Yay Pranksters! Today, I have my homeslice Miss Grace of Miss Grace’s Disgrace doing a GUEST BLOG for me. Which is rad because she’s one of the nicest bloggers you’ll ever meet. AND she’s hot. AND she’s snarky. Which is an odd mix. Normally when you say, “she’s nice” you’re saying, “she’s ugly” or something, you know?
Not so, Little Butterflies. Miss Grace is smoking. She was my inaugural BlogHer Hump. But she’s here and she’s awesome and I’m proud to have her.
It’s time! Time to break one of the cardinal rules of blogging! Gather round children, cuz I’m totes talking about Hated Coworkers.
PEOPLE WHO I WANT TO PUNCH IN THE THROAT!
1. I’m Controversial Because I’m GAY!!1! coworker.
Incredibly irritating, accomplishes NEGATIVE work via diminishing work of others.
Unfathomably bitchy, and, as a bonus, he ENRAGES me by presuming that if anyone doesn’t like him, it’s because he’s gay.
It’s not because you’re gay, you ASSHOLE, it’s because you drain the life force out of my body with your presence, crushing my will to live. I don’t hate you because you’re gay, and now I hate you EXTRA for thinking that I hate you because you’re gay.
2. Girl with the Unfortunate Tits.
Now I have no high horse about boobs. Mine served their mammalian function for a year and a half and now they’re all milk-flappy and….unpleasant. No.High.Horse.
However. I don’t come to work with my chi-chis spilling over the top of my two-sizes-two-small skank shirt. Anyhow. This girl? Aside from an irritating personality I mean. This girl? She dresses like a whore for male attention, which, fine. Do as you will. But her bewbs are super fucking disturbing in that they start sagging from like, the collarbone?
Kind of? It’s impossible to explain but ifyou’ve ever ogled her tits then YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. And OF COURSE PEOPLE ARE STARING AT YOUR TITS. They are staring in HORROR. And it kills me because her goal is, in fact, the stare-at-my-tits attention factor. But I don’t think you realize why I’m staring.
3. Old Men Who Ogle Me, exhibits A, B and C. (Hypocritical Much?)
I try REALLY hard not to show my ‘tas at work, because that’s not….just….these men are, all of them, older than my father, and I don’t think they REALIZE that they’re older than my father?
I mean, my dad’s pretty young. But still. STILL. Anyhow, bewbage in the workplace is never the plan. And these men, they are not TRYING to look at my chest, or stare, or anything. But! I’m a girl and I can tell when someone checks out my rack and GAH THIS HIGH NECKED SHIRT WAS INSUFFICIENT.
4. Dude who wears the cologne of a marine trying to date rape 19-year-old girls in Tijuana. (AKA Cool Water)
5. Lady who wears the perfume of someone’s dead grandmother, at ten times the recommended potency.
6. Inability to Read Social Cues Girl!
I HATE YOU STOP TALKING TO ME CAN’T YOU SEE THAT YOU MAKE ME FEEL DEAD INSIDE OHMYGOD ENOUGH.
7. Passive Aggressive Email Chick.
8. Lady who sends all the
9. Profusely Sweating Dude, who smells like he lacks a sphincter.
Your turn to dish on some annoying coworkers, Pranksters! Yay!
I’ve been publishing a post a day (which is why there’s a delay in it being posted) on Mushroom Printing, and if you’ve submitted one and you’re interested in promoting it once it’s up, just leave your email address on the top with a request to be emailed when it’s up.
Otherwise, I’ve been putting them up in the order they’ve been submitted.
Keep on, keeping on, Pranksters. Mushroom Printing is full of the awesome.