the social media radar. I just want to write. And I want to say fuck, whenever the hell I want 😉
Being real is worth it’s weight in gold. I don’t give a shit about Hollywood endings because that’s not real life. I want guts. I want raw. I want the REAL LIFE STUFF. That’s what makes me connect to YOU.
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Aunt Becky, Lucca Damilano. Lucca Damilano said: RT @mommywantsvodka: Blogging about blogging makes me a douche: http://mommywantsvodka.com/on-writing-hard […]
Amen, sista!! I recently had a friend whose MOTHER clicked over to my “profane” blog from her family one and was so shocked and offended when she read about my vag being blown out by kids and urinary incontinence that she made her daughter remove my link from her blog!! What the fuck, right?!
My own mother gives me shit about dropping so many “fucks” in my posts (what, is saying it 12 times per post too much?) and has called my language “classless”. This from a woman who insisted that she’s never actually spoken the word Fuck before! I tell her, “You don’t like it, don’t read it!”
PS: Vanilla blogs are so lacking in The Awesome.
AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!
Hell yes! Write hard, motherfuckers, write hard!
You rock my world.
The end.
It’s the fucking language and the boldness to tell it like it is that keeps me coming back. Not enough people “keep it real” on their blogs and those that do are the ones I’m interested in keeping up with.
P.S. – Brittany is another one of my favorites.
Ok first…If I say this…
“Today, I looked at my beautiful glorious children who shone like diamonds in the sun, and then I smiled.”
Does this mean that I had sex with Edward Cullen, because I feel like if THAT’S why I said it, then maybe it would be worth it.
Second, CHRIST YES.
We have to be the change, girl.
We have to pave the way.
Because we have value, we make money, we can make people money, we deserve the respect.
What you have written here? Articulated exactly what was in my brain.
Fucking. Brilliance.
I love you.
We’ve got to show the world that blogs with words and real people behind them, real people with REAL emotions, THESE are the blogs that people stick with. For every person who laughs at I Can Has Cheeseburger, there’s a thousand who will unsubscribe when it’s a trite cliche. Because they can’t last. Period.
Funny pictures of ugly people won’t be funny when the jokes aren’t funny any more.
All of those have shelf lives.
Blogs written by real people, well, that’s what people connect with. Period. I hope people start fucking listening.
You getting the spotlight, that gives me hope. Thanks, Brittany. Seriously, thank you.
I don’t swear too much in my blog, but I definitely do it in real life. I think it’s just a habit left over from school and writing letters to relatives.
I don’t think it really matters, though, as long as you write with feeling.
No one has to swear to be authentic. Ever. You’re authentic and that’s all that matters.
I used the term crotch parasites this weekend and my husband and brother in law looked at me in shock. Whatevs. They don’t get it. Which is why I have my Aunt Becky.
I’m waiting for my kids to drop the f-bomb in front of my conservative in-laws. They don’t like me anyway, so you know, whatever.
Yes yes yes fucking yes.
That’s all I really have to say. I am not averse to blogs with pretty pictures in it, but the ones that tell real stories, tell real truths, tell real(ly funny) lies- those are the ones I come back to time and time again.
Even if I suck at commenting on them.
I’ve been a terrible commentor lately and it’s my resolve to get back into it. I’ve just been sort of low, I guess. I don’t know why. Well I DO, but eh. I’ve got to get back ito it.
Oh my… I love you so much today. Thanks for this post, Prankster. Love it.
I usually don’t cuss in my writing. I prefer to do it verbally, especially when I am annoyed. I am amazed that my kids don’t cuss because they hear my foul language on a daily basis. My favorite adjective is “Fuckin”.
I like your blog because you demand that people accept you the way you are and you do the same for your readers. I also like the Merry Pranksters, a group of people who support each other, are honest and make me laugh.
What I don’t like on blogs, generally speaking, are videos. Like you said, I subscribe to read. The only one that doesn’t piss me off for some reason are Gretchen Rubin’s.
Gretchen is a friend of mine, actually (I know, you’re surprised, everyone always is) and she’s awesome. I don’t think people have to swear or be rude to be honest. I think that people just need to be THEMSELVES. That sort of honesty is what’s lacking in the blog world now, you know?
what an awesome post! you inspire me! thank you! and i will continue to write hard because that’s what makes me happy.
Hard writing is entertaining to read. It’s as simple as that. Anyone can write a blog about their life, but not many have the linquistic flair (or sometimes the testicles) to write what would be entertaining. I’ve been writing blogs for years, but I have a censor chip in my brain (placed there by my mother with a bar of soap) that tells me people don’t feel respected when I use crude language. Doesn’t mean I write my fiction that way. Haha. Take that mom! That aside, it’s refreshing when I do find blogs that “push the envelope” with language that may offend some people. It means they had cooler parents or are bigger rebels than I could ever be. I respect that.
I find that you don’t have to be crude to push the envelope. I happen to enjoy being crude, which is why I do it. You don’t have to do that to be refreshing. I’m just tired of all of the user submitted picture sites getting the glory. Why? ANYONE COULD MAKE PICTURES FUNNY.
Making words flow together well takes real talent. Maintaining a blog takes work. Pictures, well, those sites, they lack longevity.
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by barefootfoodie, Tracey Steer. Tracey Steer said: RT @barefootfoodie: YES YES YES. http://bit.ly/aaIWab (cc @mommywantsvodka ) {Oh, HELLS to the YES, sistah!!} […]
i fucking hate vanilla. like a fuckton.
thanks for keeping it real and reminding us all to do the same!
Vanilla is lame.
The timing? It is everything. My blog has become a bit cringe-worthy lately due to several birthdays and Mother’s Day and missing my dad and blah blah blah. Even I realize I have to pull my head out of my ass at some point and WRITE HARD. This sappy bullshit I’ve been spewing is starting to get on my last. goddamned. nerve.
PS….my spell check is underlining “goddamned”. Is that NOT how it’s spelled?!
Spell check hates “Rebecca” too. Which, HI, it’s a NAME, fucker. It does not hate “Becky” though. Which proves that it’s a better name.
This is just the kind of kick in the pants that I needed- thank you, Aunt Becky!
who could hate on Aunt Becky? That’s crazy talk. I have to admit to liking some of that over-processed photo/sappy sentiment stuff (but I suck at writing it–I’m just not built that way), but I come here for my dose of real. 😉
And there is NOTHING wrong with it. That market is just…saturated. The world needs another blog about how cool their kid is like I need a hole in my head. Which, now that I think about it….maybe I DO need a hole in my head!
I love reading you. I like people who are real, not people who tell people they are real/authentic yet fill their blogs with overprocessed pictures of their kids and/or can’t write their way out of a paper bag. You can write, you obviously are intelligent, you’re funny & sassy & it’s apparent that you truly do CARE about things.
I’m here because you have a brain & know how to articulate your thoughts. And you make me smile and laugh at my computer screen in a way that no other blogger can do, which is what keeps me coming back.
Also, as stupid as this may sound, I love ya because I know that when the chips are down in my life, I can email you & you will give a damn & talk to me. TALK, not just send back an, “Oh, I’m SO SORRY! ((((HUGS))))” kind of message. You are the kind of person who would stand beside me, looking at whatever mess I was dealing with, and say, “Ah shit, this fucking SUCKS!” THAT kind of honesty and true support in a crappy situation means the world to me because I can’t stand fake sympathy or trite emotion.
So yeah, I guess that makes me your resident creepy weirdo, but whatever. Call me your groupie. That’s a lot more sunshine & roses, right? 🙂
*blushes*
You know I always have your back. Always.
Yup… you are totally fucking cool !!! i love your website !!! and you are shitting amazing :D… CAN NOT stop reading !! 😀
[…] On Writing Hard | Mommy Wants Vodka […]
It only works when you’re true to yourself, and this is you. I do think you’re on the radar though. I really do!
I love you BECAUSE you say fuck a lot. Fuck is the most versatile word in our language, it’s really a shame that more people don’t take advantage of it.
Booya! Bam! Kazowie!
I feel all ready for battle, now. WORDS! I have WORDS and I’m brandishing ’em, motherfuckers!
Great post!
You better fuck*ng WORK those bad words! I LOVE IT. And I know precisely the types of blogs you’re alking about. But then every time I write the words fuck, shit, penis or testicles I LOSE FOLLOWERS. And it always makes me laugh, and cry a little too.
Oh shit, I do too. But for every one that I lose, I gain two. So, GOOD-BYE. SO LONG. Take me as I am. Or don’t, that’s fine. I don’t expect the world to kiss my ass, you know?
Right on mutherf***er! Keep that s**t real!
Fuck to the yes!
That was just brilliant and the very reason why i continue to be a huge fan!!
*blushes* Thank you.
There will always be haters. And people who say “You write so well. You don’t NEED to swear like that to get your point across.” I say fuck em.
I love Brittany’s blog
Haters can eat a hot bowl of dicks.
Can I quote you?
Pleeeease make a “Merry Pranksters” tee that says “Write Hard.” across the front.
(And maybe “fuck” too. Just for good measure.)
We all want one. 😀
I want one too!
Okay then.
Yes, that is all the reasons that I love you and many many more. You are awesome…the best of the best….and that girl douch or dooch or doocie or whatever she calls herself, can go do whatever she’s been doing but I ain’t followin cause she bores me. You make me laugh and I LOVE YOU!
You’re. Fucking. Awesome.
*blushes* THANKS, yo.
I love you both. The end. Fuck.
Amen, sister, amen.
Don’t you change one fucking hair on your head, Aunt Becky. You’re fan-fucking-tastic, and, as far as I’m concerned, one of the best there is.
I admit, I am afraid to truly let loose with my love of profane language (my mom is sometimes my only reader and she is sheltered), but write hard I do…and when I need inspiration? All I have to do is come here to you.
Dang, that was actually kinda sweet, wasn’t it? Not as sweet as a Kitteh Kapshun though.
You totally don’t have to swear to Write Hard. I should have clarified that, huh. No, just be authentic, just as you are.
I’ve been thinking about starting my own blog just to write about shit I wanna write about, since my blog isn’t that.
I’ve had a gawdawful time cleaning up my language since having kids. *sigh*
UGHHHH Motherplucker. I typed a long loverly comment and *poof* it went because my dang email address wasn’t in there. *sighs*
I have been told that my blog is offensive because I cuss and talk about shaving your pubes and taking a shit, etc. I have also been told I stir shit up. I do. I admit it. I stir shit up and ppl get mad at me. I lose followers because of it but gain others because of it. I can’t be a fake mommy blogger who is going to review the boogie wipes and give away gift baskets of baby products. I DGAF about that stuff. I have less than 100 blog followers but they are loyal folks who @ me after I post a blog. Not alot of them comment. Excpet on my last post where I talk about public breastfeeding. That one pissed some folks off and they commented their ass off. I LOL’d about it. Ppl can think I suck. I don’t care. I can’t be fake.
I love your blog and I also read Barefoot Foodie.
Did you like, jump into my head over the weekend, and then write this post to call me out as the whiney bitch I was being?
I wrote a blog post, intentionally mind you, about the passing of someone very dear to me. I may have referred to him as a “dealer”, and then when his wife asked me if they could have permission to read the post out loud. To church people. I said yes, because I may or may not have been drinking. Then, I flipped the fuck out. Like I didn’t feel like it was good enough, or sweet enough, or funny and poignant enough for the situation at hand. It took a lot of will power to NOT edit the post, but then I remembered that I don’t really care what people think of me.
<3 this post!
(Also, I discovered your blog because of a comment you posted somewhere, using the word "fuck". And it made me love you immediately!)
Yours is the only blog that I HAVE to read every day. I feel like I really know you, and I would totally make out with you, um, hang out with you in person. You’re the fucking bomb, even when you sometimes make me cry. Keep writing hard Aunt Becky. I honestly don’t know how you do it with 3 crotch parasites, because I can’t find time to write with just 2… but that’s just another reason I think you’re F-amazing. Much love.
I don’t swear much on my blog but then again I don’t blog much either!!! And I can’t think of a single blog I read that I found through a social media site. I’m for a more organic blog experience, me so I don’t care if you aren’t picked up by one and I like that the Pranksters get here by word of mouth or linky love.
I wanna be just like you when I grow up. *sigh * Unfortunately I have a long way to go…but you, Aunt Becky, you inspire me.
<3
Hell to the yeah! You keep it real, because if you dont you will lose me. (well probably not for a long time, but you know..)
I was thinking about the shelf life expired blogs and even mused about People of Walmart on Twitter. It just isnt FUNNY anymore, and commenters get to vote on whether they like a comment or not? And if enough people vote the comment down they hide it. WTF is THAT all about? That is not loving on your commenters.
I write my blog primarily to WRITE, and I throw in fun stuff here and there. But I always get the most negative attention when I call my husband The Fucker and my two year old an asshole (but, come on, sometimes he really is an asshole and don’t tell me other mothers haven’t thought the same thing!).
So often lately, I’m just struggling to write, and wondering if I should anymore, or even if I still want to. It’s really all I know, but I know I don’t love it as much as I have in the past. That’s one of the hard parts I’m working on now.
All I have to say is Fuckity, Fuck, Fuck! And that potty scene is directly from my life. Do you have a camera in there, because I am pretty sure that is illegal.
It’s all about knowing your audience. And you know us well, Aunt Becky. I was just having similar thoughts about the act of writing early today, as I was staring at my daughter’s precious angel face, which was shining like a diamond in the golden glorious sun after having been squeezed out of the anus of a beautiful unicorn.
Love this post. I’ll try to write harder in my next comment.
Very well said. I write because it is not fair to myself or the world to keep all of the douchbaggery that I think of to myself. Some people read it. Some don’t. I’ve embarrassed family members. Fuck ’em. I write for me.
Can I get a high five? *slaps screen* Thank you for keeping it real – and reminding me that I need to do that more often. Vanilla needs chocolate sauce to make it a sundae, baby. (Or something like that.)
Hilarious spellcheck fave of all time:
I typed “Rodney”, which happens to be the name of my husband, an old pal of mine.
Spellcheck picked it up, considered it, didn’t like it, and suggested,
“Rodent”. Which has been his nickname ever since, because, well, obviously.
Catching up on blogs while buzzed doesn’t make for the greatest inspirational comments. But thanks – cuz someday I DO intend to Write Hard. I know you carry through every day on that idea.
Actually ended up here because of Brittany—who I adore. Totally staying.
I had an event occur that has kept me from writing hard lately. And it sucks balls. Big ones. Reading posts like this make want to say fuck it and get back into writing hard. Thanks for that.
I have those events, too. I hate them, actually, because they really make me wish I could just spill it all. Some things ARE too private for public consumption tho.
But, they always pass. Sending you love and light. xoxo
Ok…still no pants? I think it’s about time to take this to the next level. You’re either going to have to go and visit psychic or call in The National Guard…something!?!
Hear hear!
I hate it when i can’t read your blog first thing in the morning! I need my Aunt Becky to start the day right. Don’t you fuckin change one little bit of your awesome talented self! Your writing is perfect—intelligent, profane, touching, humorous, and clever wordplay…..who can’t relate? no wonder you have so many Pranksters…those who don’t like you can get the fuck out of the kitchen and “eat a bowl of hot dicks”-as stacey said. I only recently found your blog, and i knew i was hooked when i read “stealing gives you herpes” Fuck Yeah!
Oh hai Aunt Becky.
AWESOME. POST.
I agree with every word ….. and, I *did* write about my children shining like diamonds once, but it was also in a post where I wrote about a bit of breakdown and deciding to go on meds. Coz that’s the shit that’s real.
xo
I totally get what you are saying! The only argument I have against it is that sometimes there is just soooooo much shit in ones life that if I actually wrote hard everyday all 4 of my followers (yes I have 4!! :)) would be crying in their coffee, and nobody really wants that… Or do they??
I was having a conversation about what constitutes a good woman with a friend of mine the other day. He claims I am a good woman (because I have him fooled, obviously). I swear, a lot. And am always all fuck this, fuck that, fuck you man. I asked him how many women does he know who love fuck as much as I do (the word fuck, not fucking, though we all love fucking). He looks at me and says, one…you.
So I say this, as a woman, a writer, a librarian and a humble Merry Prankster…you Aunt Becky are an amazing writer, and a good woman. It is because you are not cookie cutter that we love you.
And if anyone says otherwise, we’ll cookie cutter their ass.
i have a disclaimer on the top of my blog that warns puritans away. also? i would love to write hard but i’m just not that good. You, Becky, on the other hand, are a fuckin’ amazin’ writer!!! i totally heart you!
You are brave and I use the word fuck vicariously through you! Damn if my grandma doesn’t read my blog and my ass would so get in trouble if I curse. Sigh. .
x
P
And this post is exactly why I love you like marmalade.
Thank you for this post! I was writing for a collaborative blog (that is recently defunct) and EVERY SINGLE FUCKING POST was edited. No, not edited. CENSORED. I hated it. I write how I write and I’m proud of it. I’m proud of my voice. Don’t ever let anyone try to take that away from you!
Exactly!
Ah Becky, I remember the days of only rarely getting insults and hatemail :p I just consider the source. If you called me a bad name? That’d hurt, or give me a moment’s reflection on what I’d done to deserve it. Some anonymous internet jackass troll who faps over being called a racist on the comment walls of YouTube calls me a name? I correct his grammar.
And this my friend is why I love you and read you (even though you write so fucking much!). You are you and authentic. The funny thing for me is that I swear all the time in real life, but in writing it doesn’t come naturally to me.
The other day going down a log flume ride with the girls for the second time, I spontanouely said “SHIT, I cannot believe that I am doing this again.” At the bottom my stepdaughter (whose mom is a minister) was duly shocked. Good stuff.
Bwahahaha! My kids are so used to me swearing that they just get a charge out of yelling at me about it. Like, “MOM, BAD WORD!” I mean, what else can you do?